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100%: The Story of a Patriot

Section 9
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peter found that he was something of a personality in this hospital. he was the “star” witness in the sensational goober case, about which the whole city, and in fact the whole country was talking. it was known that he had “turned state’s”; but just what he knew and what he had told was a mighty secret, and peter “held his mouth” and looked portentous, and enjoyed thrills of self-importance.

but meantime there was no reason why he should not listen to others talk; no reason why he should not inform himself fully about this case, so that in future he might be able to take care of himself. he listened to what “old man” doobman had to say, and to what jan christian, his swedish assistant had to say, and to what gerald leslie, the “coke” fiend, had to say. all these, and others, had friends on the outside, people who were “in the know.” some told one thing, and others told exactly the opposite; but peter put this and that together, and used his own intrigue-sharpened wits upon it, and before long he was satisfied that he had got the facts.

jim goober was a prominent labor leader. he had organized the employees of the traction trust, and had called and led a tremendous strike. also he had called building strikes, and some people said he had used dynamite upon uncompleted buildings, and made a joke of it. anyhow, the business men of the city wanted to put him where he could no longer trouble them; and when some maniac unknown had flung a dynamite bomb into the path of the preparedness parade, the big fellows of the city had decided that now was the opportunity they were seeking. guffey, the man who had taken charge of peter, was head of the secret service of the traction trust, and the big fellows had put him in complete charge. they wanted action, and would take no chances with the graft-ridden and incompetent police of the city. they had goober in jail, with his wife and three of his gang, and thru the newspapers of the city they were carrying on a propaganda to prepare the public for the hanging of all five.

and that was all right, of course; jim goober was only a name to peter, and of less importance than a single one of peter’s meals. peter understood what guffey had done, and his only grudge was because guffey had not had the sense to tell him his story at the beginning, instead of first nearly twisting his arm off. however, peter reflected, no doubt guffey had meant to teach him a lesson, to make sure of him. peter had learned the lesson, and his purpose now was to make this clear to guffey and to doobman.

“hold your mouth,” guffey had said, and peter never once said a word about the goober case. but, of course, he talked about other matters. a fellow could not go around like a mummy all day long, and it was peter’s weakness that he liked to tell about his exploits, the clever devices by which he had outwitted his last “old man.” so to gerald leslie, the “coke” fiend, he told the story of pericles priam, and how many thousands of dollars he had helped to wheedle out of the public, and how twice he and pericles had been arrested for swindling. also he told about the temple of jimjambo, and all the strange and incredible things that had gone on there. pashtian el kalandra, who called himself the chief magistrian of eleutherinian exoticism, gave himself out to his followers to be eighty years of age, but as a matter of fact he was less than forty. he was supposed to be a persian prince, but had been born in a small town in indiana, and had begun life as a grocer-boy. he was supposed to live upon a handful of fruit, but every day it had been peter’s job to assist in the preparation of a large beef-steak or a roast chicken. these were “for sacrificial purposes,” so the prophet explained to his attendants; and peter would get the remains of the sacrificial beef-steaks and chickens, and would sacrificially devour them behind the pantry door. that had been one of his private grafts, which he got in return for keeping secret from the prophet some of the stealings of tushbar akrogas, the major-domo.

a wonderful place had been this temple of jimjambo. there were mystic altars with seven veils before them, and thru these the chief magistrian would appear, clad in a long cream-colored robe with gold and purple borders, and with pink embroidered slippers and symbolic head-dress. his lectures and religious rites had been attended by hundreds—many of them rich society women, who came rolling up to the temple in their limousines. also there had been a school, where children had been initiated into the mystic rites of the cult. the prophet would take these children into his private apartments, and there were awful rumors—which had ended in the raiding of the temple by the police, and the flight of the prophet, and likewise of the majordomo, and of peter gudge, his scullion and confederate.

also, peter thought it was fun to tell gerald leslie about his adventures with the holy rollers, into whose church he had drifted during his search for a job. peter had taken up with this sect, and learned the art of “talking in tongues,” and how to fall over the back of your chair in convulsions of celestial glory. peter had gained the confidence of the rev. gamaliel lunk, and had been secretly employed by him to carry on a propaganda among the congregation to obtain a raise in salary for the underpaid convulsionist. but certain things which peter had learned had caused him to go over to the faction of shoemaker smithers, who was trying to persuade the congregation that he could roll harder and faster than the rev. gamaliel. peter had only held this latter job a few days before he had been fired for stealing the fried doughnut.

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