the actors — bassi — the girl from strasburg the female count — my return to paris i go to metz — pretty raton — the pretended countess lascaris

a woman, ugly enough, but lively like all italians, called on me, and asked me to intercede with the police to obtain permission for her company to act in augsburg. in spite of her ugliness she was a poor fellow-countrywoman, and without asking her name, or ascertaining whether the company was good or bad, i promised to do my best, and had no difficulty in obtaining the favour.

i went to the first performance, and saw to my surprise that the chief actor was a venetian, and a fellow-student of mine, twenty years before, at st. cyprian’s college. his name was bassi, and like myself he had given up the priesthood. fortune had made an actor of him, and he looked wretched enough, while i, the adventurer, had a prosperous air.

i felt curious to hear his adventures, and i was also actuated by that feeling of kindliness which draws one towards the companions of one’s youthful and especially one’s school days, so i went to the back as soon as the curtain fell. he recognized me directly, gave a joyful cry, and after he had embraced me he introduced me to his wife, the woman who had called on me, and to his daughter, a girl of thirteen or fourteen, whose dancing had delighted me. he did not stop here, but turning to his mates, of whom he was chief, introduced me to them as his best friend. these worthy people, seeing me dressed like a lord, with a cross on my breast, took me for a cosmopolitan charlatan who was expected at augsburg, and bassi, strange to say, did not undeceive them. when the company had taken off its stage rags and put on its everyday rags, bassi’s ugly wife took me by the arm and said i must come and sup with her. i let myself be led, and we soon got to just the kind of room i had imagined. it was a huge room on the ground floor, which served for kitchen, dining-room, and bedroom all at once. in the middle stood a long table, part of which was covered with a cloth which looked as if it had been in use for a month, and at the other end of the room somebody was washing certain earthenware dishes in a dirty pan. this den was lighted by one candle stuck in the neck of a broken bottle, and as there were no snuffers bassi’s wife snuffed it cleverly with her finger and thumb, wiping her hand on the table-cloth after throwing the burnt wick on the floor. an actor with long moustaches, who played the villain in the various pieces, served an enormous dish of hashed-up meat, swimming in a sea of dirty water dignified with the name of sauce; and the hungry family proceeded to tear pieces of bread off the loaf with their fingers or teeth, and then to dip them in the dish; but as all did the same no one had a right to be disgusted. a large pot of ale passed from hand to hand, and with all this misery mirth displayed itself on every countenance, and i had to ask myself what is happiness. for a second course there was a dish of fried pork, which was devoured with great relish. bassi was kind enough not to press me to take part in this banquet, and i felt obliged to him.

the meal over, he proceeded to impart to me his adventures, which were ordinary enough, and like those which many a poor devil has to undergo; and while he talked his pretty daughter sat on my knee. bassi brought his story to an end by saying that he was going to venice for the carnival, and was sure of making a lot of money. i wished him all the luck he could desire, and on his asking me what profession i followed the fancy took me to reply that i was a doctor.

“that’s a better trade than mine,” said he, “and i am happy to be able to give you a valuable present.”

“what is that?” i asked.

“the receipt for the venetian specific, which you can sell at two florins a pound, while it will only cost you four gros.”

“i shall be delighted; but tell me, how is the treasury?”

“well, i can’t complain for a first night. i have paid all expenses, and have given my actors a florin apiece. but i am sure i don’t know how i am to play to-morrow, as the company has rebelled; they say they won’t act unless i give each of them a florin in advance.”

“they don’t ask very much, however.”

“i know that, but i have no money, and nothing to pledge; but they will be sorry for it afterwards, as i am sure i shall make at least fifty florins to-morrow.”

“how many are there in the company?”

“fourteen, including my family. could you lend me ten florins? i would pay you back tomorrow night.”

