i continue my relations with mdlle. x. c. v. — vain attempts to procure abortion — the aroph — she flies from home and takes refuge in a convent

the difficulties i encountered only served to increase my love for my charming englishwoman. i went to see her every morning, and as my interest in her condition was genuine, she could have no suspicion that i was acting a part, or attribute my care of her to anything but the most delicate feelings. for her part she seemed well pleased in the alteration of my behaviour, though her satisfaction may very probably have been assumed. i understood women well enough to know that though she did not love me she was probably annoyed at seeing my new character sit upon me so easily.

one morning in the midst of an unimportant and disconnected conversation, she complimented me upon my strength of mind in subduing my passion, adding, with a smile, that my desire could not have pricked me very sharply, seeing that i had cured myself so well in the course of a week. i quietly replied that i owed my cure not to the weakness of my passion but to my self-respect.

“i know my own character,” i said, “and without undue presumption, i think i may say that i am worthy of a woman’s love. naturally, after your convincing me that you think differently, i feel humiliated and indignant. do you know what effect such feelings have on the heart?”

“alas!” said she, “i know too well. their effect is to inspire one with contempt for her who gave rise to them.”

“that is going too far, at least in my case. my indignation was merely succeeded by a renewed confidence in myself, and a determination to be revenged.”

“to be revenged! in what way?”

“i wish to compel you to esteem me, by proving to you that i am lord of myself, and can pass by with indifference what i once so ardently desired. i do not know whether i have succeeded yet, but i may say that i can now contemplate your charms without desiring to possess them.”

“you are making a mistake, for i never ceased to esteem you, and i esteemed you as much a week ago as i do to-day. nor for a moment i did think you capable of leaving me to my fate as a punishment for having refused to give way to your transports, and i am glad that i read your character rightly.”

we went on to speak of the opiate i made her take, and as she saw no change in her condition she wanted me to increase the dose — a request i took care not to grant, as i knew that more than half a drachm might kill her. i also forbade her to bleed herself again, as she might do herself a serious injury without gaining anything by it. her maid, of whom she had been obliged to make a confidante, had had her bled by a student, her lover. i told mdlle. x. c. v. that if she wanted these people to keep her counsel she must be liberal with them, and she replied that she had no money. i offered her money and she accepted fifty louis, assuring me that she would repay me that sum which she needed for her brother richard. i had not as much money about me, but i sent her the same day a packet of twelve hundred francs with a note in which i begged her to have recourse to me in all her necessities. her brother got the money, and thought himself authorized to apply to me for aid in a much more important matter.

he was a young man and a profligate, and had got into a house of ill- fame, from which he came out in sorry plight. he complained bitterly that m. farsetti had refused to lend him four louis, and he asked me to speak to his mother that she might pay for his cure. i consented, but when his mother heard what was the matter with him, she said it would be much better to leave him as he was, as this was the third time he had been in this condition, and that to have him cured was a waste of money, as no sooner was he well than he began his dissipated life afresh. she was quite right, for i had him cured at my expense by an able surgeon, and he was in the same way a month after. this young man seemed intended by nature for shameful excesses, for at the age of fourteen he was an accomplished profligate.

his sister was now six months with child, and as her figure grew great so did her despair. she resolved not to leave her bed, and it grieved me to see her thus cast down. thinking me perfectly cured of my passion for her, she treated me purely as a friend, making me touch her all over to convince me that she dare not shew herself any longer. i played in short the part of a midwife, but with what a struggle! i had to pretend to be calm and unconcerned when i was consumed with passion. she spoke of killing herself in a manner that made me shudder, as i saw that she had reflected on what she was saying. i was in a difficult position when fortune came to my assistance in a strange and amusing manner.

one day, as i was dining with madame d’urfe, i asked her if she knew of any way by which a girl, who had allowed her lover to go too far, might be protected from shame. “i know of an infallible method,” she replied, “the aroph of paracelsus to wit, and it is easy of application. do you wish to know more about it?” she added; and without waiting for me to answer she brought a manuscript, and put it in my hands. this powerful emmenagogue was a kind of unguent composed of several drugs, such as saffron, myrrh, etc., compounded with virgin honey. to obtain the necessary result one had to employ a cylindrical machine covered with extremely soft skin, thick enough to fill the opening of the vagina, and long enough to reach the opening of the reservoir or case containing the foetus. the end of this apparatus was to be well anointed with aroph, and as it only acted at a moment of uterine excitement it was necessary to apply it with the same movement as that of coition. the dose had to be repeated five or six times a day for a whole week.

this nostrum, and the manner of administering it, struck me in so laughable a light that i could not keep my countenance. i laughed with all my heart, but for all that i spent the next two hours in reading the dreams of paracelsus, in which madame d’urfe put more trust than in the truths of the gospel; i afterwards referred to boerhaave, who speaks of the aroph in more reasonable terms.

seeing, as i have remarked, the charming x. c. v. several hours a day without any kind of constraint, feeling in love with her all the time, and always restraining my feelings, it is no wonder if the hidden fire threatened at every moment to leap up from the ashes of its concealment. her image pursued me unceasingly, of her i always thought, and every day made it more evident that i should know rest no more till i succeeded in extinguishing my passion by obtaining possession of all her charms.

as i was thinking of her by myself i resolved to tell her of my discovery, hoping she would need my help in the introduction of the cylinder. i went to see her at ten o’clock, and found her, as usual, in bed; she was weeping because the opiate i gave her did not take effect. i thought the time a good one for introducing the aroph of paracelsus, which i assured her was an infallible means of attaining the end she desired; but whilst i was singing the praises of this application the idea came into my head to say that, to be absolutely certain, it was necessary for the aroph to be mingled with semen which had not lost its natural heat.

