那年秋天的雪下得很晚。我们住在山坡上松树环绕的一幢褐色木屋里，夜间降霜，梳妆台上那两只水罐在早上便结有一层薄冰。戈丁根太太一大早就进房来，把窗子关好，在那高高的瓷炉中生起火来。松木啪啪地爆裂，喷射火花，不久炉子里便火光熊熊，而戈丁根太太第二次进来时，就带来一罐热水和一些供炉火用的大块木头。等房间里暖和了，她把早餐端进来。我们坐在床上吃早点时，望得见湖3和湖对面法国境内的山峰。山峰顶上有雪，湖则是灰蒙蒙的钢青色。
在外边，我们这农舍式别墅前，有一条上山的路。车辙和两边隆起的地方被冰霜冻结得铁一样坚硬，山道不断地一路上坡，穿过森林，上了高山，盘来绕去，到了有草地的地方；草地那儿的树林边有些仓房和木屋，俯瞰着山谷。山谷很深，谷底有一条溪水流进湖中，有时风从山谷那边吹来，我们能听见岩石间的琮水声。
我们有时离开山道，转上穿过松林的小径。森林里边的地走起来软绵绵的；冰霜还没把它凝结得像山路那么坚硬。但是我们不大在乎山道的坚硬，因为我们靴子的前后跟都钉有铁钉，而后跟的铁钉扎进冰冻的车辙，所以穿着钉靴在山道上走，很是惬意，而且还能激发精神。而在森林里走也美得很。
在我们屋前，高山峻峭地倾落到湖边的小平原，我们坐在门廊的阳光下，看着山道弯曲地顺着山坡延伸下去，还有低一点的山坡上的梯田形的葡萄园，现在因为是冬季，葡萄藤早已凋谢，园地中间有石墙隔开，而葡萄园底下便是蒙特勒的房屋。那城建在一条狭窄的平原上，沿着湖岸。湖中有个小岛，上面有两棵树，远远望去，真像一条渔船上的双帆。湖对面的山峰险峻削立，而在湖的尽头就是罗纳河1河谷，那是夹在两道山脉间的一片平原；河谷南端给山峰切断的地方，就是唐都米蒂 1。那是座积雪的巍巍高山，俯视着整个河谷，不过距离太远，没有投下阴影。
阳光明亮时，我们在门廊上吃中饭，否则就在楼上一间小房间里吃。那房间四面是素色的木壁，角落里有只大炉子。我们在城里买了书籍杂志，还有一本《霍伊尔氏纸牌戏大全》，学会了许多两人玩的纸牌戏。这个装炉子的小房间就是我们的起居室。里边有两张舒服的椅子和一张放书籍杂志的桌子，饭桌收拾干净后我们就可以玩纸牌。戈丁根夫妇住在楼下，我们有时在傍晚听得见他们的谈话声，他们过着很快乐幸福的生活。男的原是旅馆的茶房领班，女的当过同一旅馆的侍女，他们积了钱，买下了这个地方。他们有个儿子，正在学习当茶房领班。学习的地点在苏黎世1一家旅馆。楼底下还有个客厅，夫妇俩在里面卖葡萄酒和啤酒，夜晚有时候我们听得见外边路上有车子停下，有人走上台阶到客厅里去喝酒。
3原文为toboggan，是一种平底长橇，通常有低扶手。
1 耶稣被钉十字架后复活，来到门徒们中间，有一位门徒多马不相信，说“我非看见他手上的钉痕，用指头探入那钉痕，又用手探入他的胁旁”。后来耶稣果然向多马显现了。见《圣经·约翰福音》第20 章。
1 蒙特勒在日内瓦湖的东端。本章以后所提的湖，都是指日内瓦湖。
1 罗纳河从日内瓦湖的东南端注入该湖，再从西南端流进法国，朝南注入马赛西面的狮子湾。
我们起居室外边的走廊上放有一箱子木头，我用来使炉火不灭。但是我们睡得并不太晚。在那大卧房里，我们在黑暗中上床，我脱了衣服，便去打开窗子，看夜色、寒冷的星星和窗下的松树，接着赶快上床。空气是这么寒冷清新，窗外有这么的夜景，躺在床上实在太美了。我们睡得很好，夜里倘若醒来的话，我知道那只是出于一个原因，于是我把羽绒被揭开，干得轻手轻脚，免得惊醒凯瑟琳，接着又睡着了，温温暖暖，因为盖的被子少了一点，更为轻松。战争似乎离得很远，好比是别人的大学里举行的足球比赛。但是我从报上看到，他们还在高山间作战，因为雪还没落下来。
有时我们下山走到蒙特勒去。本来有一条下山的小径，可是太陡峭，所以通常我们还是走山道，由山道往下走到田野间那条坚硬的宽路上，接着又往下在葡萄园的石墙间走，再往下便在村子的房屋间走了。那儿一共有三个村子：瑟涅，封达尼凡，还有一个我忘了。再往前走，我们经过一座古老的方形石头城堡，它在山坡边一个崖架上，山坡上有一层层的葡萄园，每棵葡萄都绑在一根杆子上，以免它倒塌下来，葡萄树早已干枯，呈褐色，泥土在等着落雪，底下的湖面平平的，色灰如钢。下山的路在城堡下成为一段很长的坡路，向右拐弯，路改用圆石子铺了，险峻地转入蒙特勒。
