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Ayala's Angel

Chapter 9 The exchange
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such was the state of things when mr dosett brought the three letters home with him to kingsbury crescent, having been so much disturbed by the contents of the two which were addressed to himself as to have found himself compelled to leave his office two hours before the proper time. the three letters were handed together by her uncle to lucy, and she, seeing the importance of the occasion, read the two open ones before she broke the envelope of her own. that from sir thomas came first, and was as follows —

lombard street, january, 187

my dear dosett ,

i have had a correspondence with the ladies at rome which has been painful in its nature, but which i had better perhaps communicate to you at once. ayala has not got on as well with lady tringle and the girls as might have been wished, and they all think it will be better that she and lucy should change places. i chiefly write to give my assent. your sister will no doubt write to you. i may as well mention to you, should you consent to take charge of ayala, that i have made some provision for her in my will, and that i shall not change it. i have to add on my own account that i have no complaint of my own to make against ayala.

yours sincerely,

t. tringle

lucy, when she had read this, proceeded at once to the letter from her aunt. the matter to her was one of terrible importance, but the importance was quite as great to ayala. she had been allowed to go up alone into her own room. the letters were of such a nature that she could hardly have read them calmly in the presence of her aunt dosett. it was thus that her aunt emmeline had written —

palazzo ruperti, rome, thursday

my dear reginald ,

i am sure you will be sorry to hear that we are in great trouble here. this has become so bad that we are obliged to apply to you to help us. now you must understand that i do not mean to say a word against dear ayala — only she does not suit. it will occur sometimes that people who are most attached to each other do not suit. so it has been with dear ayala. she is not happy with us. she has not perhaps accommodated herself to her cousins quite as carefully as she might have done. she is fully as sensible of this as i am, and is, herself, persuaded that there had better be a change.

now, my dear reginald, i am quite aware that when poor egbert died it was i who chose ayala, and that you took lucy partly in compliance with my wishes. now i write to suggest that there should be a change. i am sure you will give me credit for a desire to do the best i can for both the poor dear girls. i did think that this might be best done by letting ayala come to us. i now think that lucy would do better with her cousins, and that ayala would be more attractive without the young people around her.

when i see you i will tell you everything. there has been no great fault. she has spoken a word or two to me which had been better unsaid, but i am well convinced that it has come from hot temper and not from a bad heart. perhaps i had better tell you the truth. tom has admired her. she has behaved very well; but she could not bear to be spoken to, and so there have been unpleasantnesses. and the girls certainly have not got on well together. sir thomas quite agrees with me that if you will consent there had better be a change.

i will not write to dear lucy herself because you and margaret can explain it all so much better — if you will consent to our plan. ayala also will write to her sister. but pray tell her from me that i will love her very dearly if she will come to me. and indeed i have loved ayala almost as though she were my own, only we have not been quite able to hit it off together.

of course neither has sir thomas nor have i any idea of escaping from a responsibility. i should be quite unhappy if i did not have one of poor dear egbert’s girls with me. only i do think that lucy would be the best for us; and ayala thinks so too. i should be quite unhappy if i were doing this in opposition to ayala.

we shall be in england almost as soon as this letter, and i should be so glad if this could be decided at once. if a thing like this is to be done it is so much better for all parties that it should be done quickly. pray give my best love to margaret, and tell her that ayala shall bring everything with her that she wants.

your most affectionate sister, emmeline tringle

the letter, though it was much longer than her uncle’s, going into details, such as that of tom’s unfortunate passion for his cousin, had less effect upon lucy, as it did not speak with so much authority as that from sir thomas. what sir thomas said would surely be done; whereas aunt emmeline was only a woman, and her letter, unsupported, might not have carried conviction. but, if sir thomas wished it, surely it must be done. then, at last, came ayala’s letter —

rome, thursday dearest , dearest lucy ,

oh, i have such things to write to you! aunt emmeline has told it all to uncle reginald. you are to come and be the princess, and i am to go and be the milkmaid at home. i am quite content that it should be so because i know that it will be the best. you ought to be a princess and i ought to be a milkmaid.

it has been coming almost ever since the first day that i came among them — since i told augusta to go upstairs for the scrap-book. i felt from the very moment in which the words were uttered that i had gone and done for myself. but i am not a bit sorry, as you will come in my place. augusta will very soon be gone now, and aunt emmeline is not bad at all if you will only not contradict her. i always contradicted her, and i know that i have been a fool. but i am not a bit sorry, as you are to come instead of me.