“this mixture,” said i, “moistening several times a day the opening of the womb, weakens it to such a degree that the foetus is expelled by its own weight:”

to these details i added lengthy arguments to persuade her of the efficacy of this cure, and then, seeing that she was absorbed in thought, i said that as her lover was away she would want a sure friend to live in the same house with her, and give her the dose according to the directions of paracelsus.

all at once she burst into a peal of laughter, and asked me if i had been jesting all the time.

i thought the game was up. the remedy was an absurd one, on the face of it; and if her common sense told her as much it would also make her guess my motive. but what limits are there to the credulity of a woman in her condition?

“if you wish,” said i, persuasively, “i will give you the manuscript where all that i have said is set down plainly. i will also shew you what boerhaeve thinks about it.”

i saw that these words convinced her; they had acted on her as if by magic, and i went on while the iron was hot.

“the aroph,” said i, “is the most powerful agent for bringing on menstruation.”

“and that is incompatible with the state i am now in; so the aroph should procure me a secret deliverance. do you know its composition?”

“certainly; it is quite a simple preparation composed of certain ingredients which are well known to me, and which have to be made into a paste with butter or virgin honey. but this composition must touch the orifice of the uterus at a moment of extreme excitement.”

“but in that case it seems to me that the person who gives the dose must be in love.”

“certainly, unless he is a mere animal requiring only physical incentives.”

she was silent for some time, for though she was quick-witted enough, a woman’s natural modesty and her own frankness, prevented her from guessing at my artifice. i, too, astonished at my success in making her believe this fable, remained silent.

at last, breaking the silence, she said, sadly,

“the method seems to me an excellent one, but i do not think i ought to make use of it.”

then she asked me if the aroph took much time to make.

“two hours at most,” i answered, “if i succeed in procuring english saffron, which paracelsus prefers to the oriental saffron.”

at that moment her mother and the chevalier farsetti came in, and after some talk of no consequence she asked me to stay to dinner. i was going to decline, when mdlle. x. c. v. said she would sit at table, on which i accepted; and we all left the room to give her time to dress. she was not long in dressing, and when she appeared her figure seemed to me quite nymph-like. i was astonished, and could scarcely believe my eyes, and i was on the point of thinking that i had been imposed on, for i could not imagine how she could manage to conceal the fulness i had felt with my own hands.

m. farsetti sat by her, and i by the mother. mdlle. x. c. v., whose head was full of the aroph, asked her neighbour, who gave himself out for a great chemist, if he knew it.

“i fancy i know it better than anyone,” answered farsetti, in a self- satisfied manner.

“what is it good for?”

“that is too vague a question.”

“what does the word mean?”

“it is an arabic word, of which i do not know the meaning; but no doubt paracelsus would tell us.”

“the word,” said i, “is neither arabic nor hebrew, nor, indeed, of any language at all. it is a contraction which conceals two other words.”

“can you tell us what they are?” said the chevalier.

“certainly; aro comes from aroma, and ph is the initial of philosophorum:”

“did you get that out of paracelsus?” said farsetti, evidently annoyed.

“no, sir; i saw it in boerhaave.”

“that’s good,” said he, sarcastically; “boerhaave says nothing of the sort, but i like a man who quotes readily.”

“laugh, sir, if you like,” said i, proudly, “but here is the test of what i say; accept the wager if you dare. i don’t quote falsely, like persons who talk of words being arabic.”

so saying i flung a purse of gold on the table, but farsetti, who was by no means sure of what he was saying, answered disdainfully that he never betted.

however, mdlle. x. c. v., enjoying his confusion, told him that was the best way never to lose, and began to joke him on his arabic derivation. but, for my part, i replaced my purse in my pocket, and on some trifling pretext went out and sent my servant to madame d’urfe’s to get me boerhaave.

on my return to the room i sat down again at table, and joined gaily in the conversation till the return of my messenger with the book. i opened it, and as i had been reading it the evening before i soon found the place i wanted, and giving it to him begged him to satisfy himself that i had quoted not readily but exactly. instead of taking the book, he got up and went out without saying a word.

“he has gone away in a rage,” said the mother; “and i would wager anything that he will not come back again.”

