last days are very apt to be hard days. as the time drew near for quitting no. 13, clover was conscious of a growing reluctance.
"i wonder why it is that i mind it so much?" she asked herself. "phil has got well here, to be sure; that would be enough of itself to make me fond of the place, and we have had a happy winter in this little house. but still, papa, elsie, john,—it seems very queer that i am not gladder to go back to them. i can't account for it. it isn't natural, and it seems wrong in me."
it was a rainy afternoon in which clover made these reflections. phil, weary of being shut indoors, had donned ulster and overshoes, and gone up to make a call on mrs. hope. clover was quite alone in the house, as she sat with her mending-basket beside the fireplace, in which was burning the last but three of the pi?on logs,—geoff templestowe's christmas present.
"they will just last us out," reflected clover; "what a comfort they have been! i would like to carry the very last of them home with me, and keep it to look at; but i suppose it would be silly."
she looked about the little room. nothing as yet had been moved or disturbed, though the next week would bring their term of occupancy to a close.
"this is a good evening to begin to take things down and pack them," she thought. "no one is likely to come in, and phil is away."
she rose from her chair, moved restlessly to and fro, and at last leaned forward and unpinned a corner of one of the photographs on the wall. she stood for a moment irresolutely with the pin in her fingers, then she jammed it determinedly back into the photograph again, and returned to her sewing. i almost think there were tears in her eyes.
"no," she said half aloud, "i won't spoil it yet. we'll have one more pleasant night with everything just as it is, and then i'll go to work and pull all to pieces at once. it's the easiest way."
just then a foot sounded on the steps, and a knock was heard. clover opened the door, and gave an exclamation of pleasure. it was geoffrey templestowe, splashed and wet from a muddy ride down the pass, but wearing a very bright face.
"how nice and unexpected this is!" was clover's greeting. "it is such a bad day that i didn't suppose you or clarence could possibly get in. come to the fire and warm yourself. is he here too?"
"no; he is out at the ranch. i came in to meet a man on business; but it seems there's a wash-out somewhere between here and santa fé, and my man telegraphs that he can't get through till to-morrow noon."
"so you will spend the night in town."
"yes. i took marigold to the stable, and spoke to mrs. marsh about a room, and then i walked up to see you and phil. how is he, by the way?"
"quite well. i never saw him so strong or so jolly. papa will hardly believe his eyes when we get back. he has gone up to the hopes, but will be in presently. you'll stay and take tea with us, of course."
"thanks, if you will have me; i was hoping to be asked."
"oh, we're only too glad to have you. our time here is getting so short that we want to make the very most of all our friends; and by good luck there is a can of oysters in the house, so i can give you something hot."
"do you really go so soon?"
"our lease is out next week, you know."
"really; so soon as that?"
"it isn't soon. we have lived here nearly eight months."
"what a good time we have all had in this little house!" cried geoff, regretfully. "it has been a sort of warm little centre to us homeless people all winter."
"you don't count yourself among the homeless ones, i hope, with such a pleasant place as the high valley to live in."
"oh, the hut is all very well in its way, of course; but i don't look at it as a home exactly. it answers to eat and sleep in, and for a shelter when it rains; but you can't make much more of it than that. the only time it ever seemed home-like in the least was when you and mrs. hope were there. that week spoiled it for me for all time."
"that's a pity, if it's true, but i hope it isn't. it was a delightful week, though; and i think you do the valley an injustice. it's a beautiful place. now, if you will excuse me, i am going to get supper."
"let me help you."
"oh, there is almost nothing to do. i'd much rather you would sit still and rest. you are tired from your ride, i'm sure; and if you don't mind, i'll bring my blazer and cook the oysters here by the fire. i always did like to 'kitch in the dining-room,' as mrs. whitney calls it."
clover had set the tea-table before she sat down to sew, so there really was almost nothing to do. geoff lay back in his chair and looked on with a sort of dreamy pleasure as she went lightly to and fro, making her arrangements, which, simple as they were, had a certain dainty quality about them which seemed peculiar to all that clover did,—twisted a trail of kinnikinnick about the butter-plate, laid a garnish of fresh parsley on the slices of cold beef, and set a glass full of wild crocuses in the middle of the table. then she returned to the parlor, put the kettle, which had already begun to sing, on the fire, and began to stir and season her oysters, which presently sent out a savory smell.
"i have learned six ways of cooking oysters this winter," she announced gleefully. "this is a dry-pan-roast. i wonder if you'll approve of it. and i wonder why phil doesn't come. i wish he would make haste, for these are nearly done."
"there he is now," remarked geoff.
but instead it was dr. hope's office-boy with a note.
dear c.,—mrs. hope wants me for a fourth hand at whist, so i'm staying, if you don't mind. she says if it didn't pour so she'd ask you to come too. p.