“certainly, but i should like to have you all to supper at the nearest inn to the theatre. here are the ten florins.”

the poor devil overflowed with gratitude, and said he would order supper at a florin a head, according to my instructions. i thought the sight of fourteen famished actors sitting down to a good supper would be rather amusing.

the company gave a play the next evening, but as only thirty or at most forty people were present, poor bassi did not know where to turn to pay for the lighting and the orchestra. he was in despair; and instead of returning my ten florins he begged me to lend him another ten, still in the hope of a good house next time. i consoled him by saying we would talk it over after supper, and that i would go to the inn to wait for my guests.

i made the supper last three hours by dint of passing the bottle freely. my reason was that i had taken a great interest in a young girl from strasburg, who played singing chamber-maids. her features were exquisite and her voice charming, while she made me split my sides with laughing at her italian pronounced with an alsatian accent, and at her gestures which were of the most comic description.

i was determined to possess her in the course of the next twenty- four hours, and before the party broke up i spoke as follows:—

“ladies and gentlemen, i will engage you myself for a week at fifty florins a day on the condition that you acknowledge me as your manager for the time being, and pay all the expenses of the theatre. you must charge the prices i name for seats, five members of the company to be chosen by me must sup with me every evening. if the receipts amount to more than fifty florins, we will share the overplus between us.”

my proposal was welcomed with shouts of joy, and i called for pen, ink, and paper, and drew up the agreement.

“for to-morrow,” i said to bassi, “the prices for admission shall remain the same, but the day after we will see what can be done. you and your family will sup with me to-morrow, as also the young alsatian whom i could never separate from her dear harlequin:”

he issued bills of an enticing description for the following evening; but, in spite of all, the pit only contained a score of common people, and nearly all the boxes were empty.

bassi had done his best, and when we met at supper he came up to me looking extremely confused, and gave me ten or twelve florins.

“courage!” said i; and i proceeded to share them among the guests present.

we had a good supper, and i kept them at table till midnight, giving them plenty of choice wine and playing a thousand pranks with bassi’s daughter and the young alsatian, who sat one on each side of me. i did not heed the jealous harlequin, who seemed not to relish my familiarities with his sweetheart. the latter lent herself to my endearments with a bad enough grace, as she hoped harlequin would marry her, and consequently did not want to vex him. when supper was over, we rose, and i took her between my arms, laughing, and caressing her in a manner which seemed too suggestive to the lover, who tried to pull me away. i thought this rather too much in my turn, and seizing him by his shoulders i dismissed him with a hearty kick, which he received with great humility. however, the situation assumed a melancholy aspect, for the poor girl began to weep bitterly. bassi and his wife, two hardened sinners, laughed at her tears, and bassi’s daughter said that her lover had offered me great provocation; but the young alsatian continued weeping, and told me that she would never sup with me again if i did not make her lover return.

“i will see to all that,” said i; and four sequins soon made her all smiles again. she even tried to shew me that she was not really cruel, and that she would be still less so if i could manage the jealous harlequin. i promised everything, and she did her best to convince me that she would be quite complaisant on the first opportunity.

i ordered bassi to give notice that the pit would be two florins and the boxes a ducat, but that the gallery would be opened freely to the first comers.

“we shall have nobody there,” said he, looking alarmed.

“maybe, but that remains to be seen. you must request twelve soldiers to keep order, and i will pay for them.”

“we shall want some soldiers to look after the mob which will beseige the gallery, but as for the rest of the house . . . .”

“again i tell you, we shall see. carry out my instructions, and whether they prove successful or no, we will have a merry supper as usual.”

the next day i called upon the harlequin in his little den of a room, and with two louis, and a promise to respect his mistress, i made him as soft as a glove.

bassi’s bills made everybody laugh. people said he must be mad; but when it was ascertained that it was the lessee’s speculation, and that i was the lessee, the accusation of madness was turned on me, but what did i care? at night the gallery was full an hour before the rise of the curtain; but the pit was empty, and there was nobody in the boxes with the exception of count lamberg, a genoese abbe named bolo, and a young man who appeared to me a woman in disguise.

the actors surpassed themselves, and the thunders of applause from the gallery enlivened the performance.

when we got to the inn, bassi gave me the three ducats for the three boxes, but of course i returned them to him; it was quite a little fortune for the poor actors. i sat down at table between bassi’s wife and daughter, leaving the alsatian to her lover. i told the manager to persevere in the same course, and to let those laugh who would, and i made him promise to play all his best pieces.

when the supper and the wine had sufficiently raised my spirits, i devoted my attention to bassi’s daughter, who let me do what i liked, while her father and mother only laughed, and the silly harlequin fretted and fumed at not being able to take the same liberties with his dulcinea. but at the end of supper, when i had made the girl in a state of nature, i myself being dressed like adam before he ate the fatal apple, harlequin rose, and taking his sweetheart’s arm was going to draw her away. i imperiously told him to sit down, and he obeyed me in amazement, contenting himself with turning his back. his sweetheart did not follow his example, and so placed herself on the pretext of defending my victim that she increased my enjoyment, while my vagrant hand did not seem to displease her.

