it is nine o'clock in the morning, and breakfast is on the table in the pretty breakfast-room at poynings. mrs. carruthers presides over the breakfast-table, and clare is occupied in arranging some flowers which have just been sent in by the head gardener--sweet, fresh flowers, partaking alike of the brightness of spring and the sweetness of summer, for the april showers have fulfilled their mission, and the earth is alike glowing and redolent. through the bow-window, opened in fear and trembling by clare before her uncle's appearance, and hitherto unnoticed by that potentate, who has a vivid dread of rheumatism, comes a soft air laden with delicious scent of new-mown grass; for close underneath three men are busily engaged in trimming the broad lawn, and the sound of their swiftly plied whetstones and the hum of their talk in their occasional intervals of rest has penetrated into the room, and makes a kind of human accompaniment to mr. carruthers's strictly unhuman and intonative manner of reading the morning prayers. spreading far away, and bordered in the extreme distance of a sloping shoulder of surrey down, lies the glorious kentish landscape, dotted here and there with broad red-faced farmsteads and lowly labourers' cots, with vast expanse of green and springing wheat and hop-grounds, where the parasite has as yet scarcely taken the tall poles within its pliant embrace, with thick plantations and high chalk cuttings, over which the steam from the flying train hangs like a vaporous wreath. in the immediate neighbourhood of the house the big elm-trees, guarding on either side the carriage-drive, tossed their high heads and rustled their broad arms in all the delight of their freshly acquired greenery; dew-bathed broad upland and mossy knoll sparkle alike in the morning sun; in the silvery bosom of the little lake the reflection of the slowly-drifting clouds rears quaint impalpable islands of strange fantastic form; within the magic square of the old red kitchen-garden wall, where rusty nails and fragments of last year's list still hung, large cucumber and melon frames blink in the sunlight, and every little handlight lends a scintillating ray. over all hangs a sense of stillness and composure, of peace and rest and quietude, such as might bring balm and healing to any wounded spirit.
external influences have, however, very little effect on one of the persons in the breakfast-room, for mrs. carruthers is bodily ill and mentally depressed. a racking nervous headache has deprived her of sleep during the past night, and has left its traces in deep livid marks underneath her eyes. she has a worn-out look and a preoccupied manner, and while she is superintending the preparation of the grand lama's tea--a process about which he is particular, and which is by no means to be lightly undertaken--her thoughts are far away, and her mind is full of doubts and misgiving. why did her husband come back so suddenly from the agricultural meeting yesterday? could be by any means have been aware of george's presence in the neighbourhood; and, if so, had he hastened his return with the view of detecting him? if so, he had providentially been thwarted in his plan. nurse ellen had seen the boy, and had conveyed to him the bracelet; the means of release from his surrounding difficulties were now in his hands, and the mother felt sure, from his manner, that he would keep his word, and never again subject himself to such a fearful risk. all danger surely must be over; no hint had been dropped by her husband of the slightest suspicion, and yet mrs. carruthers watches every change of his countenance, listens nervously to every footfall on the stairs, hears with a heart-beat the creak of every opening door, and is, obviously, constrained and wretched and ill at ease.
clare notices this pityingly and with wonder; mr. carruthers notices it too, with wonder, but without any pity, but he resents it, in point of fact, silently and with dignity. that mrs. carruthers of poynings should "mope" and be "out of sorts" is a kind of reflection on mr. carruthers of poynings, which that gentleman by no means approves of. over the top of his rustling newspaper he looks at his wife with severe glances levelled from under knitted brows; between his occasional bites of toast he gives a short, sharp, irritable cough; now and then he drums with his fingers on the table, or taps his foot impatiently on the floor. no notice of these vagaries is taken by either of the ladies, it being generally understood at poynings that the grand lama will always find vent in speech when the proper times arrives. meanwhile, mrs. carruthers moodily broods over the breakfast equipage, and clare continues her handiwork with the flowers.
the grand lama becomes more and more irate, glares through his gold double eye-glasses at the newspaper, wherein he is reading atrociously "levelling" views promulgated by a correspondent, gives utterance to smothered sounds indicative of indignation and contempt, and is just about to burst forth in a torrent of rage, when the door opens, and a footman, entering, hands a card on a salver to his master. as when, in full pursuit of the flying matador, the bull in the arena wheels round and engages the lithe picador who has just planted a flag-bearing dart in his quivering carcass, so mr. carruthers turns upon the servant who had interposed between him and the intended objects of his attack.
