(1874.)

:: “ich hab’ mein sach auf nichts gestellt,

juchhe! drum ist’s so wohl mir in der welt; juchhe!”—g?the.

“he got so subtle that to be nothing was all his glory.” shelley, “peter bell the third”

it is now some time since the daily news, which, perhaps with more honor than profit, and not seldom at great risk of its life, had been for many years a really leading liberal journal, fighting gallantly always in the van, often in forlorn hopes, took to heart a certain very-obvious truth. it awoke fully to the fact that while a captain in the forlorn hope or vanguard is constantly in great peril, and has but few supporters, one with the main body is much less exposed and has many more to help him. weary and discouraged, it resolved to fall back from the front and join the mass of the army, the myriads of the commonplace and the timorous, the legions of the rich and respectable, the countless hosts of the snobbery of bumbledom. but in making this “strategic movement,” it is well aware that honor equal to the danger is attached to the forlorn hope and the vanguard, and it clung to the honor while renouncing the danger, and continued to call itself a leading liberal journal when it had quite given up the lead—nay, continues thus to vaunt itself still. this is how some malicious people explain the altered position of the daily news and its growing number of supporters, or, in the language of periodicals, its increasing circulation. now, say these impatient and intemperate persons, a paper is free to serve bumble (as nearly all papers do), or to serve progress, the enemy of bumble; but it has no right, while serving the one, to claim the merit of serving the other. this daily news, they go on, which still dares to call itself liberal, is now just as liberal as the jester’s garrick, who used to set out with generous intentions, and was scared back at the corner of the street by the ghost of a ha’penny. in its case it is the ghost of a penny, the ghost of the representative penny of all the pennies ready to buy vapid twaddle, but not earnest thought.

for my own part, however, i find the daily news still really liberal, and, in fact, extremely liberal. it is liberal in long special telegrams and interminable jenkins letters about the most insignificant movements and actions of royal personages. it is equally liberal in reticence, slightly tempered by sneers, as to all advanced movements, all unpopular principles and their champions. it is liberal in the space it gives to all fashionable frivolities, sports and pastimes, to all the bagatelles of life. if it has not a paragraph to spare for a radical meeting, it has always columns at the command of boat races, yacht races, horse races, cricket and polo matches, and the like important events, as well as other columns for the gossip of clubs and the babble of society. it is liberal in hopefulness that wrong may be right, falsehood truth, evil good. it is very liberal in soft phrases, and in “passages that lead to nothing.” nothing, indeed, is the great end of its endeavor; for what alteration can be needed by a world in which the circulation of the daily news is continually increasing? unless, perchance, as the circulation is already “world-wide,” the world will have to be extended in order to accommodate it. but this concerns father god or mother nature, not mere mortals. all these liberalities i could amply illustrate did space permit; as it is, i can give but an instance each to the first two. the prince of wales being in france, amusing himself like any other man who has money and leisure, “the prince of wales in france—special,” heads its placards in the largest letters. on the other hand, i heard one of our three or four greatest writers, garth wilkinson, declare at a public meeting that he had written several letters to it on a subject then agitating the public mind, but that he could as easily get a letter into the moon as into the daily news. yet the subject was medical; and garth wilkinson is not only one of our greatest writers and thinkers, but also an m.d. and f.r.s., who has practised for i know not how much more than a quarter of a century. to refuse his letters on that matter was like refusing to hear carlyle on cromwell or darwin on natural selection. why, then, did the daily news reject them? for the simply sufficient reason that they advocated the unpopular side of the question.

yes, it is still liberal and beyond measure liberal in these and many other respects. it has still great care of the people—to keep aloof from them; it loves them more than ever—at a distance. it still belongs to the left—in the rear. it is still of the mountain, only it has descended to provision itself; as the sage rhyme runs,

“the mountain sheep were sweeter,

but the valley sheep were fatter;

we therefore deemed it meeter

to carry off the latter.”

it is still radical, having a rooted love of ease and hatred of disturbance. it is still revolutionary, but has resolved that henceforth revolutions shall be made with rose-water, and omelettes without breaking of....

while thus freely acknowledging that in many things the daily news is now more liberal than ever it was, i must also record my admiration for its strenuous endeavors to assume an air of aristocratic refinement and repose. from its serene indifference to the troubles of vulgar humanity, from the languid lisp and drawl of its voice, from its perpetual allusions to the luxuries and enjoyments of the wealthy and noble, one readily divines that its staff, like the staff of my lord chamberlain or other court lackey, can move only in the highest circles; but whether its members are admitted into these as gentlemen or as gentlemen’s gentlemen, i must leave for those familiar with such circles to declare. this is certain, that they flit about amidst a lordly festival in the gay and careless fashion of men who have no thought save of enjoying themselves; not like poor devils who have duties which, though better paid, are as onerous and strictly subservient to the gathering as those of the waiters or the footmen. it must surely be by a mere afterthought, and purely for their own amusement, that they throw off a description of the scene and an account of what occurred there. by the bye, it is rumored that the staff has been thoroughly changed of late years. the old members were able enough, but they were too coarse, too loud, too violent, too opiniative, too much given to discussing important questions as if they really cared for the same. their manners especially could not be endured one entered the editor’s sanctum (which had then just been refurnished under the supervision of the count of monte cristo) in his wet boots, although embroidered slippers were provided at the foot of the stairs. another exploded with a “damned old idiot!” on reading the charge of one of our right reverend fathers in god. another was caught smoking a clay pipe over a pint of beer, although narghilés and hookahs and the choicest cigarettes, with unlimited supplies of the most costly wines and liqueurs, are always set out for the staff and such visitors as are admitted to the inner offices. the daily news wrote to my lord chief justice demanding that this fellow should be sent without trial to keep company with arthur orton, and for all i know the chief justice humbly obeyed. another was seen walking arm-in-arm with the editor of the times, and was of course instantly dismissed, the daily news writing to warn the man of the other journal.