but it is not only about augusta and aunt emmeline. there has been that oaf tom. poor tom! i do believe that he is the most good-natured fellow alive. and if he had not so many chains i should not dislike him so very much. but he will go on saying horrible things to me. and then he wrote me a letter! oh dear! i took the letter to aunt emmeline, and that made the quarrel. she said that i had — encouraged him! oh, lucy, if you will think of that! i was so angry that i said ever so much to her — till she sent me out of the room. she had no business to say that i encouraged him. it was shameful! but she has never forgiven me, because i scolded her. so they have decided among them that i am to be sent away, and that you are to come in my place.

my own darling lucy, it will be ever so much better. i know that you are not happy in kingsbury crescent, and that i shall bear it very much better. i can sit still and mend sheets. [poor ayala, how little she knew herself!] and you will make a beautiful grand lady, quiescent and dignified as a grand lady ought to be. at any rate it would be impossible that i should remain here. tom is bad enough, but to be told that i encourage him is more than i can bear.

i shall see you very soon, but i cannot help writing and telling it to you all. give my love to aunt dosett. if she will consent to receive me i will endeavour to be good to her. in the meantime goodbye.

your most affectionate sister, ayala

when lucy had completed the reading of the letters she sat for a considerable time wrapped in thought. there was, in truth, very much that required thinking. it was proposed that the whole tenor of her life should be changed, and changed in a direction which would certainly suit her taste. she had acknowledged to herself that she had hated the comparative poverty of her uncle dosett’s life, hating herself in that she was compelled to make such acknowledgment. but there had been more than the poverty which had been distasteful to her — a something which she had been able to tell herself that she might be justified in hating without shame. there had been to her an absence of intellectual charm in the habits and manners of kingsbury crescent which she had regarded as unfortunate and depressing. there had been no thought of art delights. no one read poetry. no one heard music. no one looked at pictures. a sheet to be darned was the one thing of greatest importance. the due development of a leg of mutton, the stretching of a pound of butter, the best way of repressing the washerwoman’s bills — these had been the matters of interest. and they had not been made the less irritating to her by her aunt’s extreme goodness in the matter. the leg of mutton was to be developed in the absence of her uncle — if possible without his knowledge. he was to have his run of clean linen. lucy did not grudge him anything, but was sickened by that partnership in economy which was established between her and her aunt. undoubtedly from time to time she had thought of the luxuries which had been thrown in ayala’s way. there had been a regret — not that ayala should have them but that she should have missed them. money she declared that she despised — but the easy luxury of the bijou was sweet to her memory.

now it was suggested to her suddenly that she was to exchange the poverty for the luxury, and to return to a mode of life in which her mind might be devoted to things of beauty. the very scenery of glenbogie — what a charm it would have for her! judging from her uncle’s manner, as well as she could during that moment in which he handed to her the letter, she imagined that he intended to make no great objection. her aunt disliked her. she was sure that her aunt disliked her in spite of the partnership. only that there was one other view of the case — how happy might the transfer be. her uncle was always gentle to her, but there could hardly as yet have grown up any strong affection for her. to him she was grateful, but she could not tell herself that to part from him would be a pang. there was, however, another view of the case.

ayala! how would it be with ayala! would ayala like the partnership and the economies? would ayala be cheerful as she sat opposite to her aunt for four hours at a time! ayala had said that she could sit still and mend sheets, but was it not manifest enough that ayala knew nothing of the life of which she was speaking? and would she, lucy, be able to enjoy the glories of glenbogie while she thought that ayala was eating out her heart in the sad companionship of kingsbury crescent? for above an hour she sat and thought; but of one aspect which the affair bore she did not think. she did not reflect that she and ayala were in the hands of fate, and that they must both do as their elders should require of them.

at last there came a knock at the door, and her aunt entered. she would sooner that it should have been her uncle: but there was no choice but that the matter should be now discussed with the woman whom she did not love — this matter that was so dreadful to herself in all its bearings, and so dreadful to one for whom she would willingly sacrifice herself if it were possible! she did not know what she could say to create sympathy with aunt dosett. “lucy,” said aunt dosett, “this is a very serious proposal.”

“very serious,” said lucy, sternly.

“i have not read the letters, but your uncle has told me about it.” then lucy handed her the two letters, keeping that from ayala to herself, and she sat perfectly still while her aunt read them both slowly. “your aunt emmeline is certainly in earnest,” said mrs dosett.

“aunt emmeline is very good-natured, and perhaps she will change her mind if we tell her that we wish it.”

“but sir thomas has agreed to it.”

