balls and dances

dinner and subscription dances—roof-garden dances—reciprocal duties of the chaperon and her charge—how to enter and how to leave a ballroom—objectionable styles of dancing—the stag line and the dance programme—the hostess and her assistants—the host—introductions at public and at private dances—duties of floor committee—supper etiquette—dress for young girls and married women—dress for men.

according to the rules of good society, her mother, or some other chaperon of good position and suitable age, should always accompany a young girl when she goes to a ball or other dance in the evening. if this rule were always enforced as it should be, we should not hear of the escapades which some thoughtless young women have indulged in of late years. the swinging back of the pendulum, which is sure to follow an excess in one direction, will doubtless result before long in a stricter chaperonage. suffice it to say that at present, while a matron is expected to go with her charge to public balls and dances and on many other occasions, at subscription affairs and at those in private houses she often does not do so. it must not be supposed that the young women go alone or under masculine escort. this would be contrary to good form. in the absence of the mother a lady’s-maid accompanies the daughter, waits for her until the dance is over, and returns in the carriage with her. the girls are not wholly without chaperons, as the patronesses act in this capacity. it must be remembered also that these subscription dances are in a sense private affairs, although held in assembly-rooms. the patronesses make out a list of eligible persons whom they ask to subscribe, and permit no one else to do so. certain assemblies are arranged upon another plan, the patronesses each subscribing for twelve tickets, and then inviting six men and five girls to be their guests. they often ask these young ladies to dine with them on the evening of the dance, or the girls may take dinner with friends and all go on together.

the case is very different with the afternoon and evening dances which have sprung up in such great numbers since the advent of the tango craze. since anybody is admitted who pays the entrance fee, these are public affairs, and not private in any sense of the word. the so-called chaperon who at some places acts as mistress of ceremonies is supposed to pass judgment on the applicants for admission; but evidently it would not be possible for her to exercise this right of judgment except in the most superficial way. to a dance of this sort no young woman should think of going without a personal chaperon. in a city like new york we should strongly advise her to attend only afternoon affairs, and to remain an onlooker. in a smaller place where every one knows everybody else, and all are acquainted with the person getting up the dance, the case would be different. at a public dance the chaperon should not permit any introductions to be made to the young girl under her charge by persons unknown to her, and she most certainly should not allow the latter to dance with strangers. the mistress of ceremonies makes introductions where they are desired, but to form acquaintances in a public resort of this kind is not according to good form, and might indeed be very unsafe. strangers coming to new york, or any other large city, should make careful inquiries before going to roof-gardens or other places of entertainment where there is dancing, for while some of these are entirely respectable, others are not.

we have said that at a private or subscription dance a girl often does not have a personal chaperon, the patronesses assuming the duties of the latter in a general way. when a matron does accompany a young woman, it is the duty of the former to promote the pleasure of her young charge, to prevent her from forming undesirable acquaintances and from making herself too conspicuous. for all these reasons she needs to keep a watchful eye on her daughter or other young friend. if the girl wanders off into the gallery in the company of some agreeable young man, mamma must go or send after them and bid them return to the floor of the ballroom. a patroness would do this in the case of an unchaperoned girl. if a girl shows too marked a partiality for any individual, the mother who is a clever woman of the world manages to break up the tête-à-tête.

she would do the same thing should a man of whom she disapproved be introduced to her daughter. formerly a chaperon worthy of the name sat still and served as an island of refuge to the young woman under her care. the latter returned to her protecting wing to rest between the numbers of the programme, or when she had no partner for supper or dance. whenever opportunity offered, the chaperon introduced young men to her charge. it must be confessed that the modern conditions of the ballroom restrict the beneficent activity of the matron on many occasions. in the first place, she finds it much harder to sit still. no one under the age of methuselah is immune from the present craze for dancing. at the charity ball in new york this year the boxes were deserted, old as well as young capering about on the light fantastic toe. in the second place, the new custom of almost continuous dancing leaves few or no intervals for rest. hence a girl cannot return to her chaperon so frequently as under the old régime.

