terrible disorders followed the death of draco the great. that prince’s successors have often been accused of weakness, and it is true that none of them followed, even from afar, the example of their valiant ancestor.

his son, chum, who was lame, failed to increase the territory of the penguins. bolo, the son of chum, was assassinated by the palace guards at the age of nine, just as he was ascending the throne. his brother gun succeeded him. he was only seven years old and allowed himself to be governed by his mother, queen crucha.

crucha was beautiful, learned, and intelligent; but she was unable to curb her own passions.

these are the terms in which the venerable talpa expresses himself in his chronicle regarding that illustrious queen:

“in beauty of face and symmetry of figure queen crucha yields neither to semiramis of babylon nor to penthesilea, queen of the amazons; nor to salome, the daughter of herodias. but she offers in her person certain singularities that will appear beautiful or uncomely according to the contradictory opinions of men and the varying judgments of the world. she has on her forehead two small horns which she conceals in the abundant folds of her golden hair; one of her eyes is blue and one is black; her neck is bent towards the left side; and, like alexander of macedon, she has six fingers on her right hand, and a stain like a little monkey’s head upon her skin.

“her gait is majestic and her manner affable. she is magnificent in her expenses, but she is not always able to rule desire by reason.

“one day, having noticed in the palace stables, a young groom of great beauty, she immediately fell violently in love with him, and entrusted to him the command of her armies. what one must praise unreservedly in this great queen is the abundance of gifts that she makes to the churches, monasteries, and chapels in her kingdom, and especially to the holy house of beargarden, where, by the grace of the lord, i made my profession in my fourteenth year. she has founded masses for the repose of her soul in such great numbers that every priest in the penguin church is, so to speak, transformed into a taper lighted in the sight of heaven to draw down the divine mercy upon the august crucha.”

from these lines and from some others with which i have enriched my text the reader can judge of the historical and literary value of the “gesta peguinorum.” unhappily, that chronicle suddenly comes to an end at the third year of draco the simple, the successor of gun the weak. having reached that point of my history, i deplore the loss of an agreeable and trustworthy guide.

during the two centuries that followed, the penguins remained plunged in blood-stained disorder. all the arts perished. in the midst of the general ignorance, the monks in the shadow of their cloister devoted themselves to study, and copied the holy scriptures with indefatigable zeal. as parchment was scarce, they scraped the writing off old manuscripts in order to transcribe upon them the divine word. thus throughout the breadth of penguinia bibles blossomed forth like roses on a bush.

a monk of the order of st. benedict, ermold the penguin, had himself alone defaced four thousand greek and latin manuscripts so as to copy out the gospel of st. john four thousand times. thus the masterpieces of ancient poetry and eloquence were destroyed in great numbers. historians are unanimous in recognising that the penguin convents were the refuge of learning during the middle ages.

unending wars between the penguins and the porpoises filled the close of this period. it is extremely difficult to know the truth concerning these wars, not because accounts are wanting, but because there are so many of them. the porpoise chronicles contradict the penguin chronicles at every point. and, moreover, the penguins contradict each other as well as the porpoises. i have discovered two chroniclers that are in agreement, but one has copied from the other. a single fact is certain, namely, that massacres, rapes, conflagrations, and plunder succeeded one another without interruption.

under the unhappy prince bosco ix. the kingdom was at the verge of ruin. on the news that the porpoise fleet, composed of six hundred great ships, was in sight of alca, the bishop ordered a solemn procession. the cathedral chapter, the elected magistrates, the members of parliament, and the clerics of the university entered the cathedral and, taking up st. orberosia’s shrine, led it in procession through the town, followed by the entire people singing hymns. the holy patron of penguinia was not invoked in vain. nevertheless, the porpoises beseiged the town both by land and sea, took it by assault, and for three days and three nights killed, plundered, violated, and burned, with all the indifference that habit produces.

our astonishment cannot be too great at the fact that, during those iron ages, the faith was preserved intact among the penguins. the splendour of the truth in those times illumined all souls that had not been corrupted by sophisms. this is the explanation of the unity of belief. a constant practice of the church doubtless contributed also to maintain this happy communion of the faithful — every penguin who thought differently from the others was immediately burned at the stake.