“i wager he will,” said the daughter, “he will honour us with his agreeable company before to-morrow’s sun has set.”

she was right. from that day farsetti became my determined enemy, and let no opportunity slip of convincing me of his hatred.

after dinner we all went to passy to be present at a concert given by m. de la popeliniere, who made us stay to supper. i found there silvia and her charming daughter, who pouted at me and not without cause, as i had neglected her. the famous adept, st. germain, enlivened the table with his wild tirades so finely delivered. i have never seen a more intellectual or amusing charlatan than he.

next day i shut myself up to answer a host of questions that esther had sent me. i took care to answer all those bearing on business matters as obscurely as possible, not only for the credit of the oracle, but also for fear of misleading the father and making him lose money. the worthy man was the most honest of dutch millionaires, but he might easily make a large hole in his fortune, if he did not absolutely ruin himself, by putting an implicit trust in my infallibility. as for esther, i confess that she was now no more to me than a pleasant memory.

in spite of my pretence of indifference, my whole heart was given to mdlle. x. c. v., and i dreaded the moment when she would be no longer able to hide her condition from her family. i was sorry for having spoken about the aroph, as three days had gone by without her mentioning it, and i could not very well reopen the question myself. i was afraid that she suspected my motives, and that the esteem she professed for me had been replaced by a much less friendly sentiment. i felt that her scorn would be too much for me to bear. so humiliated was i that i could not visit her, and i doubt if i should have seen her again if she had not intervened. she wrote me a note, in which she said i was her only friend, and that the only mark of friendship she wanted was that i should come and see her every day, if it were but for a moment. i hasted to take her my reply in my own person, and promised not to neglect her, assuring her that at all hazards she might rely on me. i flattered myself that she would mention the aroph, but she did not do so. i concluded that, after thinking it over, she had resolved to think no more about it.

“would you like me,” i said, “to invite your mother and the rest of you to dine with me?”

“i shall be delighted,” she replied. “it will be a forbidden pleasure to me before long.”

i gave them a dinner both sumptuous and delicate. i had spared no expense to have everything of the best. i had asked silvia, her charming daughter, an italian musician named magali, with whom a sister of mdlle. x. c. v.‘s was taken, and the famous bass la garde. mdlle. x. c. v. was in the highest spirits all the time. sallies of wit, jests, good stories and enjoyment, were the soul of the banquet. we did not separate till midnight, and before leaving mdlle. x. c. v. found a moment to whisper to me to come and see her early next morning, as she wanted to speak to me on matters of importance.

it will be guessed that i accepted the invitation. i waited on her before eight o’clock. she was very melancholy, and told me that she was in despair, that la popeliniere pressed on the marriage, and that her mother persecuted her.

“she tells me that i must sign the contract, and that the dressmaker will soon be coming to take my measure for my wedding dress. to that i cannot consent, for a dressmaker would certainly see my situation. i will die rather than confide in my mother, or marry before i am delivered.”

“there is always time enough to talk about dying,” said i, “when all other means have failed. i think you could easily get rid of la popeliniere, who is a man of honour. tell him how you are situated, and he will act without compromising you, as his own interest is sufficiently involved to make him keep the secret.”

“but should i be much better off then? and how about my mother?”

“your mother? oh! i will make her listen to reason.”

“you know not what she is like. the honour of the family would oblige her to get me out of the way, but before that she would make me suffer torments to which death is preferable by far. but why have you said no more about the aroph? is it not all a jest? it would be a very cruel one.”

“on the contrary, i believe it to be infallible, though i have never been a witness of its effects; but what good is it for me to speak to you? you can guess that a delicacy of feeling has made me keep silence. confide in your lover, who is at venice; write him a letter, and i will take care that it is given into his hands, in five or six days, by a sure messenger. if he is not well off i will give you whatever money may be needed for him to come without delay, and save your honour and life by giving you the aroph.”

“this idea is a good one and the offer generous on your part, but it is not feasible, as you would see if you knew more about my circumstances. do not think any more of my lover; but supposing i made up my mind to receive the aroph from another, tell me how it could be done. even if my lover were in paris, how could he spend an entire week with me, as he would have to? and how could he give me the dose five or six times a day for a week? you see yourself that this remedy is out of the question.”

“so you would give yourself to another, if you thought that would save your honour?”

“certainly, if i were sure that the thing would be kept secret. but where shall i find such a person? do you think he would be easy to find, or that i can go and look for him?”

i did not know what to make of this speech; for she knew i loved her, and i did not see why she should put herself to the trouble of going far when what she wanted was to her hand. i was inclined to think that she wanted me to ask her to make choice of myself as the administrator of the remedy, either to spare her modesty, or to have the merit of yielding to my love and thus obliging me to be grateful; but i might be wrong, and i did not care to expose myself to the humiliation of a refusal. on the other hand i could hardly think she wanted to insult me. not knowing what to say or which way to turn, and wanting to draw an explanation from her, i sighed profoundly, took up my hat, and made as if i were going, exclaiming, “cruel girl, my lot is more wretched than yours.”

she raised herself in the bed and begged me with tears in her eyes to remain, and asked me how i could call myself more wretched than her. pretending to be annoyed and yet full of love for her, i told her that the contempt in which she held me had affected me deeply, since in her necessity she preferred the offices of one who was unknown to her rather than make use of me.

“you are cruel and unjust,” she said, weeping. “i see, for my part, that you love me no longer since you wish to take advantage of my cruel necessity to gain a triumph over me. this is an act of revenge not worthy of a man of feeling.”

her tears softened me, and i fell on my knees before her.

“since you know, dearest, that i worship you, how can you think me capable of revenging myself on you? do you think that i can bear to hear you say that since your lover cannot help you you do not know where to look for help?”

“but after refusing you my favours, could i ask this office of you with any decency? have i not good reason to be afraid that as i refused to take pity on your love so you would refuse to take pity on my necessity?”

“do you think that a passionate lover ceases to love on account of a refusal which may be dictated by virtue? let me tell you all i think. i confess i once thought you did not love me, but now i am sure of the contrary; and that your heart would have led you to satisfy my love, even if you had not been thus situated. i may add that you no doubt feel vexed at my having any doubts of your love.”