我们在蒙特勒一个人也不认识。我们沿湖溜溜，看看天鹅，还有许多鸥和燕鸥，有人走近来便成群飞走，一边俯视着水面，一边尖声啼叫。湖中有一群群?■，又小又黑，在湖上游水时，后面留下一道道水痕。我们在城里的大街上走走，望望橱窗。城里有好些大旅馆，现在都关门了，不过大部分的店铺都还开着，人们也喜欢见到我们。那里有家很好的理发店，凯瑟琳总是在那儿做头发。开这店的是个女人，人很愉快，我们在蒙特勒只认得这个人。凯瑟琳理发的时候，我就到一家啤酒店去喝喝慕尼黑黑啤酒，看看报。我看意大利的《晚邮报》和从巴黎转来的英美报纸。报上所有的广告都用黑墨水涂掉了，据说是预防奸细和敌军私通消息。报纸读起来不愉快。处处地方的情况糟透了。我靠坐在一个角落里，对着一大杯黑啤酒和一包已打开的光面纸包的椒盐卷饼，一边吃带咸味的卷饼来下啤酒，一边看报上悲惨的战事新闻。我本以为凯瑟琳会来的，但结果没有来，只好把报纸放回架子上，付了啤酒账，上街去找她。那天天冷，天气又暗，一片寒冬景象，连房屋的石头看起来也是寒冷的。凯瑟琳还在理发店里。那女人正在给她烫头发。我坐在小间里旁观。看着真叫人兴奋。凯瑟琳对我笑笑，还和我谈话，我因为人很兴奋，话音有点口齿不清。卷发的铁钳发出悦耳的嗒嗒声，我可以从三面镜子里看到凯瑟琳，而我那小间又温暖又舒服。接着理发师把凯瑟琳的头发向上梳好，凯瑟琳照照镜子，修改了一下，在有些地方抽掉发针，有些地方插上发针；然后站起身来。“对不起，累你等得这么久。”
“先生很感兴趣。不是吗，先生？”女人笑着问。
“是的，”我回答。
我们出门走上街头。街上又寒冷又冷落，又刮起了风。“哦，亲爱的，我太爱你了，”我说。
“我们不是过着快活的日子吗？”凯瑟琳说。“喂，我们找个地方去喝啤酒，不要喝茶。这对小凯瑟琳很有好处。能叫她长得细小。”
“小凯瑟琳，”我说。“那个小浪荡鬼。”
“她一直很乖，”凯瑟琳说。“她简直没给你什么麻烦。医生说啤酒对我有益，同时能叫她长得细小。”“你这么叫她长得细小，倘若是个男孩的话，将来也许可以当骑师。”“我们果真要把这孩子生下来的话，总得结婚吧，”凯瑟琳说。我们坐在啤酒店角落里的桌子边。外边天在黑下来。其实时间还早，只是天本来阴暗，暮色又降临得早。
“我们现在就结婚去，”我说。
“不，”凯瑟琳说。“现在太窘了。我这样子太明显了。我这样子站在谁面前结婚都太难堪了。”
“我倒希望我们已经结了婚。”
“结了婚也许是好一点吧。但是我们什么时候可以结婚呢，亲爱的？”
“我不知道。”
“我只知道一件事。在这像奶奶太太般的大腹便便的情况下，我不结婚。”
“你哪里像个奶奶太太。”
“哦，我像得很，亲爱的。理发师问我这是不是我的头胎。我撒谎说不是，我说我们已经有了两个男孩和两个女孩。”
“我们什么时候结婚呢？”
“等我身体瘦下来，随时都行。我们来个好好的婚礼，叫人人称赞你我是一对多么漂亮的少年夫妻。”
“你不忧愁吗？”
“亲爱的，我为什么要忧愁？我只有一次不好过，那是在米兰，我觉得自己像是个妓女，不过那难受也只有七八分钟，还都是因为旅馆房间内的陈设的关系。难道我不是你的好妻子吗？”
“你是个可爱的妻子。”
“那就不要太拘泥形式了，亲爱的。我一瘦下来就和你结婚。”“好的。”
“你想我应该再喝一杯啤酒吗？医生说我的臀部太窄，所以最好叫我们的小凯瑟琳长得细小。”
“他还说什么啊？”我担心起来。
“没什么。我的血压很奇妙，亲爱的。他非常称赞我的血压。”“关于你的臀部太窄，他说了什么？”
“没什么。什么都没说。他说我不可以滑雪。”
“很对。”
“他说我滑雪没学过的话。现在来学可太晚了。他说我可以滑雪，只要我不摔跤。”
“他真会开玩笑。”
“他人倒是挺好的。我们将来就请他接生吧。”
“你可曾问他我们该不该结婚？”
“没有。我告诉他我们已结婚四年了。你瞧，亲爱的，我要是嫁给你，我便成为美国人，所以我们随便什么时候根据美国法律结婚，孩子就是合法的。”
“你从哪儿打听出来的啊？”
“从图书馆里的一部纽约的《世界年鉴》上。”
“你真行。”
“我很喜欢做美国人，我们以后到美国去，好吗，亲爱的？我要去看看尼阿加拉瀑布2。”“你是个好姑娘。”
“还有一件东西我要看，但我一时想不起来了。”
“屠场3？”
“不是。我记不得了。”
“伍尔沃思大厦1？”“不是。”
“大峡谷2？”
“不是。不过这我也想看看。”
“那么是什么呢？”
“金门3！这就是我要看的。金门在哪儿？”“旧金山。”
“那我们就上那儿去吧。我本来就想观光旧金山的。”
“好。我们就上那儿去。”
“现在我们就回山上去。好吧？我们赶得上登山缆车吗？”
