edward helped me into his car, being very careful of the wisps of silkand chiffon, the flowers he'd just pinned into my elaborately styledcurls, and my bulky walking cast. he ignored the angry set of my mouth.
when he had me settled, he got in the driver's seat and headed back outthe long, narrow drive.
"at what point exactly are you going to tell me what's going on?" i askedgrumpily. i really hated surprises. and he knew that.
"i'm shocked that you haven't figured it out yet." he threw a mockingsmile in my direction, and my breath caught in my throat. would i everget used to his perfection?
"i did mention that you looked very nice, didn't i?" i verified.
"yes." he grinned again. i'd never seen him dress in black before, and,with the contrast against his pale skin, his beauty was absolutelysurreal. that much i couldn't deny, even if the fact that he was wearinga tuxedo made me very nervous.
not quite as nervous as the dress. or the shoe. only one shoe, as myother foot was still securely encased in plaster. but the stiletto heel,held on only by satin ribbons, certainly wasn't going to help me as itried to hobble around.
"i'm not coming over anymore if alice is going to treat me like guineapig barbie when i do," i griped. i'd spent the better part of the day inalice's staggeringly vast bathroom, a helpless victim as she playedhairdresser and cosmetician. whenever i fidgeted or complained, shereminded me that she didn't have any memories of being human, and askedme not to ruin her vicarious fun. then she'd dressed me in the mostridiculous dress — deep blue, frilly and off the shoulders, with frenchtags i couldn't read — a dress more suitable for a runway than forks.
nothing good could come of our formal attire, of that i was sure. unless…but i was afraid to put my suspicions into words, even in my own head.
i was distracted then by the sound of a phone ringing. edward pulled hiscell phone from a pocket inside his jacket, looking briefly at the callerid before answering.
"hello, charlie," he said warily.
"charlie?" i frowned.
charlie had been… difficult since my return to forks. he had compartmentalized my bad experience into two defined reactions. towardcarlisle he was almost worshipfully grateful. on the other hand, he wasstubbornly convinced that edward was at fault — because, if not for him,i wouldn't have left home in the first place. and edward was far fromdisagreeing with him. these days i had rules that hadn't existed before:
curfews… visiting hours.
something charlie was saying made edward's eyes widen in disbelief, andthen a grin spread across his face.
"you're kidding!" he laughed.
"what is it?" i demanded.
he ignored me. "why don't you let me talk to him?" edward suggested withevident pleasure. he waited for a few seconds.
"hello, tyler, this is edward cullen." his voice was very friendly, onthe surface. i knew it well enough to catch the soft edge of menace. whatwas tyler doing at my house? the awful truth began to dawn on me. ilooked again at the inappropriate dress alice had forced me into.
"i'm sorry if there's been some kind of miscommunication, but bella isunavailable tonight." edward's tone changed, and the threat in his voicewas suddenly much more evident as he continued. "to be perfectly honest,she'll be unavailable every night, as far as anyone besides myself isconcerned. no offense. and i'm sorry about your evening." he didn't soundsorry at all. and then he snapped the phone shut, a huge smirk on hisface.
my face and neck flushed crimson with anger. i could feel therage-induced tears starting to fill my eyes.
he looked at me in surprise. "was that last part a bit too much? i didn'tmean to offend you."i ignored that.
"you're taking me to the prom!" i yelled.
it was embarrassingly obvious now. if i'd been paying any attention atall, i'm sure i would have noticed the date on the posters that decoratedthe school buildings. but i'd never dreamed he was thinking of subjectingme to this. didn't he know me at all?
he wasn't expecting the force of my reaction, that was clear. he pressedhis lips together and his eyes narrowed. "don't be difficult, bella."my eyes flashed to the window; we were halfway to the school already.
"why are you doing this to me?" i demanded in horror.
he gestured to his tuxedo. "honestly, bella, what did you think we weredoing?"i was mortified. first, because i'd missed the obvious. and also becausethe vague suspicions — expectations, really — that i'd been forming allday, as alice tried to transform me into a beauty queen, were so far wideof the mark. my half-fearful hopes seemed very silly now.
i'd guessed there was some kind of occasion brewing. but prom! that wasthe furthest thing from my mind.
the angry tears rolled over my cheeks. i remembered with dismay that iwas very uncharacteristically wearing mascara. i wiped quickly under myeyes to prevent any smudges. my hand was unblackened when i pulled itaway; maybe alice had known i would need waterproof makeup.
"this is completely ridiculous. why are you crying?" he demanded infrustration.
"because i'm mad!" "bella." he turned the full force of his scorching golden eyes on me.
"what?" i muttered, distracted.
"humor me," he insisted.
his eyes were melting all my fury. it was impossible to fight with himwhen he cheated like that. i gave in with poor grace.
"fine," i pouted, unable to glare as effectively as i would have liked.
"i'll go quietly. but you'll see. i'm way overdue for more bad luck. i'llprobably break my other leg. look at this shoe! it's a death trap!" iheld out my good leg as evidence.
"hmmm." he stared at my leg longer than was necessary. "remind me tothank alice for that tonight.""alice is going to be there?" that comforted me slightly.
"with jasper, and emmett… and rosalie," he admitted.
the feeling of comfort disappeared. there had been no progress withrosalie, though i was on quite good terms with her sometimes-husband.
emmett enjoyed having me around — he thought my bizarre human reactionswere hilarious… or maybe it was just the fact that i fell down a lot thathe found so funny. rosalie acted as if i didn't exist. while i shook myhead to dispel the direction my thoughts had taken, i thought ofsomething else.
"is charlie in on this?" i asked, suddenly suspicious.
"of course." he grinned, and then chuckled. "apparently tyler wasn't,though."i gritted my teeth. how tyler could be so delusional, i couldn't imagine.
at school, where charlie couldn't interfere, edward and i wereinseparable — except for those rare sunny days.
we were at the school now; rosalie's red convertible was conspicuous inthe parking lot. the clouds were thin today, a few streaks of sunlightescaping through far away in the west.
he got out and walked around the car to open my door. he held out hishand.
i sat stubbornly in my seat, arms folded, feeling a secret twinge ofsmugness. the lot was crowded with people in formal dress: witnesses. hecouldn't remove me forcibly from the car as he might have if we'd beenalone.
he sighed. "when someone wants to kill you, you're brave as a lion — andthen when someone mentions dancing…" he shook his head.
i gulped. dancing.
