i gave myself a vacation next day. i convinced myself i deserved it and i knew i needed it: needed a transition between the two worlds and times. i'd slept in the dakota apartment, and while i doubted that i had to do this anymore, i induced a light hypnosis just before going to sleep. lying in the darkness in the big carved-wood bedstead in the same nightgown i'd worn at 19 gramercy park, i knew that far downtown the old post office stood, its lobby lighted by a few globed gas jets; that the big thermometer in its narrow wooden sentry-box stood before hudnut's pharmacy in the darkness of lower broadway, probably registering close to zero with no one to look at it now; that a few tiny locomotives were following the beams of their kerosene headlamps along the el tracks over the cobbled late-at-night streets of new york. but in the morning, i told myself, i would awaken back in my own time. i began to wonder how i'd feel about that this time, but you're entirely relaxed in self-hypnosis, more than halfway to sleep, and before i could really begin thinking i was asleep all the way. in the morning, lying in bed for a few moments after opening my eyes, i felt certain i knew where and when i was, and several seconds later had proof. i heard a sound i knew but couldn't place for an instant: a far-off, high and faintly ominous whine. then i said it aloud—"a jet"—but i hadn't really needed that sign: i already knew i was back, i could feel it. walking out of the dakota onto seventy-second street half an hour later, i turned west, on my way to the warehouse and project, i thought. and then without any previous thought and without knowing why, i swung around, walked back to the street corner, and turned south. i walked for block after block after block then, down through modern manhattan—looking no different in my round fur cap, long overcoat, and my beard, mustache and long hair, than many another man i passed. i knew i ought to at least phone the project, and kate. but instead i did what i wanted to do: i walked downtown, pausing momentarily at curbs to wait for flashing red don't walk signs to turn green and say walk; and i looked around me at today's streets, buildings, and people. there is an astonishing amount left in new york of other times. you don't think so of new york, but once you're out of midtown manhattan it's true. and presently, below forty-second street, i began to recognize buildings, and whole groups of buildings, that had survived from theeighties and earlier. but these weren't the similarities i was hunting for now; i was looking for them in people's faces, and i'm obliged to say i found hardly any. i'm certain it wasn't a matter of clothes, of makeup or its absence, or of hair styles. today's faces are different; they are much more alike and much less alive. on the streets of the eighties i saw human misery, as you see it today; and depravity, hopelessness, and greed; and in the faces of small boys on the streets i saw the premature hardness you see now in the faces of boys from harlem. but there was also an excitement in the streets of new york in 1882 that is gone. it was in the faces of women moving along the ladies' mile and into and out of those splendid lost stores. their faces were animated, they were glad to be just where they were, alive in that moment and place. it showed in the faces of the people i saw in madison square. you could look at their eyes as they passed and see the pleasure they felt at being outdoors, in the winter, in a city they liked. and the men of lower broadway hurrying along the walks, conscious of time and money, stopping at noon to check the precision of their big watches with western union's red time-ball—well, their faces were often abstracted; some were worried; some were greedy or anxious, others complacent and going-to-live-forever. all sorts of expressions just as today, but they were also interested in their surroundings, pausing to check the temperature at hudnut's giant thermometer. and above all, they carried with them a sense of purpose. you could see that: they weren't bored, for god's sake! just looking at them, i'm convinced that those men moved through their lives in unquestioned certainty that there was a reason for being. and that's something worth having, and losing it is to lose something vital. faces don't have that look now; when alone they're blank, and closed in. i passed people in pairs or larger groups who were talking, sometimes laughing, occasionally more or less animated; but only as part of the group. they were shut off from the street around them, alien and separate from the city they lived in, suspicious of it, and that's not how new york was in the eighties. i tested my impression. at twenty-third street i turned west, and walked to within half a block of madison square. then i stood on the curb out of the way of pedestrians and looked at it, up ahead. from here it looked the same, physically. and people passed through and around it. but no one, and i'm certain you could see this, took any particular pleasure in it. new york was once a different place, and in many many ways. except for its uptown side, which was all solid apartments now, gramercy park was precisely the same, and so was number 19. once more now i stood on the walk looking up at it. there were lowered venetian blinds in the first-floor windows but no