first, touching dandies, let us consider, with some scientific strictness, what a dandy specially is. a dandy is a clothes-wearing man, a man whose trade, office and existence consists in the wearing of clothes. every faculty of his soul, spirit, purse and person is heroically consecrated to this one object, the wearing of clothes wisely and well: so that as others dress to live, he lives to dress. the all-importance of clothes, which a german professor, of unequalled learning and acumen, writes his enormous volume to demonstrate, has sprung up in the intellect of the dandy without effort, like an instinct of genius; he is inspired with cloth, a poet of cloth. what teufelsdrockh would call a “divine idea of cloth” is born with him; and this, like other such ideas, will express itself outwardly, or wring his heart asunder with unutterable throes.

but, like a generous, creative enthusiast, he fearlessly makes his idea an action; shows himself in peculiar guise to mankind; walks forth, a witness and living martyr to the eternal worth of clothes. we called him a poet: is not his body the (stuffed) parchment-skin whereon he writes, with cunning huddersfield dyes, a sonnet to his mistress’ eyebrow? say, rather, an epos, and clotha virumque cano, to the whole world, in macaronic verses, which he that runs may read. nay, if you grant, what seems to be admissible, that the dandy has a thinking-principle in him, and some notions of time and space, is there not in this life-devotedness to cloth, in this so willing sacrifice of the immortal to the perishable, something (though in reverse order) of that blending and identification of eternity with time, which, as we have seen, constitutes the prophetic character?

and now, for all this perennial martyrdom, and poesy, and even prophecy, what is it that the dandy asks in return? solely, we may say, that you would recognize his existence; would admit him to be a living object; or even failing this, a visual object, or thing that will reflect rays of light. your silver or your gold (beyond what the niggardly law has already secured him) he solicits not; simply the glance of your eyes. understand his mystic significance, or altogether miss and misinterpret it; do but look at him, and he is contented. may we not well cry shame on an ungrateful world, which refuses even this poor boon; which will waste its optic faculty on dried crocodiles, and siamese twins; and over the domestic wonderful wonder of wonders, a live dandy, glance with hasty indifference, and a scarcely concealed contempt! him no zoologist classes among the mammalia, no anatomist dissects with care: when did we see any injected preparation of the dandy in our museums; any specimen of him preserved in spirits! lord herringbone may dress himself in a snuff-brown suit, with snuff-brown shirt and shoes: it skills not; the undiscerning public, occupied with grosser wants, passes by regardless on the other side.

the age of curiosity, like that of chivalry, is indeed, properly speaking, gone. yet perhaps only gone to sleep: for here arises the clothes–philosophy to resuscitate, strangely enough, both the one and the other! should sound views of this science come to prevail, the essential nature of the british dandy, and the mystic significance that lies in him, cannot always remain hidden under laughable and lamentable hallucination. the following long extract from professor teufelsdrockh may set the matter, if not in its true light, yet in the way towards such. it is to be regretted, however, that here, as so often elsewhere, the professor’s keen philosophic perspicacity is somewhat marred by a certain mixture of almost owlish purblindness, or else of some perverse, ineffectual, ironic tendency; our readers shall judge which:—

“in these distracted times,” writes he, “when the religious principle, driven out of most churches, either lies unseen in the hearts of good men, looking and longing and silently working there towards some new revelation; or else wanders homeless over the world, like a disembodied soul seeking its terrestrial organization, — into how many strange shapes, of superstition and fanaticism, does it not tentatively and errantly cast itself! the higher enthusiasm of man’s nature is for the while without exponent; yet does it continue indestructible, unweariedly active, and work blindly in the great chaotic deep: thus sect after sect, and church after church, bodies itself forth, and melts again into new metamorphosis.

“chiefly is this observable in england, which, as the wealthiest and worst-instructed of european nations, offers precisely the elements (of heat, namely, and of darkness), in which such moon-calves and monstrosities are best generated. among the newer sects of that country, one of the most notable, and closely connected with our present subject, is that of the dandies; concerning which, what little information i have been able to procure may fitly stand here.