"bella, i won't let anything hurt you — not even yourself. i won't let goof you once, i promise."i thought about that and suddenly felt much better. he could see that inmy face.
"there, now," he said gently, "it won't be so bad." he leaned down andwrapped one arm around my waist. i took his other hand and let him liftme from the car.
he kept his arm tightly around me, supporting me as i limped toward theschool.
in phoenix, they held proms in hotel ballrooms. this dance was in thegym, of course. it was probably the only room in town big enough for adance. when we got inside, i giggled. there were actual balloon arches and twisted garlands of pastel crepe paper festooning the walls.
"this looks like a horror movie waiting to happen," i snickered.
"well," he muttered as we slowly approached the ticket table — he wascarrying most of my weight, but i still had to shuffle and wobble my feetforward — "there are more than enough vampires present."i looked at the dance floor; a wide gap had formed in the center of thefloor, where two couples whirled gracefully. the other dancers pressed tothe sides of the room to give them space — no one wanted to stand incontrast with such radiance. emmett and jasper were intimidating andflawless in classic tuxedos. alice was striking in a black satin dresswith geometric cutouts that bared large triangles of her snowy whiteskin. and rosalie was… well, rosalie. she was beyond belief. her vividscarlet dress was backless, tight to her calves where it flared into awide ruffled train, with a neckline that plunged to her waist. i pitiedevery girl in the room, myself included.
"do you want me to bolt the doors so you can massacre the unsuspectingtownsfolk?" i whispered conspiratorially.
"and where do you fit into that scheme?" he glared.
"oh, i'm with the vampires, of course."he smiled reluctantly. "anything to get out of dancing.""anything."he bought our tickets, then turned me toward the dance floor. i cringedagainst his arm and dragged my feet.
"i've got all night," he warned.
eventually he towed me out to where his family was twirling elegantly —if in a style totally unsuitable to the present time and music. i watchedin horror.
"edward." my throat was so dry i could only manage a whisper. "i honestlycan't dance!" i could feel the panic bubbling up inside my chest.
"don't worry, silly," he whispered back. "i can." he put my arms aroundhis neck and lifted me to slide his feet under mine.
and then we were whirling, too.
"i feel like i'm five years old," i laughed after a few minutes ofeffortless waltzing.
"you don't look five," he murmured, pulling me closer for a second, sothat my feet were briefly a foot from the ground.
alice caught my eye on a turn and smiled in encouragement — i smiledback. i was surprised to realize that i was actually enjoying myself… alittle.
"okay, this isn't half bad," i admitted.
but edward was staring toward the doors, and his face was angry.
"what is it?" i wondered aloud. i followed his gaze, disoriented by thespinning, but finally i could see what was bothering him. jacob black,not in a tux, but in a long-sleeved white shirt and tie, his hairsmoothed back into his usual ponytail, was crossing the floor toward us.
after the first shock of recognition, i couldn't help but feel bad forjacob. he was clearly uncomfortable — excruciatingly so. his face wasapologetic as his eyes met mine.
edward snarled very quietly.
"behave!" i hissed.
edward's voice was scathing. "he wants to chat with you."jacob reached us then, the embarrassment and apology even more evident onhis face.
"hey, bella, i was hoping you would be here." jacob sounded like he'dbeen hoping the exact opposite. but his smile was just as warm as ever.
"hi, jacob." i smiled back. "what's up?""can i cut in?" he asked tentatively, glancing at edward for the firsttime. i was shocked to notice that jacob didn't have to look up. he musthave grown half a foot since the first time i'd seen him.
edward's face was composed, his expression blank. his only answer was toset me carefully on my feet, and take a step back.
"thanks," jacob said amiably.
edward just nodded, looking at me intently before he turned to walk away.
jacob put his hands on my waist, and i reached up to put my hands on hisshoulders.
"wow, jake, how tall are you now?"he was smug. "six-two."we weren't really dancing — my leg made that impossible. instead weswayed awkwardly from side to side without moving our feet. it was justas well; the recent growth spurt had left him looking gangly anduncoordinated, he was probably no better a dancer than i was.
"so, how did you end up here tonight?" i asked without true curiosity.
considering edward's reaction, i could guess.
"can you believe my dad paid me twenty bucks to come to your prom?" headmitted, slightly ashamed.
"yes, i can," i muttered. "well, i hope you're enjoying yourself, atleast. seen anything you like?" i teased, nodding toward a group of girlslined up against the wall like pastel confections.
"yeah," he sighed. "but she's taken."he glanced down to meet my curious gaze for just a second — then we bothlooked away, embarrassed.
"you look really pretty, by the way," he added shyly.
"um, thanks. so why did billy pay you to come here?" i asked quickly,though i knew the answer.
jacob didn't seem grateful for the subject change; he looked away,uncomfortable again. "he said it was a 'safe' place to talk to you. iswear the old man is losing his mind."i joined in his laughter weakly.
"anyway, he said that if i told you something, he would get me thatmaster cylinder i need," he confessed with a sheepish grin.
"tell me, then. i want you to get your car finished." i grinned back. atleast jacob didn't believe any of this. it made the situation a biteasier. against the wall, edward was watching my face, his own faceexpressionless. i saw a sophomore in a pink dress eyeing him with timidspeculation, but he didn't seem to be aware of her.
jacob looked away again, ashamed. "don't get mad, okay?" "there's no way i'll be mad at you, jacob," i assured him. "i won't evenbe mad at billy. just say what you have to.""well — this is so stupid, i'm sorry, bella — he wants you to break upwith your boyfriend. he asked me to tell you 'please.'" he shook his headin disgust.
"he's still superstitious, eh?""yeah. he was… kind of over the top when you got hurt down in phoenix. hedidn't believe…"jacob trailed off self-consciously.
my eyes narrowed. "i fell.""i know that," jacob said quickly.
"he thinks edward had something to do with me getting hurt." it wasn't aquestion, and despite my promise, i was angry.
jacob wouldn't meet my eyes. we weren't even bothering to sway to themusic, though his hands were still on my waist, and mine around his neck.
