第六十章

他俩是在索霍区吃的晚饭。菲利普快活得连人都发抖了。他们吃饭的地方，并非是那种生意兴隆、顾客盈门的大众餐馆（一些手头拮据的体面人士爱上那类餐馆用餐，因为在那儿既可显示自己豪放不羁的名士本色，又不必担心破费过多），而是一家店客寒怆的小馆子。掌柜的是个老实巴交的鲁昂人，他老婆也帮着照管店里的生意。这家馆子是前些日子菲利普无意间发现的，他对那种法国风味的橱窗布置很感兴趣：橱窗正中照例放一客牛排，两旁各放两盆新鲜蔬菜。饭馆只有一名衣衫褴褛的法国侍者，他想在这儿学点英语，可听来听去，客人却全是说的法语。有几位放浪形骸的轻佻女士，经常光顾于此；有一两家法国侨民在这儿包饭，店里还存有他们的自备餐巾；此外，不时有个把模样古怪的男子，进店来胡乱吃点什么。

菲利普和米尔德丽德在这儿可以单独占张餐桌。菲利普让侍者去附近酒店买了瓶法国葡萄酒，另外点了一客potsge aux erbes、一客陈列在橱窗里的牛排加aux pommes。和一客omelette au kirsch。这儿的菜肴和环境，倒真有几分浪漫的异国风味。米尔德丽德起初有点不以为然："我向来不大相信这些外国馆子，谁知道他们拿了些什么乱七八糟的东西来做菜。"可不多一会儿，她就不知不觉地被同化了。

"我喜欢这地方，菲利普，"她说，"在这儿挺逍遥自在，不必拘束，你说是吗？"

一个高个子走了进来。他一头的灰发，又长又密，稀疏的胡子蓬蓬松松。他披了件破旧的斗篷，头上戴一顶阔边呢帽。他朝菲利普点点头，因为菲利普过去在这儿同他打过照面。

"瞧他的模样倒像个无政府主义者，"米尔德丽德说。

"他吗，是欧洲最危险的人物之一。他饱尝了大陆上各处的铁窗风味，要说他亲手干掉的人有多少，只有上绞刑架的杀人魔王可以和他相比。他到处逛荡，口袋里总揣着颗炸弹。当然罗，跟他说话可得留神着点，如果一言不合，他就掏出炸弹，砰地往桌子上一放，让你见识见识。"

米尔德丽德惊惧参半地望着那人。隔了一会儿，她又满腹狐疑地扫了菲利普一眼，发现菲利普的眼睛里透出笑意。她眉尖微微一蹩。

"你在逗弄人。"

菲利普"啊哈"地一声欢呼。他心里快活极了。但是米尔德丽德最不乐意让人取笑。

"我看不出吹牛撒谎有什么可乐的。"

"别生气呀。"

菲利普握住她搁在餐桌上的那只手，轻轻地捏了捏。

"你真可爱，倘若要我吻你脚下踩过的尘土，我也愿意。"

她那白得发育的皮肤，令菲利普心醉神迷，而她那两片薄薄的没有血色的嘴唇，简直有一股勾魂摄魄的魔力。她由于患有贫血，呼吸有点急促，两片嘴唇经常微微张着。不知怎么地，菲利普觉得这种病态反倒给她的脸蛋增添了几分妩媚。

"你真有点喜欢我，是不？"他问。

"嗯，要不我干吗陪你上这儿来？你是个道道地地的上等人，我说的可是心里话呐。"

他们吃完饭，开始喝咖啡。这会儿，菲利普再也顾不得省钱，竟然抽起三便士一支的雪茄来。

"你想象不出，就这样坐在你对面，望着你，能给我带来多大的乐趣。我无时无刻不在思念你，巴望能见你一面。"