“you have interpreted my feelings admirably. but how we are to be together with the necessary freedom from observation remains to be seen.”

“do not be afraid. now i am sure of your consent, it will not be long before i contrive some plan. in the meanwhile i will go and make the aroph.”

i had resolved that if ever i succeeded in persuading mdlle. x. c. v. to make use of my specific i would use nothing but honey, so the composition of the aroph would not be a very complicated process. but if one point was then plain and simple, another remained to be solved, and its solution gave me some difficulty. i should have to pass several nights in continual toils. i feared i had promised more than i could perform, and i should not be able to make any abatement without hazarding, not the success of the aroph, but the bliss i had taken such pains to win. again, as her younger sister slept in the same room with her and close to her, the operation could not be performed there. at last chance — a divinity which often helps lovers — came to my aid.

i was obliged to climb up to the fourth floor and met the scullion on my way, who guessed where i was going, and begged me not to go any farther as the place was taken.

“but,” said i, “you have just come out of it.”

“yes, but i only went in and came out again.”

“then i will wait till the coast is clear.”

“for goodness’ sake, sir, do not wait!”

“ah, you rascal! i see what is going on. well i will say nothing about it, but i must see her.”

“she won’t come out, for she heard your steps and shut herself in.”

“she knows me, does she?”

“yes, and you know her.”

“all right, get along with you! i won’t say anything about it.”

he went down, and the idea immediately struck me that the adventure might be useful to me. i went up to the top, and through a chink i saw madelaine, mdlle. x. c. v.‘s maid. i reassured her, and promised to keep the secret, whereon she opened the door, and after i had given her a louis, fled in some confusion. soon after, i came down, and the scullion who was waiting for me on the landing begged me to make madelaine give him half the louis.

“i will give you one all to yourself,” said i, “if you will tell me the story”— an offer which pleased the rogue well enough. he told me the tale of his loves, and said he always spent the night with her in the garret, but that for three days they had been deprived of their pleasures, as madam had locked the door and taken away the key. i made him shew me the place, and looking through the keyhole i saw that there was plenty of room for a mattress. i gave the scullion a louis, and went away to ripen my plans.

it seemed to me that there was no reason why the mistress should not sleep in the garret as well as the maid. i got a picklock and several skeleton keys, i put in a tin box several doses of the aroph- that is, some honey mixed with pounded stag’s horn to make it thick enough, and the next morning i went to the “hotel de bretagne,” and immediately tried my picklock. i could have done without it, as the first skeleton key i tried opened the wornout lock.

proud of my idea, i went down to see mdlle. x. c. v., and in a few words told her the plan.

“but,” said she, “i should have to go through madelaine’s room to get to the garret.”

“in that case, dearest, we must win the girl over.”

“tell her my secret?”

“just so.”

“oh, i couldn’t!”

“i will see to it; the golden key opens all doors.”

the girl consented to all i asked her, but the scullion troubled me, for if he found us out he might be dangerous. i thought, however, that i might trust to madelaine, who was a girl of wit, to look after him.

before going i told the girl that i wanted to discuss some important matters with her, and i told her to meet me in the cloisters of the augustinian church. she came at the appointed time and i explained to her the whole plan in all its details. she soon understood me, and after telling me that she would take care to put her own bed in the new kind of boudoir, she added that, to be quite safe, we must make sure of the scullion.

“he is a sharp lad,” said madelaine, “and i think i can answer for him. however, you may leave that to me.”

i gave her the key and six louis, bidding her inform her mistress of what we had agreed upon, and get the garret ready to receive us. she went away quite merry. a maid who is in love is never so happy as when she can make her mistress protect her intrigues.

next morning the scullion called on me at my house. the first thing i told him was to take care not to betray himself to my servants, and never to come and see me except in a case of necessity. he promised discretion, and assured me of his devotion to my service. he gave me the key of the garret and told me that he had got another. i admired his forethought, and gave him a present of six louis, which had more effect on him than the finest words.

next morning i only saw mdlle. x. c. v. for a moment to warn her that i should be at the appointed place at ten that evening. i went there early without being seen by anybody. i was in a cloak, and carried in my pocket the aroph, flint and steel, and a candle. i found a good bed, pillows, and a thick coverlet — a very useful provision, as the nights were cold, and we should require some sleep in the intervals of the operation.

at eleven a slight noise made my heart begin to beat — always a good sign. i went out, and found my mistress by feeling for her, and reassured her by a tender kiss. i brought her in, barricaded the door, and took care to cover up the keyhole to baffle the curious, and, if the worse happened, to avoid a surprise.

on my lighting the candle she seemed uneasy, and said that the light might discover us if anybody came up to the fourth floor.

“that’s not likely,” i said; “and besides, we can’t do without it, for how am i to give you the aroph in the dark?”