"look, jacob, i know billy probably won't believe this, but just so youknow" — he looked at me now, responding to the new earnestness in myvoice — "edward really did save my life. if it weren't for edward and hisfather, i'd be dead.""i know," he claimed, but he sounded like my sincere words had affectedhim some. maybe he'd be able to convince billy of this much, at least.
"hey, i'm sorry you had to come do this, jacob," i apologized. "at anyrate, you get your parts, right?""yeah," he muttered. he was still looking awkward… upset.
"there's more?" i asked in disbelief.
"forget it," he mumbled, "i'll get a job and save the money myself."i glared at him until he met my gaze. "just spit it out, jacob.""it's so bad.""i don't care. tell me," i insisted.
"okay… but, geez, this sounds bad." he shook his head. "he said to tellyou, no, to warn you, that — and this is his plural, not mine" — helifted one hand from my waist and made little quotations marks in the air— '"we'll be watching.'" he watched warily for my reaction.
it sounded like something from a mafia movie. i laughed out loud.
"sorry you had to do this, jake," i snickered.
"i don't mind that much." he grinned in relief. his eyes were appraisingas they raked quickly over my dress. "so, should i tell him you said tobutt the hell out?" he asked hopefully.
"no," i sighed. "tell him i said thanks. i know he means well."the song ended, and i dropped my arms.
his hands hesitated at my waist, and he glanced at my bum leg. "do youwant to dance again? or can i help you get somewhere?"edward answered for me. "that's all right, jacob. i'll take it from here."jacob flinched, and stared wide-eyed at edward, who stood just beside us.
"hey, i didn't see you there," he mumbled. "i guess i'll see you around,bella." he stepped back, waving halfheartedly.
i smiled. "yeah, i'll see you later.""sorry," he said again before he turned for the door.
edward's arms wound around me as the next song started. it was a littleup-tempo for slow dancing, but that didn't seem to concern him. i leanedmy head against his chest, content.
"feeling better?" i teased.
"not really," he said tersely.
"don't be mad at billy," i sighed. "he just worries about me forcharlie's sake. it's nothing personal.""i'm not mad at billy," he corrected in a clipped voice. "but his son isirritating me."i pulled back to look at him. his face was very serious.
"why?""first of all, he made me break my promise."i stared at him in confusion.
he half-smiled. "i promised i wouldn't let go of you tonight," heexplained.
"oh. well, i forgive you.""thanks. but there's something else." edward frowned.
i waited patiently.
"he called you pretty," he finally continued, his frown deepening.
"that's practically an insult, the way you look right now. you're muchmore than beautiful."i laughed. "you might be a little biased.""i don't think that's it. besides, i have excellent eyesight."we were twirling again, my feet on his as he held me close.
"so are you going to explain the reason for all of this?" i wondered.
he looked down at me, confused, and i glared meaningfully at the crepepaper.
he considered for a moment, and then changed direction, spinning methrough the crowd to the back door of the gym. i caught a glimpse ofjessica and mike dancing, staring at me curiously. jessica waved, and ismiled back quickly. angela was there, too, looking blissfully happy inthe arms of little ben cheney; she didn't look up from his eyes, a headlower than hers. lee and samantha, lauren, glaring toward us, withconner; i could name every face that spiraled past me. and then we wereoutdoors, in the cool, dim light of a fading sunset.
as soon as we were alone, he swung me up into his arms, and carried meacross the dark grounds till he reached the bench beneath the shadow ofthe madrone trees. he sat there, keeping me cradled against his chest.
the moon was already up, visible through the gauzy clouds, and his faceglowed pale in the white light. his mouth was hard, his eyes troubled.
"the point?" i prompted softly.
he ignored me, staring up at the moon.
"twilight, again," he murmured. "another ending. no matter how perfectthe day is, it always has to end." "some things don't have to end," i muttered through my teeth, instantlytense.
he sighed.
"i brought you to the prom," he said slowly, finally answering myquestion, "because i don't want you to miss anything. i don't want mypresence to take anything away from you, if i can help it. i want you tobe human. i want your life to continue as it would have if i'd died innineteen-eighteen like i should have."i shuddered at his words, and then shook my head angrily. "in whatstrange parallel dimension would i ever have gone to prom of my own freewill? if you weren't a thousand times stronger than me, i would neverhave let you get away with this."he smiled briefly, but it didn't touch his eyes. "it wasn't so bad, yousaid so yourself.""that's because i was with you."we were quiet for a minute; he stared at the moon and i stared at him. iwished there was some way to explain how very uninterested i was in anormal human life.
"will you tell me something?" he asked, glancing down at me with a slightsmile.
"don't i always?""just promise you'll tell me," he insisted, grinning.
i knew i was going to regret this almost instantly. "fine.""you seemed honestly surprised when you figured out that i was taking youhere," he began.
"i was," i interjected.
"exactly," he agreed. "but you must have had some other theory… i'mcurious — what did you think i was dressing you up for?"yes, instant regret. i pursed my lips, hesitating. "i don't want to tellyou.""you promised," he objected.
"i know.""what's the problem?"i knew he thought it was mere embarrassment holding me back. "i think itwill make you mad — or sad."his brows pulled together over his eyes as he thought that through. "istill want to know. please?"i sighed. he waited.
"well… i assumed it was some kind of… occasion. but i didn't think itwould be some trite human thing… prom!" i scoffed.
"human?" he asked flatly. he'd picked up on the key word.
i looked down at my dress, fidgeting with a stray piece of chiffon. hewaited in silence.
"okay," i confessed in a rush. "so i was hoping that you might havechanged your mind… that you were going to change me, after all."a dozen emotions played across his face. some i recognized: anger… pain…and then he seemed to collect himself and his expression became amused.
"you thought that would be a black tie occasion, did you?" he teased,touching the lapel of his tuxedo jacket.
i scowled to hide my embarrassment. "i don't know how these things work.
to me, at least, it seems more rational than prom does." he was stillgrinning. "it's not funny," i said.
"no, you're right, it's not," he agreed, his smile fading. "i'd rathertreat it like a joke, though, than believe you're serious.""but i am serious."he sighed deeply. "i know. and you're really that willing?"the pain was back in his eyes. i bit my lip and nodded.
"so ready for this to be the end," he murmured, almost to himself, "forthis to be the twilight of your life, though your life has barelystarted. you're ready to give up everything.""it's not the end, it's the beginning," i disagreed under my breath.
