public dinners and receptions

luncheons of women’s clubs—duties of dinner and reception committees—arrangements in suburban towns—the courteous and the discourteous guest—evening dress and demi-toilette.

there are several definitions of the phrase “a public dinner.” we may hold that it means only those large general functions, usually of a political nature, which are virtually open to the public on payment of a certain sum at a stated time. or we may give the term a much broader application and include under it all dinners that are not private, such as the banquets of clubs and societies, to which tickets are purchased by members of the organization and their friends. in this chapter the phrase is used in its broader and more general meaning.

a public dinner is usually a subscription affair, all paying for their tickets except the specially invited guests. these are of two classes—namely, the persons invited by the association or club as a whole, and those who are asked by the individual members. an invitation to subscribe is sent to all who are likely to be interested in the object of the occasion, or to a small and select circle, as the case may demand. if this is to contain full information, a double sheet of white note-paper should be used. it may be ornamented with a suitable device, such as the national flag or a likeness of the hero of the day. the matter may be engraved, or printed, if the work is done in thoroughly good style. plain black type of two or three sizes, but all in the same style, has a very good effect.

the formula for the first page may be as follows:

you are invited to attend

the second annual

washington’s birthday dinner

of the

republican party

to be held at the

waldorf-astoria

fifth avenue and thirty-third street

new york city

monday evening, february twenty-third

nineteen hundred and fifteen

at seven o’clock

ladies are invited

the second page may contain the list of speakers and their subjects. on the third page additional information may be inserted, as, for instance:

notice

the dinner will be served at 7:15

p.m. sharp, and will end at 11:15

p.m. sharp. as it will be run on

schedule time, you may depend on

both hours.

tickets will be $5.00 each; the

tables seat ten.

please reply on the inclosed

blank. checks should be made

payable to john doe, treasurer,

and sent to him at 32 amsterdam

avenue, new york city, telephone

3789 spring.

those sending in their remittances

at once will receive a preference

in the seating.

the names of the members of the dinner committee follow. where it is unnecessary to set forth the attractions of the affair in order to procure subscribers, the list of the speakers and committeemen may be omitted. a printed subscription-blank and envelope addressed to the treasurer are inclosed. the plan of sending tickets without first obtaining permission to do so is strongly objected to by most people, and with good reason.

the general committee may be divided into two or three smaller ones—namely, the committees of arrangements, of invitations, and of the floor. all act as a reception committee on the evening of the dinner, and all wear badges. they thus show their authority and enable guests to appeal to them for information. it is important that efficient persons shall be chosen as chairmen and vice-chairmen. the latter, like the vice-president of the united states, may be called upon to fulfil the duties of the higher office. where there are several committees it is well for their heads to meet together from time to time, in order to make sure that the sphere of each is well defined, that all the ground is covered, and that there is no duplication of work.

the main responsibility, however, rests with the chairman of the general or dinner committee, who often does the greater part of the work. he it is who must consult with the ma?tre d’h?tel. together they select a day and decide upon the menu. the waldorf-astoria is the favorite place for men’s public dinners. it is so much in demand for this purpose that the date of a function is decided months or even a year in advance. about twenty-five per cent, in addition to the price of the dinner must be allowed for music, fee to head waiter, and other incidentals. thus, if the entertainment is to cost four dollars, the price of the tickets should be five dollars; if the dinner costs two dollars, two dollars and a half should be charged.

when the affair takes place at a first-class hotel there is little cause for anxiety, as the management furnish the articles of the bill of fare and the service, and are responsible for both. when the dinner is held at a hall, the chairman of the dinner committee should employ a caterer of established reputation who can be trusted to supply food of the proper quality and quantity, as well as a sufficient number of trained waiters under the control of a competent head man. this functionary should be present at the dinner and direct his subordinates as occasion may require.

while modern standards of taste do not demand such a number of courses as were formerly provided, it is essential that the dishes should be good of their kind, and that the supply should be large enough to meet all reasonable requirements. it is certainly desirable to have the service rapid, but guests should have a little patience, for all cannot be served at once. to bribe the waiters at an occasion of this sort is “bad form,” since it is unfair to the other guests and may result in utter demoralization of the service. some people eat their dinner before they leave home, attending the public function only for its social side and for the pleasure of hearing the speeches. with regard to feeing the waiters at a public dinner, it should be said that at a first-class hotel the management allows no intimations or hints to be made on this subject. each guest does as he sees fit in the matter—the feeing is optional and personal, not collective. the placing of a plate on the table and thus holding up the diners is sometimes seen in out-of-town places, but is contrary to good form. it may be said that at large public dinners in new york about half the men fee the waiters. wine is not included in the menu on these occasions. those who order it do so at their own expense, and usually give a tip. twenty-five cents is expected for a bottle of champagne, ten or fifteen cents for white wine or claret.