"what's this?" said he, in a sharp voice.
"card, sir," said the footman, utterly unmoved, and with the complacent expression of an ancient gurgoyle on a saxon church.
"do you think i'm blind?" said his master. "i see it's a card. where did it come from?"
"gentleman in the library, sir. said you was at breakfast; told me no 'urry, and giv' me his card."
mr. carruthers looks up suspiciously at thomas footman, but thomas footman is still gurgoylesque. then mr. carruthers replaces his eye-glasses, and, looking at the card, reads thereon, in old english characters, "mr. dalrymple," and in pencil the words "home office." "i will be with the gentleman in a moment." only stopping at the looking-glass to run his fingers through his hair and to settle the tie of his checked cravat, mr. carruthers creaks out of the room.
mr. dalrymple, of the home office, has established himself in a comfortable chair, from which he rises on mr. carruthers's entrance. he is a tall, bald-headed man, and, to mr. carruthers's horror, wears a full-flowing brown beard. the grand lama, whose ideas on this point are out of date, knows that beards are now generally worn by members of the aristocracy as well as foreigners and billiard-sharpers, but cannot conceive that any government has been so preposterously lax as to permit its officials to indulge in such nonsense. consequently he refers to the card again, and, his first impressions being verified, is dumb with astonishment. nevertheless, he controls his feelings sufficiently to bow and to point to a chair.
"i am an early visitor, mr. carruthers," says mr. dalrymple, "but the fact is, my business is pressing. i came down to amherst by the mail train last night, but i would not disturb you at so late an hour, and, moreover, i could have done no good by seeing you then; so i slept at the inn. my visit to you is on business, as i presume you understand?"
mr. dalrymple says this pointedly, as the grand lama's face is rapidly assuming an open mouth and sunken jaw expression of idiotcy. he recovers himself by an effort, and, glancing at the card, mutters "home office."
"precisely," says mr. dalrymple. "i am a principal clerk in the home office, and i come to you in your capacity as justice of the peace. lord wolstenholme, our secretary, noticed that you generally acted as chairman of the bench of magistrates, and therefore decided that you were the proper person to be communicated with."
mr. carruthers's attention, which has been wandering a little--his eyes are still attracted by his visitor's beard, and he is wondering how long it has been growing, and why it should be, as it is, of two distinct shades of brown--is recalled by these words, and he mutters that he is obliged to his lordship for his opinion.
"now, my dear mr. carruthers," says mr. dalrymple, bending forward in his chair, dropping his voice to a whisper, and looking slyly from under his bushy eyebrows, "will you allow me to ask you a question? can you keep a secret?"
mr. carruthers is taken aback. from his magisterial and country-gentleman position he looks upon secrets as things exclusively appertaining to the vulgar, as connected with conspiracies, plots, swindles, and other indictable offences. considering, however, that the matter is brought under his notice in connection with the home office, he thinks he may venture to answer in the affirmative, and does accordingly.
"ex-actly," says mr. dalrymple. "i knew your answer before i put the question; but in these little matters it is absolutely necessary to have perfect accuracy. now then to the point--we are quite out of earshot? thank you! no chance of any one listening at the doors?"
mr. carruthers says "no," with an expression of face which says he should very much like to catch any one there.
"pre-cisely! now, my dear mr. carruthers, i will at once put you in possession of lord wolstenholme's views. the fact is, that a murder has been committed, under rather peculiar circumstances, and his lordship wants your assistance in investigating the matter."
mr. carruthers is all attention in an instant. every trace of preoccupation has vanished. his visitor's beard has no kind of attraction for him now, though it is wagging close before his eyes. a murder! the worst case he had ever investigated was a doubtful manslaughter arising out of a poaching affray, and for his remarks on that he had been highly complimented in the local press; but here is murder--and his aid is enlisted by the home office!