other change i could see, and it seemed impossible that julia and her aunt weren't somewhere inside it doing their morning's work. for once i let myself act on impulse before it had a chance to fade. i ran up the steps, and—another difference, but i shut my mind to it—pushed the electric bell. after fifteen seconds or so just as i changing my mind, woman opened the door and stood looking at me, brows lifted ques(was) tioningly. shehad thick(a) white hair tied back off her forehead by a band; she was in her forties, i thought, but with a girl's figure, and she wore orange-colored pants, a matching turtleneck sweater, and a vest of some sort of silvery cloth. she looked very nice, and i pulled off my hat, andsaid, "i'm sorry, but—i knew the people here once. some years ago. a miss julia charbonneau and her aunt. but i can see they don't live here now." "no," she said pleasantly. "we've lived here nine years, and the people before us were here for four; and their name wasn't charbonneau." i nodded, as though it were to be expected, as it certainly was. i was postponing the moment of leaving so that i could look into the hall, and she very politely stepped aside a little so that i could better. the walls papered in fragile-looking blue pattern white, and a magnificen(see) tcrystalchandelierhun(were) gfromthec(a) eiling.thehalllookedexpensiv(on) e and utterly different, except for the black-and-white-tiled floor; that was the same. she didn't ask me to look at the rest of the place, of course; not in new york. and i smiled and nodded to show i'd seen enough, thanked her, and left. i don't quite know why i went there; i just wanted to see it, that's all. i walked back to twenty-third street, and took a cab to the project. in nearly every possible way the atmosphere at the project was different this time. the man at the door in the tiny street-level office was harry, or so it said in red stitching over a breast pocket of his white-coverall beekey uniform. he sent me up alone in the elevator to doc rossoff's office, as instructed, he said, if i should show up here. but there was only oscar's nurse when i arrived, the big good-looking woman with the gray in her hair. she smiled and greeted me and asked the usual questions but i detected a lack of real interest, i thought; probably to be expected. she had me wait in oscar's office; she'd phone him, she said, and he'd be here very quickly. as he was, walking swiftly in four or five minutes later, his hand moving out to shake mine, greeting me just as he had done before, congratulating me, asking questions, his voice eager— except that it wasn't the same either. he was abstracted, i realized after i'd talked for a minute or so, only half listening to my answers, sometimes nodding absently before i'd finished a reply. i soon had the feeling that he wanted to get rid of me, anxious to hurry back to whatever he'd been doing. because he hustled me off to the "debriefing" room without even an offer of coffee, which wasn't like him, and there'd been a silex half full on his office hot-plate. the differences continued. this time none of the others had come hurrying into oscar's office to see me. and oscar left me at the door of the debriefing room, asking me to dictate a brief but complete account of this last visit, gave me a clap on the shoulder, and hurried off. inside the room there was only the technician who ran the recorder. he was threading in a new roll of tape, and he just said hi, and nodded. a moment or so later the girl who made the transcript on the electric typewriter came in, smiled at me meaninglessly, and i sat down and talked an account into the little microphone on my chest of what had happened with me during the previous two days, making it brief but omitting nothing. that done, i began reciting my random list of names, facts, and anything else that might be verifiable that came into my head. after twenty minutes i asked where everyone was, and the guy who sat watching the recorder reels, occasionally fiddling with the dials, said they were having a big meeting; it had begunyesterday, and continued today. that both explained and did not explain, and i realized i was experiencing a childish feeling of neglect. he kept me at the debriefing twice as long this time. after forty-five minutes or so i said i'd run dry but he said he'd been instructed to ask me to keep at it, if i could, for a couple of hours—an hour and a half at least. we all three got some lousy instant coffee from a machine just outside in the corridor, then stood around for a few minutes forcing it down, talking over the weather lately, about which i wasn't much help. i had the impression that they'd been told not to question me about this visit because they didn't mention it, and after five minutes we resumed the debriefing. i kept it up for over an hour and a half, though with longer and longer pauses. for as long as two or three minutes, after a while, i'd have to search my mind for something else to add. about every twenty minutes or so the tall bald man who'd done this before came in, and took away whatever the girl had typed. finally oscar rossoff came back. i was nearly finished, scraping the bottom of the barrel. when he opened the door i was just speaking the name of a boy i'd last known in seventh grade when he'd moved away and whom i hadn't thought of again till this