a medley of crashing music, pungently odd and exhilarating smells, the roaring croon of the steam calliope, the sweet lingering savour of clown-white grease paint, elephants, sleek barking seals, trained pigs, superb white horses, frolicking dogs, exquisite ladies in tights and spangles, the pallid venuses of the “living statuary,” a whole[pg 195] jumble of incongruous and fantastic glimpses, moving in perfect order through its arranged cycles—this is the blurred and ecstatic recollection of an amateur clown at the circus.

it was pay day that afternoon and all the performers were in cheerful humour. perhaps that was why the two outsiders, who played a very inconspicuous part in the vast show, were so gently treated. certainly they had approached the garden in some secret trepidation. they had had visions of dire jests and grievous humiliations: of finding themselves suddenly astride the bare backs of berserk mules, or hoisted by blazing petards, or douched with mysterious cascades of icy water. pat valdo had written: “i am glad to hear you are going to clown a bit. i hope you both will enjoy the experience.” to our overwrought imaginations this sounded a little ominous. what would pat and his lively confrères do to us?

we need not have feared. not in the most genial club could we have been more kindly treated than in the dressing room where we found pat valdo opening his trunk and getting out the antic costumes he had provided. (the eye of a certain elephant, to tell the truth, was the only real embarrassment we suffered. we happened to stand by him as he was waiting to go on, and in his shrewd and critical orb we saw a complete disdain. he spotted us at once. he knew us for interlopers. he knew that we were not[pg 196] a real clown, and his eye showed a spark of scorn. we felt shamed, and slunk away.)

a liberal coating of clown-white, well rubbed into the palms before applying; a rich powdering of talcum; and decorations applied by pat valdo with his red and black paint-sticks—these give an effect that startles the amateur when he considers himself in the mirror. topped with a skull-cap of white flannel (on which perches a supreme oddity in the way of a hooligan hat) and enveloped in a baggy pierrot garment—one is ready to look about and study the dressing room, where our fellows, in every kind of gorgeous grotesquerie, are preparing for the grand introductory pageant—followed by the “strange people.” (they don't call them freaks any more.) here is johannes joseffson, the icelandic gladiator, sitting on his trunk, with his bare feet gingerly placed on his slippers to keep them off the dusty floor while he puts on his wrestling tights. as he bends over with arched back, and raises one leg to insert it into the long pink stocking, one must admire the perfect muscular grace of his thighs and shoulders. here is the equally muscular dwarf, being massaged by a friend before he dons his pink frills and dashing plumed hat and becomes mlle. spangletti, “the marvel equestrienne, darling of the parisian boulevards.” here is the inevitable charley chaplin, and here the dean of all the clowns, an old gentleman of seventy-four, in his frolicsome[pg 197] costume, as lively as ever. here is a trunk inscribed australian woodchoppers, and sitting on it one of the woodchoppers himself, a quiet, humorous, cultivated gentleman with a great fund of philosophy. a rumour goes the rounds—as it does behind the scenes in every kind of show. “do you know who we have with us to-day? i see one of the boxes is all decorated up.” “it's mrs. vincent astor.” “who's she?” interjects the australian woodchopper, satirically. “it's general wood.” “did you hear, wood and pershing are here to-day?” charley chaplin asserts that he has “a good gag” that he's going to try out to-day and see how it goes. one of the other clowns in the course of dressing comes up to pat valdo, and pat introduces his two pupils. “newspaper men, hey?” says the latter. “what did you tell me for? i usually double-cross the newspaper men when they come up to do some clowning,” he explains to us. we are left wondering in what this double-crossing consists. suddenly they all troop off down the dark narrow stairs for the triumphal entry. the splendour of this parade may not be marred by any clown costumes, so the two novices are left upstairs, peering through holes in the dressing-room wall. the big arena is all an expanse of eager faces. the band strikes up a stirring ditty. a wave of excitement sweeps through the dingy quarters of the garden. the show is on, and how delirious it all is![pg 198]

downstairs, the space behind the arena is a fascinating jostle of odd sights. the elephants come swaying up the runway from the basement and stand in line waiting their turn. here is a cage of trained bears. in the background stands the dogcatcher's cart, attached to the famous kicking mule. from the ladies' dressing quarters come the aerial human butterflies in their wings and gauzy draperies. on the wall is a list of names, mail uncalled for. one of the names is “toby hamilton.” that must mean old toby, and we fear the letter will never be called for now, for toby hamilton, the famous old barnum and bailey press agent, who cleaned up more “free space” than any man who ever lived, died in 1916. suddenly appears a person clad in flesh tights and a barrel, carrying a label announcing himself as the common people. someone thrusts a large sign into the hands of one of the amateur clowns, and he is thrust upon the arena, to precede the barrelled common people round the sawdust circuit. he has hardly time to see what the sign says—something about “on strike against $100 suits.” the amateur clown is somewhat aghast at the huge display of friendly faces. is he to try to be funny? here is the flag-hung box, and he tries to see who is in it. he doesn't see either wood, pershing, or mrs. astor, who are not there; but a lot of wounded soldiers, who smile at him encouragingly. he feels better and proceeds, finding himself, with a[pg 199] start, just beneath some flying acrobats who are soaring in air, hanging by their teeth. common people shouts to him to keep the sign facing toward the audience. the tour is made without palpable dishonour.