"the facts of the case," continues mr. dalrymple, "are shortly these. a body of a man is seen floating off paul's wharf, and is hooked up by one of the men attached to the steam-boat pier there. it is taken to the police station to be examined, and is then found to have been stabbed to the heart with a sharp instrument, and by a strong and clever hand. the pockets are empty, the studs have been taken from the shirt, and there is no token, pocket-book, or anything to establish its identity. 'ordinary case enough,' you'll say, with your experience; 'ordinary case enough--drunken man decoyed into some water-side ken, robbed, and made away with--case for the police--why lord wolstenholme and the home office?' you would say that, my dear sir, influenced by your ordinary perspicacity; but i answer your 'why.' from the appearance of this man's body it is plain that he was not an englishman; his clothes are not of english cut, and he had on a huge fur-lined overcoat, with a deep hood, such as no englishman ever wears. when this description was sent to us, lord wolstenholme at once referred to a private correspondence which we have had with the french embassy in relation to some of the second-of-december exiles who are now sheltered under the british flag, and we came to the conclusion that this was no common murder for purposes of plunder, but an act of political vengeance. now, my dear sir, you will perceive that to penetrate a mystery of this kind is of the greatest political importance, and consequently his lordship took the matter up at once, and set every engine we have at work to elucidate it. the result of our inquiries proves that the whole chance of identification rests upon a question of coats. the last person by whom, so far as we know, the wearer of the fur-lined coat was seen alive is a waiter at a tavern in the strand, who distinctly recollects the murdered man, whose dress he described very fully, being particularly positive about his jewelry--diamond studs, real, no 'duffers,' as he said, and of which there is no trace to be found--having dined at his eating-house, in company with another man, who had with him a blue witney overcoat, on the inside of which was a label bearing the name of some tailor, ewart or evans, he is unable to state which, residing at amherst."
"good god!" said mr. carruthers, surprised out of his usual reticence. "evans--i know the man well!"
"very likely!" says mr. dalrymple, composedly. "evans! the waiter has been had up, cross-questioned, turned inside out, but still adheres to his story. now, as we imagine this to be a bit of political vengeance, and not an ordinary crime, and as the detectives (capital fellows in their way) have had their heads a little turned since they've been made novel heroes of, lord wolstenholme thought it better that i should come down into the neighbourhood of amherst, and with your assistance try to find out where and by whom this coat was bought."
no hesitation now on mr. carruthers's part; he and the home office are colleagues in this affair. lord wolstenholme has shown his sagacity in picking out the active and intelligent magistrate of the district, and he shall see that his confidence is not misplaced. will mr. dalrymple breakfast? mr. dalrymple has breakfasted; then a message is sent to mrs. carruthers to say that mr. carruthers presumes he may say that mr. dalrymple, a gentleman from london, will join them at dinner? mr. dalrymple will be delighted, so long as he catches the up mail-train at amherst at--what is it?--nine fifteen. mr. carruthers pledges his word that mr. dalrymple shall be in time, and orders the barouche round at once. will mr. dalrymple excuse mr. carruthers for five minutes? mr. dalrymple will; and mr. carruthers goes to his dressing-room, while mr. dalrymple re-ensconces himself in the big arm-chair, and devotes his period of solitude to paring his nails and whistling softly the while.
the big, heavy, swinging barouche, only used on solemn occasions, such as state visits, sunday church-goings, and magisterial sittings, drawn by the two big grays, and driven by gibson, coachman, in his silver wig, his stiff collar, and his bright top-boots, and escorted by thomas, footman, in all the bloom of blue-and-silver livery and drab gaiters, comes round to the front door, and the gentlemen take their places in it and are driven off. the three gardeners mowing the lawn perform hindooish obeisances as the carriage passes them; obeisances acknowledged by mr. carruthers with a fore-finger lifted to the brim of his hat, as modelled on a portrait of the late duke of wellington. bulger at the lodge gates pulls his forelock, and receives the same gracious return, mr. carruthers all the time bristling with the sense of his own importance, and inwardly wishing that he could tell gardeners, lodge-keeper, and every one they met that his companion had come from the home office, and that they were about together to investigate a most important case of murder. mr. dalrymple, on the contrary, seems to have forgotten all about the actual business under treatment, and might be a friend come on a few days' visit. he admires the scenery, asks about the shooting, gives his opinion on the rising crops, talks of the politics rife in the neighbourhood, showing, by the way, a keen knowledge of their details, and