the celebrated case of barbell against pickwick.

sergeant buzfuz's speech and

an unexpected verdict

on the morning of the trial mr. pickwick went to court certain that the outcome would be in his favor. the room was full of people, and all the pickwickians were there when he arrived. the judge was a very short man, so plump that he seemed all face and waistcoat. when he had rolled in upon two little turned legs, and sat down at his desk, all you could see of him was two little eyes, one broad pink face, and about half of a comical, big wig. scarcely had the jurors taken their seats, when mrs. bardell's lawyers brought in the lady herself, half hysterical, and supported by two tearful lady friends. the ushers called for silence and the trial began.

the lawyer who spoke for mrs. bardell was[pg 239] named sergeant buzfuz, a blustering man with a fat body and a red face. he began by picturing mr. pickwick's housekeeper as a lonely widow who had been heartlessly deceived by the villainy of her lodger. he declared that for two years, mrs. bardell had attended to mr. pickwick's comforts, that once he had patted her little boy on the head and asked him how he would like to have another father; that he had also asked her to marry him, and on the same day had been seen by three of his friends holding her in his arms and soothing her agitation. drawing forth two scraps of paper, sergeant buzfuz went on:

"gentlemen, one word more. two letters have passed between these parties, which speak volumes. they are not open, fervent letters of affection. they are sly, underhanded communications evidently intended by pickwick to mislead and delude any one into whose hands they might fall. let me read the first: 'dear mrs. b.—chops and tomato sauce. yours, pickwick.' gentlemen, what does this mean? chops! gracious heavens! and tomato sauce. gentlemen, is the happiness of a trusting female to be trifled away by such shallow tricks? the next has no date. 'dear mrs. b.—i shall not be at home till to-morrow.' and then follows this remarkable expression—'don't trouble yourself about the warming-pan.' the warming-pan! why is mrs. bardell begged not to trouble herself about this warming-pan, unless (as is no[pg 240] doubt the case) it is a mere substitute for some endearing word or promise, cunningly used by pickwick, with a view to his intended desertion?

"but enough of this, gentlemen. it is hard to smile with an aching heart. my client's hopes are ruined. all is gloom in the house; the child's sports are forgotten while his mother weeps. but pickwick, gentlemen, pickwick, the pitiless destroyer—pickwick who comes before you to-day with his heartless tomato sauce and warming-pans—pickwick still rears his head, and gazes without a sigh on the ruins he has made. damages, gentlemen, heavy damages is the only punishment with which you can visit him. and for these damages, my client now appeals to a high-minded, a right-feeling, a sympathizing jury of her countrymen!"

with this sergeant buzfuz stopped, and began to call his witnesses. the first was one of mrs. bardell's female cronies, whose testimony of course, was all in her favor.

then winkle was called. knowing that he was a friend of mr. pickwick's, mrs. bardell's lawyers browbeat and puzzled him till poor mr. winkle had the air of a disconcerted pickpocket, and was in a terrible state of confusion. he was soon made to tell how, with tupman and snodgrass, he had come into mr. pickwick's lodgings one day to find him holding mrs. bardell in his arms. the other two pickwickians were also compelled to testify to this.[pg 241]

nor was this all. sergeant buzfuz finally entrapped the agonized winkle into telling how mr. pickwick had been found at night in the wrong room at the ipswich inn and how as a result a lady's marriage had been broken off and the whole party arrested and taken before the mayor. poor winkle was obliged to tell this, though he knew it would hurt the case of mr. pickwick. when he was released he rushed away to the nearest inn, where he was found some hours later by the waiter, groaning dismally with his head under the sofa cushions.

mr. pickwick's case looked black. the only comfort he received was from the testimony of sam weller, who tried to do mrs. bardell's side all possible harm yet say as little about his master as he could, and who kept the court room in a roar of laughter with his sallies.

"do you mean to tell me, mr. weller," said sergeant buzfuz finally, "that you saw nothing of mrs. bardell's fainting in the arms of mr. pickwick? have you a pair of eyes, mr. weller?"

"yes, i have a pair of eyes," replied sam, "and that's just it. if they was a pair o' patent-double-million-magnifyin'-gas-miscroscopes of hextra power, p'r'aps i might be able to see through a flight o' stairs and a deal door; but bein' only eyes, you see, my wision's limited." sergeant buzfuz could make nothing out of sam, and so the case for mrs. bardell closed.[pg 242]

mr. pickwick's lawyer made a long speech in his favor, but it was of no use. the evidence seemed all against him. the jury found him guilty of breach of promise of marriage, and sentenced him to pay mrs. bardell her damages.

mr. pickwick was speechless with indignation. he vowed that not one penny would he ever pay if he spent the rest of his life in a jail. his own lawyer warned him that if he did not pay within two months, mrs. bardell's lawyers could put him into the debtors' prison, but mr. pickwick prepared to start on another excursion with his three friends, still declaring that he would never pay.