“very good,” she replied, “we can put it out afterwards.”

without staying for those preliminary dallyings which are so sweet when one is at ease, we undressed ourselves, and began with all seriousness to play our part, which we did to perfection. we looked like a medical student about to perform an operation, and she like a patient, with this difference that it was the patient who arranged the dressing. when she was ready — that is, when she had placed the aroph as neatly as a skull-cap fits a parson — she put herself in the proper position for the preparation to mix with the semen.

the most laughable part of it all was that we were both as serious as two doctors of divinity.

when the introduction of the aroph was perfect the timid lady put out the candle, but a few minutes after it had to be lighted again. i told her politely that i was delighted to begin again, and the voice in which i paid her this compliment made us both burst into laughter.

i didn’t take so short a time over my second operation as my first, and my sweetheart, who had been a little put out, was now quite at her ease.

her modesty had now been replaced by confidence, and as she was looking at the aroph fitted in its place, she shewed me with her pretty finger very evident signs of her co-operation in the work. then with an affectionate air, she asked me if i would not like to rest, as we had still a good deal to do before our work was at an end.

“you see,” said i, “that i do not need rest, and i think we had better set to again.”

no doubt she found my reason a good one, for, without saying anything, she put herself ready to begin again, and afterwards we took a good long sleep. when i woke up, feeling as fresh as ever, i asked her to try another operation; and after carrying this through successfully, i determined to be guided by her and take care of myself, for we had to reserve our energies for the following nights. so, about four o’clock in the morning she left me, and softly made her way to her room, and at daybreak i left the hotel under the protection of the scullion, who took me by a private door i did not know of.

about noon, after taking an aromatic bath, i went to call on mdlle. x. c. v., whom i found sitting up in bed as usual, elegantly attired, and with a happy smile on her lips. she spoke at such length on her gratitude, and thanked me so often, that, believing myself, and with good cause, to be her debtor, i began to get impatient.

“is it possible,” i said, “that you do not see how degrading your thanks are to me? they prove that you do not love me, or that if you love me, you think my love less strong than yours.”

our conversation then took a tender turn, and we were about to seal our mutual ardours without troubling about the aroph, when prudence bade us beware. it would not have been safe, and we had plenty of time before us. we contented ourselves with a tender embrace till the night should come.

my situation was a peculiar one, for though i was in love with this charming girl i did not feel in the least ashamed of having deceived her, especially as what i did could have no effect, the place being taken. it was my self-esteem which made me congratulate myself on the sharp practice which had procured me such pleasures. she told me that she was sorry she had denied me when i had asked her before, and said that she felt now that i had good reason to suspect the reality of her love. i did my best to reassure her, and indeed all suspicions on my part would have been but idle thoughts, as i had succeeded beyond all expectation. however, there is one point upon which i congratulate myself to this day — namely, that during those nightly toils of mine, which did so little towards the object of her desires, i succeeded in inspiring her with such a feeling of resignation that she promised, of her own accord, not to despair any more, but to trust in and be guided by me. she often told me during our nocturnal conversations that she was happy and would continue to be so, even though the aroph had no effect. not that she had ceased to believe in it, for she continued the application of the harmless preparation till our last assaults, in which we wanted in those sweet combats to exhaust all the gifts of pleasure.

“sweetheart,” said she, just before we parted finally, “it seems to me that what we have been about is much more likely to create than to destroy, and if the aperture had not been hermetically closed we should doubtless have given the little prisoner a companion.”

a doctor of the sorbonne could not have reasoned better.

three or four days afterwards i found her thoughtful but quiet. she told me that she had lost all hope of getting rid of her burden before the proper time. all the while, however, her mother persecuted her, and she would have to choose in a few days between making a declaration as to her state and signing the marriage contract. she would accept neither of these alternatives, and had decided on escaping from her home, and asked me to help her in doing so.

i had determined to help her, but i desired to save my reputation, for it might have been troublesome if it had been absolutely known that i had carried her off or furnished her with the means to escape. and as for any other alternative, neither of us had any idea of matrimony.

i left her and went to the tuileries, where a sacred concert was being given. the piece was a motet composed by moudonville, the words by the abbe de voisenon, whom i had furnished with the idea, “the israelites on mount horeb.”

as i was getting out of my carriage, i saw madame du remain descending alone from hers. i ran up. to her, and received a hearty welcome. “i am delighted,” said she, “to find you here, it is quite a piece of luck. i am going to hear this novel composition, and have two reserved seats. will you do me the honour of accepting one?”

although i had my ticket in my pocket i could not refuse so honourable an offer, so, giving her my arm, we walked up to two of the best places in the house.

at paris no talking is allowed during the performance of sacred music, especially when the piece is heard for the first time; so madame du remain could draw no conclusions from my silence throughout the performance, but she guessed that something was the matter from the troubled and absent expression of my face, which was by no means natural to me.

“m. casanova,” said she, “be good enough to give me your company for an hour. i want to ask you-two or three questions which can only be solved by your cabala. i hope you will oblige me, as i am, very anxious to know the answers, but we must be quick as i have an engagement to sup in paris.”

it may be imagined that i did not wait to be asked twice, and as soon as we got to her house i went to work on the questions, and solved them all in less than half an hour.

when i had finished, “m. casanova;” said she, in the kindest manner possible, “what is the matter with you? you are not in your usual state of equanimity, and if i am not mistaken you are dreading some dire event. or perhaps you are on the eve of taking some important resolution? i am not inquisitive, but if i can be of any service to you at court, make use of me, and be sure that i will do my best. if necessary, i will go to versailles to-morrow morning. i know all the ministers. confide in me your troubles, if i cannot lighten them i can at least share them, and be sure i will keep your counsel.”

her words seemed to me a voice from heaven, a warning from my good genius to open my heart to this lady, who had almost read my thoughts, and had so plainly expressed her interest in my welfare.