"i'm not worth it," he said sadly.
"do you remember when you told me that i didn't see myself very clearly?"i asked, raising my eyebrows. "you obviously have the same blindness.""i know what i am."i sighed.
but his mercurial mood shifted on me. he pursed his lips, and his eyeswere probing. he examined my face for a long moment.
"you're ready now, then?" he asked.
"um." i gulped. "yes?"he smiled, and inclined his head slowly until his cold lips brushedagainst the skin just under the corner of my jaw.
"right now?" he whispered, his breath blowing cool on my neck. i shiveredinvoluntarily.
"yes," i whispered, so my voice wouldn't have a chance to break. if hethought i was bluffing, he was going to be disappointed. i'd already madethis decision, and i was sure. it didn't matter that my body was rigid asa plank, my hands balled into fists, my breathing erratic…he chuckled darkly, and leaned away. his face did look disappointed.
"you can't really believe that i would give in so easily," he said with asour edge to his mocking tone.
"a girl can dream."his eyebrows rose. "is that what you dream about? being a monster?""not exactly," i said, frowning at his word choice. monster, indeed.
"mostly i dream about being with you forever."his expression changed, softened and saddened by the subtle ache in myvoice.
"bella." his fingers lightly traced the shape of my lips. "i will staywith you — isn't that enough?"i smiled under his fingertips. "enough for now."he frowned at my tenacity. no one was going to surrender tonight. heexhaled, and the sound was practically a growl.
i touched his face. "look," i said. "i love you more than everything elsein the world combined. isn't that enough?""yes, it is enough," he answered, smiling. "enough for forever."and he leaned down to press his cold lips once more to my throat.
尾声 一触即发
爱德华帮我坐进他的车里，非常小心地不去碰到那一束束的丝绸和薄纱，还有他刚刚插到我精心设计的卷发上的鲜花，以及我那庞大的行走纠正靴。他完全无视我唇上的怒色。
当他帮我坐好后，他坐上了驾驶座，然后把车倒出那条长长的狭窄的车道。
“要到哪一个特别的时刻你才会告诉我接下来要发生什么事？”我暴躁地问道。我真的讨厌惊喜。而他知道。
“让我震惊的是，你到现在还没想出来。”他冲我投来嘲弄的一笑，我的呼吸立刻卡在了喉咙里。我到底要到什么时候才能习惯他的完美呢？
“我没有提到你看上去很不错，对吧？”我求证道。
“是的。”他又是咧嘴一笑。我此前从没见过他穿黑色，这颜色与他苍白的肌肤形成了巨大的反差，他的美丽完全是超凡脱俗的。我没法否认这一点，即便是他穿着一套男式无尾晚礼服这个事实也已经让我很不安了。
不安不仅仅源于穿着。或是鞋子。我只穿着一只鞋子，因为我的另一只脚依然安全地包裹在石膏里。但那仅仅用彩色缎带缠绕起来的细细的鞋跟，显然是不会在我蹒跚而行时有任何帮助的。
“如果爱丽丝打算像刚才那样把我当芭比豚鼠一样打理的话，我就再也不会过来了。”我抱怨道。我把一天中最好的时光花在了爱丽丝那间大得惊人的浴室里，充当她扮演发型师和美容师时那个无助的受害者。每当我坐卧不安或是想要抱怨的时候，她都会提醒我她完全不记得她当人类时的事了，然后要求我不要毁掉她聊以代替的乐趣。然后她让我穿上了一条最荒谬的裙子——一件深蓝色的，镶满褶边的露肩礼服，上面标着我不认识的法国标签——一条更适合于t台走秀而非福克斯的裙子。我没法从我们的正式着装上猜出什么好事情来，这点我很肯定。除非……但我不敢把我的怀疑说出口，甚至不敢自己想一下。
