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Three Minute Stories

GRANDMOTHER’S ALPHABET
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the ant is so busy

it makes her quite dizzy,

she says that her head

goes whirl-around-whizzy.

the bunny is funny;

he cannot make honey,

nor write with a pen,

nor shoot with a gunny.

the cow is not able

to sit at the table,

and so we must send her

to eat in the stable.

the duck goes a-quacking

[15]and clicking and clacking,

and eats all she finds

from beeswax to blacking.

the elephant mighty

can not find his nighty!

it makes him feel nervous,

and fractious and flighty.

the fish has no wish

to be put in a dish,

so he’s off like a flash

with a swishety-swish.

the goose has no use

for an indian pappoose,

so she looks at it sadly,

and says, “what’s the use?”

the hen lays an egg,

and stands on one leg,

and says, “cut-ker-dah-cut!

observe me, i beg!”

the ibis is pretty,

but not very witty;

and when he is tired

he plays with the kitty.

the jaguar so cruel

was killed in a duel,

and left his poor wife

to eat nothing but gruel.

the kind kangaroo

has so little to do,

that he talks to the moolly

and tries to say “moo!”

the lizard goes sighing,

and sobbing and crying,

because his poor tail

got shrunk in the dyeing.

the moose is all humpy,

and grumpy and lumpy,

and if you say, “boo!”

he is off with a thumpy.

the newt has a neighbor

who fights with a sabre,

and when he has conquered

he beats on a tabor.

the owl and the oyster

went off for a royster,

and when they came back

they were put in a cloister.

the pig bought a carrot

to give to his parrot:

but poll was so frightened

she hid in the garret.

the queen in her crown

and velvety gown,

she went to the circus,

and laughed at the clown.

the ram and the rattle-

snake had a great battle:

for each called the other

a tittlety-tattle.

the stork had a fancy

to go to a dancy,

but people said, “no!

you are rather too prancy!”

the timorous tapir

was reading the paper,

and found that his aunt

had married a draper.

the unicorn tried

on a camel to ride,

but there came a sad fall

to himself and his pride.

the viper is vain,

[19]and cannot explain

why people persist so

in calling him plain.

the woodchuck is wealthy,

and hearty and healthy:

but sometimes his movements

are snooping and stealthy.

the xiphias perks his

head up to see xerxes:

and thinks him much finer

than tartars or turkses.

the yammering yak

has spots on his back:

he can’t get them off,

so he puts on a sacque.

the zebra with zeal

was cooking a meal:

but he found it was onions

and stopped with a squeal.

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