“五点过一点有一班车子。”
“我们就赶这一班车子。”
“好的。等我再喝一杯啤酒。”
我们出了酒店，走上街，爬上到车站去的台阶，天气异常寒冷，一股寒风从罗纳河河谷直刮下来。街上的店窗里点着灯，我们爬上陡峭的石阶到了上边一条街，又爬了一段石阶，才到车站。电气火车在那儿等着，车里的灯都开着。那里有个钟面，指明开车的时间。钟面上的长短针指着五点十分。我再看看车站里的时钟，五点零五分。我们上车时，我看见司机和卖票员正从车站酒店里出来。我们坐下了，打开窗子。火车上用电气设备取暖，很是气闷，不过窗子外有新鲜的冷空气送进来。
“你疲倦吗，凯特？”我问。
“不。我感觉良好。”
“路程并不远。”
“我喜欢乘这车子，”她说。“你不必替我操心，亲爱的。我感觉良好。”
雪到圣诞节前三天才落下来。有一天早晨，我们醒来才知道在下雪。房间里的炉子火光熊熊，我们呆在床上，看着外边在纷纷下雪。戈丁根太太端走了早餐的托盘，在炉子里添了些木柴。那是一场大风雪。她说雪是半夜左右开始下的。我走到窗边望出去，看不清楚路对面。风刮得呼呼响，雪花乱舞。我回到床上，我们躺下来交谈。
“我很希望能够滑雪，”凯瑟琳说。“不能滑雪真太糟了。”“我们找部连橇到路上走走去吧。那就像乘普通车子一般，没什么危险。”
“颠动得厉害吗？”
“我们等着瞧吧。”
“希望不要颠动得太厉害。”
“等一会儿我们到雪上溜溜去。”
2 瑞士高山，在蒙特勒南，高达10，690 英尺。
3 苏黎世是瑞士北部主要工业城市。
1 尼阿加拉瀑布在纽约州西北端和加拿大接壤的尼阿加拉河上，是美国男女的蜜月胜地。
2 指芝加哥市的宰牛场。美国作家厄普顿·辛克莱曾根据这地方的内幕写成长篇小说《屠场》，于1906 年出版，轰动一时。
3 纽约市的一家百货公司，当时是世界上最高的建筑物。
“中饭前去吧，”凯瑟琳说，“散步可以开开胃口。”
“我总是肚子饿。”
“我也是。”
我们到外面去踏雪，但是风刮着积雪，我们没能走多远。我在前头走，打开一条路来，一直走到车站就再也走不下去了。雪花乱舞，我们看不见前面的东西，只好走进车站旁边的一家小酒店，拿把刷帚，彼此扫去身上的雪，坐在一条长凳上喝味美思。
“这是场大风雪，”女招待说。
“是的。”
“今年雪下得很晚。”
“是的。”
“我可以吃条巧克力吗？”凯瑟琳问。“也许太近午饭时间了吧？我总是肚子饿。”
“吃一条好啦，”我说。
“我要吃一条有榛子的，”凯瑟琳说。
“是很好吃的，”女招待说。“我最喜欢吃这一种。”
“我再来杯味美思，”我说。
我们出了酒店往回走，方才用脚踩出来的那条小径现在又被雪遮没了。原来踩出的脚印只有微凹的痕迹了。雪扑打着我们的脸，我们几乎什么都看不见。我们掸掉身上的雪，进屋去吃中饭。戈丁根先生端上中饭。“明天可以滑雪，”他说。“你滑雪吗，亨利先生？”
“我不会。倒是想学学。”
“学起来很便当。我儿子回来过圣诞节，由他来教你吧。”“好极了。他什么时候来？”
“明天夜晚。”
饭后我们坐在小房间的炉子边，望着窗外的飞雪，凯瑟琳说，“亲爱的，你不想一个人到什么地方去跑一趟，跟男人们一起滑滑雪吗？”“不。我为什么要去？”
“我想你有时候，除了我以外，也会想见见其他人。”
“你可想见见其他人？”
“不想。”
“我也是。”
“我知道。但你是不同的。我因为怀着孩子，所以不做什么事也心安理得。我知道我现在十分笨拙，话又噜苏，你应当到外面溜达溜达去，才不至于讨厌我。”
“你要我走开吗？”
“不。我不要你走。”
“我本来就不想走。”
“上这儿来，”她说。“我要摸摸你头上那块肿块。这是个大肿块。”
她用手指在上边抚摸了一下。“亲爱的，你喜欢留胡子吗？”
“你要我留吗？”
“也许很有趣。我喜欢看看留起胡子来的你。”
“好的。我就留。现在就开始。这是个好主意。可以给我点事情做做。”
“你在愁着没事做吗？”
“不。我喜欢这种生活。这是一种很好的生活。你呢？”
“我觉得这生活太可爱了。我只是怕我现在肚子大了，也许会惹你厌烦。”
“哦，凯特。你就是不晓得我爱你爱得发疯了。”
“是爱着这样子的我吗？”
“就爱着这样子的你。我生活得很好。我们岂不是过着一种很好的生活吗？”
“我过得很好，不过就怕你有时想动动。”
“不。我有时也想知道前线和朋友们的消息，但是我不操心。我现在什么都不大想。”
“你想知道谁的消息呢？”
“雷那蒂，教士，还有好些我认得的人。但是我也不大想他们。我不愿想起战争。我和它没有关系了。”