当电话响起来的时候，我被分了神。爱德华把他的手机从他外套口袋里拿出去，简单地看了一眼来电显示，然后接通了电话。
“你好，查理。”他警惕地说道。
“查理？”我皱起眉。
在我回到福克斯以后，查理相当地……难过。对于我糟糕的经历，他有着两种泾渭分明的反应。一方面，他对卡莱尔充满了几近敬畏的感激。另一方面，他固执地坚信爱德华是罪魁祸首——因为，如果不是因为他，我最开始根本不会离开家。而爱德华对此再赞成不过了。这些日子以来，我被加以了一大堆此前从未出现过的规定：宵禁……访客时间。
查理说的某些事情让爱德华的眼睛因为难以置信而睁大了。然后他脸上露出了一个咧嘴一笑。
“你在开玩笑！”他大笑起来。
“怎么了？”我诘问道。
他不理我。“你为什么不让我跟他谈谈？”爱德华提议道，语气里充满了显而易见的愉快。他等待了几秒钟。
“你好，泰勒，我是爱德华?卡伦。”他的声音非常友好，表面上看是这样。我捕捉到了那一丝淡淡的威胁的痕迹，这足以让我很明白了。泰勒在我家做什么？我渐渐理解了这个恐怖的真相。我再次看向爱丽丝强迫我穿上的这件很不恰当的衣服。
“我很抱歉，这里大概有些误会，但贝拉今晚没空。”爱德华的语气变了，他声音里的威胁忽然变得明显起来，他继续说道。“我再诚恳不过地告诉你，她每天晚上都没空，对每个人都是这样，但我除外。我没有冒犯的意思。我为你今晚的事深感歉意。”他听起来没有半点歉意。然后他啪地一下关掉电话，脸上露出一个大大的咧嘴坏笑。（smirk。。。好怀念啊。。。）
我的脸和脖子因为愤怒而变得绯红一片。我能感觉到盛怒带来的泪水正开始盈满我的眼眶。
他惊讶地看着我。“最后一段说得太过分了吗？我不是有意要冒犯你的。”
我不去理会他的话。
“你要带我去舞会！”我大叫起来。
现在这一切明显得令人难堪。如果我有稍微注意一下的话，我敢肯定我一点会留意到张贴在学校大楼上的海报的日期的。但我根本想象不到他在想着把我引向那里。他完全不认识我吗？
他完全没有预料的我的反应会如此强烈，这再明白不过了。他抿紧了唇，他的眼睛眯缝起来。“别自寻烦恼，贝拉。”
我的眼睛飞快地瞥向窗外，我们已经在去学校的半路上了。
“你为什么要让我做这？。”我震惊地诘问道。
他冲自己的晚礼服打了个手势。“老实说，贝拉，你认为我们在做什么？”
我被问住了。首先，因为我忽略了显而易见的事实。也因为那种模糊的疑虑——确切地说，是期待——我一整天都在盼望着，那时爱丽丝正试图把我变成一个漂亮的舞会皇后，这实在是个太明显的标志了。我半是害怕半是希望的想法现在显得很愚蠢。
我猜测过，这会是某种酝酿已久的场合。但舞会！这是我最不可能想到的事情。（这是离我的脑子最为遥远的事情。）
愤怒的泪水从我的脸颊上滚落下来。我惊慌地想起来，我正非同寻常地涂了睫毛膏。我飞快地在眼下擦拭着，避免留下任何污迹。当我把手拿开的时候，我的手并没有被染黑。也许爱丽丝知道我会需要防水的睫毛膏。
“这实在是太荒谬了。你为什么要哭呢？”他沮丧地诘问道。
“因为我疯了！”
“贝拉。”他全神贯注地用那双灼热的金色眼睛看着我。（他那双马力全开的金色眼眸看着我。）
“什么？”我喃喃低语着，被分了神。
“就当是为了我。”他坚持着。
他的眼睛让我所有的愤怒都消融了。当他像这样作弊的时候，我根本不可能跟他对抗。我用仅存的优雅姿势做出了让步。（我投降了，只维持着少得可怜的优雅。）
“好吧。”我撅起嘴，这让我的瞪视变得没那么有效了。“我会安静地走下去的。但你会看到，我还有很多坏运气正等着兑现呢。我很可能会摔断另一条腿的。看看着鞋子！这简直是个危险的圈套！”我抬起自己那条好腿作为证据。（翻到这句时我已经想象出了爱德华的反应。。。）
“哼。”他久久地盯着我的腿，远远超出必要的时间。“这提醒了我，得为今晚的事好好谢谢爱丽丝。”
“爱丽丝要来这里？”这让我稍微感到安慰。
“和贾斯帕一起，还有艾美特……和罗莎莉。”他坦白道。
那种安慰的感觉消失了。我跟罗莎莉的关系依然毫无改善，尽管我和她偶尔为之的丈夫相处得很不错。艾美特喜欢我在他附近——他觉得我那些奇特的人类反应很逗趣……也有可能是因为我老是摔倒的事实让他找到了许多乐趣。罗莎莉表现得就好像我根本不存在一样。当我摇着头，想要把我的思绪飘向的方向摇出脑海的时候，我想到了别的事情。
“查理也参与了这件事（查理也参了一脚？）”我问道，忽然起了疑心。
“当然。”他咧嘴一笑，然后轻笑起来。“不过，很显然，泰勒没有参与进来。”
我咬紧了牙。我想象不出来，泰勒怎么能这么爱妄想。在学校里，查理根本干涉不到，所以爱德华和我简直形影不离——除了那些罕见的阳光灿烂的日子。
现在我们到了学校。罗莎莉那辆火红的敞篷车在停车场里格外显眼。今天的云层很稀薄，几缕阳光从云层里溜出来，落在遥远的西边。
他下了车，绕过车子，替我开了门。他伸出了 。
我固执地坐在座位上，交叠着胳膊，感到一阵隐秘的装模作样的矜持带来的刺痛。停车场里挤满了穿着正装的人们，他们都是目击证人。他没法像我们独处时那样把我强行抱出车外。
他叹了口气。“当有人要杀你的时候，你勇敢得像头狮子——然后，当有人提到跳舞的时候……”他摇着头。
我吞咽了一下。跳舞。
“贝拉，我不会让任何东西伤害你的——哪怕是你自己。我一次都不会放开你的，我保证。”
我思考着这些，忽然感觉好些了。他能从我脸上看出来。
“你瞧，现在，”他温柔地说道。“这没那么糟。”他俯下身来，一只胳膊挽住我的腰。我抓住他另一只手，让他把我抱出车外。
他的胳膊紧紧地环绕着我，扶着我一瘸一拐地向学校走去。