“i am sure my uncle will give way if aunt emmeline will ask him. he says he has no complaint to make against ayala. i think it is augusta, and augusta will be married, and will go away very soon.”

then there came a change, a visible change, over the countenance of aunt dosett, and a softening of the voice — so that she looked and spoke as lucy had not seen or heard her before. there are people apparently so hard, so ungenial, so unsympathetic, that they who only half know them expect no trait of tenderness, think that features so little alluring cannot be compatible with softness. lucy had acknowledged her aunt dosett to be good, but believed her to be incapable of being touched. but a word or two had now conquered her. the girl did not want to leave her — did not seize the first opportunity of running from her poverty to the splendour of the tringles! “but, lucy,” she said, and came and placed herself nearer to lucy on the bed.

“ayala — ,” said lucy, sobbing.

“i will be kind to her — perhaps kinder than i have been to you.”

“you have been kind, and i have been ungrateful. i know it. but i will do better now, aunt dosett. i will stay, if you will have me.”

“they are rich and powerful, and you will have to do as they direct.”

“no! who are they that i should be made to come and go at their bidding? they cannot make me leave you.”

“but they can rid themselves of ayala. you see what your uncle says about money for ayala.”

“i hate money.”

“money is a thing which none of us can afford to hate. do you think it will not be much to your uncle reginald to know that you are both provided for? already he is wretched because there will be nothing to come to you. if you go to your aunt emmeline, sir thomas will do for you as he has done for ayala. dear lucy, it is not that i want to send you away.” then for the first time lucy put her arm round her aunt’s neck. “but it had better be as is proposed, if your aunt still wishes it, when she comes home. i and your uncle reginald would not do right were we to allow you to throw away the prospects that are offered you. it is natural that lady tringle should be anxious about her son.”

“she need not, in the least,” said lucy, indignantly.

“but you see what they say.”

“it is his fault, not hers. why should she be punished?”

“because he is fortune’s favourite, and she is not. it is no good kicking against the pricks, my dear. he is his father’s son and heir, and everything must give way to him.”

“but ayala does not want him. ayala despises him. it is too hard that she is to lose everything because a young man like that will go on making himself disagreeable. they have no right to do it after having accustomed ayala to such a home. don’t you feel that, aunt dosett?”

“i do feel it.”

“however it might have been arranged at first, it ought to remain now. even though ayala and i are only girls, we ought not to be changed about as though we were horses. if she had done anything wrong — but uncle tom says she has done nothing wrong.”

“i suppose she has spoken to her aunt disrespectfully.”

“because her aunt told her that she had encouraged this man. what would you have a girl say when she is falsely accused like that? would you say it to me merely because some horrid man would come and speak to me?” then there came a slight pang of conscience as she remembered isadore hamel in kensington gardens. if the men were not thought to be horrid, then perhaps the speaking might be a sin worthy of most severe accusation.

there was nothing more said about it that night, nor till the following afternoon, when mr dosett returned home at the usual hour from his office. then lucy was closeted with him for a quarter of an hour in the drawing-room. he had been into the city and seen sir thomas. sir thomas had been of opinion that it would be much better that lady tringle’s wishes should be obeyed. it was quite true that he himself had no complaint to make against ayala, but he did think that ayala had been pert; and, though it might be true that ayala had not encouraged tom, there was no knowing what might grow out of such a propensity on tom’s part. and then it could not be pleasant to lady tringle or to himself that their son should be banished out of their house. when something was hinted as to the injustice of this, sir thomas endeavoured to put all that right by declaring that, if lady tringle’s wishes could be attended to in this matter, provision would be made for the two girls. he certainly would not strike ayala’s name out of his will, and as certainly would not take lucy under his wing as his own child without making some provision for her. looking at the matter in this light he did not think that mr dosett would be justified in robbing lucy of the advantages which were offered to her. with this view mr dosett found himself compelled to agree, and with these arguments he declared to lucy that it was her duty to submit herself to the proposed exchange.

early in february all the tringle family were in queen’s gate, and lucy on her first visit to the house found that everyone, including ayala, looked upon the thing as settled. ayala, who under these circumstances was living on affectionate terms with all the tringles, except tom, was quite radiant. “i suppose i had better go tomorrow, aunt?” she said, as though it were a matter of most trivial consequence.

“in a day or two, ayala, it will be better.”

“it shall be monday, then. you must come over here in a cab, lucy.”

“the carriage shall be sent, my dear.”

“but then it must go back with me, aunt emmeline.”

“it shall, my dear.”

“and the horses must be put up, because lucy and i must change all our things in the drawers.” lucy at the time was sitting in the drawing-room, and augusta, with most affectionate confidence, was singing to her all the praises of mr traffick. in this way it was settled, and the change, so greatly affecting the fortunes of our two sisters, was arranged.

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