“现在你在想什么？”
“没什么。”
“你正在想。告诉我。”
“我正在想，不晓得雷那蒂有没有得梅毒。”
“只是这件事吗？”
“是的。”
“他得了梅毒吗？”
“不晓得。”
“幸喜你没有得。你得过这一类的病没有？”
“我患过淋病。”
“我不喜欢听。很痛吗，亲爱的？”
“很痛。”
“我倒希望也得。”
“不，别胡说。”
“我讲真话。我希望像你一式一样。我希望你玩过的姐儿我都玩过，我就可以拿她们来笑话你。”
“这倒是一幅好看的图画。”
“你患淋病可不是一幅好看的图画。”
“我知道。你瞧现在在下雪了。”
“我宁愿看你。亲爱的，你为什么不把头发留起来？”
“怎么个留法？”
“留得稍为长一些。”
“现在已经够长了。”
“不，还要长一些，这样我可以把我的剪短，你我就一式一样了，只是一个黄头发一个黑头发。”
“我不让你剪短。”
“这一定有趣。长头发我已经厌烦了。夜里在床上时非常讨厌。”“我喜欢你的长头发。”
“短的你就不喜欢吗？”
“也许也喜欢。你现在这样子正好。”
“剪短也许很好。这样你我就一式一样了。哦，亲爱的，我这样的需要你，希望自己也就是你。”
“你就是我。我们是一个人。”
“我知道。夜里我们是的。”
“夜里真好。”
“我要我们的一切都混合为一体。我不要你走。我只是说说罢了。你要去，就去好了。不过要赶快回来。嘿，亲爱的，我一不和你在一起，就活得没有劲。”
“我永远不会走开的，”我说。“你不在的时候我就不行啦。我再也没有任何生活了。”
“我要你有生活。我要你有美好的生活。但是我们要一同过这生活，不是吗？”
“现在你要我不留胡子还是留胡子？”
“留。留起来。一定会叫人高兴的。也许新年时就留好了。”“你现在想下棋玩玩吗？”
“我宁愿玩玩你。”
“不。我们还是下棋吧。”
“下了棋我们再玩。”
“是的。”
“那么好吧。”
我把棋盘拿出来，摆好棋子。外边还在落着漫天大雪。
有一次我夜里醒来，知道凯瑟琳也醒了。月亮照在窗户上，窗玻璃上的框子在床上投下黑影。
“你醒了吗？亲爱的？”
“是的。你睡不着吗？”
“我刚刚醒来，想到我第一次见你时，人差不多疯了。你还记得吗？”
“当初你是稍微有一点疯。”
“我现在再也不是那样子了。我现在挺好。你说挺好说得真好听啊。说挺好。”
“挺好。”
“哦，你真可爱。而我现在已经不疯了。我只是非常、非常、非常的快乐幸福。”
“睡去吧，”我说。
“好的。我们同时同刻睡去。”
“好的。”
但是我们并没有同时同刻睡去。我还醒了好久，东想西想，看着凯瑟琳，月光照在她脸上。后来我也睡着了。
that fall the snow came very late. we lived in a brown wooden house in the pine trees on the side of the mountain and at night there was frost so that there was thin ice over the water in the two pitchers on the dresser in the morning. mrs. guttingen came into the room early in the morning to shut the windows and started a fire in the tall porcelain stove. the pine wood crackled and sparked and then the fire roared in the stove and the second time mrs. guttingen came into the room she brought big chunks of wood for the fire and a pitcher of hot water. when the room was warm she brought in breakfast. sitting up in bed eating breakfast we could see the lake and the mountains across the lake on the french side. there was snow on the tops of the mountains and the lake was a gray steel-blue.
