monday, september 28, 1942

dearest kitty,

i had to stop yesterday, though i was nowhere near finished. i'm dying to tell you about another one of our clashes, but before i do i'd like to say this: i think it's odd that grown-ups quarrel so easily and so often and about such petty matters. up to now i always thought bickering was just something children did and that they outgrew it. often, of course, there's sometimes a reason to have a real quarrel, but the verbal exchanges that take place here are just plain bickering. i should be used to the fact that these squabbles are daily occurrences, but i'm not and never will be as long as i'm the subject of nearly every discussion. (they refer to these as "discussions" instead of "quarrels," but germans don't know the difference!) they criticize everything, and i mean everything, about me: my behavior, my personality, my manners; every inch of me, from head to toe and back again, is the subject of gossip and debate. harsh words and shouts are constantly being flung at my head, though i'm absolutely not used to it. according to the powers that be, i'm supposed to grin and bear it. but i can't! i have no intention of taking their insults lying down. i'll show them that anne frank wasn't born yesterday. they'll sit up and take notice and keep their big mouths shut when i make them see they ought to attend to their own manners instead of mine. how dare they act that way! it's simply barbaric. i've been astonished, time and again, at such rudeness and most of all. . . at such stupidity (mrs. van daan). but as soon as i've gotten used to the idea, and that shouldn't take long, i'll give them a taste of their own medicine, and then they'll change their tune! am i really as bad-mannered, headstrong, stubborn, pushy, stupid, lazy, etc., etc., as the van daans say i am? no, of course not. i know i have my faults and shortcomings, but they blow them all out of proportion! if you only knew, kitty, how i seethe when they scold and mock me. it won't take long before i explode with pent-up rage.

but enough of that. i've bored you long enough with my quarrels, and yet i can't resist adding a highly interesting dinner conversation.

somehow we landed on the subject of pim's extreme diffidence. his modesty is a well-known fact, which even the stupidest person wouldn't dream of questioning. all of a sudden mrs. van daan, who feels the need to bring herself into every conversation, remarked, "i'm very modest and retiring too, much more so than my husband!"

have you ever heard anything so ridiculous? this sentence clearly illustrates that she's not exactly what you'd call modest!

mr. van daan, who felt obliged to explain the "much more so than my husband," answered calmly, "i have no desire to be modest and retiring. in my experience, you get a lot further by being pushy!" and turning to me, he added, "don't be modest and retiring, anne. it will get you nowhere."

mother agreed completely with this viewpoint. but, as usual, mrs. van daan had to add her two cents. this time, however, instead of addressing me directly, she turned to my parents and said, "you must have a strange outlook on life to be able to say that to anne. things were different when i was growing up. though they probably haven't changed much since then, except in your modern household!"

this was a direct hit at mother's modern child-rearing methods, which she's defended on many occasions. mrs. van daan was so upset her face turned bright red. people who flush easily become even more agitated when they feel themselves getting hot under the collar, and they quickly lose to their opponents.

the nonflushed mother, who now wanted to have the matter over and done with as quickly as possible, paused for a moment to think before she replied. "well, mrs. van daan, i agree that it's much better if a person isn't overmodest. my husband, margot and peter are all exceptionally modest. your husband, anne and i, though not exactly the opposite, don't let ourselves be pushed around."

mrs. van daan: "oh, but mrs. frank, i don't understand what you mean! honestly, i'm extremely modest and retiring. how can you say that i'm pushy?"

mother: "i didn't say you were pushy, but no one would describe you as having a retiring disposition."

mrs. van d.: "i'd like to know in what way i'm pushy! if i didn't look out for myself here, no one else would, and i'd soon starve, but that doesn't mean i'm not as modest and retiring as your husband."

mother had no choice but to laugh at this ridiculous self-defense, which irritated mrs. van daan. not exactly a born debater, she continued her magnificent account in a mixture of german and dutch, until she got so tangled up in her own words that she finally rose from her chair and was just about to leave the room when her eye fell on me. you should have seen her! as luck would have it, the moment mrs. van d. turned around i was shaking my head in a combination of compassion and irony. i wasn't doing it on purpose, but i'd followed her tirade so intently that my reaction was completely involuntary. mrs. van d. wheeled around and gave me a tongue-lashing: hard, germanic, mean and vulgar, exactly like some fat, red-faced fishwife. it was a joy to behold. if i could draw, i'd like to have sketched her as she was then. she struck me as so comical, that silly little scatterbrain! i've learned one thing: you only really get to know a person after a fight. only then can you judge their true character!

yours, anne