"well, i'm glad," said clover. "it's been a dull day for him, and now he'll have a pleasant evening, only he'll miss you."
"i call it very inconsiderate of the little scamp," observed geoff. "he doesn't know but that he's leaving you to spend the evening quite alone."
"oh, boys don't think of things like that."
"boys ought to, then. however, i can stand his absence, if you can!"
it was a very merry little meal to which they presently sat down, full of the charm which the unexpected brings with it. clover had grown to regard geoff as one of her very best friends, and was perfectly at her ease with him, while to him, poor lonely fellow, such a glimpse of cosey home-life was like a peep at paradise. he prolonged the pleasure as much as possible, ate each oyster slowly, descanting on its flavor, and drank more cups of tea than were at all good for him, for the pleasure of having clover pour them out. he made no further offers of help when supper was ended, but looked on with fascinated eyes as she cleared away and made things tidy.
at last she finished and came back to the fire. there was a silence. geoff was first to break it. "it would seem like a prison to you, i am afraid," he said abruptly.
"what would?"
"i was thinking of what you said about the high valley."
"oh!"
"you've only seen it in summer, you know. it's quite a different place in the winter. i don't believe a—person—could live on the year round and be contented."
"it would depend upon the person, of course."
"if it were a lady,—yourself, for instance,—could it be made anyway tolerable, do you think? of course, one might get away now and then—"
"i don't know. it's not easy to tell beforehand how people are going to feel; but i can't imagine the high valley ever seeming like a prison," replied clover, vexed to find herself blushing, and yet unable to help it, geoff's manner had such an odd intensity in it.
"if i were sure that you could realize what it would be—" he began impetuously; then quieting himself, "but you don't. how could you? ranch life is well enough in summer for a short time by way of a frolic; but in winter and spring with the upper canyon full of snow, and the road down muddy and slippery, and the storms and short days, and the sense of being shut in and lonely, it would be a dismal place for a lady. nobody has a right to expect a woman to undergo such a life."
clover absorbed herself in her sewing, she did not speak; but still that deep uncomfortable blush burned on her cheeks.
"what do you think?" persisted geoff. "wouldn't it be inexcusable selfishness in a man to ask such a thing?"
"i think;" said clover, shyly and softly, "that a man has a right to ask for whatever he wants, and—" she paused.
"and—what?" urged geoff, bending forward.
"well, a woman has always the right to say no, if she doesn't want to say yes."
"you tempt me awfully," cried geoff, starting up. "when i think what this place is going to seem like after you've gone, and what the ranch will be with all the heart taken from it, and the loneliness made twice as lonely by comparison, i grow desperate, and feel as if i could not let you go without at least risking the question. but clover,—let me call you so this once,—no woman could consent to such a life unless she cared very much for a man. could you ever love me well enough for that, do you think?"
"it seems to me a very unfair sort of question to put," said clover, with a mischievous glint in her usually soft eyes. "suppose i said i could, and then you turned round and remarked that you were ever so sorry that you couldn't reciprocate my feelings—"
"clover," catching her hand, "how can you torment me so? is it necessary that i should tell you that i love you with every bit of heart that is in me, and need you and want you and long for you, but have never dared to hope that you could want me? loveliest, sweetest, i do, and i always shall, whether it is yes or no."
"then, geoff—if you feel like that—if you're quite sure you feel like that, i think—"
"what do you think, dearest?"
"i think—that i could be very happy even in winter—in the high valley."
and papa and the children, and the lonely and far-away feelings? there was never a mention of them in this frank acceptance. oh, clover, clover, circumstances do alter cases!
mrs. hope's rubber of whist seemed a long one, for phil did not get home till a quarter before eleven, by which time the two by the fire had settled the whole progress of their future lives, while the last logs of the pi?on wood crackled, smouldered, and at length broke apart into flaming brands. in imagination the little ranch house had thrown out as many wings and as easily as a newly-hatched dragon-fly, had been beautified and made convenient in all sorts of ways,—a flower-garden had sprouted round its base, plenty of room had been made for papa and the children and katy and ned, who were to come out continually for visits in the long lovely summers; they themselves also were to go to and fro,—to burnet, and still farther afield, over seas to the old devonshire grange which geoff remembered so fondly.
