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淑女的眼泪 Justine

Chapter 15
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"but my aunt is the creature i am going to destroy.... oh, therese, in a philosopher's view how frivolous are these consanguinary ties! forgive me, but i do not even wish to discuss them, so futile are they. these contemptible chains, fruit of our laws and our political institutions can they mean anything to nature?

"desert your prejudices, therese, leave them behind, and serve me; your fortune is made."

"oh monsieur !" i replied, terrified by the comte de bressac, "your mind invents this theory of an impassive, indifferent nature; deign rather to heed your heart, and you will hear it condemn all libertinage's false reasonings. is not that heart, to whose tribunal i recommend you, the sanctuary where this nature you outrage wishes to be heard and respected? if she engraves upon it the extreme horror of the crime you meditate, will you grant me it is a damnable one? passions, i know, are blinding you at the present moment, but once they subside, how will you not be torn by remorse?

the greater your sensitivity, the more cruelly shall it sting you.... oh monsieur! preserve, respect this tender, invaluable friend's life; sacrifice it not; you would perish of despair! every day... at every instant you would be visited by the image of this cherished aunt, she whom your unthinking rage would have hurled into her tomb; you would hear her plaintive voice still pronouncing those sweet names that were your childhood's joy; she would be present during your waking hours and appear to torture you in your dreams; she would open with her bloodstained fingers the wounds wherewith you would have mutilated her; thereafter not one happy moment would shine for you while you dwelt upon this earth; you would become a stranger to pleasures; your every idea would be of trouble; a celestial arm, whose might you do not appreciate, would avenge the days you would have obliterated, by envenoming your own, and without having tasted happiness from your felonies, you would be slain by mortal sorrow for having dared accomplish them."

as i uttered these words tears returned to my eyes, i sank to my knees before the count; by all that is most holy i did implore him to let fade into oblivion an infamous aberration i swore to him all my life i would conceal.... but i did not know the man with whom i was dealing; i knew not to what point passions had enthroned crime in that perverse soul. the count rose and spoke in a voice of ice.

"i see very well i was mistaken, therese," said he. "i regret it, perhaps as much on your account as on my own; no matter, i shall discover other means, and it will be much you shall have lost without your mistress gaining anything."

the threat changed all my ideas; by not accepting the criminal role proposed to me, i was exposing myself to great personal risk and my protectress was infallibly to perish; by consenting to be his accomplice, i would shield myself from the count's wrath and would assuredly save his aunt; an instant's reflection convinced me i should agree to everything. but as so rapid a reversal would have appeared suspicious, i strove to delay my capitulation; i obliged the count to repeat his sophistries often; little by little i took on an air of not knowing what to reply: bressac believed me vanquished; i justified my weakness by the potency of his art and in the end i surrendered. the count sprang into my arms. ah, how i should have been overjoyed had his movement been inspired by another motive.... what is it i am saying? the time had passed: his horrible conduct, his barbarous designs had annihilated all the feelings my weakling heart had dared conceive, and i saw in him nothing but a monster....

"you are the first woman i have ever held in my arms," said the count, "and truly, it is with all my soul.... you are delicious, my child; a gleam of wisdom seems to have penetrated into your mind! that this charming mind has lain in darkness for so long! incredible."

next, we came to facts. in two or three days, as soon, that is, as an opportunity presented itself, i was to drop a dose of poison bressac gave me the package that contained it into the cup of chocolate madame customarily took in the morning. the count assured my immunity against all consequences and directly i consummated the deed, handed me a contract providing me with an annuity of two thousand crowns; he signed these promises without characterizing the state in which i was to enjoy their benefits; we separated.

in the midst of all this, something most singular occurred, something all too able to reveal the atrocious soul of the monster with whom i had to deal; i must not interrupt myself for a moment for, no doubt, you are awaiting the denouement of the adventure in which i had become involved.

two days following the conclusion of our criminal pact, the count learned that an uncle, upon whose succession he had not in the least counted, had just left him an income of eighty thousand pounds.... "o heaven!" i said to myself upon hearing the news, "is it then in thuswise celestial justice punishes the basest conspiracy!" and straightway repenting this blasphemy spoken against providence, i cast myself upon my knees and implored the almighty's forgiveness, and happily supposed that this unexpected development should at least change the count's plans.... what was my error!

"ah, my dear therese," he said that same evening, having run to my room, "how prosperity does rain down upon me! often i have told you so: the idea of a crime or an execution is the surest means to attract good fortune; none exists save for villains."

"what!" i responded, "this unhoped for bounty does not persuade you, monsieur, patiently to await the death you wished to hasten?"