outside, in front of the chalet a road went up the mountain. the wheel ruts and ridges were iron hard with the frost, and the road climbed steadily through the forest and up and around the mountain to where there were meadows, and barns and cabins in the meadows at the edge of the woods looking across the valley. the valley was deep and there was a stream at the bottom that flowed down into the lake and when the wind blew across the valley you could hear the stream in the rocks.
sometimes we went off the road and on a path through the pine forest. the floor of the forest was soft to walk on; the frost did not harden it as it did the road. but we did not mind the hardness of the road because we had nails in the soles and heels of our boots and the heel nails bit on the frozen ruts and with nailed boots it was good walking on the road and invigorating. but it was lovely walking in the woods.
in front of the house where we lived the mountain went down steeply to the little plain along the lake and we sat on the porch of the house in the sun and saw the winding of the road down the mountain-side and the terraced vineyards on the side of the lower mountain, the vines all dead now for the winter and the fields divided by stone walls, and below the vineyards the houses of the town on the narrow plain along the lake shore. there was an island with two trees on the lake and the trees looked like the double sails of a fishing-boat. the mountains were sharp and steep on the other side of the lake and down at the end of the lake was the plain of the rhone valley flat between the two ranges of mountains; and up the valley where the mountains cut it off was the dent du midi. it was a high snowy mountain and it dominated the valley but it was so far away that it did not make a shadow.
