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Ghetto Comedies

Chapter 13
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the parnass, however, was not to be drawn yet. he must keep himself in reserve, he still insisted. but perhaps, he admitted, simeon samuels resented mere private members or committeemen. let the gabbai go.

accordingly the pompous treasurer of the synagogue strode into the notorious shop on the sabbath itself, catching simeon samuels red-handed.

but nothing could be suaver than that gentleman's 'good shabbos. what can i do for you?'

'you can shut up your shop,' said the gabbai brusquely.

[152]'and how shall i pay your bill, then?'

'i'd rather give you a seat and all the honours for nothing than see this desecration.'

'you must have a goodly surplus, then.'

'we have enough.'

'that's strange. you're the first gabbai i ever knew who was satisfied with his balance-sheet. is it your excellent management, i wonder, or have you endowments?'

'that's not for me to say. i mean we have five or six hundred pounds in legacies.'

'indeed! soundly invested, i hope?'

'first-class. english railway debentures.'

'i see. trustee stock.' simeon samuels stroked his beard. 'and so your whole congregation works on the sabbath. a pretty confession!'

'what do you mean?'

'runs railway trains, lights engine-fires, keeps porters and signal-men toiling, and pockets the profits!'

'who does?'

'you, sir, in particular, as the financial representative of the congregation. how can any jew hold industrial shares in a heathen country without being a partner in a sabbath business—ay, and opening on the day of atonement itself? and it is you who have the audacity to complain of me! i, at least, do my own dirty work, not hide myself behind stocks and shares. good shabbos to you, mr. gabbai, and kindly mind your own business in future—your locomotives and your sidings and your stinking tunnels.'

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