在凤凰城的时候，他们都在酒店宴会厅里举行舞会。当然，这场舞会在体育馆里举行。这很有可能是镇上唯一一间大得能容纳一个舞会的房间。当我们走进去的时候，我吃吃地傻笑起来。这里有货真价实的气球拱门，还有用蜡光纸折成的花环装饰着墙面。
“看上去像一场惊悚电影正等着发生。”我窃笑着。
“好吧，”当我们慢慢地走向检票台时，他低声说道——他支撑着我大部分的体重，但我依然不得不拖着脚，摇摇晃晃地向前走着——“这里的吸血鬼多得足够了。”
我看着舞池：舞池正中形成了一条很宽的裂口，那里有两对情侣正在优雅地转着圈。另一对舞者正迫切地移向房间的另一侧，给他们留出空间——没有人想要站在这样耀眼的存在旁边，以免形成鲜明的对比。艾美特和贾斯帕都穿着经典款的晚礼服，看上去令人生畏，毫无瑕疵。爱丽丝穿着一条黑缎礼服，上面有着几何图形的镂空图案，露出大片的三角形的雪白的肌肤。然后罗莎莉……好吧，罗莎莉。她简直让人难以置信。她明艳的猩红色礼服是露背款式的，被她用一根闪亮的带褶边的小牛皮宽皮带紧紧地固定着，从脖子一直延伸到腰间。我怜悯地看着房间里的每一个女孩，包括我自己。
“你想要让我把门闩上，这样你们就能屠杀这些毫无戒心的镇民吗？”我阴险地低声说着。
“那你打算参与到这个计划的哪个部分？”他瞪着我。
“哦，我当然站在吸血鬼那边。”
他勉强笑了笑。“千方百计地想要逃离舞会。”
“千方百计。”
他买了我们两个的票，然后让我转向舞池。我缩进了他的怀抱，拖着脚走着。
“我有一整个晚上。”他警告道。
最终，他把我拖到了他的家人正优美地转着圈的地方——仿佛他们处在了一个与现在的时间和音乐完全不相符的时空中。我惊恐地看着。
“爱德华。”我的喉咙太干了，我只能用耳语说道。“我诚恳地说，我不会跳舞！”我能感觉到恐惧在我的胸膛里沸腾着。
“别担心，笨蛋。”他向我耳语道。“我会跳。”他把我的胳膊环绕在他的脖子上，然后把我抱起来，让我踩在他的脚上。
然后，我们一起旋转了起来。
“我感觉自己像是只有五岁。”在跳了几分钟毫不费力的华尔兹后，我大笑起来。
“你看上去不像五岁。”他低声说着，一度把我拉得更近些，这样我的脚离地面就有一英尺远了。
在一次转身时，爱丽丝捕捉到了我的目光，然后鼓励地笑了笑——我报以一笑。我惊讶地意识到自己真的很快乐……只是一点点。
“好吧，这只有一般糟。”我坦白道。
但爱德华正盯着门，他脸上写满了愤怒。
“怎么了？”我大声询问道。我追随着他的视线，因为旋转而失去了方向感，但最终我看到了困扰着他的事情。雅克布?布莱克，他没有穿晚礼服，只穿着一件长袖白恤衫，打着领带，他的头发被整齐地梳到后面，扎成了一个不同寻常的马尾。他正穿过舞池向我们走来。
在认出他的震惊过后，我情不自禁地为雅克布感到遗憾。他显然很不舒服——看上去是那么的痛苦。当他的眼睛对上我的凝视时，他脸上写满了歉意。
爱德华用极低的声音咆哮着。
“表现好些！”我嘘声说道。
爱德华听起来很受伤。“他想要和你聊一聊。”
然后，雅克布走到了我们跟前，他脸上的窘迫和歉意更加明显了。
“嗨，贝拉，我正希望你会在这里。”雅克布听起来像是期待着相反的事情。但他的笑容依然温暖如昔。
“嗨，雅克布。”我报以一笑。“怎么了？”
“我能插队吗？”他试探地说着，第一次瞥了一眼爱德华。我震惊地发现雅克布根本不必抬头看。在我第一次见到他以后，他一定长高了半英尺。
爱德华的脸很沉着，他毫无表情。他唯一的回答是小心翼翼地把我放下来，然后退后一步。
“谢谢，”雅克布亲切地答道。
爱德华只是点了点头，紧张地看着我，然后才转身走开。
雅克布把手放到我的腰上，我伸出手放到他的肩上。
“哇噢，杰克，你现在有多高？”
他自鸣得意地说道。“六英尺两英寸。”
我们并不是在跳舞——我的腿让跳舞成为不可能。我们只是笨拙地摇来摇去，根本没挪动脚。这也还好。他最近猛长的个子让他看上去既瘦长又不协调，他也许是个跟我一样蹩脚的舞者。
“那么，你今晚是怎么跑到这里来的？”我问道，并不是真的好奇。考虑到爱德华的反应，我能猜到。
“你能相信我爸爸花了二十块钱让我来参加你们的舞会吗？”他坦白道，稍微脸红了。
“是的，我能相信。”我低声说道。“好吧，至少，我希望你过得愉快。有遇到你喜欢的人吗？”我揶揄着，冲着像用蜡笔画的甜点一样排着队站在墙边的那堆女孩子点了点头。（壁花小姐。。。）
“有啊，”他叹了口气，“但她被别人捷足先登了。”
他低下头，对上了我困惑的双眼，只看了一秒钟——然后我们都困窘地移开了视线。
他的胳膊紧紧地环绕着我，扶着我一瘸一拐地向学校走去。
在凤凰城的时候，他们都在酒店宴会厅里举行舞会。当然，这场舞会在体育馆里举行。这很有可能是镇上唯一一间大得能容纳一个舞会的房间。当我们走进去的时候，我吃吃地傻笑起来。这里有货真价实的气球拱门，还有用蜡光纸折成的花环装饰着墙面。
“看上去像一场恐怖电影正等着发生。”我窃笑着。
“好吧，”当我们慢慢地走向检票台时，他低声说道——他支撑着我大部分的体重，但我依然不得不拖着脚，摇摇晃晃地向前走着——“这里的吸血鬼多得足够了。”
我看着舞池：舞池正中形成了一条很宽的裂口，那里有两对情侣正在优雅地转着圈。另一对舞者正迫切地移向房间的另一侧，给他们留出空间——没有人想要站在这样耀眼的存在旁边，以免形成鲜明的对比。艾美特和贾斯帕都穿着经典款的晚礼服，看上去令人生畏，毫无瑕疵。爱丽丝穿着一条黑缎礼服，上面有着几何图形的镂空图案，露出大片的三角形的雪白的肌肤。然后罗莎莉……好吧，罗莎莉。她简直让人难以置信。她明艳的猩红色礼服是露背款式的，被她用一根闪亮的带褶边的小牛皮宽皮带紧紧地固定着，从脖子一直延伸到腰间。我怜悯地看着房间里的每一个女孩，包括我自己。
“你想要让我把门闩上，这样你们就能屠杀这些毫无戒心的镇民吗？”我阴险地低声说着。
“那你打算参与到这个计划的哪个部分？”他瞪着我。
