saturday, august 3, 2013

evening

tom is meeting some of his army buddies for adrink and evie’s down for her nap. i’m sitting in thekitchen, doors and windows closed despite the heat.

the rain of the past week has stopped at last; nowit’s stiflingly close.

i’m bored. i can’t think of anything to do. i fancygoing shopping, spending a bit of money on myself,but it’s hopeless with evie. she gets irritable and iget stressed. so i’m just hanging round the house. ican’t watch television or look at a newspaper. i don’twant to read about it, i don’t want to see megan’sface, i don’t want to think about it.

how can i not think about it when we’re here, justfour doors away?

i rang around to see if anyone was up for aplaydate, but everyone’s got plans. i even called mysister, but of course you’ve got to book her at leasta week in advance. in any case, she said she wastoo hungover to spend time with evie. i felt ahorrible pang of envy then, a longing for saturdaysspent lying on the sofa with the newspapers and ahazy memory of leaving the club the night before.

stupid, really, because what i’ve got now is a milliontimes better, and i made sacrifices to secure it. nowi just need to protect it. so here i sit in mysweltering house, trying not to think about megan. itry not to think about her and i jump every time ihear a noise, i flinch when a shadow passes thewindow. it’s intolerable.

what i can’t stop thinking about is the fact thatrachel was here the night megan went missing,stumbling around, totally pissed, and then she justdisappeared. tom looked for her for ages, but hecouldn’t find her. i can’t stop wondering what shewas doing.

there is no connection between rachel and meganhipwell. i spoke to the police officer, detective riley,about it after we saw rachel at the hipwells’ house,and she said it was nothing to worry about. “she’s arubbernecker,” she said. “lonely, a bit desperate. shejust wants to be involved in something.”

she’s probably right. but then i think about hercoming into my house and taking my child, iremember the terror i felt when i saw her with eviedown by the fence. i think about that horrible,chilling little smile she gave me when i saw heroutside the hipwells’ house. detective riley doesn’tknow just how dangerous rachel can be.