after gazing at her for some seconds without speaking, but with a manner that shewed her how grateful i was, “yes madam,” i said, “i am indeed critically situated, may be on the serge of ruin, but your kindness has calmed my soul and made me once more acquainted with hope. you shall hear how i am placed. i am going to trust you with a secret of the most delicate description, but i can rely on your being as discreet as you are good. and if after hearing my story you deign to give me your advice, i promise to follow it and never to divulge its author.”

after this beginning, which gained her close attention, i told her all the circumstances of the case, neither concealing the young lady’s name nor any of the circumstances which made it my duty to watch over her welfare. all the same i said nothing about the aroph or the share i had taken in its exhibition. the incident appeared to me too farcical for a serious drama, but i confessed that i had procured the girl drugs in the hope of relieving her of her burden.

after this weighty communication i stopped, and madame du rumain remained silent, as if lost in thought, for nearly a quarter of an hour. at last she rose, saying,

“i am expected at madame de la marque’s, and i must go, as i am to meet the bishop of montrouge, to whom i want to speak, but i hope i shall eventually be able to help you. come here the day after tomorrow, you will find me alone; above all, do nothing before you see me. farewell.”

i left her full of hope, and resolved to follow her advice and hers only in the troublesome affair in which i was involved.

the bishop of montrouge whom she was going to address on an important matter, the nature of which was well known to me, was the abbe de voisenon, who was thus named because he often went there. montrouge is an estate near paris, belonging to the duc de la valiere.

i saw mdlle. x. c. v. the following day, and contented myself with telling her that in a couple of days i hope to give her some good news. i was pleased with her manner, which was full of resignation and trust in my endeavours.

the day after, i went to madame du rumain’s punctually at eight. the porter told me that i should find the doctor with my lady, but i went upstairs all the same, and as soon as the doctor saw me he took his leave. his name was herrenschwand, and all the ladies in paris ran after him. poor poinsinet put him in a little one-act play called le cercle, which, though of very ordinary merit, was a great success.

“my dear sir,” said madame du rumain, as soon as we were alone, “i have succeeded in my endeavours on your behalf, and it is now for you to keep secret my share in the matter. after i had pondered over the case of conscience you submitted to me, i went to the convent of c—- where the abbess is a friend of mine, and i entrusted her with the secret, relying on her discretion. we agreed that she should receive the young lady in her convent, and give her a good lay-sister to nurse her through her confinement. now you will not deny,” said she, with a smile, “that the cloisters are of some use. your young friend must go by herself to the convent with a letter for the abbess, which i will give her, and which she must deliver to the porter. she will then be admitted and lodged in a suitable chamber. she will receive no visitors nor any letters that have not passed through my hands. the abbess will bring her answers to me, and i will pass them on to you. you must see that her only correspondent must be yourself, and you must receive news of her welfare only through me. on your hand in writing to her you must leave the address to be filled in by me. i had to tell the abbess the lady’s name, but not yours as she did not require it.

“tell your young friend all about our plans, and when she is ready come and tell me, and i will give you the letter to the abbess. tell her to bring nothing but what is strictly necessary, above all no diamonds or trinkets of any value. you may assure her that the abbess will be friendly, will come and see her every now and then, will give her proper books — in a word, that she will be well looked after. warn her not to confide in the laysister who will attend on her. i have no doubt she is an excellent woman, but she is a nun, and the secret might leak out. after she is safely delivered, she must go to confession and perform her easter duties, and the abbess will give her a certificate of good behaviour; and she can then return to her mother, who will be too happy to see her to say anything more about the marriage, which, of course, she ought to give as her reason of her leaving home.”

after many expressions of my gratitude to her, and of my admiration of her plan, i begged her to give me the letter on the spot, as there was no time to be lost. she was good enough to go at once to her desk, where she wrote as follows:

“my dear abbess — the young lady who will give you this letter is the same of whom we have spoken. she wishes to spend three of four months under your protection, to recover her peace of mind, to perform her devotions, and to make sure that when she returns to her mother nothing more will be said about the marriage, which is partly the cause of her temporary separation from her family.”

after reading it to me, she put it into my hands unsealed that mdlle. x. c. v. might be able to read it. the abbess in question was a princess, and her convent was consequently a place above all suspicion. as madame du rumain gave me the letter, i felt such an impulse of gratitude that i fell on my knees before her. this generous woman was useful to me on another occasion, of which i shall speak later on.

after leaving madame du rumain i went straight to the “hotel de bretagne,” where i saw mdlle. x. c. v., who had only time to tell me that she was engaged for the rest of the day, but that she would come to the garret at eleven o’clock that night, and that then we could talk matters over. i was overjoyed at this arrangement, as i foresaw that after this would come the awakening from a happy dream, and that i should be alone with her no more.

before leaving the hotel i gave the word to madelaine, who in turn got the scullion to have everything in readiness.

i kept the appointment, and had not long to wait for my mistress. after making her read the letter written by madame du rumain (whose name i withheld from her without her taking offence thereat) i put out the candle, and without troubling about the aroph, we set ourselves to the pleasant task of proving that we truly loved each other.

in the morning, before we separated, i gave her all the instructions i had received from madame du rumain; and we agreed that she should leave the house at eight o’clock with such things as she absolutely required, that she should take a coach to the place maubert, then send it away, and take another to the place antoine, and again, farther on, a third coach, in which she was to go to the convent named. i begged her not to forget to burn all the letters she had received from me, and to write to me from the convent as often as she could, to seal her letters but to leave the address blank. she promised to carry out my instructions, and i then made her accept a packet of two hundred louis, of which she might chance to be in need. she wept, more for my situation than her own, but i consoled her by saying that i had plenty of money and powerful patrons.