米尔德丽德嫣然一笑，两颊泛起淡淡的一抹红晕。平时她一吃好饭，总是闹消化不良，可今天这病倒没犯。她今天对菲利普似乎特别有好感。连她那目光也一反常态，显得温情脉脉，这怎能不叫菲利普心花怒放。他出于本能，知道自己这样完全拜倒在她脚下，任她摆布，实在是昏了头。要想赢得她的爱，就应该在她面前佯作漫不经心的样子，而绝不能让她察觉那股在他心中沸腾着的澎湃激情；否则她就会利用他的弱点，玩他于股掌之上。但是现在，他情急智昏，也顾不上这许多了。他向她倾诉衷肠，说自己同她分手之后忍受了多少痛苦，自己如何竭力挣扎着想摆脱情欲，一度还以为取得了成功，可到头来发现，那股强烈的情欲却是有增无已。他知道自己嘴上说要摆脱这股情欲，其实并非出自于真心。他实在太爱她了，即使自己受到点折磨也算不得什么。他恨不得把自己的心掏出来给她。他把自己的弱点全都暴露在她面前，甚至以此为荣。

对菲利普来说，就这么坐在这间舒适、简陋的饭馆里，人世间之最大乐事莫过于此了。但是他知道，米尔德丽德喜欢上戏院，逛游乐场。她生性好动，不管到了什么地方，待不多一会儿，就急着要上别处去了。他可不敢让她觉着腻烦。

"听我说，咱们这就去杂耍剧场，怎么样？"他嘴上这么建议，心里却飞快地转着念头：她要是真喜欢自己，一定会说宁愿待在这儿。

"我刚才也在想，要是咱们打算去杂耍剧场，现在就该走了。"

"那就去吧。"

菲利普强耐着性子，好不容易熬到了终场。下一步该采取什么行动，他早已拿定了主意。所以他们上了马车，他就装作无意似地顺手搂住她的腰肢。可是只听他"哎哟"了一声，赶紧把手缩回来。不知什么东西把他扎了一下。米尔德丽德格格笑了。

"嘿，这就是你没事找事，把手臂往这儿乱伸的好处，"她说。"男人什么时候要伸手来搂我，那是瞒不过我的。我的那枚别针决不会放过他们。"

"这一回我可要当心点了。"

菲利普又伸手搂住了她的腰肢。她没有作出拒绝的表示。

"这么坐着好舒服，"他快活地舒了口气说。

"还不是因为你沾到了便宜，所以高兴了，"她刺了他一句。

马车从圣詹姆士街拐进了公园。菲利普飞快地吻了她一下。他对她怕得出奇，他鼓足了全身的勇气才敢去吻她。而她呢，什么话也不说，只是把嘴唇微微掉向他。看她那副神情，似乎既不介意，也不喜欢。

"你不知道我想吻你想了有多久，"菲利普嗫嚅道。

他想再吻她一下，她却把头扭开了。

"一次够啦，"她说。

菲利普陪着她往赫尼希尔走去，他仍在窥何时机，等他们到了她所住大街的尽头时，他问：

"让我再吻你一下好吗？"

她漠然地望着他，接着又朝大街上瞥了一眼，四下阒无人影。

"随你的便。"

菲利普一把将她搂在怀里，发狂地吻着她。米尔德丽德用力将他推开。

"当心我的帽子，傻瓜。谁像你这么笨手笨脚的。"

they dined in soho. philip was tremulous with joy. it was not one of the more crowded of those cheap restaurants where the respectable and needy dine in the belief that it is bohemian and the assurance that it is economical. it was a humble establishment, kept by a good man from rouen and his wife, that philip had discovered by accident. he had been attracted by the gallic look of the window, in which was generally an uncooked steak on one plate and on each side two dishes of raw vegetables. there was one seedy french waiter, who was attempting to learn english in a house where he never heard anything but french; and the customers were a few ladies of easy virtue, a menage or two, who had their own napkins reserved for them, and a few queer men who came in for hurried, scanty meals.

here mildred and philip were able to get a table to themselves. philip sent the waiter for a bottle of burgundy from the neighbouring tavern, and they had a potage aux herbes, a steak from the window aux pommes, and an omelette au kirsch. there was really an air of romance in the meal and in the place. mildred, at first a little reserved in her appreciation—‘i never quite trust these foreign places, you never know what there is in these messed up dishes’—was insensibly moved by it.