youth is apt to be selfish, often through thoughtlessness. the young woman who is having a delightful evening must not forget that the hours will pass much more slowly for her chaperon. even if the latter dances herself, she will not be able to continue it so long as those of the younger generation. a girl must have some consideration for her mother and not keep her up until an unconscionably late hour. if mamma sends word to her daughter that it is time to go home, the latter should come without unnecessary delay. the girl should return to her mother’s side from time to time as opportunity offers, especially if the latter knows few people and is having a dull evening. she will, of course, always allow the older lady to precede her, and will introduce her young friends to her chaperon as occasion arises. thus, when they make their first entrance into the ballroom at the beginning of the evening, the latter goes in a step or two in advance of the younger woman. if a man is of the party, he follows the ladies. the custom of entering arm-in-arm has gone entirely out of fashion, as we have already said. at subscription dances in new york it is usual to announce the guests as they go in, a servant standing at the door for the purpose. the patronesses should be in line to receive them; but at some dances there is no one to perform the office. these official hostesses may greet all comers with a bow or courtesy, or they may follow the more cordial custom of shaking hands. at the subscription dances in new york the last-named method is usually followed. in boston a girl is taken up to the receiving-line by an usher. she then makes a sweeping courtesy to all the patronesses, and dances with him. whether they shake hands or merely bow, it is the duty of the ladies who receive to do so in a gracious manner, as befits a hostess.

should one take leave of the latter after a dance? this depends upon circumstances. the persons who take their departure early often slip out quietly, in order not to advertise the fact that they are going. it is not altogether a compliment to a hostess to leave early in the evening, and if many people did so it would tend to break up the ball. should one pass near the lady of the house, however, politeness requires that one should bid her good night and express pleasure in the evening’s entertainment or congratulate her on its success. later on, when the movement to go home becomes general, all take their leave of the hostess, and of the host, if he is standing near.

the discussion about the merits and demerits of the new styles of dancing has raged so vigorously in press and pulpit that every one is familiar with it. the result of all this debate has been good, since the objectionable features have been to a great extent removed. when the tango and the other new dances were first introduced, there was a great deal of unfavorable criticism of the method of holding the partner, and of the “shaking and wiggling” motions of the body. the latter was a consequence, it is said, of the slow movement of the music. this rendered it difficult to dance without a swaying accompaniment. by making the tempo a little more rapid it has been found possible to eliminate the last feature, and good dancers have proved that the tango, one-step, and the like can be executed well and gracefully without holding the partner too closely. it is evident that the new dances have been greatly modified, and that they will not be given up at present. it is pointed out that there always have been, and perhaps always will be, some persons who dance in a way that people of refinement disapprove of. it is a rule of good society to avoid everything that makes a person conspicuous, hence amateur dancers of good taste do not take their steps in the exaggerated and sensational style suitable only for professional performers.

a lady who wishes to give a large dance usually hires an assembly-room, unless she possesses a very spacious house. the arrangements at the front door, in the dressing-rooms, etc., are the same as those described elsewhere. checks for the wraps, hats, and coats will be needed, cigars and cigarettes may be provided for the men. the use of dance programmes has been abandoned to a great extent, except at college, military, and naval balls. here the young ladies often come from a distance, and the dance-cards are filled out for them beforehand by their brothers or friends.

where a débutante is to be introduced to society she stands beside her mother, who shakes hands cordially with all her guests and then presents her daughter to the ladies, the men being introduced to the young girl. if the older daughters assist in receiving, they stand beyond the youngest. the husband sometimes receives with his wife, and sometimes does not. at a dance in a private house, a greater responsibility devolves upon the hostess than in a subscription affair, where a floor committee have the management of matters. she endeavors to provide her guests with partners, and makes some introductions, her husband and daughters assisting her.

at a subscription dance, if a young girl after making her bow to the patronesses fails to meet any one whom she knows, one of these official hostesses or a member of the floor committee presents a partner to her. these gentlemen wear a small boutonnière to indicate their office. it is their duty and pleasure to make everything go off well, and to assist the young girls in any way that may be needed. they know most of the guests and make introductions.

