friday, march 17, 1944

my dearest darling,

everything turned out all right after all; bep just had a sore throat, not the flu, and mr. kugler got a medical certificate to excuse him from the work detail. the entire annex breathed a huge sigh of relief. everything's fine here! except that margot and i are rather tired of our parents.

don't get me wrong. i still love father as much as ever and margot loves both father and mother, but when you're as old as we are, you want to make a few decisions for yourself, get out from under their thumb. whenever i go upstairs, they ask what i'm going to do, they won't let me salt my food, mother asks me every evening at eight-fifteen if it isn't time for me to change into my nighty, i and they have to approve every book i read. i must admit, they're not at all strict about that and let me read nearly everything, but margot and i are sick and tired of having to listen to their comments and questions all day long.

there's something else that displeases them: i no longer feel like giving them little kisses morning, noon and night. all those cute nicknames seem so affected, and father's fondness for talking about farting and going to the bathroom is disgusting. in short, i'd like nothing better than to do without their company for a while, and they don't understand that. not that margot and i have ever said any of this to them. what would be the point? they wouldn't understand anyway.

margot said last night, "what really bothers me is that if you happen to put your head in your hands and sigh once or twice, they immediately ask whether you have a headache or don't feel well."

for both of us, it's been quite a blow to suddenly realize that very little remains of the close and harmoni- ous family we used to have at home! this is mostly because everything's out of kilter here. by that i mean that we're treated like children when it comes to external matters, while, inwardly, we're much older than other girls our age. even though i'm only fourteen, i know what i want, i know who's right and who's wrong, i have my own opinions, ideas and principles, and though it may sound odd coming from a teenager, i feel i'm more of a person than a child -- i feel i'm completely independent of others. i know i'm better at debating or carrying on a discussion than mother, i know i'm more objective, i don't exaggerate as much, i'm much tidier and better with my hands, and because of that i feel (this may make you laugh) that i'm superior to her in many ways. to love someone, i have to admire and respect the person, but i feel neither respect nor admiration for mother!

everything would be all right if only i had peter, since i admire him in many ways. he's so decent and clever!

yours, anne m. fran

k