“it is true, certain of the english journalists, men generally without sense for the religious principle, or judgment for its manifestations, speak, in their brief enigmatic notices, as if this were perhaps rather a secular sect, and not a religious one; nevertheless, to the psychologic eye its devotional and even sacrificial character plainly enough reveals itself. whether it belongs to the class of fetish-worships, or of hero-worships or polytheisms, or to what other class, may in the present state of our intelligence remain undecided (schweben). a certain touch of manicheism, not indeed in the gnostic shape, is discernible enough; also (for human error walks in a cycle, and reappears at intervals) a not-inconsiderable resemblance to that superstition of the athos monks, who by fasting from all nourishment, and looking intensely for a length of time into their own navels, came to discern therein the true apocalypse of nature, and heaven unveiled. to my own surmise, it appears as if this dandiacal sect were but a new modification, adapted to the new time, of that primeval superstition, self-worship; which zerdusht, quangfoutchee, mahomet, and others, strove rather to subordinate and restrain than to eradicate; and which only in the purer forms of religion has been altogether rejected. wherefore, if any one chooses to name it revived ahrimanism, or a new figure of demon–worship, i have, so far as is yet visible, no objection.

“for the rest, these people, animated with the zeal of a new sect, display courage and perseverance, and what force there is in man’s nature, though never so enslaved. they affect great purity and separatism; distinguish themselves by a particular costume (whereof some notices were given in the earlier part of this volume); likewise, so far as possible, by a particular speech (apparently some broken lingua-franca, or english–french); and, on the whole, strive to maintain a true nazarene deportment, and keep themselves unspotted from the world.

“they have their temples, whereof the chief, as the jewish temple did, stands in their metropolis; and is named almack’s, a word of uncertain etymology. they worship principally by night; and have their high-priests and high-priestesses, who, however, do not continue for life. the rites, by some supposed to be of the menadic sort, or perhaps with an eleusinian or cabiric character, are held strictly secret. nor are sacred books wanting to the sect; these they call fashionable novels: however, the canon is not completed, and some are canonical and others not.

“of such sacred books i, not without expense, procured myself some samples; and in hope of true insight, and with the zeal which beseems an inquirer into clothes, set to interpret and study them. but wholly to no purpose: that tough faculty of reading, for which the world will not refuse me credit, was here for the first time foiled and set at naught. in vain that i summoned my whole energies (mich weidlich anstrengte), and did my very utmost; at the end of some short space, i was uniformly seized with not so much what i can call a drumming in my ears, as a kind of infinite, unsufferable, jew’s-harping and scrannel-piping there; to which the frightfullest species of magnetic sleep soon supervened. and if i strove to shake this away, and absolutely would not yield, there came a hitherto unfelt sensation, as of delirium tremens, and a melting into total deliquium: till at last, by order of the doctor, dreading ruin to my whole intellectual and bodily faculties, and a general breaking up of the constitution, i reluctantly but determinedly forbore. was there some miracle at work here; like those fire-balls, and supernal and infernal prodigies, which, in the case of the jewish mysteries, have also more than once scared back the alien? be this as it may, such failure on my part, after best efforts, must excuse the imperfection of this sketch; altogether incomplete, yet the completest i could give of a sect too singular to be omitted.

“loving my own life and senses as i do, no power shall induce me, as a private individual, to open another fashionable novel. but luckily, in this dilemma, comes a hand from the clouds; whereby if not victory, deliverance is held out to me. round one of those book-packages, which the stillschweigen’sche buchhandlung is in the habit of importing from england, come, as is usual, various waste printed-sheets (maculatur-blatter), by way of interior wrappage: into these the clothes–philosopher, with a certain mahometan reverence even for waste-paper, where curious knowledge will sometimes hover, disdains not to cast his eye. readers may judge of his astonishment when on such a defaced stray-sheet, probably the outcast fraction of some english periodical, such as they name magazine, appears something like a dissertation on this very subject of fashionable novels! it sets out, indeed, chiefly from a secular point of view; directing itself, not without asperity, against some to me unknown individual named pelham, who seems to be a mystagogue, and leading teacher and preacher of the sect; so that, what indeed otherwise was not to be expected in such a fugitive fragmentary sheet, the true secret, the religious physiognomy and physiology of the dandiacal body, is nowise laid fully open there. nevertheless, scattered lights do from time to time sparkle out, whereby i have endeavored to profit. nay, in one passage selected from the prophecies, or mythic theogonies, or whatever they are (for the style seems very mixed) of this mystagogue, i find what appears to be a confession of faith, or whole duty of man, according to the tenets of that sect. which confession or whole duty, therefore, as proceeding from a source so authentic, i shall here arrange under seven distinct articles, and in very abridged shape lay before the german world; therewith taking leave of this matter. observe also, that to avoid possibility of error, i, as far as may be, quote literally from the original:—