when the sun was bright we ate lunch on the porch but the rest of the time we ate upstairs in a small room with plain wooden walls and a big stove in the corner. we bought books and magazines in the town and a copy of "hoyle" and learned many two-handed card games. the small room with the stove was our living-room. there were two comfortable chairs and a table for books and magazines and we played cards on the dining-table when it was cleared away. mr. and mrs. guttingen lived downstairs and we would hear them talking sometimes in the evening and they were very happy together too. he had been a headwaiter and she had worked as maid in the same hotel and they had saved their money to buy this place. they had a son who was studying to be a headwaiter. he was at a hotel in zurich. downstairs there was a parlor where they sold wine and beer, and sometimes in the evening we would hear carts stop outside on the road and men come up the steps to go in the parlor to drink wine.
there was a box of wood in the hall outside the living-room and i kept up the fire from it. but we did not stay up very late. we went to bed in the dark in the big bedroom and when i was undressed i opened the windows and saw the night and the cold stars and the pine trees below the window and then got into bed as fast as i could. it was lovely in bed with the air so cold and clear and the night outside the window. we slept well and if i woke in the night i knew it was from only one cause and i would shift the feather bed over, very softly so that catherine would not be wakened and then go back to sleep again, warm and with the new lightness of thin covers. the war seemed as far away as the football games of some one else's college. but i knew from the papers that they were still fighting in the mountains because the snow would not come.
sometimes we walked down the mountain into montreux. there was a path went down the mountain but it was steep and so usually we took the road and walked down on the wide hard road between fields and then below between the stone walls of the vineyards and on down between the houses of the villages along the way. there were three villages; chernex, fontanivent, and the other i forget. then along the road we passed an old square-built stone ch鈚eau on a ledge on the side of the mountain-side with the terraced fields of vines, each vine tied to a stick to hold it up, the vines dry and brown and the earth ready for the snow and the lake down below flat and gray as steel. the road went down a long grade below the ch鈚eau and then turned to the right and went down very steeply and paved with cobbles, into montreux.
we did not know any one in montreux. we walked along beside the lake and saw the swans and the many gulls and terns that flew up when you came close and screamed while they looked down at the water. out on the lake there were flocks of grebes, small and dark, and leaving trails in the water when they swam.
in the town we walked along the main street and looked in the windows of the shops. there were many big hotels that were closed but most of the shops were open and the people were very glad to see us. there was a fine coiffeur's place where catherine went to have her hair done. the woman who ran it was very cheerful and the only person we knew in montreux. while catherine was there i went up to a beer place and drank dark munich beer and read the papers. i read the corriere della sera and the english and american papers from paris. all the advertisements were blacked out, supposedly to prevent communication in that way with the enemy. the papers were bad reading. everything was going very badly everywhere. i sat back in the corner with a heavy mug of dark beer and an opened glazed-paper package of pretzels and ate the pretzels for the salty flavor and the good way they made the beer taste and read about disaster. i thought catherine would come by but she did not come, so i hung the papers back on the rack, paid for my beer and went up the street to look for her. the day was cold and dark and wintry and the stone of the houses looked cold. catherine was still in the hairdresser's shop. the woman was waving her hair. i sat in the little booth and watched. it was exciting to watch and catherine smiled and talked to me and my voice was a little thick from being excited. the tongs made a pleasant clicking sound and i could see catherine in three mirrors and it was pleasant and warm in the booth. then the woman put up catherine's hair, and catherine looked in the mirror and changed it a little, taking out and putting in pins; then stood up. "i'm sorry to have taken such a long time."
"monsieur was very interested. were you not, monsieur?" the woman smiled.
"yes," i said.
we went out and up the street. it was cold and wintry and the wind was blowing. "oh, darling, i love you so," i said.
"don't we have a fine time?" catherine said. "look. let's go some place and have beer instead of tea. it's very good for young catherine. it keeps her small."
"young catherine," i said. "that loafer."
"she's been very good," catherine said. "she makes very little trouble. the doctor says beer will be good for me and keep her small."
"if you keep her small enough and she's a boy, maybe he will be a jockey."
"i suppose if we really have this child we ought to get married," catherine said. we were in the beer place at the corner table. it was getting dark outside. it was still early but the day was dark and the dusk was coming early.
"let's get married now," i said.
"no," catherine said. "it's too embarrassing now. i show too plainly. i won't go before any one and be married in this state."
