the stage rattled away at an indignant gallop; and we were left once more to our own resources. by way of passing the time, i thrice repeated my offers to the obdurate old maiden, and endured as many rebuffs. i was contemplating a fourth trial, when a signal was made from the carriage window, and humphrey, hat in hand, opened the door.
“procure me a post-chaise.”
“a po-shay!” echoed humphrey, but, like an irish echo, with some variation from his original—
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“lord help ye, ma’am, there bean’t such a thing to be had ten miles round—no, not for love nor money. why, bless ye, it be election time, and there bean’t coach, cart, nor dog-barrow, but what be gone to it!”
“no matter,” said the mistress, drawing herself up with an air of lofty resignation. “i revoke my order; for it is far, very far from the kind of riding that i prefer. and humphrey——”
“yes, ma’am.”
“another time—”
“yes, ma’am.”
“remember once for all—”
“yes, ma’am.”
“i do not choose to be blest, or the lord to help me.”
another pause in our proceedings, during which a company of ragged boys, who had been black-berrying, came up, and planted themselves, with every symptom of vulgar curiosity, around the carriage. miss norman had now no single glass through which she could look without encountering a group of low-life faces staring at her with all their might. neither could she help hearing some such shocking ill-bred remarks as, “vy don’t the frizzle-vigged old guy get into the gemman’s drag?” still the pride of the normans sustained her. she seemed to draw a sort of supplementary neck out of her bosom, and sat more rigidly erect than ever, occasionally favouring the circle, like a mad bull at bay, with a most awful threatening look, accompanied ever by the same five words:
“i choose to be alone.”
it is easy to say choose, but more difficult to have one’s choice. the blackberry boys chose to remain; and in reply to each congé only proved by a general grin how very much teeth are set off to advantage by purple mouths. i confess i took pity on the pangs even of unwarrantable pride, and urged my
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proposal again with some warmth; but it was repelled with absolute scorn.
“fellow, you are insolent.”
“quis deus vult perdere,” thought i, and i determined to let her take her fate, merely staying to mark the result. after a tedious interval, in which her mind had doubtless looked abroad as well as inward, it appeared that the rigour of the condition, as to riding only in her own carriage, had been somewhat relaxed to meet the exigency of the case. a fresh tapping at the window summoned the obsequious humphrey to receive orders.
“present my compliments at the grove—and the loan of the chariot will be esteemed a favour.”
“by your leave, ma’am, if i may speak—”
“you may not.”
humphrey closed the door, but remained for a minute gazing on the panel, at a blue arm, with a red carving-knife in its hand, defending a black and white rolling-pin. if he meditated any expostulation, he gave it up, and proceeded to drive away the boys, one of whom was astride on the dead plantagenet, a second grinning through his collar, and two more preparing to play at horses with the reins. it seemed a strange mode enough that he took to secure the harness, by hanging it, collar and all, on his own back and shoulders; but by an aside to me, he explained the mystery, in a grumble,
“it be no use in the world. i see the charrot set off for lonnon. i shan’t go complimenting no grove. i’se hang about a bit at the george, and compliment a pint o’ beer.”
away he went, intending, no doubt, to be fully as good as his word: and i found the time grow tedious in his absence. i had almost made up my mind to follow his example, when hope revived at the sound of wheels, and up came a tax-cart carrying four insides, namely, two well-grown porkers, master
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bardell the pig-butcher, and his foreman samuel slark, or, as he was more commonly called, sam the sticker. they were both a trifle “the worse for liquor,” if such a phrase might honestly be applied to men who were only a little more courageous, more generous, and civil and obliging to the fair sex, than their wont when perfectly sober. the sticker, especially—in his most temperate moments a perfect sky-blue-bodied, red-faced, bowing and smirking pattern of politeness to females, was now, under the influence of good ale, a very sir calidore, ready to comfort and succour distressed damsels, to fight for them, live or die for them, with as much of the chivalrous spirit as remains in our times. they inquired, and i explained in a few words the lady’s dilemma, taking care to forewarn them, by relating the issue of my own attempts in her behalf.
“mayhap you warn’t half purlite or pressing enough,” observed sam, with a side wink at his master. “it an’t a bit of a scrape, and a civil word, as will get a strange lady up into a strange gemman’s gig. it wants warmth-like, and making on her feel at home. only let me alone with her, for a persuader, and i’ll have her up in our cart—my master’s that is to say—afore you can see whether she has feet or hoofs.”
in a moment the speaker was at the carriage-door, stroking down his sleek forelocks, bowing, and using his utmost eloquence, even to the repeating most of his arguments twice over. she would be perfectly safe, he told her, sitting up between him and master, and quite pleasant, for the pigs would keep themselves to themselves at the back of the cart, and as for the horse, he was nothing but a good one, equal to twelve mile an hour—with much more to the same purpose. it was quite unnecessary for miss norman to say she had never ridden in a cart with two pigs and two butchers; and she did not say it. she merely turned away her head from the man, to be addressed by the master, at the other window, the glass of which she had just let
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down for a little air. “a taxed cart, madam,” he said, “mayn’t be exactly the wehicle, accustomed to, and so forth; but thereby, considering respective ranks of life, why, the more honour done to your humbles, which, as i said afore, will take every care, and observe the respectful; likewise in distancing the two hogs. whereby, every thing considered, namely, necessity and so forth, i will make so bold as hope, madam, excusing more pressing, and the like, and dropping ceremony for the time being, you will embrace us at once, as you shall be most heartily welcome to, and be considered, by your humbles, as a favour besides.”