moment. oscar sat down—he looked tired, his shirt collar unbuttoned, his tie pulled down—and sat waiting, staring morosely into a corner of the room. i said that arizona had been admitted to the union as a state in 1912; then i stood up, stretching, and said i was finished absolutely. the girl typed the last of what i'd just said, and pulled the sheet from her machine. the recording technician stopped the tape, snapped and broke the tape between the two reels, and took off my reel. oscar said, "tell freddy to wait till he's completely finished before he reports, okay?" and they nodded, and left. he gestured to a chair beside him, i sat down, and he said, "we're in a meeting, si; a great big fat one. it looks as though we may wash out the whole project, i don't know yet. we want you in the meeting but i have to brief you first; no need to interrupt it for that. it's simple enough. we haven't bothered you with this, but other attempts have been going ahead, too, both during your and before. the vimy ridge attempt failed. there'a section of battlefield there left unto(own) uchedsinceworldwarone:franklinmillercameouto(s) f a dugout where he'd waited in the mud with an infantry platoon through a four-day simulated artillery bombardment, and fighting body lice. real ones. but what he came out onto was nothing but a great stretch of empty fields, the barbed wire rusted and the trenches caved in, half a century after armistice day. he's already back home in california. "to everyone's surprise and even astonishment, the notre dame attempt may have succeeded. for something less than even a full minute, before he lost his mental grip on the situation and was instantly back in the here and now. but we think—i'll tell you all about this sometime—that during the space of maybe half a dozen deep excited breaths he was standing on the banks of the seine at three o'clock one morning in the winter of 1451; jesus. and the denver attempt succeeded absolutely. ted brietel stood in the little corner grocery store drinking a bottle of pop he'd bought, chatting with the proprietor. then he walked out into denver, colorado, 1901, no question aboutit; just like you. and he was debriefed like you after half a very careful day there. that's what the meeting is about, si; we were at it till one thirty last night, and back at it by eight forty-five this morning." oscar frowned, squeezed his eyes shut, and dug the heels of his hands into his eye sockets, trying to rub away a headache or a bad night's sleep or both. he looked at me, blinking, then said, "because there's something doesn't jibe, si. in the debriefing, i mean. he named a friend he went to college with: knox college in galesburg, illinois. ted's seen him a few times since. he lives in philadelphia where ted does; listed in the phone book there. except that now he isn't. no one ever heard of him at the place he worked. he is unlisted in social security records. there is no record of him at knox. he doesn't exist, you see." oscar kept his voice matter-of-fact. "except in ted's memory, and ted's alone. because whatever ted did and saw and however circumspectly in denver, colorado, in midwinter of 1901, it affected an event or events there: something changed, and therefore so did subsequent events deriving from it." oscar shrugged a little. "so that now that particular guy was never born, that's all. as for what else may have changed, what else may be different about these times now, things ted brietel doesn't happen to know about—well, who can say? maybe a lot, maybe nothing else at all." we sat staring at each other for a moment or so; then oscar stood up abruptly. "that's what the meeting is all about; come on." people glanced up at us when we entered the big conference room; it was crowded now, nearly every chair filled. some nodded at me abstractedly, smiling a little, but immediately returning their attention to dr. danziger, who was speaking quietly. i watched him, too, as oscar and i pulled out chairs and sat down. he looked at ease, which is more than most of the others did; most coats were off, most ties pulled down, people weren't bothering to try not looking tired, and there was a lot of smoking, a lot of doodling on scratch pads. but danziger sat well back in his chair, his brown double-breasted suit coat open, his tan sweater-vest buttoned, legs crossed comfortably, one arm resting on his chair back, his big veined hand dangling limp and relaxed. "...knowledge we now have susceptible of prolonged study," he was saying. "you don't have to bring up the entire bottom of the ocean and into the laboratory. to fully analyze the core from a single boring and consider the implications of that analysis takes months, even years. this is how we must treat the knowledge, the borings if you will, of our three successful attempts. they'll be studied and can yield new knowledge for years. but there can be no more of them"—his posture didn't change but his voice deepened into a tone of authority i wouldn't have cared to challenge —"because it is not true, it is simply not true, that we ought to continue doing something just because we've discovered we can. it is becoming more and more certain, as science uses an almost brand-new ability to pull apart the deepest puzzles of the universe, that we need not and should not necessarily do something only because we've