i have been looking for a needle in a haystack, and i have not found it. i have been looking for an hour's true entertainment in london's theatres and music-halls during this spring season of 1918.

the tag of mr. gus elen's old song, "'e dunno where 'e are," very aptly describes the condition of the regular theatre-goer to-day. what would the old laddies of the bodega-cheese days have thought, had any prophesied that at one swift step the oxford and the pavilion would simultaneously move into the ranks of the "legitimate;" that his majesty's theatre would be running a pantomime; that smoking would be allowed in the lyceum, the comedy, the vaudeville, and the garrick? many people have lost their individuality by being merged into one or other war-movement since 1914; many streets have entirely lost those distinctive features which enable us to recognize them at one glance or by[pg 83] sound or smell; but nowhere has the war more completely smashed personality than in theatre-land.

in the old days (one must use that pathetic phrase in speaking of ante-1914), the visitor to london knew precisely the type of entertainment and the type of audience he would find at any given establishment. to-day, one figures his bewilderment—verily, 'e dunno where 'e are. formerly, he could be sure that at the garrick he would find mr. bourchier playing a bourchieresque part. at his majesty's he would find just what he wanted—or would want what he found—for going to his majesty's was not a matter of dropping in: it was a pious function. at the alhambra or the empire he would be sure of finding excellent ballet at about ten o'clock, when he could sip his drink, stroll round the promenade, and leave when he felt like it. at the time i write he finds mr. bourchier playing low comedy at a transformed music-hall, and at the alhambra or the empire he finds a suburban crowd, neatly seated in rows—father, mother and flappers—watching a quite innocuous entertainment.

managers were long wont to classify in their[pg 84] minds the "garrick" audience, the "daly" audience, the "adelphi" audience, the "haymarket" audience; and plays would be refused by a manager on the ground that "our audience wouldn't stand it; try the lyric." to-day they are all in the melting-pot, and the poor habitué of the so-and-so theatre has to take what is given him, and be mighty thankful for it.

at one time i loved a show, however cheap its kind; but in these days, after visiting a war-time show and suffering the feeling of assisting at some forbidden rite, i always wish i had wasted the evening in some other manner. since 1914 the theatres have not produced one show that any sober man would pay two pence to see. the stuff that has been produced has paid its way because the bulk of the public is drunk—with war or overwork. the story of the stage since 1914 may be given in one word—"punk." knowing that we are all too preoccupied with solemn affairs to examine very closely our money's-worth, and knowing that the boys on leave are not likely to be too hypercritical, the theatrical money-lords—with one noble exception—have taken advantage of the situation to fub us off with any old store-room rubbish. we have dozens of genuine[pg 85] music-hall comedians on the stage to-day, but they are all slacking. some of them get absorbed by west end shows, and at once, when they appear on the gigantic american stages of some of our modern theatres, surrounded by crowds of elephantine women, they lose whatever character and spontaneity they had. others give the bulk of their time and brains to earning cheap notoriety by raising funds for charities or cultivating allotments—both commendable activities, but not compatible with the serious business of cheering the public. gradually, the individual is being frozen out, and the stages are loaded with crowds of horsey, child-aping women, called by courtesy a beauty chorus; the show being called, also by courtesy, a revue. these shows resemble a revue as much as the short stories of popular magazines resemble a conte. they dazzle the eye and blast the ear, and, instead of entertaining, exhaust.

the artists have, allowing for human nature, done their best under trying circumstances; but playing to an audience of overseas khaki and tired working-people, who applaud their most maladroit japes, has had the effect of wearing them down. they no longer work. they take the easiest way, knowing that any remark about the[pg 86] kaiser, old bill, meat-cards, or the better 'ole is sure of a laugh.

one solitary example of money's-worth in war-time i found—but that is outside the lists of vaudeville or drama. i mean sir thomas beecham's operative enterprise. beginning, in 1915, to develop his previous tentative experiments—fighting against indifference, prejudice, often against active opposition—he went steadily on; and it is he whom our men must thank if, on returning, they find in england something besides factories and barracks. there is no man who, amid this welter of blood and hate, has performed work of higher national importance. while every effort was made to stifle or stultify every movement that made towards sanity and vision, he went doggedly forward, striving to save from the wreckage some trifle of sweetness and loveliness for those who have ears to hear. had certain good people had their way, he, his ideals, his singers, his orchestra and his band instruments would have been flung into the general cesspool, to lie there and rot. but he won through; and i think only that enemy of civilization, the screaming, flag-wagging patriot, will disagree with a famous major-general who, in full [pg 87]war-paint, stood at my side in the theatre bar between the acts of tristan, and, turning upon a querulous civilian who had snorted against wagner, cried angrily:—

"nonsense, sir, nonsense. war is war. and music is music."

after years of struggling, beecham has made it possible for an english singer to sing to english audiences under his english name, and has proved what theatrical and music-hall managers never attempt to prove: that england can produce her own native talent in music and drama, without taking the fourth-rate and fifth-rate, as well as the first-rate, material of america and the continent. he has shown himself at once a philanthropist and a patriot. in none of his productions do we find signs of that cheap philosophy that "anything will do for war-time." before the arrival of his company, opera in london was a mere social function which (except from the point of view of the galleryite) had little to do with music. people went to covent garden not to listen to music, but to be seen; just as they went to the savoy or to the carlton to be seen, not to procure nourishment. the beecham opera is first and last a matter of music.

[pg 88]

so, sir thomas, a few thousand of us take off our hats to you. i think we should all like to send you every morning a little bunch of violets, or something equally valueless, but symbolic of the fine things you have given us, of the silver lining you have disclosed to us in these overclouded days.