windsor castle july 1172 henry woke first, but he did not leave me. when i turned over, and drew my hair from my eyes, i found myself cuddled close to him in my sleep, his eyes on me. i did not know that for the king to stay abed with me was a high honor. any other woman would not have been allowed to sleep at the king’s side, but would have been sent away when he was done with her. we had broken new ground. already, i was more than i had been. “good morning, my lord,” i said, my voice sleepy, my eyes still heavy with dreams. henry kissed me, his lips warm on mine. i felt his love for me behind them, and no trace of his lust, or mine. he kissed me, and i felt safe, safer than i had ever been. i knew that this safety was a slippery slope; i would have to tread carefully to stay in favor, move with care to stay in his good graces. but for that moment, and for as long as we were alone, i forgot all that. i would forget that he was king. he was the man i loved, the man i wanted; the man i finally had. “good morning, alais, princess of france.” i kissed him back, my lips lingering over his. i wanted him to make love to me again, though he had kept me awake with love play into the early hours of the morning, his hands on my body, his body over mine. “in this room, i am no princess,” i said. “i am only yours.” henry laughed and moved as if to draw back, but i clung to him, my hand running down his thigh, and he stayed. “you are always a princess, and i am always king.” “i know that, henry. but here, behind the curtains of your bed, may we not be lovers, and nothing more?” “no. you know we cannot.” i drew back from him this time, for he would not join me in love play. i saw that if i was not careful, he would leave me, and deny that this night had ever happened. then i would still be no one, with nothing, with nothing left to play for. so i used the weapon i always used with henry when my wits and wiles failed: i spoke the truth. “henry, i am a princess of france and you are king of england. we are bound by treaty to keep faith with my father, to keep the peace between our two countries, between the lands you and my father hold. i know this. last night did not change it.” i raised myself so that i sat before him. he listened to me, and his eyes never left mine for an instant. “i have allied myself with you, now and always. i will live my life in your service, and in the service of france.” “and what of eleanor?” he knew me already. this pain was the worst, the most hideous truth he could throw back at me. i did not lie to him, even then. “i love eleanor. but i will serve you.” “from love?” i did not lower my eyes. “i do love you, henry. but with or without love, i am yours, for the rest of my life.” “and your father‘s,” he said. “by serving you, and serving this treaty, i serve the throne of france.” “and if you must marry my son, next week or next year?” “i will do it if you command me.” “and for no other reason?” “for no other.” he kissed me then, pressing me back against the soft sheets of the royal bed. he moved over me, and came into me before i could catch my breath. he rode me hard, and touched me deep, so that in moments i was gasping under him, filled with the pleasure that only he could give me. when his man came in with his breakfast, i saw that he had brought enough bread and honey for both of us. i drew a fur around my shoulders, and cut into a pear, slicing it up on a silver tray. i took a bite, then brought it to the king, and fed him from my own hand. “you must leave me, alais. i have the work of the kingdom, and i must be about it.” i let the fur drape down past one shoulder, and offered him another bit of fruit. henry laughed, and ate it, but i saw that he was not moved to change his mind. “i would rather stay here with you,” i said. “you cannot.” i set down the silver tray, and licked the juice of the pear from my fingers. i raised my fingers to his lips, as if to wipe pear juice away. i leaned up and kissed him, taking his tongue into my mouth like a wanton, like a whore, the way he had taught me to kiss him in the dark reaches of the night. “henry, i would be alone with you.” his hands drew me close, clasping my hips so that i could feel the strength of his desire for me against my midriff. and i had thought him an old man almost in his dotage. my eyes had been opened. i was a woman in truth. “give me today, alais. give me time, and we will be together.” “how long?” i asked him, my clever hand slipping between us to clasp his desire in my palm. he groaned and pressed himself to me, then withdrew at once, before either of us could take our pleasure again. “give me a day, alais. tonight, in the hall, i will see you again.” “i will sit at your trencher,” i said. “i will eat from your plate, and drink wine from your goblet.” he pulled me close once more, as if he could not help himself, as if he would savor me, before he left to do his duty. “you will, alais. you, and no other.” “all right, then. until tonight.” i dropped my fur, and let him look at my naked body. never before had i known the value of my beauty or my youth. in henry’s bed, under his hands, i had learned what eleanor, in all her years as my mistress, had never taught me. i felt his eyes on me as i drew on my shift and tied it loosely at my throat. my fingers lingered in his favorite places, at my throat, over my breasts, over the curve of my hips. i stepped into my gown and pulled it closed around me, taking my time to lace the side, drawing the red silk ribbons closed, as henry had drawn them open, slowly, his eyes always on me. henry knocked on his outer door, and a man-at-arms came in and bowed low, first to henry, and then to me. “matthew will take you a back way to your rooms.” i stepped toward henry and met his eyes. i stood close, but did not touch him. i kept my voice soft, with a touch of servility, now that we were no longer alone. “my lord king, i would walk the main corridors unencumbered. i am ashamed of nothing that has passed between us.” henry’s gray eyes examined mine, and he saw once more that i was not lying. i think he began to love me in that moment, when he knew my courage and saw it reflected in my eyes. he drew me close, and kissed me. “indeed, princess. and so you should not be.” henry handed me my veil, as if he were my lady’s maid. once i pinned it to my hair, he placed my gold filet on my head. he lowered his voice, and pressed his lips to my ear. “give me until tonight. i will take care of you. you will see.” “i trust you, my lord. i will wait.” i curtsied, bowing low, so that my head rested at the level of his thigh. he chuckled, and raised me up. “you had better go, alais, before i forget that there is a kingdom to see to.” i said nothing, but smiled back at him over my shoulder before following his man into the darkness of the hidden corridor. i walked away from the king then, and i did not look back.