"i wish we'd gotten married."
"i suppose it would have been better. but when could we, darling?"
"i don't know."
"i know one thing. i'm not going to be married in this splendid matronly state."
"you're not matronly."
"oh yes, i am, darling. the hairdresser asked me if this was our first. i lied and said no, we had two boys and two girls."
"when will we be married?"
"any time after i'm thin again. we want to have a splendid wedding with every one thinking what a handsome young couple."
"and you're not worried?"
"darling, why should i be worried? the only time i ever felt badly was when i felt like a whore in milan and that only lasted seven minutes and besides it was the room furnishings. don't i make you a good wife?"
"you're a lovely wife."
"then don't be too technical, darling. i'll marry you as soon as i'm thin again."
"all right."
"do you think i ought to drink another beer? the doctor said i was rather narrow in the hips and it's all for the best if we keep young catherine small."
"what else did he say?" i was worried.
"nothing. i have a wonderful blood-pressure, darling. he admired my blood-pressure greatly."
"what did he say about you being too narrow in the hips?"
"nothing. nothing at all. he said i shouldn't ski."
"quite right."
"he said it was too late to start if i'd never done it before. he said i could ski if i wouldn't fall down."
"he's just a big-hearted joker."
"really he was very nice. we'll have him when the baby comes."
"did you ask him if you ought to get married?"
"no. i told him we'd been married four years. you see, darling, if i marry you i'll be an american and any time we're married under american law the child is legitimate."
"where did you find that out?"
"in the new york world almanac in the library."
"you're a grand girl."
"i'll be very glad to be an american and we'll go to america won't we, darling? i want to see niagara falls."
"you're a fine girl."
"there's something else i want to see but i can't remember it."
"the stockyards?"
"no. i can't remember it."
"the woolworth building?"
''no."
"the grand canyon?"
"no. but i'd like to see that."
"what was it?"
"the golden gate! that's what i want to see. where is the golden gate?"
"san francisco."
"then let's go there. i want to see san francisco anyway."
"all right. we'll go there."
"now let's go up the mountain. should we? can we get the m.o.b.?"
"there's a train a little after five."
"let's get that."
"all right. i'll drink one more beer first."
when we went out to go up the street and climb the stairs to the station it was very cold. a cold wind was coming down the rhone valley. there were lights in the shop windows and we climbed the steep stone stairway to the upper street, then up another stairs to the station. the electric train was there waiting, all the lights on. there was a dial that showed when it left. the clock hands pointed to ten minutes after five. i looked at the station clock. it was five minutes after. as we got on board i saw the motorman and conductor coming out of the station wine-shop. we sat down and opened the window. the train was electrically heated and stuffy but fresh cold air came in through the window.
"are you tired, cat?" i asked.
"no. i feel splendid."
"it isn't a long ride."
"i like the ride," she said. "don't worry about me, darling. i feel fine."
snow did not come until three days before christmas. we woke one morning and it was snowing. we stayed in bed with the fire roaring in the stove and watched the snow fall. mrs. guttingen took away the breakfast trays and put more wood in the stove. it was a big snow storm. she said it had started about midnight. i went to the window and looked out but could not see across the road. it was blowing and snowing wildly. i went back to bed and we lay and talked.
"i wish i could ski," catherine said. "it's rotten not to be able to ski."
"we'll get a bobsled and come down the road. that's no worse for you than riding in a car."
"won't it be rough?"
"we can see."
"i hope it won't be too rough."
"after a while we'll take a walk in the snow."
"before lunch," catherine said, "so we'll have a good appetite."
"i'm always hungry."
"so am i."
we went out in the snow but it was drifted so that we could not walk far. i went ahead and made a trail down to the station but when we reached there we had gone far enough. the snow was blowing so we could hardly see and we went into the little inn by the station and swept each other off with a broom and sat on a bench and had vermouths.
"it is a big storm," the barmaid said.
"yes."
"the snow is very late this year."
"yes."
"could i eat a chocolate bar?" catherine asked. "or is it too close to lunch? i'm always hungry."
"go on and eat one," i said.
"i'll take one with filberts," catherine said.
"they are very good," the girl said, "i like them the best."
"i'll have another vermouth," i said.
when we came out to start back up the road our track was filled in by the snow. there were only faint indentations where the holes had been. the snow blew in our faces so we could hardly see. we brushed off and went in to have lunch. mr. guttingen served the lunch.