“哦，我当然站在吸血鬼那边。”
他勉强笑了笑。“千方百计地想要逃离舞会。”
“千方百计。”
他买了我们两个的票，然后让我转向舞池。我缩进了他的怀抱，拖着脚走着。
“我有一整个晚上。”他警告道。
最终，他把我拖到了他的家人正优美地转着圈的地方——仿佛他们处在了一个与现在的时间和音乐完全不相符的时空中。我惊恐地看着。
“爱德华。”我的喉咙太干了，我只能用耳语说道。“我诚恳地说，我不会跳舞！”我能感觉到恐惧在我的胸膛里沸腾着。
“别担心，笨蛋。”他向我耳语道。“我会跳。”他把我的胳膊环绕在他的脖子上，然后把我抱起来，让我踩在他的脚上。
然后，我们一起旋转了起来。
“我感觉自己像是只有五岁。”在跳了几分钟毫不费力的华尔兹后，我大笑起来。
“你看上去不像五岁。”他低声说着，一度把我拉得更近些，这样我的脚离地面就有一英尺远了。
在一次转身时，爱丽丝捕捉到了我的目光，然后鼓励地笑了笑——我报以一笑。我惊讶地意识到自己真的很快乐……只是一点点。
“顺便说一句，你看上去很漂亮。”他羞涩地补充了一句。
“呃，谢谢。那么，比利为什么要花钱让你来这里呢？”我飞快地问道，尽管我知道答案。
雅克布看上去并不乐意改变话题。他看向别处，又开始不自在起来。“他说这是一个和你交谈的‘安全’的地方。我敢发誓那个老男人一定是昏了头了。”
我虚弱地加入他的大笑中。
“无论如何，他说如果我告诉你某件事，他就会帮我弄到我需要的那个主制动引擎。”他露出一个怯懦的咧嘴一笑，坦白交代道。（原来。。。那个主制动引擎居然是线索之一。。。）
“那么，告诉我吧。我希望你能把你的车子攒完。”我也冲他咧嘴一笑。至少雅克布根本不相信这个。这让情形变得更容易些了。爱德华靠在墙上，一直看着我的脸，他自己脸上却毫无表情。我看到一个穿着粉红色裙子的二年级生用怯懦的侥幸的神情看着他，但他似乎根本没有注意到她。
雅克布又移开了视线，脸红了。“别抓狂，好吗？”
“我不会对你抓狂的，雅克布。”我向他保证道。“我甚至也不会对比利抓狂的。只要告诉我你要做的事就行。”
“嗯——这实在是太愚蠢了，对不起，贝拉——他想要你跟你男朋友分手。他要我告诉你，‘求你了。’”他厌恶地摇了摇头。
“他还是很迷信，嗯？”
“是的。他有点……当你在凤凰城受伤的时候，他有点反应过度了。他根本不相信……”雅克布自觉地吞掉了话尾。
我的眼睛眯缝起来。“我摔倒了。”
“我知道。”雅克布飞快地说道。
“他认为是爱德华做了什么，让你受了伤。”这不是个问句，而我也没有遵守自己的保证，我生气了。
雅克布不想对上我的视线。我们也不费事跟着音乐摇晃了。尽管他的手依然放在我的腰间，而我的手依然环绕着他的脖子。
“看，雅克布，我知道比利很可能根本不相信这个，但这正是你所知道的那样。”——现在他看着我，作为对我声音里的诚挚的回应——“爱德华真的救了我的性命。如果不是因为爱德华和他爸爸，我一定早就死了。”
“我知道。”他声明道，但他听起来像是被我诚挚的话语影响到了。至少，也许他能把比利说服到这种程度。
“嘿，我很抱歉，你得来做这种事情，雅克布。”我道歉道。“无论如何，你弄到你的零件里，对吧？”
“是啊，”他喃喃低语着。他看上去还是很尴尬……也很不安。
“还有吗？”我难以置信地问道。
“忘掉这件事吧。”他低声说道。“我会找份打工，然后自己存钱。”
我瞪着他，直到他对上我的视线为止。“说出来，雅克布。”
“那太糟了。”
“我不在乎。告诉我。”我坚持着。
“好吧……但是，耶稣，这听上去太糟了。”他摇着头。“他要我告诉你，不，警告你，说——还有，那是他的复数，不是我的”——他从我腰上移开一只手，在空气里画了一个小小的引号——“‘我们会一直看着。’”他小心地等待着我的反应。
这听起来像是黑手党电影里的一句台词。我大声笑了起来。
“对不起，让你不得不做这种事，杰克。”我窃笑着。
“我不那么介意。”他如释重负地咧嘴一笑。他的目光掠过我的裙子，审视着。“那么，我应该告诉他你说让他见鬼去吗？”他满怀希望地问道。
“不，”我叹了口气。“告示他我说谢谢。我知道他是出于好意。”
音乐结束了，我把胳膊放下来。
他的手在我的腰上迟疑着，他瞥了一眼我报废的腿。“你想再跳一曲吗？或者我能带你到别的地方去？”
爱德华替我作了回答。“好了，雅克布。我会带她走的。”
雅克布畏缩了一下，然后睁大眼睛盯着爱德华，他就站在我们身旁。
“嘿，我没看见你在那里。”他含糊地说着。“我猜我们待会儿见，贝拉。”他向后退去，不太情愿地挥着手。
我笑了。“是的，回见。”
当另一首舞曲开始的时候，爱德华的胳膊环绕着我。这对慢舞来说节奏有点快，但这似乎并没有难倒他。我把头靠在他胸口，感到心满意足。
“感觉好些了？”我揶揄着。
“完全没有。”他简单地答道。
“别对比利抓狂。”我叹了口气。“他只是因为查理的缘故才担心我。这不是什么人身攻击。”
“我没对比利抓狂。”他用一种紧绷的声音更正到。“但他的儿子很让我恼怒。”
我退回去看着他。他的神情非常严肃。
“为什么？”
“首先，他让我打破了我的承诺。”
我困惑地盯着他。
他半笑不笑地说：“我保证过，我今晚不会放开你的。”他解释道。
“哦。好吧，我原谅你。”
“谢谢。但还有别的一些事情。”爱德华皱起眉。
我耐心地等待着。
“他说你漂亮。”他最终继续说道，他的眉头皱得更深了。“对你现在的样子来说，这实在是一种侮辱。你远甚于美丽。”
我大笑起来。“你有偏见。”
“我不这样认为。另外，我有卓越的视力。”
我们又开始转圈了，我的脚踩上了他的脚，他把我抱得更紧了。
“那么，你打算解释这一切的原因了吗？”我问道。
他低下头，困惑地看着我，我意味深长地瞥了一眼那些卷绉纸。