never for an instant refers to the object of their inquiry until they are nearing the town, when he suggests that they had better alight short of their destination, and proceed on foot there. there is no particular reason for this, as probably mr. dalrymple knows; but he has never yet pursued an official and mysterious investigation in a barouche, and it seems to him an abnormal proceeding. so mr. carruthers, deferring in a courtly manner to his visitor's wishes, but, at the same time, walking beside him as though he had him in charge, they alight from the carriage, bidding the servant to wait, and walk into the town, directing their steps towards evans, tailor. evans, tailor, coatless, as is his wont, and with his thumbs stuck in the arm-holes of his waistcoat, is standing at his door, and greets mr. carruthers with as much bow as is possible to his stout figure. could they speak to him for a moment? by all manner of means; will mr. carruthers walk into the back shop? where miss evans, a buxom girl with many shaking curls, is discovered working a pair of berlin-wool slippers, at a glance too small for her father, and is put to flight with much blushing and giggling. the two gentlemen seat themselves in the old-fashioned black-horsehair chairs, and mr. evans, a little excited, stands by them with his thumbs in his arm-holes, and flaps his hands occasionally, as though they were fins. "this gentleman, mr. evans," says mr. carruthers, giving this happy specimen of his acumen and discretion in a loud and pompous tone--"has come from lord wolstenholme, the secretary of state for the home department." mr. evans gives a fin-flap, indicative of profound respect. "he has been sent here to--"
"will you permit me in the very mildest manner to interrupt you, my dear sir?" says mr. dalrymple, in dulcet accents. "you put the matter admirably from the magisterial point of view--but perhaps if i were just to-- you have no objection? thank you! you've lived a long time in amherst, mr. evans?"
"i've been a master tailor here, sir, forty-three years last michaelmas."
"forty-three years! long time, indeed! and you're the tailor of the neighbourhood, eh?"
"well, sir, i think i may say we make for all the gentry round--mr. carruthers of poynings, sir, and sir thomas boldero, and--"
"of course--of course! you've a gold-printed label, i think, which you generally sew on to all goods made by you?"
"we have, sir--that same. with my name upon it."
"with your name upon it. just so! now, i suppose that label is never sewed on to anything which has not been either made or sold by you?"
"which has not been made, sir! we don't sell anything except our own make--evans of amherst don't."
"exactly; and very proper too." to mr. carruthers: "settles one point, my dear sir--must have been made here! now, mr. evans, you make all sorts of coats, of course, blue witney overcoats among the number?"
mr. evans, after a hesitating fin-flap, says: "a blue witney overcoat, sir, is an article seldom if ever called for in these parts. i shouldn't say we'd made one within the last two years--leastways, more than one."
"but you think you did make one?"
"there were one, sir, made to order from a party that was staying at the lion."
"staying at the lion? the inn, of course, where i slept last night. how long ago was that?"
"that were two years ago, sir."
"that won't do!" cries mr. dalrymple, in disappointed tone.
"two years ago that it were made and that the party was at the lion. the coat was sold less than three months ago."
"was it? to whom?"
"to a stranger--a slim young gent who came in here one day promiscuous, and wanted an overcoat. he had that blue witney, he had!"
"now, my dear mr. evans," says mr. dalrymple, laying his hand lightly on mr. evans's shirt-sleeve, and looking up from under his bushy brows into the old man's face, "just try and exercise your memory a little about this stranger. give us a little more description of him--his age, height, general appearance, and that sort of thing!"
but mr. evans's memory is quite unaccustomed to exercise, and cannot be jogged, or ensnared, or bullied into any kind of action. the stranger was young, "middling height," appearance, "well, gen-teel and slim-like;" and wild horses could not extract further particulars from mr. evans than these. stay. "what did he give for the coat, and in what money did he pay for it?" there's a chance. mr. evans remembers that he "gev fifty-three-and-six for the overcoat, and handed in a ten-pun' note for change." a ten-pound note, which, as mr. evans, by a further tremendous effort, recollects, had "the stamp of our post-office on it, as i pinted out to the gent at the time." was the note there? no; mr. evans had paid it into the county bank to his little account with some other money, but he quite recollected the post-office stamp being on it.
mr. carruthers thinks this a great point, but is dashed by mr. dalrymple's telling him, on their way from the tailor's, that all bank-notes passing through post-offices received the official stamp. this statement is corroborated at the amherst post-office, where no money-order of that amount, or of anything equivalent to that amount, has been recently paid, the remittances in that form being, as the postmaster explains, generally to the canal boatmen or the railway people, and of small value.