this, i am assured, is historical fact, to which the editor of the times will bear witness, if he be not ashamed to avow what may seem to hurt his dignity. for these and the like offences the old members have been all dismissed.

it is said to be a peculiarity of the daily news that all the leading articles are manufactured on the premises, if i may venture on a shop phrase in such a connection. i have spoken of the luxury of the editor’s sanctum, which is a large and noble apartment. the leader-writers are borne to the office in closed carriages, with double or triple windows and india-rubber tires, lest some rude oath, or nasty smell, or even the loud noise of the streets should shock them into hysterics, or at least so unstring their nerves as to render writing impossible for the day. in the sumptuous boudoir-sanctum, lounging, smoking, and sipping, they receive on silver salvers telegrams from all parts of the rolling globe, with innumerable communications and documents, written and printed; and such of these as they are pleased to look at tin epicurean gods:

“for they lie beside their nectar,

and the bolts are hurled

far below them in the valleys.”

they lie a good deal beside their nectar; but their bolts are anything but thunderbolts. thunderbolts! the mere word would make these gasp and shudder. they are not thunderbolts, they are not rockets, they are not even squibs; they are bonbons and genuine confetti, not your confetti of the carnival.

“*there* they smile in secret, looking over wasted lands,

blight and famine, plague and earthquake, roaring deeps and fiery sands,

clanging fights and flaming towns, and sinking ships and praying hands.

but they smile, they find a music centered in a doleful song

steaming up, a lamentation and an ancient tale of wrong,

like a tale of little meaning, tho the words are strong;

chanted from an ill-used race of men that cleave the soil,

sow the seed and reap the harvest with enduring toil,

storing yearly little dues of wheat, and wine and oil.”

naturally these lofty beings smile; for what have they to do with the cares and woes, the hopes and fears of ordinary mortals? besides, battles and shipwrecks, disasters and convulsions, make the best of copy; and the music centred in the doleful song is a hymn of triumph, with the glorious refrain, “our circulation is still increasing! our world-wide circulation continues to increase!” and surely the ill-used race of men that till the soil should be appeased and amply satisfied by the showers of bonbons and sweetmeats the daily news is always flinging down. it has more important duties to attend to than fighting the battles and righting the wrongs of an ignorant, passionate, unreasonable, wretched rabble, considerably addicted to dirt, drunkenness, and vice. for thirty hours at least in every twenty-four it is in attendance on some royalty or another, or at the sports and entertainments of “society, with a capital s.” it is said that the “copy” of these superlative writers, who always wear kid gloves while writing, is written with golden pens and tinted and perfumed ink, on perfumed and tinted paper. it is moreover said that the journal itself is soon to be printed on vellum, in the illuminated style, with arabesque borders. it is also rumored that the court journal and the morning post, finding themselves quite outdone by the daily news, and their occupation gone, will shortly cease to appear.

i must not omit to mention that i have been told on authority, which i incline to consider good, that in the said gorgeous sanctum is conspicuous a table of commandments, wrought in letters of fine gold, which commandments are these:

i. thou shalt never be in earnest about anything, and shalt abhor enthusiasm.

thou shalt not have a decided opinion on any subject.

iii. thou shalt never write an unqualified sentence, or risk an unmodified statement.

iv. thy style shall be always in the tone of a sweet murmur or soft whisper; a lullaby of peace for drowsy-headed bumbledom.

v. thou shalt write with an air of assured superiority to everybody, and everything.

vi. thou shalt ever bear in mind that there is no joy but calm, and that the supreme moral excellence is good taste, which may be quite compatible with meanness, servility, and cowardice, but cannot be compatible with the foolish fervor of zeal.

vii. thou shalt always mention and allude to as many persons, places, and luxuries of high life as possible.

viii. thou shalt drag into every article three or four literary citations or allusions, whether relevant or irrelevant, in order to show to the world thy culture.

ix. thou shalt carefully avoid mention of all ardent reformers and unpopular thinkers, and their doings, save to lightly banter or coldly rebuke them.

x. thou shalt treat with profound respect and tenderness all the powers that be, and all popular opinions, social, political and religious, however thou mayest contemn them in thy heart; for great bumble is the sole lord of large circulations, and only through his continued grace can our circulation continue to increase.

it is by assiduously conforming themselves to this most wise and holy decalogue, that the members of the staff of the daily news have become such rare flowers of sweetness and light; worthy of that serene professor of haughty-culture, matthew arnold himself, ere he had perpetrated “literature and dogma.”

but while, in common with all the other worshippers of the daily news, i exult in its world-wide and ever-increasing circulation, i am haunted by a horrible fear, which i cannot conceal, but will hint and whisper as gently as possible. when a stone falls into a pond—but no, pond is vulgar—when a stone falls into a still lake, the first small rings are clearly defined, but the circlings as they enlarge grow fainter and fainter, until at length they can no more be perceived. now, as all the world knows, our beloved and revered daily news, in its ever-increasing circulation, has hitherto followed precisely the same law; and my dread is that it will continue to do so unto the utmost extremity, becoming ever more and more faint and undefined as the circulation increases, until it shall altogether vanish away. it is getting so refined that i fear it will soon be fined away to nothing; so delicate and dainty, that it is already unfit for this rough world, whose slightest shock may kill it; so ethereal that its complete evaporation seems imminent; so supernal that it must surely soon disappear, absorbed into the empyrean. may that good god, who we have been told “will think twice before damning a person of quality,” think many, many times before condemning our fashionable world to such an irreparable loss!