learned how. in company such as this i don't have to spell out obvious examples and consequences of failing to understand that. the lesson is clear. and the danger of even one more attempt is just as clear. we dare not ever again step into the past. we dare not ever again interfere with it in any least possible way. because we don't know what is the least possible way. we don't yet know the consequences of mr. morley's most recent visit, but if we should seem to have escaped any very serious consequences of the few cautious successes we've had, it's only blind good luck. a man of no apparent importance, though i'm sure he was important to himself, no longer exists. never did exist, in a very strange yet true sense." the tallbald man came in, actually tiptoeing. colonel esterhazy saw him right away, raised his arm, and the man walked quickly to him, handed him a little sheaf of paper, murmured something into esterhazy's ear, who nodded, and the man tiptoed out again. danziger continued. "otherwise our world seems essentially unchanged. but next time might be different; unimaginably, catastrophically different. to continue this project would be the grossest kind of utterly selfish and reckless irresponsibility. i think we had to have this meeting; we had to talk this out in absolutely full detail. but there can be no question of our decision; there is no choice to be made." he stopped, and looked around the table as though wondering if, although doubting, there might be a question. half the table's length away a man started to raise his hand, lowered it, then lifted it again. i'd forgotten his name; it was the young history professor from one of the eastern universities who looked more like a television comic to me. danziger nodded at him, frowning, and the man's face pinkened. sounding like a professor, at least, he said, "of course you are entirely right, dr. danziger. and i certainly don't dispute it. i haven't attended all these meetings, haven't been able to, and i don't pretend to understand a great deal of what we've done. i am only wondering—i really hate to give this up, if this is at all possible—if a way couldn't be found to introduce what i'd call the absolute spectator. unknown, unseen, affecting no event whatsoever. a man hidden, utterly concealed, at the first performance of hamlet; my god. concealed far in advance of audience and actors, remaining hidden long afterward. or an absolute spectator at— well, there's at least one of disraeli's meetings with his cabinet that i'd give my soul to know all about; no one really knows, and it's important. could this possibility of the absolute spectator be studied, is all i'm asking. in search of a way..." but danziger had begun shaking his head slowly, and the man's voice trailed off. danziger said, "i understand what you're saying. and i understand the temptation because i feel it, too. but there could be no concealment that was absolutely certain; i'm sure you see that. and if it isn't absolutely certain, the risk is still there. and the risk can't be taken; we have learned that, and it can't be argued away." he sat waiting. but no one else said anything, and presently esterhazy spoke in a mild conversational way. he said, "i think i could almost repeat word for word what dr. danziger has said; that's how closely i've listened. as i hope all of you have. the wisdom of dr. danziger's advice simply isn't debatable." he made an apologetic little gesture with his hand. "we haven't quite talked this out, though," he said as though hating to contradict dr. danziger about even this small point. "not in full detail yet. because i have some information now we didn't have a few moments ago." rube was sitting beside esterhazy, in a white shirt, his tie pulled down. he had the typed pages that had been brought in a few minutes ago, and was reading them, slumped in his chair, and esterhazy nodded at the typescript, saying, "we've just received the report of mr. morley's debriefing: both a full summary of what happened, which is absolutely fascinating, and of the test result. the carbon is being xeroxed now, and we'll soon have copies for everyone. meanwhile, and this is what's important, we know the full result of his debriefing analysis. mr. morley was gone not just for hours this time, but during two days, and this time his contacts were far more than casual and momentary. it was a calculated risk; we took it, and now we have the result." rube glanced up athim, and esterhazy nodded to him. rube glanced down at the typescript in his hand, then summarized what it said. "no change whatsoever," he said in a flat, factual monotone. "absolutely everything checks out okay." esterhazy nodded almost imperceptibly, and almost a little sadly; it was a gesture suggesting that facts being facts, neither of his making nor within his control, there was nothing he could do but accept them. "that being so," he said in a voice to match the gesture, "i'm sure it's plain that we simply wouldn't be doing our full duty—to dr. danziger, to the project itself, nor to anyone—if we didn't also discuss the meaning of that." he glanced around the table as though inviting discussion, and rube spoke immediately. "okay," he said as though accepting an invitation to start things off, "what are the facts? no result, no changes, no harm from what we think was a visit, however brief, to