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They Call Me Carpenter

Chapter 43
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you may believe that next morning my first thought was to get hold of the “times” and see what they had done to my prophet. sure enough, there he was on the front page, three columns wide, with the customary streamer head:

mob of anarchists raid st. bartholmew's

prophet and ragged horde break up church services

i skimmed over the story quickly; i noted that carpenter was represented as having tried to knock down the reverend mr. simpkinson, and that the prophet's followers had assaulted members of the congregation. i confess to some relief upon discovering that my own humble part in the adventure had not been mentioned. i suspected that my uncle timothy must have been busy at the telephone on sunday evening! but then i turned to the “examiner,” and alas, there i was! “a certain rich young man,” rising up to protect an incendiary prophet! i remembered that my uncle timothy had had a violent row with the publisher of the “examiner” a year or two ago, over some political appointment!

the “times” had another editorial, two columns, double leaded. yesterday the paper had warned the public what to expect; today it saw the prophecies justified, and what it now wished to know was, had western city a police department, or had it not? “how much longer do our authorities propose to give rein to this fire-brand imposter? this prophet of god who rides about town in a broken-down express-wagon, and consorts with movie actresses and red agitators! must the police wait until his seditious doctrines have fanned the flames of mob violence beyond control? must they wait until he has gathered all the others of his ilk, the advocates of lunacy and assassination about him, and caused an insurrection of class envy and hate? we call upon the authorities of our city to act and act at once; to put this wretched mountebank behind bars where he belongs, and keep him there.”

there was another aspect of this matter upon which the “times” laid emphasis. after long efforts on the part of the chamber of commerce and other civic organizations, western city had been selected as the place for the annual convention of the mobland brigade. in three days this convention would be called to order, and already the delegates were pouring in by every train. what impression would they get of law and order in this community? was this the purpose for which they had shed their blood in a dreadful war—that their country might be affronted by the ravings of an impious charlatan? what had the gold-star mothers of western city to say to this? what did the local post of the mobland brigade propose to do to save the fair name of their city? said the “times”: “if our supine authorities refuse to meet this emergency, we believe there are enough 100% americans still among us to protect the cause of public decency, and to assert the right of christian people to worship their god without interference from the dictatorship of the lunatic asylum.”

now, i had been so much interested in carpenter and his adventures that i had pretty well overlooked this matter of the mobland brigade and its convention. i belong to the brigade myself, and ought to have been serving on the committee of arrangements; instead of which, here i was chasing around trying to save a prophet, who, it appeared, really wanted to get into trouble! yes, the brigade was coming; and i could foresee what would happen when a bunch of these wild men encountered carpenter's express wagon on the street!

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