so there the clue fails suddenly and entirely, and mr. carruthers and mr. dalrymple again mount the big swinging barouche and are driven back to poynings to dinner, which meal is not, however, graced by the presence of either of the ladies; for mrs. carruthers is too ill to leave her room, and clare is in attendance on her. so the gentlemen eat a solemn dinner by themselves, and talk a solemn conversation; and at eight o'clock mr. dalrymple goes away, driven by gibson, coachman, in the carriage, and turning over in his mind how best to make something out of the uneventful day for the information of the home secretary.
that dignitary occupies also much of the attention of mr. carruthers, left in dignified solitude in the dining-room before the decanters of wine and the dishes of fruit, oblivious of his wife's indisposition, and wholly unobservant of the curiosity with which mr. downing, his butler and body-servant, surveys him on entering the room to suggest the taking of tea. very unusual is it for the poynings servants to regard their master with curiosity, or indeed with any feeling that bears the semblance of interest; but, be the cause what it may, there is no mistaking the present expression of downing's face. surprise, curiosity, and something which, if it must be called fear, is the pleasant and excited form of that feeling, prompt mr. downing to look fixedly at his master, who sits back in his chair in an attitude of magisterial cogitation, twirling his heavy gold eye-glass in his bony white hands, and lost in something which resembles thought more closely than mr. carruthers's mental occupation can ordinarily be said to do. there he sits, until he resolves to take his niece clare into confidence, tell her of the visit he has received from the gentleman from the home office, and ask her whether she can make anything of it, which resolution attained, and finding by his watch that the hour is half-past ten, and that therefore a carruthers of poynings may retire to rest if he chooses without indecorum, the worthy gentleman creaks upstairs to his room, and in a few minutes is sleeping the sleep of the just. mrs. carruthers--clare having been some time previously dismissed from the room--also seems to sleep soundly; at least her husband has seen that her eyes are closed.
her rest, real or pretended, would have been none the calmer had she been able to see her faithful old servant pacing up and down the housekeeper's room, and wringing her withered hands in an agony of distress; for the servant who had gone to amherst with mr. carruthers and his mysterious visitor in the morning had learned the meaning and purpose of the two gentlemen's visit to evans, the tailor, and had made it the subject of a lively and sentimental conversation in the servants' hall. although literature was not in a very flourishing condition at amherst, the male domestics of the household at poynings were not without their sources of information, and had thoroughly possessed themselves of the details of the murder.
mrs. brookes had heard of the occurrence two or three times in the course of the preceding day, but she had given it little attention. she was in her own room when the servants returned with the carriage which had taken mr. dalrymple to the railway station, having visited her mistress for the last time that evening, and was thinking, sadly enough, of george, when the entrance of the upper housemaid, her eager face brimful of news, disturbed her.
"oh, mrs. brookes," she began, "do you know who that gentleman was as dined here, and went to the town with master?"
"no, i don't," said mrs. brookes, with some curiosity; "do you?"
"not exactly; but thomas says home office were wrote on his card, and home office has something to do with finding people out when they've been a-doing anything."
mrs. brookes began to feel uncomfortable.
"what do you mean?" she said. "who's been doing anything that wants finding out?"
"nobody as i knows," replied martha, looking knowing and mysterious. "only, you know, that murder as mr. downing read us the inquest of, and how it's a foreigner as has been killed because he wouldn't help to blow up the king of france; at least, there's something of that in it. well, mr. downing thinks as the gentleman come about that."
"about that, here?" said mrs. brookes. "whatever has put such a notion into mr. downing's head as that?"
"well, mrs. brookes, this is it: they're all talking about it in the hall, and so i thought i'd just come and tell you. master and the stranger gentleman didn't take the carriage right on into town; they got just inside the pike, and went on by themselves; and, when they came back, master, he looked very red and grand-looking, and the strange gentleman he looked as if he was rare disappointed and put out, and, as he was a-shutting the door of the b'rouche, thomas heard him saying, 'no, no; there's nothing more to be done. evans was our only chance, and he's no use.' so nat'rally thomas wonders whatever they've been about, and what was their business with evans; so he and coachman wasn't sorry this evening when the strange gentleman was gone by the train, and they see evans a-loungin' about, a-flapping his hands, which he's always doing of it, up by the station. he were lookin' at the strange gentleman as sharp as sharp, as they drove up to the bookin'-office; and when they came out, there he were, and evans tells 'em all about it."