the city—the village, i suppose—of paris, in 1451. and if any chain of events had been altered, it's had a long time to grow. no result, no changes, no harm from si morley's first brief visit. none from his second visit which was quite extensive, involving a trip half the length of the city and on which he had company. and now: no result, no changes, no harm at all from a visit of two days during which he lived in a house full of people, and not only interfered with but actually precipitated events which"—he nodded at the typescript on the table—"i'd find hard to believe if i didn't know what feeble powers of invention he has." he grinned down the table at me, and there was a murmur of mild laughter. his grin fading, rube shrugged the big muscled hump of one shoulder, and said, "to sum up: brietel caused a change, yes. but a slight one." he looked quickly over at danziger. "important to the man it affected, certainly, but—" "and who was not consulted," danziger said, "about whether he cared to make the sacrifice." "that's true, and i'm sorry. but compared with the potentially enormous benefit to the rest of the world, i repeat—and i think it's realistic—the change was slight. even more important, the effect of all of our other successful attempts, of far longer duration and involvement, was zero. nil. suggesting that brietel's result was simply a long-shot accident. so that in considering whether to continue, and with absolute respect for dr. danziger's opinions, i suggest that a case can also be made out for the calculated risk." "god damn it!" danziger's fist slammed down onto the tabletop and an ashtray jumped, made a half turn in the air, and fell face down on the table, scattering butts and ashes and spinning like a coin till it clanked to a stop. over its sound danziger was saying, "what calculation! i despise the phrase! risk, hell, yes! plenty of risk!" he swung around in his chair to glare at rube, leaning far over the tabletop toward him. "but show me your calculations!" there was a long silent pause, danziger glaring at rube, during which rube did not turn away or avert his eyes, but he blinked benignly several times to show no hostility and that he wasn't in a contest to stare danziger down.

then danziger leaned back and said quietly, "what do we know? we know that in one out of four or possibly five successes we have affected the past. and therefore the present. and that is all we know. that next attempt could be disastrous. there is no case at all, rube, for a calculated risk. because there is no calculation, but only risk. who has given us the right to decide for the entire world that it should be taken?" he stared at rube for a moment longer, then looked slowly around the table as he spoke. "as the head of this project and as its originator, i say—i'll order it if i have to—the project must be discontinued, except for study of what we already have. there is no one who could possibly hate this necessity more than i do. but it must and it is to be done." there had to be a pretty long silence after that, and there was. when esterhazy finally spoke it was so tentatively and regretfully that it clearly seemed very painful to him. he said, "i..." and stopped, swallowing. "i...simply cannot bring myself to dispute anything at all that dr. danziger might have to say about this project. the urge to suggest that we adjourn for a time, and think about all this, reflect on it, is strong. but many of you have come a long way. and no one expected to have to spend this additional day; i don't think we can wait. and so, since this has been brought to a head, i'm obliged to, not dispute but remind you—i have to do this, dr. danziger!—that any vital decision affecting the project must be made by a majority of four senior members of this board, the president himself casting a fifth deciding vote if necessary. of these four members dr. danziger is, of course, the first, the others being mr. prien, mr. fessenden, the presidential representative, and myself. i'm certainly not going to make any sort of formal issue of this, but of course it's clear what dr. danziger feels, just as clear what mr. prien and i think. so, mr. fessenden, what about you? have you reached a decision yet?" i didn't know who he was till he spoke, or rather cleared his throat preparatorily. he was about fifty years old, pretty bald, though with a skein of gray-brown hair combed straight over the top of his head from the side, concealing the baldness from himself, at least. his face was pretty full below the cheekbones, and he wore glasses with metal rims so thin they almost looked rimless. if i'd ever seen him before, he'd made no impression on my memory. he said, "i'd want to consider my vote, if it ever came to that. at length. sleep on it. but in fairness, i ought to say that i feel i would join with you." esterhazy opened his mouth to say something, but danziger spoke first. "that's it, then? that's the decision?" esterhazy began, "i don't think there's any formal—" but danziger cut him off, brusquely, rudely. "quit fooling around; that's the decision!" he waited a moment, then barked out the word. "well?" esterhazy pressed his lips together and shook his head; a painful moment. "it has to be, doctor. it simply has—" "i resign." danziger stood up, turning to shove his chair back so he could get away from the table.