the scene excited bassi’s wife, and she begged her husband to give her a proof of his love for her, to which request he acceded, while modest harlequin sat by the fire with his head on his hands. the alsatian was in a highly excited state, and took advantage of her lover’s position to grant me all i wished, so i proceeded to execute the great work with her, and the violent movements of her body proved that she was taking as active a part in it as myself.

when the orgy was over i emptied my purse on the table, and enjoyed the eagerness with which they shared a score of sequins.

this indulgence at a time when i had not yet recovered my full strength made me enjoy a long sleep. just as i awoke i was handed a summons to appear before the burgomaster. i made haste with my toilette, for i felt curious to know the reason of this citation, and i was aware i had nothing to fear. when i appeared, the magistrate addressed me in german, to which i turned a deaf ear, for i only knew enough of that language to ask for necessaries. when he was informed of my ignorance of german he addressed me in latin, not of the ciceronian kind by any means, but in that peculiar dialect which obtains at most of the german universities.

“why do you bear a false name?” he asked.

“my name is not false. you can ask carli, the banker, who has paid me fifty thousand florins.”

“i know that; but your name is casanova, so why do you call yourself seingalt?”

“i take this name, or rather i have taken it, because it belongs to me, and in such a manner that if anyone else dared to take it i should contest it as my property by every legitimate resource.”

“ah! and how does this name belong to you?”

“because i invented it; but that does not prevent my being casanova as well.”

“sir, you must choose between casanova and seingalt; a man cannot have two names.”

“the spaniards and portuguese often have half a dozen names.”

“but you are not a spaniard or a portuguese; you are an italian: and, after all, how can one invent a name?”

“it’s the simplest thing in the world.”

“kindly explain.”

“the alphabet belongs equally to the whole human race; no one can deny that. i have taken eight letters and combined them in such a way as to produce the word seingalt. it pleased me, and i have adopted it as my surname, being firmly persuaded that as no one had borne it before no one could deprive me of it, or carry it without my consent.”

“this is a very odd idea. your arguments are rather specious than well grounded, for your name ought to be none other than your father’s name.”

“i suggest that there you are mistaken; the name you yourself bear because your father bore it before you, has not existed from all eternity; it must have been invented by an ancestor of yours who did not get it from his father, or else your name would have been adam. does your worship agree to that?”

“i am obliged to; but all this is strange, very strange.”

“you are again mistaken. it’s quite an old custom, and i engage to give you by to-morrow a long list of names invented by worthy people still living, who are allowed to enjoy their names in peace and quietness without being cited to the town hall to explain how they got them.”

“but you will confess that there are laws against false names?”

“yes, but i repeat this name is my true name. your name which i honour, though i do not know it, cannot be more true than mine, for it is possible that you are not the son of the gentleman you consider your father.” he smiled and escorted me out, telling me that he would make enquiries about me of m. carli.

i took the part of going to m. carli’s myself. the story made him laugh. he told me that the burgomaster was a catholic, a worthy man, well to do, but rather thick-headed; in short, a fine subject for a joke.

the following morning m. carli asked me to breakfast, and afterwards to dine with the burgomaster.

“i saw him yesterday,” said he, “and we had a long talk, in the course of which i succeeded in convincing him on the question of names, and he is now quite of your opinion.”

i accepted the invitation with pleasure, as i was sure of seeing some good company. i was not undeceived; there were some charming women and several agreeable men. amongst others, i noticed the woman in man’s dress i had seen at the theatre. i watched her at dinner, and i was the more convinced that she was a woman. nevertheless, everybody addressed her as a man, and she played the part to admiration. i, however, being in search of amusement, and not caring to seem as if i were taken in, began to talk to her in a stream of gallantry as one talks to a woman, and i contrived to let her know that if i were not sure of her sex i had very strong suspicions. she pretended not to understand me, and everyone laughed at my feigned expression of offence.

after dinner, while we were taking coffee, the pretended gentleman shewed a canon who was present a portrait on one of her rings. it represented a young lady who was in the company, and was an excellent likeness — an easy enough matter, as she was very ugly. my conviction was not disturbed, but when i saw the imposter kissing the young lady’s hand with mingled affection and respect, i ceased jesting on the question of her sex. m. carli took me aside for a moment, and told me that in spite of his effeminate appearance this individual was a man, and was shortly going to marry the young lady whose hand he had just kissed.