in order to insure good results, the committee of arrangements should, after consultation with their caterer, fix a certain day or hour after which they will refuse to receive subscriptions. the temptation to admit additional guests at the last moment should be firmly resisted. in new york city, hotels usually refuse to arrange for the seating of additional guests after three o’clock of the day of the banquet. in country places it is necessary to give much longer notice. at the luncheons of the state federations of women’s clubs great discomfort ensues when the delegates do not conform to the rules, but arrive in large numbers without giving the required notice to the entertainment committee. if the place of meeting is in some quiet country town, the latter find it difficult or impossible to procure additional supplies of food, yet they dislike very much to send the visitors away hungry. the result is often delay, confusion, and dissatisfaction. if a public dinner is held in a place of this sort, where no good caterer is available, some local organization of women—those belonging to a certain church or league—may be asked to furnish the entertainment. if they are capable persons and have had some experience in work of this sort, the result will be satisfactory. a simpler bill of fare would, in this instance, replace the more elaborate provisions of the professional caterer.

small tables seating from six to ten guests are now preferred to the long ones formerly in vogue. eight is the number usually selected. the table for the speakers and guests of honor is placed on a platform in the middle of one end of the room. it is handsomely decorated and has seats on three sides only, the fourth being left vacant, so that the speakers can see and be seen. the president or chairman sits in the middle, the most distinguished guest on his right, the person of next consideration on his left. if both men and women are at the table, their seats should, so far as possible, alternate. a name-card is set at each place, together with the bill of fare, engraved or nicely printed. when the guests are assigned to small numbered tables, place-cards are not used, but each guest is furnished with a menu.

the committee of arrangements should provide one or more cloak-rooms, with attendants to check the various articles of clothing. if ladies are invited, there should be a special dressing and cloak room for their use, also an awning and carpet at the entrance if the weather is bad. a man will be needed to help the ladies from their carriages and to call these at the close of the entertainment.

members of the floor or reception committee, wearing their badges, should be on hand to direct the guests and to prevent as far as possible congestion in the hallways; or employees of the hotel may be stationed in the corridors for this purpose. the dinner is usually preceded by an informal reception of half or three-quarters of an hour, in order to give all an opportunity to meet the chief guests or chief speaker. it is held in one of the parlors of the establishment, the president of the organization, the chairman of the dinner committee, or the toastmaster standing with the chief guest at the head of the room. it is the duty of the members of the reception committee to see that all are presented to this distinguished couple. they move about the rooms, capturing and bringing up those guests who have not yet spoken to the hosts of the evening. they inquire the names of men with whom they are not personally acquainted and introduce them to the president, who shakes hands and in turn presents them to the guest of honor.

at the receptions of women’s clubs there is often a receiving-line consisting of the officers of the body, and sometimes one or more distinguished guests. the club members and their friends go up and shake hands with the president, who introduces them to the guest of honor. it is not necessary to speak to all in the receiving-party, unless one is personally acquainted with them. where many persons are present they usually go up in line. a member of the floor committee may introduce them to the hostess of the evening. if there is no one to perform this office for her, a guest should pronounce her own name. it is the custom in some clubs to receive merely with a gracious bow or courtesy, the president shaking hands only with her personal friends. in this case a guest who does not know any of the ladies makes a low bow to include them all, and passes on.

when there is no regular reception, the company gather in the drawing-rooms and chat together until the doors are opened into the dining-room. the president and chief guest go first, the other guests of honor follow, each escorted by a member of the reception committee. the remainder of the company do not form in line, but enter as they find convenient. at certain clubs—the national arts of new york, for instance—the gentlemen give their arms to the ladies, as they would at a dinner in a private house. members of the society should inform their guests beforehand of this custom. if a gentleman has two ladies under his care, and is unable to find an escort for either of them, he should offer his arm to the elder, the younger walking beside her. occasionally it is arranged at a public dinner to have all go directly from the dressing-rooms to the dining-hall. this saves the rent of parlors; but it is much better to have a reception of some sort precede the banquet.

there are several ways of letting people know where their places are. sometimes the number of the table is printed on the ticket, and on entering the dining-room it is only necessary to hunt up the corresponding numerals. these are painted conspicuously on large cards standing on the various tables. it is a better, though more expensive, plan to print on large sheets of paper the list of guests, arranged alphabetically, and the number of the table at which each person is to sit. these are distributed to everybody. unfortunately, at the conventions of some associations the members do not decide to attend the dinner until such a late hour of the day that the unlucky committee of arrangements are obliged to spend the afternoon planning where all are to sit. a few lists hastily printed are fastened up in the assembly-room, and around these the men gather in flocks to try to ascertain where their seats are. if these are in a remote part of the hall, the guest should make no comment, but should accept the arrangements made for him without complaint. the courteous man does so, while the discourteous one grumbles and perhaps tries to have his seat changed. i am sorry to say that some persons who ought to know better think that it is “smart” to rush in ahead of others, and to seize a place that belongs of right to some one else. the man who thus trespasses on the laws of good-breeding shows that he is not smart, but only imperfectly civilized. if every one followed his example there would be an end to law and order, and we should return to barbarism. since it is usual for all to leave their tables and draw near to the speakers at the conclusion of the banquet, a distant seat is not necessarily a serious drawback to one’s enjoyment.