"wait?" the count replied sharply, "i do not intend to wait two minutes, therese; are you not aware i am twenty-eight? well, it is hard to wait at my age.... no, let this affect our scheme not in the slightest, give me the comfort of seeing everything brought to an end before the time comes for us to return to paris.... tomorrow, at the very latest the day after tomorrow, i beseech you. there has been delay enough: the hour approaches for the payment of the first quarter of your annuity... for performing the act which guarantees you the money...."

as best i could, i disguised the fright this desperate eagerness inspired in me, and i renewed my resolution of the day before, well persuaded that if i were not to execute the horrible crime i had engaged to commit, the count would soon notice i was playing a trick upon him and that, if i were to warn madame de bressac, whatever would be her reaction to the project's disclosure, the young count, observing himself deceived one way or another, would promptly resort to more certain methods which, causing his aunt equally to perish, would also expose me to all her nephew's vengeance. there remained the alternative of consulting the law, but nothing in the world could have induced me to adopt it; i decided to forewarn the marquise; of all possible measures, that seemed the best, and i elected it.

"madame," i said to her on the morrow of my last interview with the count, "madame, i have something of the highest importance to reveal, but however vital its interest to you, i shall not broach it unless, beforehand, you give me your word of honor to bear no resentment against your nephew for what monsieur has had the audacity to concert.... you will act, madame, you will take the steps prudence enjoins, but you will say not a word. deign to give me your promise; else i am silent."

madame de bressac, who thought it was but a question of some of her nephew's everyday extravagances, bound herself by the oath i demanded, and i disclosed everything. the unhappy woman burst into tears upon learning of the infamy.... "the monster!" she cried, "have i ever done anything that was not for his good? had i wished to thwart his vices, or correct them, what other motive than his own happiness could have constrained me to severity! and is it not thanks to me he inherits this legacy his uncle has just left him ? ah, therese, therese, prove to me that it is true, this project... put me in a way that will prevent me from doubting; i need all that may aid in extinguishing the sentiments my unthinking heart dares yet preserve for the monster...." and then i brought the package of poison into view; it were difficult to furnish better proof; yet the marquise wished to experiment with it; we made a dog swallow a light dose, shut up the animal, and at the end of two hours it was dead after being seized by frightful convulsions.

any lingering doubt by now dispelled, madame de bressac came to a decision; she bade me give her the rest of the poison and immediately sent a courier with a letter to the duc de sonzeval, related to her, asking him to go directly, but in secrecy, to the secretary of state, and to expose the atrocity of a nephew whose victim she might at any moment become; to provide himself with a lettre de cachet; to make all possible haste to come and deliver her from the wretch who had so cruelly plotted to take her life.

but the abominable crime was to be consummated; some inconceivable permission must have been granted by heaven that virtue might be made to yield to villainy's oppressions: the animal upon which we had experimented revealed everything to the count: he heard it howling; knowing of his aunt's fondness for the beast, he asked what had been done to it; those to whom he spoke knew nothing of the matter and made him no clear answer; from this moment, his suspicions began to take shape; he uttered not a word, but i saw that he was disquieted; i mentioned his state to the marquise, she became further upset, but could think of nothing to do save urge the courier to make yet greater haste, and, if possible, still more carefully to hide the purpose of his mission. she advised her nephew that she was writing to paris to beg the duc de sonzeval to waste not a moment to take up the matter of the recently deceased uncle's inheritance for if no one were to appear to claim it, there was litigation to be feared; she added that she had requested the duke to come and give her a complete account of the affair, in order that she might learn whether or not she and her nephew would be obliged to make a journey to paris. too skillful a physiognomist to fail to notice the embarrassment in his aunt's face, to fail to observe, as well, some confusion written upon mine, the count smiled at everything and was no less on his guard. under the pretext of taking a promenade, he leaves the chateau; he lies in wait for the courier at a place the man must inevitably pass.

the messenger, far more a creature of the count than his aunt's trustworthy minion, raises no objections when his master demands to see the dispatches he is carrying, and bressac, once convinced of what no doubt he calls my treachery, gives the courier a hundred louis, together with instructions never to appear again at the marquise's. he returns to the chateau, rage in his heart; however, he restrains himself; he encounters me, as usual he cajoles me, asks whether it shall not be tomorrow, points out it is essential the deed be performed before the duke's arrival, then goes to bed with a tranquil air about which nothing is to be remarked. at the time i knew nothing, i was the dupe of everything. were the appalling crime to be committed as the count's actions informed me later he would of course have to commit it himself; but i did not know how; i conjectured much; what good would it do to tell you what i imagined? rather, let us move ahead to the cruel manner in which i was punished for not having wished to undertake the thing. on the day after the messenger was intercepted, madame drank her chocolate as she always did, dressed, seemed agitated, and sat down at table; scarcely was i out of the dining room when the count accosted me.

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