"wait!" esterhazy stood up. "we simply can't let this happen this way. i want to talk to you. alone. in just a few minutes." i had to give the old man credit: i hadn't ever seen him in an undignified moment, and i didn't now. no stalking out, no violent refusal; that kind of drama was distasteful to him. he did hesitate for a moment, then he said, "of course. but it has already happened: no one will change or go back. i'll wait for you in my office, colonel." then in a complete silence he walked to the door and was gone. "i don't like it," said a voice down the table, and we all turned to look at him. it was a young but plump and bald man, from one of the california universities, i thought i remembered. he looked intelligent, and he looked mad. he said, "i don't have a vote, much of a voice, or even much of a stake in this; i'm a meteorologist, here mainly to report to my own university. but i'm not going to leave without asking how we have the nerve to do anything but accept dr. danziger's opinion and decision." "hear, hear! as the british say," someone else called out, his voice sounding pleased, the kind of guy who really enjoys a fight as long as it's between two other guys. i'd thought colonel esterhazy would reply but rube stood up; slowly, entirely at ease and taking his time, and completely—this popped up in my mind—in command. he said, "how? because you don't turn back. not ever. you don't spend billions preparing to send a man to the moon, and then decide not to. or invent the airplane, look it over, and decide to uninvent it because someday might it to drop bomb. you just don't stop something as enormousasthis;thehuman(someone) racenever(use) has.risk?y(a) es, maybe. yes, certainly. but who did that ever stop? anyone whose birthday has become a national holiday? we are going ahead. we—" "who's 'we'?" an angry voice called out; i never did know who. "all of us," rube said quietly, leaning forward over the table, supporting his weight on his knuckles, "who have put in endless time and enormous effort on this: an important part of our lives. think, goddammit! can you actually imagine this being stopped? dropped? forgotten? it just ain't gonna happen, gents. so why sit around and clatter our teeth about it?" that ended it, really, though the talking went on for a while. copies of my report and test result arrived, and were passed out; each one was numbered, and had to be read and returned before the board left the room. a fair number of people glanced up from their copies to look at me, smile, and shake their heads in amazement, and i managed to grin back at them. the discussion continued through this, some agreeing that the project should be cautiously continued, some questioning or at least wondering aloud about it. i think more than one man there hadn't previously understood how little his presence on the board had to do with making its policies. the meeting ended with esterhazy reminding the members, most tactfully, that everything they knew about the project was very strictly classified information. they'd be notified, he said, when the next meeting was to take place; meanwhile he thanked them for coming.