articles of faith.

‘1. coats should have nothing of the triangle about them; at the same time, wrinkles behind should be carefully avoided.

‘2. the collar is a very important point: it should be low behind, and slightly rolled.

‘3. no license of fashion can allow a man of delicate taste to adopt the posterial luxuriance of a hottentot.

‘4. there is safety in a swallow-tail.

‘5. the good sense of a gentleman is nowhere more finely developed than in his rings.

‘6. it is permitted to mankind, under certain restrictions, to wear white waistcoats.

‘7. the trousers must be exceedingly tight across the hips.’

“all which propositions i, for the present, content myself with modestly but peremptorily and irrevocably denying.

“in strange contrast with this dandiacal body stands another british sect, originally, as i understand, of ireland, where its chief seat still is; but known also in the main island, and indeed everywhere rapidly spreading. as this sect has hitherto emitted no canonical books, it remains to me in the same state of obscurity as the dandiacal, which has published books that the unassisted human faculties are inadequate to read. the members appear to be designated by a considerable diversity of names, according to their various places of establishment: in england they are generally called the drudge sect; also, unphilosophically enough, the white negroes; and, chiefly in scorn by those of other communions, the ragged–beggar sect. in scotland, again, i find them entitled hallanshakers, or the stook of duds sect; any individual communicant is named stook of duds (that is, shock of rags), in allusion, doubtless, to their professional costume. while in ireland, which, as mentioned, is their grand parent hive, they go by a perplexing multiplicity of designations, such as bogtrotters, redshanks, ribbonmen, cottiers, peep-of-day boys, babes of the wood, rockites, poor–slaves: which last, however, seems to be the primary and generic name; whereto, probably enough, the others are only subsidiary species, or slight varieties; or, at most, propagated offsets from the parent stem, whose minute subdivisions, and shades of difference, it were here loss of time to dwell on. enough for us to understand, what seems indubitable, that the original sect is that of the poor–slaves; whose doctrines, practices, and fundamental characteristics pervade and animate the whole body, howsoever denominated or outwardly diversified.

“the precise speculative tenets of this brotherhood: how the universe, and man, and man’s life, picture themselves to the mind of an irish poor–slave; with what feelings and opinions he looks forward on the future, round on the present, back on the past, it were extremely difficult to specify. something monastic there appears to be in their constitution: we find them bound by the two monastic vows, of poverty and obedience; which vows, especially the former, it is said, they observe with great strictness; nay, as i have understood it, they are pledged, and be it by any solemn nazarene ordination or not, irrevocably consecrated thereto, even before birth. that the third monastic vow, of chastity, is rigidly enforced among them, i find no ground to conjecture.

“furthermore, they appear to imitate the dandiacal sect in their grand principle of wearing a peculiar costume. of which irish poor–slave costume no description will indeed be found in the present volume; for this reason, that by the imperfect organ of language it did not seem describable. their raiment consists of innumerable skirts, lappets and irregular wings, of all cloths and of all colors; through the labyrinthic intricacies of which their bodies are introduced by some unknown process. it is fastened together by a multiplex combination of buttons, thrums and skewers; to which frequently is added a girdle of leather, of hempen or even of straw rope, round the loins. to straw rope, indeed, they seem partial, and often wear it by way of sandals. in head-dress they affect a certain freedom: hats with partial brim, without crown, or with only a loose, hinged, or valve crown; in the former case, they sometimes invert the hat, and wear it brim uppermost, like a university-cap, with what view is unknown.