“it may be so,” said i, “but i can’t believe it all the same.”

however, the pair were married during the carnival, and the husband obtained a rich dowry with his wife. the poor girl died of ‘grief in the course of a year, but did not say a word till she was on her death-bed. her foolish parents, ashamed of having been deceived so grossly, dared not say anything, and got the female swindler out of the way; she had taken good care, however, to lay a firm hold on the dowry. the story became known, and gave the good folk of augsburg much amusement, while i became renowned for my sagacity in piercing the disguise.

i continued to enjoy the society of my two servants and of the fair alsation, who cost me a hundred louis. at the end of a week my agreement with bassi came to an end, leaving him with some money in his pocket. he continued to give performances, returning to the usual prices and suppressing the free gallery. he did very fair business.

i left augsburg towards the middle of december.

i was vexed on account of gertrude, who believed herself with child, but could not make up her mind to accompany me to france. her father would have been pleased for me to take her; he had no hopes of getting her a husband, and would have been glad enough to get rid of her by my making her my mistress.

we shall hear more of her in the course of five or six years, as also of my excellent cook, anna midel, to whom i gave a present of four hundred florins. she married shortly afterwards, and when i visited the town again i found her unhappy.

i could not make up my mind to forgive le duc, who rode on the coachman’s box, and when we were in paris, half-way along the rue st. antoine, i made him take his trunk and get down; and i left him there without a character, in spite of his entreaties. i never heard of him again, but i still miss him, for, in spite of his great failings, he was an excellent servant. perhaps i should have called to mind the important services he had rendered me at stuttgart, soleure, naples, florence, and turin; but i could not pass over his impudence in compromising me before the augsburg magistrate. if i had not succeeded in bringing a certain theft home to him, it would have been laid to my door, and i should have been dishonoured.

i had done a good deal in saving him from justice, and, besides, i had rewarded him liberally for all the special services he had done me.

from augsburg i went to bale by way of constance, where i stayed at the dearest inn in switzerland. the landlord, imhoff, was the prince of cheats, but his daughters were amusing, and after a three days’ stay i continued my journey. i got to paris on the last day of the year 1761, and i left the coach at the house in the rue du bacq, where my good angel madame d’urfe had arranged me a suite of rooms with the utmost elegance.

i spent three weeks in these rooms without going anywhere, in order to convince the worthy lady that i had only returned to paris to keep my word to her, and make her be born again a man.

we spent the three weeks in making preparations for this divine operation, and our preparations consisted of devotions to each of the seven planets on the days consecrated to each of the intelligences. after this i had to seek, in a place which the spirits would point out to me, for a maiden, the daughter of an adept, whom i was to impregnate with a male child in a manner only known to the fraternity of the rosy cross. madame d’urfe was to receive the child into her arms the moment it was born; and to keep it beside her in bed for seven days. at the end of the seven days she would die with her lips on the lips of the child, who would thus receive her reasonable soul, whereas before it had only possessed a vegetal soul.

this being done, it was to be my part to care for the child with the magisterium which was known to me, and as soon as it had attained to its third year madame d’urfe would begin to recover her self-consciousness, and then i was to begin to initiate her in the perfect knowledge of the great work.

the operation must take place under the full moon during the months of april, may, or june. above all, madame d’urfe was to make a will in favour of the child, whose guardian i was to be till its thirteenth year.

this sublime madwoman had no doubts whatever as to the truth of all this, and burned with impatience to see the virgin who was destined to be the vessel of election. she begged me to hasten my departure.

i had hoped, in obtaining my answers from the oracle, that she would be deterred by the prospect of death, and i reckoned on the natural love of life making her defer the operation for an indefinite period. but such was not the case, and i found myself obliged to keep my word, in appearance at all events, and to go on my quest for the mysterious virgin.

what i wanted was some young hussy whom i could teach the part, and i thought of the corticelli. she had been at prague for the last nine months, and when we were at bologna i had promised to come and see her before the end of the year. but as i was leaving germany — by no means a land of pleasant memories to me — i did not think it was worth while going out of my way for such a trifle in the depth of winter. i resolved to send her enough money for the journey, and to let her meet me in some french town.