"to-morrow there will be ski-ing," he said. "do you ski, mr. henry?"
"no. but i want to learn."
"you will learn very easily. my boy will be here for christmas and he will teach you."
"that's fine. when does he come?"
"to-morrow night."
when we were sitting by the stove in the little room after lunch looking out the window at the snow coming down catherine said, "wouldn't you like to go on a trip somewhere by yourself, darling, and be with men and ski?"
"no. why should i?"
"i should think sometimes you would want to see other people besides me."
"do you want to see other people?"
"no."
"neither do i."
"i know. but you're different. i'm having a child and that makes me contented not to do anything. i know i'm awfully stupid now and i talk too much and i think you ought to get away so you won't be tired of me."
"do you want me to go away?"
"no. i want you to stay."
"that's what i'm going to do."
"come over here," she said. "i want to feel the bump on your head. it's a big bump." she ran her finger over it. "darling, would you like to grow a beard?"
"would you like me to?"
"it might be fun. i'd like to see you with a beard."
"all right. i'll grow one. i'll start now this minute. it's a good idea. it will give me something to do."
"are you worried because you haven't anything to do?"
"no. i like it. i have a fine life. don't you?"
"i have a lovely life. but i was afraid because i'm big now that maybe i was a bore to you."
"oh, cat. you don't know how crazy i am about you."
"this way?"
"just the way you are. i have a fine time. don't we have a good life?"
"i do, but i thought maybe you were restless."
"no. sometimes i wonder about the front and about people i know but i don't worry. i don't think about anything much."
"who do you wonder about?"
"about rinaldi and the priest and lots of people i know. but i don't think about them much. i don't want to think about the war. i'm through with it."
"what are you thinking about now?"
"nothing."
"yes you were. tell me."
"i was wondering whether rinaldi had the syphilis."
"was that all?"
"yes."
"has he the syphilis?"
"i don't know."
"i'm glad you haven't. did you ever have anything like that?"
"i had gonorrhea."
"i don't want to hear about it. was it very painful, darling?"
"very."
"i wish i'd had it."
"no you don't."
"i do. i wish i'd had it to be like you. i wish i'd stayed with all your girls so i could make fun of them to you."
"that's a pretty picture."
"it's not a pretty picture you having gonorrhea."
"i know it. look at it snow now."
"i'd rather look at you. darling, why don't you let your hair grow?"
"how grow?"
"just grow a little longer."
"it's long enough now."
"no, let it grow a little longer and i could cut mine and we'd be just alike only one of us blonde and one of us dark."
"i wouldn't let you cut yours."
"it would be fun. i'm tired of it. it's an awful nuisance in the bed at night."
"i like it."
"wouldn't you like it short?"
"i might. i like it the way it is."
"it might be nice short. then we'd both be alike. oh, darling, i want you so much i want to be you too."
"you are. we're the same one."
"i know it. at night we are."
"the nights are grand."
"i want us to be all mixed up. i don't want you to go away. i just said that. you go if you want to. but hurry right back. why, darling, i don't live at all when i'm not with you."
"i won't ever go away," i said. "i'm no good when you're not there. i haven't any life at all any more."
"i want you to have a life. i want you to have a fine life. but we'll have it together, won't we?"
"and now do you want me to stop growing my beard or let it go on?"
"go on. grow it. it will be exciting. maybe it will be done for new year's."
"now do you want to play chess?"
"i'd rather play with you."
"no. let's play chess."
"and afterward we'll play?"
"yes."
"all right."
i got out the chess-board and arranged the pieces. it was still snowing hard outside.
one time in the night i woke up and knew that catherine was awake too. the moon was shining in the window and made shadows on the bed from the bars on the window-panes.
"are you awake, sweetheart?"
"yes. can't you sleep?"
"i just woke up thinking about how i was nearly crazy when i first met you. do you remember?"
"you were just a little crazy."
"i'm never that way any more. i'm grand now. you say grand so sweetly. say grand."
"grand."
"oh, you're sweet. and i'm not crazy now. i'm just very, very, very happy."
"go on to sleep," i said.
"all right. let's go to sleep at exactly the same moment."
"all right."
but we did not. i was awake for quite a long time thinking about things and watching catherine sleeping, the moonlight on her face. then i went to sleep, too.