"all about what?" asks mrs. brookes sharply.
"all about what brought master and the other gentleman to his shop; and it's his belief, as master said more than the other gentleman wanted him to say; for master let out as how a murder had something to do with the business."
"what business, martha? do tell me what you mean, if you want me to listen to you any longer. how could mr. carruthers want to know anything from evans about a murder?"
"lor', ma'am, it weren't about the murder; it were about the coat! master told evans as how there had been a murder, and the other gentleman took master up rather shorter, evans thinks, than master is accustomed to be took, and asked him no end of questions--did he make such and such coats? and who did he sell 'em to? and particular did he sell witney coats? which mr. evans said he didn't in general, and had only sold one in two years, which the strange gentleman wanted to know what sort of gent had had it, and were he young or old, or good-looking or or'nary, and a mort of questions; wherein evans answered him to the best of his ability, but, being a man of his word, he couldn't make it no clearer than he could."
"what did he make clear?" asked mrs. brookes. "two years is a long time to remember the sale of a coat."
"it wasn't so long since it were sold. mr. evans sold it six weeks ago, but it were two years made."
mrs. brookes's heart gave a great bound, and her old eyes grew dim; but she was a brave woman, and martha, housemaid, was a dull one.
"did mr. evans not succeed in describing the person who bought the coat, then?"
"he thinks not; but he says he should know him again immediate, if he saw him. the strange gentleman didn't seem overpleased that his memory was so short; but lor', who's to know all about the eyeses and the noses of everybody as comes to buy a coat, or what not?--partic'lar if you don't know as he's been a committen of a murder. if you did, why, you'd look at him closer like, i should say!"
"has mr. downing got the paper with the murder of the foreigner in it?" asked mrs. brookes.
"yes, he have; he's just been reading it all over again in the hall. and he says as how master's in a brown study, as he calls it; only it's in the dining-room, and he's sure as the finding-out people has put it into his hands."
"when he has done with the paper, ask him to let me see it, martha. very likely this stranger's visit has nothing to do with the matter. downing finds out things that nobody else can see."
martha was an admirer and partisan of mr. downing, from the humble and discreet distance which divides a housemaid from a butler, and she did not like to hear his discretion aspersed.
"it looks as if he was right this time, however," she replied; "though it wasn't tim the tinker as stole sir thomas's spoons, which mr. downing never had a good opinion of him; but when there ain't nothing clearer than the person who was seen at the eating-house with the victim" (martha "took in" the hatchet of horror every week, and framed her language on that delightful model) "had on a coat as evans made, it looks as if he wasn't altogether in the wrong, now don't it, mrs. brookes?"
mrs. brookes could not deny that it looked very like that complimentary conclusion, and her brave old heart almost died within her. but she kept down her fear and horror, and dismissed martha, telling her to bring her the paper as soon as she could. the woman returned in a few moments, laid the newspaper beside mrs. brookes, and then went off to enjoy a continuation of the gossip of the servants' hall. very exciting and delightful that gossip was, for though the servants had no inkling of the terribly strong interest, the awfully near connection, which existed for poynings in the matter, it was still a great privilege to be "in" so important an affair by even the slender link formed by the probable purchase of a coat at amherst by the murderer. they enjoyed it mightily; they discussed it over and over again, assigning to the murdered man every grade of rank short of royalty, and all the virtues possible to human nature. the women were particularly eloquent and sympathizing, and martha "quite cried," as she speculated on the great probability of there being a broken-hearted sweetheart in the case.
in the housekeeper's room, mrs. brookes sat poring over the terrible story, to which she had listened carelessly on the previous day, as the servants talked it vaguely over. from the first words martha had spoken, her fears had arisen, and now they were growing every instant to the terrible certainty of conviction. what if the wretched young man, who had already been the cause of so much misery, had added this fearful crime to the long catalogue of his follies and sins?
all the household sleeps, and the silence of the night is in every room but one. there mrs. brookes still sits by the table with the newspaper spread before her, lost in a labyrinth of fear and anguish; and from time to time her grief finds words, such as:
"how shall i tell her? how shall i warn her? o george, george! o my boy! my boy!"