sunday 5 february

still no word from daniel. cannot face thought of entire sunday stretching ahead with everyone else in the world except me in bed with someone giggling and having sex. worst of it is, only a week and a bit to go till impending valentine's day humiliation. no way will i get any cards. toy with idea of flirting energetically with anyone i think might be induced to send me one, but dismiss as immoral. will just have to take total indignity on the chin.

hmm. i know. think i'll go and see mum and dad again as am worried about dad. then will feel like caring angel or saint.

2 p.m. the last remaining tiny bathmat of security has been pulled from under my feet. magnanimous offer to pay caring surprise visit met by odd-sounding dad on end of phone.

'er . . . i'm not sure, dear. could you hang on?'

i reeled. part of the arrogance of youth (well, i say 'youth') is the assumption that your parents will drop whatever they are doing and welcome you with open arms the second you decide to turn up. he was back. 'bridget, look, your mother and i are having some problems. can we ring you later in the week?'

problems? what problems? i tried to get dad to explain but got nowhere. what is going on? is the whole world doomed to emotional trauma? poor dad. am i to be the tragic victim of a broken home now, on top of everything else?

monday 6 february

8st 12 (heavy internal weight completely vanished — mystery), alcohol units i (v.g.), cigarettes 9 (v.g.), calories 1800 (g.).

daniel will be back in the office today. i shall be poised and cool and remember that i am a woman of substance and do not need men in order to be complete, especially not him, am not going to message him or indeed take any notice of him whatsoever.

9.30 a.m. humph. daniel does not seem to be here yet.

9.35 a.m. still no sign of daniel.

9.36 a.m. oh god, oh god. maybe he's fallen in love in new york and stayed there.

9.47 a.m. or gone to las vegas and got married.

9.50 a.m. hmmm. think will go inspect make-up in case he does come in.

10.05 a.m. heart gave great lurch when got back from loos and saw daniel standing with simon from marketing at the photocopier. the last time i saw him he was lying on his sofa looking completely nonplussed while i fastened my skirt and ranted about fuckwittage. now he was looking all sort of 'i've been away' — fresh faced and healthy-looking. as i passed he looked pointedly at my skirt and gave me a huge grin.

10.30 a.m. message pending flashed up on screen. pressed rms to pick up message.

message jones

frigid cow.

cleave.

i laughed. i couldn't help myself. when i looked across to his little glass office he was smiling at me in a relieved and fond sort of way. anyway, am not going to message him back.

10.35 a.m. seems rude not to reply, though.

10.45 a.m. god, i'm bored.

10.47 a.m. i'll just send him a tiny friendly message, nothing flirtatious, just to restore good relations.

11.00 a.m. tee hee. just logged on as perpetua to give daniel a fright.

message cleave

it is hard enough as it is, trying to meet

your targets without people wasting my

team's time with non-essential messages.

perpetua

p.s. bridget's skirt is not feeling at all

well and have sent it home.

10 p.m. daniel and i messaged each other all day. ?but there is no way i am going to sleep with him.

rang mum and dad again tonight but no one answered. v. weird.