according to the present system of dancing, a number of the men form “a stag line” near the patronesses. after a couple have danced one or more times around the room, another man steps out from this line and “breaks in,” as the term is. that is to say, he interrupts their progress and asks the girl to dance with him. this she should certainly do, unless there is some very special reason for refusing. it would be awkward for the young man to go back to the line, as every one would see that his invitation had been declined. it would probably result in an awkward situation for the girl also, as to dance a long time with the same partner continuously is now considered highly undesirable. a young woman who does so runs the risk of being considered a wall-flower. if she does not know many of the young men present, it may happen that no one will “break in,” and it will become her duty, after a certain length of time, to release her partner. there are several ways of doing this. she may ask to speak to the patronesses or to another girl. in the last case an exchange of partners may be effected, or the young man whom she is releasing may bring up a third man and present him to the other young lady; or our young friend may appeal to a member of the floor committee. he will perhaps dance with her himself, or present another partner to her. young women sometimes serve on the floor committee at a dance. these are usually girls who have been for some years in society.

while, as has been said, a young woman should not under ordinary circumstances refuse to dance with a man who “breaks in,” it is permissible for her to do so, if her partner is unwilling to release her. if he intimates to the new-comer that it is his dance and that he does not want to give it up, then the girl may, if she pleases, go on dancing with him. this arrangement of a stag line with frequent change of partners is suitable only for private or semi-private affairs, such as subscription dances. for a public ball the older method of engaging a partner for an entire number is the proper one.

for the time being, the cotillion, or german, has gone very much out of fashion. the modern system of continuous dancing and taking only short turns with each partner, makes it less of a compliment than formerly to engage a young lady for a single dance. hence special emphasis is now laid on the invitation to supper. a man who wishes to make some return for hospitality extended to him, or to show a young woman particular attention, asks her to go in to supper with him, as he would a few years ago have engaged her for the german. hence it is very desirable for a girl to have this part of the programme arranged in good season. if she has no partner when the supper-hour arrives, she is in rather an awkward position, especially if she has no chaperon. the man with whom she is talking at the moment will be obliged to excuse himself if he has previously arranged to take in some one else. she should ask him to escort her to her chaperon, if the latter is present, or to the patronesses; or she may retire to the dressing-room or go home. occasionally one girl joins another who is provided with an escort, but this is seldom advisable, even if the two young women know each other well. since “two are company but three are a crowd,” a girl does not wish to spoil her friend’s pleasure by making an unwelcome third member of the party.

if the young lady has a supper-partner, the question may be asked, what becomes of her chaperon at a subscription dance? the latter sometimes goes into the dining-room with one of the older men, or she joins the patronesses. these ladies are now quite independent, and go in to supper with or without male escort, as they find convenient, since few of the husbands attend the dances. the young people march in after the elders, going in pairs, but not arm-in-arm. sometimes four or five couples arrange to have supper together, and thus make a merry affair of it.

at a dance in a private house, when the musicians play the march which indicates that all is in readiness in the dining-room, the host leads the way thither with the eldest or the most distinguished lady present. the other guests follow without formality. the hostess makes sure that all have preceded her, or, if some of the ladies prefer to remain in the drawing-room, she despatches a gentleman or one of the waiters to attend to their wants. this in case the service is “en buffet.” if little tables are provided for the guests, then all should be seated thereat. should the supper-room not be large enough to contain these comfortably, the tables should be brought in and distributed about the drawing-rooms and halls. with this arrangement a course supper is provided. the buffet service is easier and calls for fewer waiters to serve the guests. the large table, decked with lights, flowers, and many good things to eat, produces a brilliant effect. as much space as possible is procured by setting all the chairs against the walls of the dining-room. it must be confessed, however, that when the company is large there is often an unpleasant jam in the supper-room.

bouillon, salads, croquettes, oysters, sandwiches or rolls, ices, fancy cakes, bonbons, and coffee constitute the usual bill of fare, to which other and more expensive dainties, such as terrapin and birds, are sometimes added. for an informal dance the menu may be much simplified. if wine is served, it is usually champagne, although less expensive and less “heady” beverages, such as light rhine wines, are sometimes substituted. there should always be a punch-bowl filled with lemonade, wine-cup, or punch that is not too strong, placed in the hall or elsewhere for the benefit of thirsty dancers. on a formal occasion a servant ladles this out. at an informal affair the guests help themselves.