i found marie helene alone in my rooms, dressed in the same gown she had worn the night before, my little dog drawn close on her lap. she set bijou down as soon as she saw me, and my puppy ran to me, jumping on my knees. i knelt to pet her ears. she licked my face, happy to see me, and happy to catch the scent of henry on my hair. “i did not sleep, for fear of you,” marie helene said. “you should have,” i answered. “all was well with me. i was with the king.” “i know, my lady. i thought you might return, and need me.” i crossed the room to her, and took her hand in mine. “i would have woken you.” she still would not meet my eyes. “are you ashamed of me?” her eyes flew to mine at once, and i saw the truth in them. “no, my lady.” “then you fear the queen.” “no, your highness. i fear for you.” i squeezed her hand, then let it go. “do not, marie helene. as i said, all is well with me. i am with the king.” “my lady, what of your father?” i felt shame pressing on me, calling to me from behind the closed door in my mind, where all the teachings of my childhood lay. but the door stayed locked. i would see to my father’s welfare. i would see to the kingdom of france, as was my duty and my right. my shame was my own business. “do not trouble yourself for my sake, marie helene. i have all well in hand.” she did not question me again, but went to fetch my bathwater. i saw on her right hand a ring, gleaming in the sunlight of my bedroom. it was an emerald set in gold. the queen had given it to her, to secure her loyalty, perhaps to spy on me. “marie helene, i see her ring on your hand. do you serve the queen?” “no, my lady. i serve you.” without looking down at her hand she reached for the ring, and drew it off. she moved to my window as if to cast it from her, out of my sight. i caught her hand in mine. “no, marie helene. keep her ring, and wear it. but if news of me comes to the queen, i will know it came from you.” she knelt, and her face crumpled, tears on her cheeks. “my lady, i swear, she will learn nothing of your doings from me.” i felt the sharpness of my own words pricking me, but i would not have my rooms divided against me. i raised marie helene and kissed her, for i saw how deeply she had been hurt by what i had said. i repented the pain i had caused. she was simply a pawn, as i had been, as i would still be had i not struck out on my own, and made a bargain for myself. i dried her tears with eleanor’s handkerchief, then slid that bit of linen back into my sleeve. even now it was dear to me, the dearest of all my possessions. the king might give me a dozen gowns in cloth of gold, and have his own people embroider his crest on my sleeves. still, that bit of cloth would be the dearest thing i owned, because once it had been hers. i bathed, and dressed in a dark blue gown. i strung my father’s rosary about my waist, but i did not kneel to pray as i usually did in the morning. marie helene called for picnic things, and for a man-at-arms to carry them. i would not walk out alone, with only one woman to accompany me. i would be careful of my honor, and protect it, now that i was the king’s mistress. i set aside all thoughts of richard and of eleanor. i set aside all thoughts of my father. i still had a good deal to play for, and i could not do it if i thought of them. henry was drawn to me, but i did not have him yet. i would have to secure him, and hold him fast, before i took the next step toward my chosen future. we walked out of the castle, bijou in my arms. it was still early, so we saw no one from the court, which was just as well. our man cast down a blanket for us at the riverside, and we spent the day eating bread and cheese, and watching bijou pretend to hunt in the tall grasses that grew there. she was small, but like her mother, she had the heart of a lion. when we came back to the palace, night had begun to fall. the shadows grew long in the corridors at windsor, and our man had to lead us by the light of a torch back to my rooms. as we passed the courtiers in the hallway heading downstairs for the evening meal, they met my eyes. i thought they might simper or laugh at me behind their hands, pious louis’ daughter, the princess of france who had fallen into disgrace. but they did not. instead, they all stopped as soon as they saw me. each bowed low to me, almost as if i were queen. we came into my rooms, and marie helene went to fetch new shoes for me to wear into the great hall that night. eleanor’s woman knocked almost as soon as i closed my bedroom door behind me. the queen must have known where i was, and had kept watch for when i would return. margaret entered my rooms when i gave permission, but she did not come close, as she once would have done. at the sight of her, my anger rose once more, and i almost ordered her from my presence. but eleanor had sent her. it was a blow intended for me, and i stood under it. the girl’s face was pale beneath her veil. no doubt she had heard that i knew of her affair with my betrothed, and of my fury but now i had no stones to cast at her. i was a mistress, too. she curtsied deeply, and spoke to me with respect, fear shining from her clear blue eyes, as if i were an adder that might bite. “your royal highness. the queen requests your presence in her rooms before supper in the hall. if you would see her there, she would be most obliged” i thought she would leave then, her message delivered. as margaret stood watching me, i realized that she waited to take my answer back. marie helene shifted behind me. i heard her hush bijou, who had begun to bark, angry at not being allowed to run and sniff the new woman standing there. i saw in margaret’s fear-filled eyes that the whole court knew of my fall, and that it did not make me less in their eyes. by taking my maidenhead, henry had raised me in the esteem of this court, if nowhere else on earth. that would work to my advantage in the days to come. i still had everything to play for. “please tell the queen that i will come to her directly” the woman curtsied again, this time with her eyes downcast. “as you wish, your highness.” marie helene looked at me, and i saw the fear on her face. i went to her, and kissed her cheek. bijou leaped up between us, as if to free herself from marie helene’s arms. i stroked my little dog’s head. “shall i come with you, my lady?” i saw that no matter how i reassured her, she would always fear for me. “no, marie helene. dress for dinner. i will see you in the great hall.” she curtsied as i left, bijou in her arms. even marie helene respected me more now that i was henry’s lover. we would see how much else i might gain, if all the court found respect for me after only one night.