‘i like this place, philip,’ she said. ‘you feel you can put your elbows on the table, don’t you?’

a tall fellow came in, with a mane of gray hair and a ragged thin beard. he wore a dilapidated cloak and a wide-awake hat. he nodded to philip, who had met him there before.

‘he looks like an anarchist,’ said mildred.

‘he is, one of the most dangerous in europe. he’s been in every prison on the continent and has assassinated more persons than any gentleman unhung. he always goes about with a bomb in his pocket, and of course it makes conversation a little difficult because if you don’t agree with him he lays it on the table in a marked manner.’

she looked at the man with horror and surprise, and then glanced suspiciously at philip. she saw that his eyes were laughing. she frowned a little.

‘you’re getting at me.’

he gave a little shout of joy. he was so happy. but mildred didn’t like being laughed at.

‘i don’t see anything funny in telling lies.’

‘don’t be cross.’

he took her hand, which was lying on the table, and pressed it gently.

‘you are lovely, and i could kiss the ground you walk on,’ he said.

the greenish pallor of her skin intoxicated him, and her thin white lips had an extraordinary fascination. her anaemia made her rather short of breath, and she held her mouth slightly open. it seemed to add somehow to the attractiveness of her face.

‘you do like me a bit, don’t you?’ he asked.

‘well, if i didn’t i suppose i shouldn’t be here, should i? you’re a gentleman in every sense of the word, i will say that for you.’

they had finished their dinner and were drinking coffee. philip, throwing economy to the winds, smoked a three-penny cigar.

‘you can’t imagine what a pleasure it is to me just to sit opposite and look at you. i’ve yearned for you. i was sick for a sight of you.’

mildred smiled a little and faintly flushed. she was not then suffering from the dyspepsia which generally attacked her immediately after a meal. she felt more kindly disposed to philip than ever before, and the unaccustomed tenderness in her eyes filled him with joy. he knew instinctively that it was madness to give himself into her hands; his only chance was to treat her casually and never allow her to see the untamed passions that seethed in his breast; she would only take advantage of his weakness; but he could not be prudent now: he told her all the agony he had endured during the separation from her; he told her of his struggles with himself, how he had tried to get over his passion, thought he had succeeded, and how he found out that it was as strong as ever. he knew that he had never really wanted to get over it. he loved her so much that he did not mind suffering. he bared his heart to her. he showed her proudly all his weakness.

nothing would have pleased him more than to sit on in the cosy, shabby restaurant, but he knew that mildred wanted entertainment. she was restless and, wherever she was, wanted after a while to go somewhere else. he dared not bore her.

‘i say, how about going to a music-hall?’ he said.

he thought rapidly that if she cared for him at all she would say she preferred to stay there.

‘i was just thinking we ought to be going if we are going,’ she answered.

‘come on then.’

philip waited impatiently for the end of the performance. he had made up his mind exactly what to do, and when they got into the cab he passed his arm, as though almost by accident, round her waist. but he drew it back quickly with a little cry. he had pricked himself. she laughed.

‘there, that comes of putting your arm where it’s got no business to be,’ she said. ‘i always know when men try and put their arm round my waist. that pin always catches them.’

‘i’ll be more careful.’

he put his arm round again. she made no objection.

‘i’m so comfortable,’ he sighed blissfully.

‘so long as you’re happy,’ she retorted.

they drove down st. james’ street into the park, and philip quickly kissed her. he was strangely afraid of her, and it required all his courage. she turned her lips to him without speaking. she neither seemed to mind nor to like it.

‘if you only knew how long i’ve wanted to do that,’ he murmured.

he tried to kiss her again, but she turned her head away.

‘once is enough,’ she said.

on the chance of kissing her a second time he travelled down to herne hill with her, and at the end of the road in which she lived he asked her:

‘won’t you give me another kiss?’

she looked at him indifferently and then glanced up the road to see that no one was in sight.

‘i don’t mind.’

he seized her in his arms and kissed her passionately, but she pushed him away.

‘mind my hat, silly. you are clumsy,’ she said.