at a large public function, such as the charity ball in new york, the floor committee make introductions if these are desired, but the guests usually go with their own parties. where the tickets cost five dollars apiece, in addition to the price of the supper, a certain degree of exclusiveness is attained, although, as we all know, there are many persons who have plenty of money yet lack social culture and experience.

the opening of such an affair is quite imposing. the officers of the ball enter in a grand march, the patronesses coming first on the arms of the governors, the remaining members of the committee following two by two, all the men wearing badges. where officers of the army and navy take part, their uniforms add to the brilliancy of the general effect. there is usually no reception of guests at such a function, and no formal entrance to the supper-room. the thoughtful man endeavors to have a table reserved for his party when a great many people are present.

all the large hotels in new york now have roof-gardens where there is dancing in the afternoon and evening. many people go to these as lookers-on, ordering a cup of tea, ices, and coffee or wine. the price of admission in the daytime usually includes the cost of the tea. at certain of the evening resorts the very objectionable custom exists of charging no entrance fee but demanding that guests shall purchase a bottle of champagne. those who refuse to order wine and insist upon having a milder beverage are furnished with coffee at the price of one dollar for each cup. careful people do not patronize places of this sort unless they look in for a short time as a matter of curiosity. if they wish to dance, they go to hotels of established reputation, usually in parties of four or six. they can thus have a good time together and be entirely independent of the rest of the company.

“dinner dances” may be given either at the residence of the hostess or at assembly-rooms, as is most convenient. an entertainment at a private house brings with it an atmosphere of hospitality which is lacking in a hotel ballroom. hence, if the affair is not on so large a scale as to overcrowd her rooms and if these have good hard-wood floors, the hostess will probably decide to use her own house. if a large number of persons are to be invited, it will be necessary to engage the requisite space at a good hotel. the hostess sends out two sets of invitations; those for the dinner are in her own name, and that of her husband also, with the words “dancing at eleven” or “ten,” as the case may demand, in the lower left-hand corner. the invitations for the dance are in the name of the hostess alone. they may be in the “at home” or “requests the pleasure” form. the hour for the second part of the entertainment must be late enough to insure the termination of the dinner before the arrival of those invited for the dancing only. great pains must be taken to have the floors in first-class condition, polished sufficiently, yet not made too slippery. for a small dinner dance at a private house, the supper should be a simple affair, served “en buffet.”

the combination “dinner dance” affords a pleasant way of dividing the evening’s hospitality so that no hostess need be unduly burdened. several friends arrange to give dinners on the same evening, one of the circle undertaking to have a dance at her house, or at an assembly-room if she prefers. in either case she assumes the expense of the occasion; she furnishes the supper, engages the musicians, and the hall also, if the affair takes place there. the guests “go on” in automobiles or omnibuses from the various houses where they have been entertained, meeting at the dwelling of the latest hostess, or at the assembly-room, at ten or eleven o’clock. the dancing usually lasts till one or two o’clock.

for a ball, women wear their handsomest clothes, and married ladies adorn themselves with a profusion of jewels. all appear in décolleté gowns made with short sleeves and more or less train, according to the fashion of the moment. in america many elderly ladies claim exemption from this fashion, thinking the costume inappropriate to persons of their years. here, at least, we are certainly more sensible than our english sisters, who make a sort of fetish of the low-necked gown. while some american women carry this style to an immodest extreme, the majority are too wise to do so. ball dresses for married ladies are made of rich and expensive materials—silks, satins, brocades—trimmed with beautiful laces or combined with chiffon or other gauzy stuffs. while a great deal of jewelry is worn, it is well to have a certain unity of effect. the woman who puts on a great variety of jewels combined in a tasteless way may produce a strong impression upon the beholder, but it will not be an agreeable one. for young girls, décolleté gowns of diaphanous material, either white or of a delicate tint, are the most appropriate and becoming. they should wear little jewelry, simplicity being the keynote of their costume. diamonds and rich laces are not suitable for a débutante. men wear the regulation evening dress, black swallow-tail coat with trousers to match, low-cut white waistcoat, white dress-shirt, patent-leather shoes or pumps, black socks, white lawn tie, and white or light gloves.