“i will set out,” said she, “the day after to-morrow, at the hour agreed on.” and thereupon, i having promised to come to the house the day after her departure, as if i knew nothing about it, and to let her know what passed, we embraced each other tenderly, and i left her.

i was troubled in thinking about her fate. she had wit and courage, but when experience is wanting wit often leads men to commit acts of great folly.

the day after the morrow i took a coach, and posted myself in a corner of the street by which she had to pass. i saw her come, get out of the coach, pay the coachman, go down a narrow street, and a few minutes after reappear again, veiled and hooded, carrying a small parcel in her hand. she then took another conveyance which went off in the direction we had agreed upon.

the day following being low sunday, i felt that i must present myself at the “hotel de bretagne,” for as i went there every day before the daughter’s flight i could not stop going there without strengthening any suspicions which might be entertained about me. but it was a painful task. i had to appear at my ease and cheerful in a place where i was quite sure all would be sadness and confusion. i must say that it was an affair requiring higher powers of impudence than fall to the lot of most men.

i chose a time when all the family would be together at table, and i walked straight into the dining-room. i entered with my usual cheerful manner, and sat down by madame, a little behind her, pretending not to see her surprise, which, however, was plainly to be seen, her whole face being flushed with rage and astonishment. i had not been long in the room before i asked where her daughter was. she turned round, looked me through and through, and said not a word.

“is she ill?” said i.

“i know nothing about her.”

this remark, which was pronounced in a dry manner, put me at my ease, as i now felt at liberty to look concerned. i sat there for a quarter of an hour, playing the part of grave and astonished silence, and then, rising, i asked if i could do anything, for which all my reward was a cold expression of thanks. i then left the room and went to mdlle. x. c. v.‘s chamber as if i had thought she was there, but found only madelaine. i asked her with a meaning look where her mistress was. she replied by begging me to tell her, if i knew.

“has she gone by herself?”

“i know nothing at all about it, sir, but they say you know all. i beg of you to leave me.”

pretending to be in the greatest astonishment, i slowly walked away and took a coach, glad to have accomplished this painful duty. after the reception i had met with i could without affectation pose as offended, and visit the family no more, for whether i were guilty or innocent, madame x. c. v. must see that her manner had been plain enough for me to know what it meant.

i was looking out of my window at an early hour two or three days afterwards, when a coach stopped before my door, and madame x c v-, escorted by m. farsetti got out. i made haste to meet them on the stair, and welcomed them, saying i was glad they had done me the honour to come and take breakfast with me, pretending not to know of any other reason. i asked them to sit down before the fire, and enquired after the lady’s health; but without noticing my question she said that she had not come to take breakfast, but to have some serious conversation.

“madam,” said i, “i am your humble servant; but first of all pray be seated.”

she sat down, while farsetti continued standing. i did not press him, but turning towards the lady begged her to command me.

“i am come here,” she said, “to ask you to give me my daughter if she be in your power, or to tell me where she is.”

“your daughter, madam? i know nothing about her! do you think me capable of a crime?”

“i do not accuse you of abducting her; i have not come here to reproach you nor to utter threats, i have only come to ask you to shew yourself my friend. help me to get my daughter again this very day; you will give me my life. i am certain that you know all. you were her only confidant and her only friend; you passed hours with her every day; she must have told you of her secret. pity a bereaved mother! so far no one knows of the facts; give her back to me and all shall be forgotten, and her honour saved.”

“madam, i feel for you acutely, but i repeat that i know nothing of your daughter.”

the poor woman, whose grief touched me, fell at my feet and burst into tears. i was going to lift her from the ground, when farsetti told her, in a voice full of indignation, that she should blush to humble herself in such a manner before a man of my description. i drew myself up, and looking at him scornfully said,

“you insolent scoundrel! what do you mean by talking of me like that?”

“everybody is certain that you know all about it.”

“then they are impudent fools, like you. get out of my house this instant and wait for me, i will be with you in a quarter of an hour.”

so saying, i took the poor chevalier by the shoulders, and giving him sundry shakes i turned him out of the room. he came back and called to the lady to come, too, but she rose and tried to quiet me.

“you ought to be more considerate towards a lover,” said she, “for he would marry my daughter now, even after what she has done.”

“i am aware of the fact, madam, and i have no doubt that his courtship was one of the chief reasons which made your daughter resolve to leave her home, for she hated him even more than she hated the fermier-general.”

“she has behaved very badly, but i promise not to say anything more about marrying her. but i am sure you know all about it, as you gave her fifty louis, without which she could not have done anything.”

“nay, not so.”

“do not deny it, sir; here is the evidence — a small piece of your letter to her.”

she gave me a scrap of the letter i had sent the daughter, with the fifty louis for her brother. it contained the following lines,

“i hope that these wretched louis will convince you that i am ready to sacrifice everything, my life if need be, to assure you of my affection.”