things are now moving so fast it is hard to keep up with them. pat valdo is dressed as a prudish old lady with an enormous bustle. escorted by the clown policeman and the two amateurs, pat sets out, fanning himself demurely. hullo! the bustle has detached itself from the old lady, but she proceeds, unconscious. the audience shouts with glee. finally the cop sees what has happened and screams. the amateur clowns scream, too, and one of them, in a burst of inspiration, takes off his absurd hat to the bustle, which is now left yards behind. but pat is undismayed, turns and beckons with his hand. the bustle immediately runs forward of its own accord and reattaches itself to the rear of the skirt. you see, there is a dwarf inside it. the two amateur clowns are getting excited by this time and execute some impromptu tumbling. one tackles the other and they roll over and over desperately. in the scuffle one loses both his hat and skull-cap and flees shamefast from the scene. it is asserted by our partner that “this went big.” he swears it got a laugh. pat valdo hurries off to prepare for his boomerang throwing. pat is a busy man, for he is not only a clown, but he and mrs. valdo also do[pg 200] wonderful stunts of their own on ring number one.

and there are moments of sheer poetry, too. into the darkened arena, crossed by dazzling shafts of light, speeds a big white motor car. bird millman descends, tossing aside her cloak. “a fairy on a cobweb” the press agents call her, and as two humble clowns watch entranced through the peepholes in the big doors the phrase seems none too extravagant. see her, in a foam of short fluffy green skirts, twirl and tiptoe on the glittering wire, all grace and slenderness and agile enchantment. she bows in the dazzle of light and kisses her hands to the crowd. then she hops into the big car and is borne back behind the scenes. once behind the doors her gay vivacity ceases. she sits, wearily, several minutes, before getting out of the car. and then, later, comes mlle. leitzel. she, like all the other stars, is said to have “amazed all europe.” we don't know whether europe is harder to amaze than america. certainly no one could be more admiringly astounded than the amateur clowns gazing entranced through the crack of the doorway. to that nerve-tightening roll of drums she spins deliriously high up in giddy air, floating, a tiny human pin-wheel, in a shining cone of light. one can hear the crowd catch its breath. she walks back, all smiles, while her maid trots ahead saying something unintelligible. her tall husband is waiting for her at[pg 201] the doorway. he catches her up like a child and carries her off, limp and exhausted. one of the clowns (irreverent creature) makes a piteous squawk and begs us to carry him to his dressing room.

a trained pig, trotting cheerfully round in search of tidbits, is retrieved from under the hooves of mrs. curtis's horse, which is about to go out and dance. the dogcatcher's wagon is drawn up ready to rush forth, and the trained terrier which accompanies it is leaping with excitement. he regards it as a huge lark, and knows his cue perfectly. when the right time comes he makes a dash for a clown dressed as an elderly lady and tears off her skirt. one of the amateurs was allowed to ride behind the kicking mule, but to his great chagrin the mule did not kick as well as usual. here are charley chaplin and some others throwing enormous dice from a barrel. no matter how the dice are thrown they always turn up seven. into this animated gamble the amateur clown enters with enjoyment. all round him the wildest capers are proceeding. the double-ended flivver is prancing about. john barleycorn's funeral procession is going its way. “give me plenty of space,” says charley chaplin to us, “so the people can watch me.” we do so, reverently, for charley's antics are worth watching. we make a wild dash, and plan to do a tumble in imitation of charley's. to our disappointment we find that instead of sliding our feet dig into the soft sawdust, and the projected[pg 202] collapse does not arrive. intoxicated by the rich spice of circus odours, the booming calliope, the galloping horses, we hardly know what we are doing half the time. we hear miss may wirth, the wonder rider of the world, complaining bitterly that someone got in front of her when she was doing her particularly special stunt. we wonder dubiously whether we were the guilty one. alas, it is all over but the washing up. pat valdo, gentlest of hosts, is taking off his trick hat with the water cistern concealed in it. he has a clean towel ready for his grateful pupils.

the band is playing “the star-spangled banner,” and all the clowns, in various stages of undress, stand at attention. our little peep into the gay, good-hearted, courageous, and extraordinary world of the circus is over. pat and his fellows will go on, twice a day, for the next six months. it takes patience and endurance. but it must be some consolation to know that nothing else in the world gives half as much pleasure to so many people.