rube knew i had a decision to make, and he was right at my elbow when i left the conference room. in the corridor he invited me to come out to a bar on sixth avenue we'd been in once or twice, and where we could get some lunch. i said i wanted to see dr. danziger first, and we walked along together to his office. but danziger's girl said colonel esterhazy was in with him, which i don't think surprised rube, and that it looked as though he'd be there for quite a while. i was starved, so i went out with rube, and we had lunch: a big bowl of vegetable soup and a pastrami sandwich each, with a couple of steins of beer. we sat in the last booth in the back corner, a brick wall beside and behind us, no one near enough to overhear. i won't detail every word we said. we gave our orders, and then rube pointed out very factually and low-key that while they hoped i'd continue with the project—new candidates weren't easy to come by, and training them was a long slow job—i was nevertheless not essential to the project. if i didn't continue, it would distress them but i could eventually be replaced. i knew that, of course. at least i knew it was a real possibility, if not quite the certainty rube was trying to make it sound. and it gave me a little chill to hear it said, because there was no way i could deny to myself that the thought of never going back would be hard to accept. but all i did was nod and say, sure, but that continuing with the project wouldn't help my conscience if i decided it was wrong. our sandwiches came, we began to eat, and rube was halfway through his and enjoying it, before he put it down on the cardboard plate, and leaned over the table to answer me. his voice inaudible a yard away, he said, "si, dr. danziger is an old man. recognize that. and what's happened so far on the project is enough—for him. for him it's a culmination; he achieved what he set out to do. and if that should be all there is, he could be content. i love him; i really do. but he's an old man obsessed with risk. listen to him long enough, and you'll think that if you sneezed too loud back in january 1882, you might somehow set off a chain of events that could blow up the world. but it wouldn't; it would have no more effect than it would right here and now. try it, si!" he grinned at me, and picked up his sandwich again. "go ahead! there are a couple of dozen people in here; sneeze. and not a goddam thing will happen. hell, people don't get married or not married or do anything else of any importance because of the routine trivial action of some stranger. you didn't even set off this guy pickering. that's obviously his nature, it's how he acts, and he'd behave accordingly with or without you. and it doesn't matter anyway; really important events aren't casually brought about. they're the result of so many intertwined important forces that they're inevitable, no one thing causing them. unless you went back and deliberately did something so vital that it had to alter a large event, you aren't going to affect much of anything. you want some dessert?" i said no, and rube ordered apple pie and another stein of beer. i didn't say much or argue with him. i sat looking doubtful, and probably confused, because that's how i felt. rube ate quickly, a quarter of his slice of pie at a bite, followed by a fourth of his stein of beer. suddenly, impulsively, he grinned at me, a wonderfully likable guy, and said, "si, stay with us, for crysake. you haven't done a damn bit of harm so far, it's affected nothing at all, and we have the proof of that. and that's how it'll be from now on if you're careful."we talked a little more of what had happened to me at 19 gramercy park, while rube sat comfortably back in a corner of the booth with a cigar; and i told him something of what i felt about new york then and now. and he listened and asked questions, absolutely fascinated. he said, "i can't do it, you know. i tried long before i met you, and i just can't achieve it; lord, how i envy you." he glanced at his watch, then sat up reluctantly; he started to slide out of the booth, then suddenly reached across the table and put a hand on my forearm. "i don't really have to argue with you, si, because you see it as well as i do: the project can't be dropped, it just can't. and since you want to stay with it, there's just no sense in not staying." i didn't nod or murmur any sort of agreement, but i didn't say no, either. rube slid out of the booth, i stood up with him, and on the way back to the warehouse we talked football. even now i feel ashamed; i have no excuse. i just could not give up the chance to go back, i knew it, and that's all there was to it. when we got back danziger had already left, for good—as i might have guessed, and probably had. but his girl gave me his address and phone number; he lived in an apartment building in the bronx. i used her phone, and called but got no answer; he probably hadn't had time to get there yet, and might not have gone straight home. when i hung up, i stood with my hand on the phone for a moment or so longer, but didn't dial kate; was i postponing getting in touch with her? a little later, walking across town toward her shop, i thought about it. i'd been too busy, i started to tell myself, with hardly a moment to phone kate. but while that was true, it wasn't the whole truth. was the reluctance—it had been there, i had to admit it—connected with julia? well, the electricity had flowed faster whenever i'd been around her, that was true, but i didn't think it was julia. maybe it was the news i was going to have to give kate: that ira's father had been, simply, a crook; a swindler and grafter. but he was dead long before kate was born, was no relation anyway, and the news couldn't hurt ira. i didn't know what it was, and just moseyed along through the streets till i got to her shop. kate was there; she was just coming into the shop from the little back workroom when i opened the shop door and the bell jangled. she'd been stripping layers of old paint from a chair, wearing blue denims, an old blouse and an apron, and her hands were full of the gunk she was using. so we just leaned toward each other for a little peck of a kiss, and in the workroom i sat on a little keg she had there while she worked on the chair, telling her all about everything. and that was fun, she was so completely enthralled. after kate closed the shop we walked a block to the supermarket where she bought a steak and some butter; i went to the liquor store a few doors away and got a bottle of whiskey, then came back and picked up some soda. and when we were upstairs in kate's little apartment, having our second drink, potatoes boiling in the kitchen, i couldn't understand why i'd hesitated about getting in touch with her. this was the only place i wanted to be, and the hours of being here that still lay ahead all looked very good to me.