m. de fouquet, a friend of madame d’urfe’s, was governor of metz, and i felt sure that, with a letter of introduction from madame d’urfe, this nobleman would give me a distinguished reception. besides, his nephew, the comte de lastic, whom i knew well, was there with his regiment. for these reasons i chose metz as a meeting-place with the virgin corticelli, to whom this new part would certainly be a surprise. madame d’urfe gave me the necessary introductions, and i left paris on january 25th, 1762, loaded with presents. i had a letter of credit to a large amount, but i did not make use of it as my purse was abundantly replenished.

i took no servant, for after costa’s robbing me and le duc’s cheating me i felt as if i could not trust in anyone. i got to metz in two days, and put up at the “roi dagobert,” an excellent inn, where i found the comte de louvenhaupt, a swede, whom i had met at the house of the princess of anhalt-zerbst, mother of the empress of russia. he asked me to sup with him and the duc de deux pants, who was travelling incognito to paris to visit louis xv., whose constant friend he was.

the day after my arrival i took my letters to the governor, who told me i must dine with him every day. m. de lastic had left metz, much to my regret, as he would have contributed in no small degree to the pleasure of my stay. the same day i wrote to the corticelli, sending her fifty louis, and telling her to come with her mother as soon as possible, and to get someone who knew the way to accompany her. she could not leaves prague before the beginning of lent, and to make sure of her coming i promised that i would make her fortune.

in four or five days i knew my way about the town, but i did not frequent polite assemblies, preferring to go to the theatre, where a comic opera singer had captivated me. her name was raton, and she was only fifteen, after the fashion of actresses who always subtract at least two or three years from their age. however, this failing is common to women, and is a pardonable one, since to be youthful is the greatest of all advantages to them. raton was not so much handsome as attractive, but what chiefly made her an object of desire was the fact that she had put the price of twenty-five louis on her maidenhead. one could spend a night with her, and make the trial for a louis; the twenty-five were only to be paid on the accomplishment of the great work.

it was notorious that numerous officers in the army and young barristers had undertaken the operation unsuccessfully, and all of them had paid a louis apiece.

this singular case was enough to whet my curiosity. i was not long before i called on raton, but not wishing to be duped by her i took due precautions. i told her that she must come and sup with me, and that i would give her the twenty-five louis if my happiness was complete, and that if i were unsuccessful she should have six louis instead of one, provided that she was not tied. her aunt assured me that this was not the case; but i could not help thinking of victorine.

raton came to supper with her aunt, who went to bed in an adjoining closet when the dessert was brought in. the girl’s figure was exquisitely beautiful, and i felt that i had no small task before me. she was kind, laughing, and defied me to the conquest of a fleece not of gold, but of ebony, which the youth of metz had assaulted in vain. perhaps the reader will think that i, who was no longer in my first vigour, was discouraged by the thought of the many who had failed; but i knew my powers, and it only amused me. her former lovers had been frenchmen, more skilled in carrying strong places by assault than in eluding the artfulness of a girl who corked herself up. i was an italian, and knew all about that, so i had no doubts as to my victory.

however, my preparations were superfluous; for as soon as raton felt from my mode of attack that the trick would be of no avail she met my desires half-way, without trying the device which had made her seem to be what she was no longer to her inexpert lovers. she gave herself up in good faith, and when i had promised to keep the secret her ardours were equal to mine. it was not her first trial, and i consequently need not have given her the twenty-five louis, but i was well satisfied, and not caring much for maidenheads rewarded her as if i had been the first to bite at the cherry.

i kept raton at a louis a day till the arrival of the corticelli, and she had to be faithful to me, as i never let her go out of my sight. i liked the girl so well and found her so pleasant that i was sorry that the corticelli was coming; however, i was told of her arrival one night just as i was leaving my box at the theatre. my footman told me in a loud voice that my lady wife, my daughter, and a gentleman had just arrived from frankfort, and were awaiting me at the inn.

“idiot,” i exclaimed, “i have no wife and no daughter.”

however, all metz heard that my family had arrived.

the corticelli threw her arms round my neck, laughing as usual, and her mother presented me to the worthy man who had accompanied them from prague to metz. he was an italian named month, who had lived for a long time at prague, where he taught his native language. i saw that m. month and the old woman were suitably accommodated, and i then led the young fool into my room. i found her changed for the better; she had grown, her shape was improved, and her pleasant manners made her a very charming girl.