“the name poor–slaves seems to indicate a slavonic, polish, or russian origin: not so, however, the interior essence and spirit of their superstition, which rather displays a teutonic or druidical character. one might fancy them worshippers of hertha, or the earth: for they dig and affectionately work continually in her bosom; or else, shut up in private oratories, meditate and manipulate the substances derived from her; seldom looking up towards the heavenly luminaries, and then with comparative indifference. like the druids, on the other hand, they live in dark dwellings; often even breaking their glass windows, where they find such, and stuffing them up with pieces of raiment, or other opaque substances, till the fit obscurity is restored. again, like all followers of nature–worship, they are liable to out-breakings of an enthusiasm rising to ferocity; and burn men, if not in wicker idols, yet in sod cottages.

“in respect of diet, they have also their observances. all poor–slaves are rhizophagous (or root-eaters); a few are ichthyophagous, and use salted herrings: other animal food they abstain from; except indeed, with perhaps some strange inverted fragment of a brahminical feeling, such animals as die a natural death. their universal sustenance is the root named potato, cooked by fire alone; and generally without condiment or relish of any kind, save an unknown condiment named point, into the meaning of which i have vainly inquired; the victual potatoes-and-point not appearing, at least not with specific accuracy of description, in any european cookery–book whatever. for drink, they use, with an almost epigrammatic counterpoise of taste, milk, which is the mildest of liquors, and potheen, which is the fiercest. this latter i have tasted, as well as the english blue–ruin, and the scotch whiskey, analogous fluids used by the sect in those countries: it evidently contains some form of alcohol, in the highest state of concentration, though disguised with acrid oils; and is, on the whole, the most pungent substance known to me, — indeed, a perfect liquid fire. in all their religious solemnities, potheen is said to be an indispensable requisite, and largely consumed.

“an irish traveller, of perhaps common veracity, who presents himself under the to me unmeaning title of the late john bernard, offers the following sketch of a domestic establishment, the inmates whereof, though such is not stated expressly, appear to have been of that faith. thereby shall my german readers now behold an irish poor–slave, as it were with their own eyes; and even see him at meat. moreover, in the so precious waste-paper sheet above mentioned, i have found some corresponding picture of a dandiacal household, painted by that same dandiacal mystagogue, or theogonist: this also, by way of counterpart and contrast, the world shall look into.

“first, therefore, of the poor–slave, who appears likewise to have been a species of innkeeper. i quote from the original:

poor-slave household.

“‘the furniture of this caravansera consisted of a large iron pot, two oaken tables, two benches, two chairs, and a potheen noggin. there was a loft above (attainable by a ladder), upon which the inmates slept; and the space below was divided by a hurdle into two apartments; the one for their cow and pig, the other for themselves and guests. on entering the house we discovered the family, eleven in number, at dinner: the father sitting at the top, the mother at the bottom, the children on each side, of a large oaken board, which was scooped out in the middle, like a trough, to receive the contents of their pot of potatoes. little holes were cut at equal distances to contain salt; and a bowl of milk stood on the table: all the luxuries of meat and beer, bread, knives and dishes were dispensed with.’ the poor–slave himself our traveller found, as he says, broad-backed, black-browed, of great personal strength, and mouth from ear to ear. his wife was a sun-browned but well-featured woman; and his young ones, bare and chubby, had the appetite of ravens. of their philosophical or religious tenets or observances, no notice or hint.

“but now, secondly, of the dandiacal household; in which, truly, that often-mentioned mystagogue and inspired penman himself has his abode:—

dandiacal household.

“‘a dressing-room splendidly furnished; violet-colored curtains, chairs and ottomans of the same hue. two full-length mirrors are placed, one on each side of a table, which supports the luxuries of the toilet. several bottles of perfumes, arranged in a peculiar fashion, stand upon a smaller table of mother-of-pearl: opposite to these are placed the appurtenances of lavation richly wrought in frosted silver. a wardrobe of buhl is on the left; the doors of which, being partly open, discover a profusion of clothes; shoes of a singularly small size monopolize the lower shelves. fronting the wardrobe a door ajar gives some slight glimpse of a bath-room. folding-doors in the background. — enter the author,’ our theogonist in person, ‘obsequiously preceded by a french valet, in white silk jacket and cambric apron.’