at a public dinner the tickets may or may not be taken up. sometimes there is a man in livery at the door of the dining-room who performs this office, sometimes each waiter collects them from the diners at the table where he is stationed. when the plan of printing a sheet containing the names of all the subscribers is followed, and no one is assigned a seat after this list goes to press, it is not really necessary to take up the tickets. if any one has forgotten to pay, the committee can easily send him a bill. where the tickets are collected, it suffices for a man who has forgotten his to give his visiting-card. at men’s dinners no tickets are demanded from guests. those invited by the association are seated at the speaker’s or other special table, and paid for by the society. those asked by private members are paid for by the latter. a gentleman who engages a table for himself and his friends is held responsible for it.

the society giving the banquet is held responsible for the whole number of persons actually present at the dinner. hence a careful count of them must be made. after taking up the tickets at the different tables, the waiters report to the captain of the floor. this functionary informs the chairman of the dinner committee of the result of the count about the time when the third course is put on. it is now the duty of the chairman to see that the number has been correctly estimated. he leaves his seat, goes about the room and into the gallery if he pleases, counting the diners. since all the tables seat the same number of persons, usually eight, this is not so difficult as it might appear. it takes some time, however, to count several hundred people, especially as it must be done a second time if the reckoning of the chairman does not agree with that of the captain of the floor. when this officer of the association acts as toastmaster also, as often happens, he has no time to eat any dinner, and a supper is served to him afterward.

the question may be asked, “should public dinners be opened with grace?” they often are, but the custom is by no means universal. if a clergyman is at the speaker’s table, he will be requested to ask a blessing. a guest of distinction is occasionally invited to do so, sometimes to his great surprise. it is always possible to use the silent grace of the quakers or friends. the usual form is, “for what we are about to receive make us truly thankful,” etc. those who find themselves seated at table with people whom they do not know should remember that it is always courteous to say a few words to one’s next-door neighbors, even if they are strangers. they may prove to be very agreeable people.

the president of the association, or the chairman of the committee in charge, calls the company to order at the end of the dinner. he makes a short address himself, and then introduces the speakers in turn, with a few words of compliment or explanation. a good toastmaster must have a voice clear and strong enough to be heard all over the room. he should also be witty, gracious, and tactful. if the president is not well qualified for this office, the vice-president or some other person should be asked to make the introductions. it is sometimes arranged to have the speakers begin while the dinner is still in progress. the rattling of the plates, as the servants remove and replace them, creates so much disturbance that this plan should be adopted only where the service has been delayed and the hour is growing late. occasionally we hear of a dinner where all speech-making has been omitted, or replaced by “voiceless speech.” dancing now tends to crowd out all other forms of amusement at entertainments of all sorts.

the regulation wear for a public, as for a private, dinner is evening dress. at a political banquet, however, a variety of costumes may be seen, some men coming in business suits, either because they find this more convenient or because they do not possess a dress-suit. a man who is a faithful adherent of his party may feel it to be his duty and his pleasure to attend its festivities. at a stag dinner a dinner-jacket with black waistcoat, black trousers and tie may be worn. many women wear low-necked and short-sleeved gowns. others dislike doing so on such a public occasion. they wear handsome costumes of silk, satin, velvet, brocade, chiffon, or other dressy material, slightly cut down at the neck and with elbow-sleeves. the french call this “demi-toilette,” signifying that it is a half-way stage between every-day and full dress. for a public reception in the evening, the dress is much the same as at a dinner. most women wear no hats, but some appear in light-colored, dressy bonnets.

as a public dinner often lasts very late, many persons slip quietly out between the speeches, taking leave only of those sitting next them. it is discourteous to go out in the middle of an address. if one should meet a member of the reception committee, one would naturally express pleasure in the evening’s entertainment. guests at the speaker’s table would take leave of the presiding officer, if seated near him. the general body of diners do not think it necessary to take leave, since every man has paid for his own ticket, and so is in a sense his own host.

if anybody has any cause of complaint, it is best to say nothing about it at the time, but to speak or write afterward to the head of the proper committee. one should begin by praising the entertainment as a whole, and then suggest in a courteous way that such and such a matter might perhaps be arranged differently on the occasion of the next banquet.