“i am far from disavowing this evidence of my esteem for your daughter, but to justify myself i am obliged to tell you a fact which i should have otherwise kept secret — namely, that i furnished your daughter with this sum to enable her to pay your son’s debts, for which he thanked me in a letter which i can shew you.”

“my son?”

“your son, madam.”

“i will make you an ample atonement for my suspicions.”

before i had time to make any objection, she ran down to fetch farsetti, who was waiting in the courtyard, and made him come up and hear what i had just told her.

“that’s not a likely tale,” said the insolent fellow.

i looked at him contemptuously, and told him he was not worth convincing, but that i would beg the lady to ask her son and see whether i told the truth.

“i assure you,” i added, “that i always urged your daughter to marry m. de la popeliniere.”

“how can you have the face to say that,” said farsetti, “when you talk in the letter of your affection?”

“i do not deny it,” said i. “i loved her, and i was proud of my affection for her. this affection, of whatever sort it may have been (and that is not this gentleman’s business), was the ordinary topic of conversation between us. if she had told me that she was going to leave her home, i should either have dissuaded her or gone with her, for i loved her as i do at this moment; but i would never have given her money to go alone.”

“my dear casanova,” said the mother, “if you will help me to find her i shall believe in your innocence.”

“i shall be delighted to aid you, and i promise to commence the quest to-day.”

“as soon as you have any news, come and tell me.”

“you may trust me to do so,” said i, and we parted.

i had to play my part carefully; especially it was essential that i should behave in public in a manner consistent with my professions. accordingly, the next day i went to m. chaban, first commissary of police, requesting him to institute enquiries respecting the flight of mdlle. x. c. v. i was sure that in this way the real part i had taken in the matter would be the better concealed; but the commissary, who had the true spirit of his profession, and had liked me when he first saw me six years before, began to laugh when he heard what i wanted him to do.

“do you really want the police to discover,” said he, “where the pretty englishwoman is to be found?”

“certainly.”

it then struck me that he was trying to make me talk and to catch me tripping, and i had no doubt of it when i met farsetti going in as i was coming out.

next day i went to acquaint madame x. c. v. with the steps i had taken, though as yet my efforts had not been crowned with success.

“i have been more fortunate than you,” said she, “and if you will come with me to the place where my daughter has gone, and will join me in persuading her to return, all will be well.”

“certainly,” said i, “i shall be most happy to accompany you.”

taking me at my word, she put on her cloak, and leaning on my arm walked along till we came to a coach. she then gave me a slip of paper, begging me to tell the coachman to drive us to the address thereon.

i was on thorns, and my heart beat fast, for i thought i should have to read out the address of the convent. i do not know what i should have done if my fears had been well grounded, but i should certainly not have gone to the convent. at last i read what was written; it was “place maubert,” and i grew calm once more.

i told the coachman to drive us to the place maubert. we set off, and in a short time stopped at the opening of an obscure back street before a dirty-looking house, which did not give one a high idea of the character of its occupants. i gave madame x. c. v. my arm, and she had the satisfaction of looking into every room in the five floors of the house, but what she sought for was not there, and i expected to see her overwhelmed with grief. i was mistaken, however. she looked distressed but satisfied, and her eyes seemed to ask pardon of me. she had found out from the coachman, who had taken her daughter on the first stage of her journey, that she had alighted in front of the house in question, and had gone down the back street. she told me that the scullion had confessed that he had taken me letters twice from his young mistress, and that madelaine said all the time that she was sure her mistress and i were in love with each other. they played their parts well.

as soon as i had seen madame x. c. v. safely home, i went to madame du rumain to tell her what had happened; and i then wrote to my fair recluse, telling her what had gone on in the world since her disappearance.

three or four days after this date, madame du rumain gave me the first letter i received from mdlle. x. c. v. she spoke in it of the quiet life she was leading, and her gratitude to me, praised the abbess and the lay-sister, and gave me the titles of the books they lent her, which she liked reading. she also informed me what money she had spent, and said she was happy in everything, almost in being forbidden to leave her room.

i was delighted with her letter, but much more with the abbess’s epistle to madame du rumain. she was evidently fond of the girl, and could not say too much in her praise, saying how sweet-tempered, clever, and lady-like she was; winding up by assuring her friend that she went to see her every day.

i was charmed to see the pleasure this letter afforded madame du rumain — pleasure which was increased by the perusal of the letter i had received. the only persons who were displeased were the poor mother, the frightful farsetti, and the old fermier, whose misfortune was talked about in the clubs, the palais-royal, and the coffee- houses. everybody put me down for some share in the business, but i laughed at their gossip, believing that i was quite safe.

all the same, la popeliniere took the adventure philosophically and made a one-act play out of it, which he had acted at his little theatre in paris. three months afterwards he got married to a very pretty girl, the daughter of a bordeaux alderman. he died in the course of two years, leaving his widow pregnant with a son, who came into the world six months after the father’s death. the unworthy heir to the rich man had the face to accuse the widow of adultery, and got the child declared illegitimate to the eternal shame of the court which gave this iniquitous judgment and to the grief of every honest frenchman. the iniquitous nature of the judgment was afterwards more clearly demonstrated — putting aside the fact that nothing could be said against the mother’s character — by the same court having the, face to declare a child born eleven months after the father’s death legitimate.

i continued for ten days to call upon madame x. c. v., but finding myself coldly welcomed, decided to go there no more.