kate had a special interest, of course, in what i had to tell her as we had our drinks and during dinner; she'd seen the time and place i was talking about, had seen or at least glimpsed jake pickering. and when i told her about carmody she hardly moved, just sat with her lips parted, fascinated. when i told her about danziger, esterhazy, and rube, and what i'd decided, she listened, then made a few careful and minimal comments, anxious not to interfere with my decision; i knew she was glad, she couldn't help it, that i was going back. she got up from the table, went to her bedroom, and returned with her red-cardboard accordion folder, untying the red-string bow as she walked. and once again we looked at the strange little black-and-white snapshot of andrew carmody's gravestone. there it stood, mysteriously, among the gone-to-seed dandelions and sparse grass; a cartoonist's gravestone, the top a perfect half-circle, the sides straight, the whole stone sunk low in the ground and a little off kilter. and on the stone, sharp and clear, the strange design: no word, name or date, only the nine-pointed star inscribed in a circle, made from dozens of dots tapped into the stone; the design we'd seen, incredibly, impressed in the snow at the base of a lamp standard, on broadway, new york, january 23, 1882. we looked again, marveling, at the blue envelope and the black ink of its address, its ferrous content showing rusty through the black. kate shook the note from the envelope and read aloud the top portion above the fold, in black. " 'if a discussion of court house carrara should prove of interest to you, please appear in city hall park at half past twelve on thursday next.' " she lowered the note to look at me. "and now we know," she said, her voice awed. "we really know what happened in the park. i'm glad ira didn't." she lifted the note again, and read the portion below the fold. " 'that the sending of this should cause the destruction by fire of the entire world'—oh, what's the missing word!—'seems well-nigh incredible. yet it is so, and the fault and the guilt' "—she paused to indicate the second missing word or words—" 'mine, and can never be denied or escaped. so, with this wretched souvenir of that event before me, i now end the life which should have ended then.' " kate slid the note back into its envelope. "do whatever it is they're sending you back for, si; but find out for me what that note means. that's why you're ignoring danziger, isn't it? you've got to go back; you can't help it." and i nodded. esterhazy had the good grace in the morning not to have taken over dr. danziger's office. we met in rube's little cubbyhole, rube in shirt-sleeves behind his desk, tilted far back in his swivel chair, hands clasped behind his head, grinning at me. esterhazy half sat, half leaned against a corner of rube's desk, very neat, almost military in a gray gabardine suit, white shirt, and dark tie. i sat on the one chair facing both of them. i was to go back and resume, was about all they had to say. they wanted to know whatever else i could learn about andrew carmody and what happened between him and jake pickering: the historians especially wanted to know, rube said; they already had a team of two historians with a couple of postgrad student assistants at the library of congress digging up whatever they could on his relationship with cleveland, and a second similar team at the national archives. anything i could learn might expand or illuminate whatever they should find out. the end result ofthis pilot test project, it was hoped, would be a workable method for enlarging our entire knowledge of history. on my way back to the dakota—rube drove me over—i told myself i was doing the right thing, the only thing; that there was no defect in the arguments i'd listened to and had made myself. but if that was true, i had to wonder, why did i feel i was doing wrong? and why, if i was so sure of what i was doing, hadn't i talked to dr. danziger? there'd been time to phone him; there still was. but i knew i wasn't going to.