他思考了片刻，然后改变了方向，带着我转着圈穿过人群，舞到体育馆的后门那里。我一眼看见了正在跳舞的杰西卡和迈克。他们都好奇地盯着我。（迈克。。。好久不见。。。）杰西卡挥了挥手，我飞快地报以一笑。安吉拉也在那里，看上去一脸幸福地被小个子本?切尼抱在怀里。她的眼睛简直没法从他的目光里移开，他比她低了一个头。李和萨曼塔，劳伦，她正瞪着我，和科纳在一起。我能叫出旋转着从我面前经过的每一张脸。然后我们走出了门外，走到了正在消逝的日落的清冷的，黯淡的光线中。
一等到我们独处，他立刻把我抱在怀里，然后抱着我穿过黑暗的场地，一直走到笼罩在草莓树的阴影下的一张长凳处。（madrone，草莓树，也叫麦当娜树。。。）他坐在那里。依然把我环抱在他胸前。月亮已经升起来了，透过薄纱般的云层隐约可见，他的脸在皎洁的月光下变得苍白起来。他的唇是那么坚硬，他的眼睛里写满了烦恼。
“重点是？”我柔和地催促着。
他不去理会我，抬起头盯着月亮。
“又是暮色。”他喃喃低语着。“又一次终结。不管这一天多么美好，它终究会结束的。”
“有些事不必结束。”我立刻紧张起来，咬紧牙关，喃喃低语着。
他叹了口气。
“我带你去参加舞会。”他慢慢地说道，最终回答了我的问题。“因为我不想要让你错过任何事情。我不想因为我的出现让你的生命有所缺憾，只要我能做到。我想要你当人类。我希望你的人生继续下去，如果我没有死在十九岁上，我的人生也会这样继续下去。”
我因为他的话而颤抖起来，然后愤怒地摇着头。“在怎样奇怪的平行空间里我才会出于自己的意愿跑去参加舞会呢？如果你不是一千倍地强于我，我永远都不会让你侥幸做到这一点的。”
他简单地笑了笑，但笑意并没有渗入他的眼底。“这没那么糟，你自己说的。”
“那是因为我和你在一起。”
我们安静了一分钟。他盯着月亮，而我盯着他。我希望我能找到办法来解释为什么我对正常人类的生命是那么的不感兴趣。
“你想要告诉我什么吗？”他问道，低下头看着我，淡淡地笑着。
“我不总是这样做吗？”
“你只要保证你会告诉我。”他坚持着，咧嘴一笑。
我知道我会立刻后悔的。“很好。”
“当你想出来我要把你带到这里来的时候，你看上去毫不掩饰自己的惊讶。”他开始了。
“我确实是。”我插嘴道。
“确实。”他赞同道。“但你一定还有别的一些理论……我很好奇——你以为我让你穿上盛装是为了什么？”
是的，我立刻就后悔了。我撅起嘴，踌躇着。“我不想告诉你。”
“你保证过的。”他反对道。
“我知道。”
“这有什么问题吗？”
我知道，他认为是尴尬让我退缩的。“我猜这一定会让你发疯的——或者悲伤。”
当他思索着这个想法的时候，他的额头皱在了一起。“我还是想要知道。求你了？”
我叹了口气。他等待着。
“嗯……我假定这是某种……场合。但我不认为那是某种平庸的人类活动……舞会！”嘲弄道。
“人类？”他冷淡地问道。他抓住了关键词。
我低下头看着自己的裙子，烦躁不安地抓起一片迷路的薄纱。他沉默地等待着。
“好吧。”我一吐为快。“我希望你也许已经改变心意了……你终于打算转变我了。”
许多情绪在他脸上一闪而过。有些我能辨认出来：愤怒……痛苦……然后他似乎控制住了自己，然后他的表情变得有趣起来。
“你以为这是某种隆重的场合，对吗？”（black tie occasion。。。）他揶揄着，抚摩着他晚礼服外套的衣领。（jacket泛指外套。。。。我的认知来得太晚了。。。让贝拉和爱德华穿了好久夹克衫。。。）
我绷起脸，想要掩饰住自己的窘迫。“我不知道这些事情是怎么发生的。至少，对我来说，这比舞会要合理得多。”他依然咧嘴笑着。“这一点儿也不有趣。”我说道。
“不，你是对的，这一点儿也不有趣。”他赞同道，他的笑容消失了。“不过，与其相信你是认真的，我更愿意把这当成一个笑话。”
“但我是认真的。”
他深深地叹息着。“我知道。你真的那么情愿吗？”
痛苦的神情又回到了他的眼中。我咬住唇，点了点头。
“已经准备好结束了，”他喃喃低语着，几乎是在自言自语。“把这当成了你人生中的暮色，尽管你的人生才刚刚开始。你已经准备好了放弃一切。”
“这不是结束，这只是开始。”我低声表示不同意。
“我不值得你这样做。”他悲伤地说着。
“你还记得你告诉过我，我没有很清楚地看待自己吗？”我扬起眉毛，问道。“你显然有着同样的盲目。”
“我知道自己是什么。”
我叹了口气。
但他敏捷易变的心绪因我而改变了。（mercurial。。。）他撅起唇，他的眼睛在刺探着。他久久地审视着我的脸。
“那么，你现在已经准备好了？”他问道。
“呃，”我吞咽了一下。“是的？”
他微笑着，然后慢慢地埋下头，直到他冰冷的唇轻轻扫过我颌角之下的肌肤。
“就是现在？”他耳语着，他冰冷的气息吹拂着我的肌肤。我无意识地颤抖起来。
“是的。”我耳语着，这样我的声音就没有机会破音了。如果他认为我只是在虚张声势，那他就要失望了。我确实已经做出了决定，而且我很确定。没关系的，尽管我的身体僵硬得像块木板，我的手蜷握成了拳头，我的呼吸很不稳定……
他阴暗地轻笑着，然后把身子移开了。他的神情真的很失望。
“你不应该相信我会如此轻易地作出让步。”他说着，嘲弄的语气里有一丝酸涩的味道。
“女孩可以做梦。”（"a girl can dream."至理名言！！！）
他的眉毛扬起来。“这就是你梦寐以求的？成为一个怪物？”
“当然不是。”我说着，因为他所选择的词语而皱起了眉。怪物，的确。“我梦想得更多的是永远和你在一起。”
他的神情改变了，变得柔和起来，也因为我声音里那种微微的痛苦而悲伤起来。
“贝拉，”他的手指轻轻勾勒着我的唇形。“我会和你在一起——这还不够吗？”
我在他的指尖下微笑着。“现在是足够了。”
他因为我的固执而皱起眉。今晚没有人会让步。他呼了一口气，那声音听起来像是一声货真价实的咆哮。
我轻抚着他的脸。“看，”我说道。“我爱你，胜过这世界上的一切加起来的总和。这还不够吗？”
“是的，这足够了。”他微笑着，答道。“永永远远，都足够了。”
然后他俯下身来，再次把他冰冷的唇压到我的喉咙上。
（本书完）