"how my mother and isabel will delight in you," he said; "and the squire! you are precisely the girl to take his fancy. we'll go over and see them as soon as we can, won't we, clover?"
clover listened delightedly to all these schemes, but through them all, like that young irish lady who went over the marriage service with her lover adding at the end of every clause, "provided my father gives his consent," she interposed a little running thread of protest,—"if papa is willing. you know, geoff, i can't really promise anything till i've talked with papa."
it was settled that until dr. carr had been consulted, the affair was not to be called an engagement, or spoken of to any one; only clover asked geoff to tell clarence all about it at once.
the thought of clarence was, in truth, the one cloud in her happiness just then. it was impossible to calculate how he would take the news. if it made him angry or very unhappy, if it broke up his friendship with geoff, and perhaps interfered with their partnership so that one or other of them must leave the high valley, clover felt that it would grievously mar her contentment. there was no use in planning anything till they knew how he would feel and act. in any case, she realized that they were bound to consider him before themselves, and make it as easy and as little painful as possible. if he were vexatious, they must be patient; if sulky, they must be forbearing.
phil opened his eyes very wide at the pair sitting so coseyly over the fire when at last he came in.
"i say, have you been here all the evening?" he cried. "well, that's a sell! i wouldn't have gone out if i'd known."
"we've missed you very much," quoth geoff; and then he laughed as at some extremely good joke, and clover laughed too.
"you seem to have kept up your spirits pretty well, considering," remarked phil, dryly. boys of eighteen are not apt to enjoy jokes which do not originate with themselves; they are suspicious of them.
"i suppose i must go now," said geoff, looking at his watch; "but i shall see you again before i leave. i'll come in to-morrow after i've met my man."
"all right," said phil; "i won't go out till you come."
"oh, pray don't feel obliged to stay in. i can't at all tell when i shall be able to get through with the fellow."
"come to dinner if you can," suggested clover. "phil is sure to be at home then."
lovers are like ostriches. geoff went away just shaking hands casually, and was very particular to say "miss carr;" and he and clover felt that they had managed so skilfully and concealed their secret so well; yet the first remark made by phil as the door shut was, "geoff seems queer to-night, somehow, and so do you. what have you been talking about all the evening?"
an observant younger brother is a difficult factor in a love affair.
two days passed. clover looked in vain for a note from the high valley to say how clarence had borne the revelation; and she grew more nervous with every hour. it was absolutely necessary now to dismantle the house, and she found a certain relief in keeping exceedingly busy. somehow the break-up had lost its inexplicable pain, and a glad little voice sang all the time at her heart, "i shall come back; i shall certainly come back. papa will let me, i am sure, when he knows geoff, and how nice he is."
she was at the dining-table wrapping a row of books in paper ready for packing, when a step sounded, and glancing round she saw clarence himself standing in the doorway. he did not look angry, as she had feared he might, or moody; and though he avoided her eye at first, his face was resolute and kind.
"geoff has told me," were his first words. "i know from what he said that you, and he too, are afraid that i shall make myself disagreeable; so i've come in to say that i shall do nothing of the kind."
"dear clarence, that wasn't what geoff meant, or i either," said clover, with a rush of relief, and holding out both her hands to him; "what we were afraid of was that you might be unhappy."
"well," in a husky tone, and holding the little hands very tight, "it isn't easy, of course, to give up a hope. i've held on to mine all this time, though i've told myself a hundred times that i was a fool for doing so, and though i knew in my heart it was no use. now i've had two days to think it over and get past the first shock, and, clover, i've decided. you and geoff are the best friends i've got in the world. i never seemed to make friends, somehow. till you came to hillsover that time nobody liked me much; i don't know why. i can't get along without you two; so i give you up without any hard feeling, and i mean to be as jolly as i can about it. after all, to have you at the high valley will be a sort of happiness, even if you don't come for my sake exactly," with an attempt at a laugh.
"clarence, you really are a dear boy! i can't tell you how i thank you, and how i admire you for being so nice about this."
"then that's worth something, too. i'd do a good deal to win your approval, clover. so it's all settled. don't worry about me, or be afraid that i shall spoil your comfort with sour looks. if i find i can't stand it, i'll go away for a while; but i don't think it'll come to that. you'll make a real home out of the ranch house, and you'll let me have my share of your life, and be a brother to you and geoff; and i'll try to be a good one."
clover was touched to the heart by these manful words so gently spoken.
"you shall be our dear special brother always," she said. "only this was needed to make me quite happy. i am so glad you don't want to go away and leave us, or to have us leave you. we'll make the ranch over into the dearest little home in the world, and be so cosey there all together, and papa and the others shall come out for visits; and you'll like them so much, i know, elsie especially."
"does she look like you?"
"not a bit; she's ever so much prettier."