“such are the two sects which, at this moment, divide the more unsettled portion of the british people; and agitate that ever-vexed country. to the eye of the political seer, their mutual relation, pregnant with the elements of discord and hostility, is far from consoling. these two principles of dandiacal self-worship or demon-worship, and poor–slavish or drudgical earth-worship, or whatever that same drudgism may be, do as yet indeed manifest themselves under distant and nowise considerable shapes: nevertheless, in their roots and subterranean ramifications, they extend through the entire structure of society, and work unweariedly in the secret depths of english national existence; striving to separate and isolate it into two contradictory, uncommunicating masses.

“in numbers, and even individual strength, the poor–slaves or drudges, it would seem, are hourly increasing. the dandiacal, again, is by nature no proselytizing sect; but it boasts of great hereditary resources, and is strong by union; whereas the drudges, split into parties, have as yet no rallying-point; or at best only co-operate by means of partial secret affiliations. if, indeed, there were to arise a communion of drudges, as there is already a communion of saints, what strangest effects would follow therefrom! dandyism as yet affects to look down on drudgism: but perhaps the hour of trial, when it will be practically seen which ought to look down, and which up, is not so distant.

“to me it seems probable that the two sects will one day part england between them; each recruiting itself from the intermediate ranks, till there be none left to enlist on either side. those dandiacal manicheans, with the host of dandyizing christians, will form one body: the drudges, gathering round them whosoever is drudgical, be he christian or infidel pagan; sweeping up likewise all manner of utilitarians, radicals, refractory pot-wallopers, and so forth, into their general mass, will form another. i could liken dandyism and drudgism to two bottomless boiling whirlpools that had broken out on opposite quarters of the firm land: as yet they appear only disquieted, foolishly bubbling wells, which man’s art might cover in; yet mark them, their diameter is daily widening: they are hollow cones that boil up from the infinite deep, over which your firm land is but a thin crust or rind! thus daily is the intermediate land crumbling in, daily the empire of the two buchan–bullers extending; till now there is but a foot-plank, a mere film of land between them; this too is washed away: and then — we have the true hell of waters, and noah’s deluge is out-deluged!

“or better, i might call them two boundless, and indeed unexampled electric machines (turned by the ‘machinery of society’), with batteries of opposite quality; drudgism the negative, dandyism the positive; one attracts hourly towards it and appropriates all the positive electricity of the nation (namely, the money thereof); the other is equally busy with the negative (that is to say the hunger), which is equally potent. hitherto you see only partial transient sparkles and sputters: but wait a little, till the entire nation is in an electric state: till your whole vital electricity, no longer healthfully neutral, is cut into two isolated portions of positive and negative (of money and of hunger); and stands there bottled up in two world–batteries! the stirring of a child’s finger brings the two together; and then — what then? the earth is but shivered into impalpable smoke by that doom’s thunder-peal; the sun misses one of his planets in space, and thenceforth there are no eclipses of the moon. — or better still, i might liken” —

oh, enough, enough of likenings and similitudes; in excess of which, truly, it is hard to say whether teufelsdrockh or ourselves sin the more.

we have often blamed him for a habit of wire-drawing and over-refining; from of old we have been familiar with his tendency to mysticism and religiosity, whereby in everything he was still scenting out religion: but never perhaps did these amaurosis-suffusions so cloud and distort his otherwise most piercing vision, as in this of the dandiacal body! or was there something of intended satire; is the professor and seer not quite the blinkard he affects to be? of an ordinary mortal we should have decisively answered in the affirmative; but with a teufelsdrockh there ever hovers some shade of doubt. in the mean while, if satire were actually intended, the case is little better. there are not wanting men who will answer: does your professor take us for simpletons? his irony has overshot itself; we see through it, and perhaps through him.