"i don't believe a word of that"
clover's heart being thus lightened of its only burden by this treaty of mutual amity, she proceeded joyously with her packing. mrs. hope said she was not half sorry enough to go away, and poppy upbraided her as a gay deceiver without any conscience or affections. she laughed and protested and denied, but looked so radiantly satisfied the while as to give a fair color for her friends' accusations, especially as she could not explain the reasons of her contentment or hint at her hopes of return. mrs. hope probably had her suspicions, for she was rather urgent with clover to leave this thing and that for safe keeping "in case you ever come back;" but clover declined these offers, and resolutely packed up everything with a foolish little superstition that it was "better luck" to do so, and that papa would like it better.
quite a little group of friends assembled at the railway station to see her and phil set off. they were laden with flowers and fruit and "natural soda-water" with which to beguile the long journey, and with many good wishes and affectionate hopes that they might return some day.
"something tells me that you will," mrs. hope declared. "i feel it in my bones, and they hardly ever deceive me. my mother had the same kind; it's in the family."
"something tells me that you must," cried poppy, embracing clover; "but i'm afraid it isn't bones or anything prophetic, but only the fact that i want you to so very much."
from the midst of these farewells clover's eyes crossed the valley and sought out mount cheyenne.
"how differently i should be feeling," she thought, "if this were going away with no real hope of coming back! i could hardly have borne to look at you had that been the case, you dear beautiful thing; but i am coming back to live close beside you always, and oh, how glad i am!"
"is that good-by to cheyenne?" asked marian, catching the little wave of a hand.
"yes, it is good-by; but i have promised him that it shall soon be how-do-you-do again. mount cheyenne and i understand each other."
"i know; you have always had a sentimental attachment to that mountain. now pike's peak is my affinity. we get on beautifully together."
"pike's peak indeed! i am ashamed of you."
then the train moved away amid a flutter of handkerchiefs, but still clover and phil were not left to themselves; for dr. hope, who had a consultation in denver, was to see them safely off in the night express, and geoff had some real or invented business which made it necessary for him to go also.
clover carried with her through all the three days' ride the lingering pressure of geoff's hand, and his whispered promise to "come on soon." it made the long way seem short. but when they arrived, amid all the kisses and rejoicings, the exclamations over phil's look of health and vigor, the girls' intense interest in all that she had seen and done, papa's warm approval of her management, her secret began to burn guiltily within her. what would they all say when they knew?
and what did they say? i think few of you will be at a loss to guess. life—real life as well as life in story-books—is full of such shocks and surprises. they are half happy, half unhappy; but they have to be borne. younger sisters, till their own turns come, are apt to take a severe view of marriage plans, and to feel that they cruelly interrupt a past order of things which, so far as they are concerned, need no improvement. and parents, who say less and understand better, suffer, perhaps, more. "to bear, to rear, to lose," is the order of family history, generally unexpected, always recurring.
but true love is not selfish. in time it accustoms itself to anything which secures happiness for its object. dr. carr did confide to katy in a moment of private explosion that he wished the great west had never been invented, and that such a prohibitory tax could be laid upon young englishmen as to make it impossible that another one should ever be landed on our shores; but he had never in his life refused clover anything upon which she had set her heart, and he saw in her eyes that her heart was very much set on this. john and elsie scolded and cried, and then in time began to talk of their future visits to high valley till they grew to anticipate them, and be rather in a hurry for them to begin. geoff's arrival completed their conversion.
"nicer than ned," johnnie pronounced him; and even dr. carr was forced to confess that the sons-in-law with which fate had provided him were of a superior sort; only he wished that they didn't want to marry his girls!
phil, from first to last, was in favor of the plan, and a firm ally to the lovers. he had grown extremely western in his ideas, and was persuaded in his mind that "this old east," as he termed it, with its puny possibilities, did not amount to much, and that as soon as he was old enough to shape his own destinies, he should return to the only section of the country worthy the attention of a young man of parts. meanwhile, he was perfectly well again, and willing to comply with his father's desire that before he made any positive arrangements for his future, he should get a sound and thorough education.
"so you are actually going out to the wild and barbarous west, to live on a ranch, milk cows, chase the wild buffalo to its lair, and hold the tiger-cat by its favorite forelock," wrote rose red. "what was that you were saying only the other day about nice convenient husbands, who cruise off for 'good long times,' and leave their wives comfortably at home with their own families? and here you are planning to marry a man who, whenever he isn't galloping after cattle, will be in your pocket at home! oh, clover, clover, how inconsistent a thing is woman,—not to say girl,—and what havoc that queer deity named cupid does make with preconceived opinions! i did think i could rely on you; but you are just as bad as the rest of us, and when a lad whistles, go off after him wherever he happens to lead, and think it the best thing possible to do so. it's a mad world, my masters; and i'm thankful that roslein is only four and a half years old."
and clover's answer was one line on a postal card,—
"guilty, but recommended to mercy!"