leave to return home for four days—visit of the duke of clarence—again off boulogne—down channel with a convoy—boulogne once more—refit at plymouth—return boulogne—run aground on french coast—part of crew escape in boats—author and nineteen men remain on board.

on our arrival, in consequence of the vessel wanting material repairs, we were desired to repair to sheerness. the commander-in-chief at this ill-flavoured town was a king john’s man, four feet something without his shoes, and so devoted to the reading of the scriptures that he sometimes carried that sacred book under his arm. some ill-natured people said he understood little of its doctrines, as he was too cross and unsociable to be a good christian. be that as it may he gave me leave, whilst the ship was refitting, to go home for four days. where is the man who does not, after he has been absent from his family for nearly ten months, yearn to be with a fond wife and half a house full of dear children once more. during the short period i was at home, i thought myself in the seventh heaven. alas, the time flew away on rapid wings. how soon our joy is changed to sorrow. i tore myself from the house that [pg 291]contained my dearest treasures, and was soon again among tar jackets and tar barrels. the admiral appeared satisfied with my punctuality, but he did not invite me to dinner, and as he did not i repaired to the principal inn with a few brother officers, and ordered some fish and a boiled leg of mutton and mashed turnips. “it is very extraordinary, gentlemen,” replied the head waiter when we mentioned the articles we wished for dinner. “there are thirteen different naval parties in the house, and they have all ordered the same. but,” added he, “i am not at all surprised, for our mutton is excellent.” the following morning the signal was made for all captains to repair to the dockyard to receive the duke of clarence. at one o’clock he arrived in the commissioner’s yacht from chatham. i had the honour of being presented to him first, as i happened to be nearest. he asked me a few questions of no importance, and then passed on to another officer. he inspected the yard and the troops, we all following him. as he was afterwards to breakfast, or rather lunch, with commissioner lobb, the latter was considerate enough to invite us all to meet him, and a curious kind of meeting it was. the distinguished and illustrious admiral was very chatty, and appeared from the manner of his eating to be sharp set. the little admiral of the port did not, for some reason, attend. his friends said he ought to have given the refreshment instead of the commissioner, but it was not his fashion. i was not sorry when [pg 292]the duke took his departure, as his presence brought everything to a standstill.

in a week’s time we were ready for sea, and i left sheerness, the little hospitable admiral, and all its contents without shedding one tear. off margate the pilot had the kindness to bump us on shore, but as the tide was making, the vessel was soon afloat without receiving any injury. his wife had predicted this in her preceding night’s dream, and he, silly man, had not sense enough to give up his turn to another pilot. on arriving in the downs, i was ordered next day to repair to my old tiresome cruising ground, where, during a period of three long, lingering months, we cruised, anchored, fished, and frequently on sundays engaged the old women’s terror, the flotilla. we also took a chasse marée laden with plaster of paris. as i imagined i should gratify the honest people at dover, particularly the female part, who might be twisting their papillotes and talking scandal for want of other amusement, by sending in a vessel with the english flag flying above the french, i was determined to do so, although i knew she would scarcely pay her condemnation. a few days afterwards i received a note from the prize agent to request i would not send in anymore of the same description, as there was a balance of six pounds against us for proctor’s fees, etc. thinks i to myself, how odd. so, as the sailor says, after venturing life and limb in capturing an enemy’s vessel, i am to pay for taking her. d——n me, jack, that’s too [pg 293]bad. i’ll write to joseph hume to bring it before the house of commons. i know he is a great reformer and a sailor’s friend, although he terms them a dead weight.

we were at the end of our cruise relieved, and anchored again in the downs, where i was informed sir g. campbell had been relieved by sir thos. foley, his counterpart in worth and gallantry.

i waited on the gallant admiral, left my card on lady lucy, and was invited to dinner. the admiral, as he is well known, and considered one of our most distinguished officers, i need not describe. his lady was a lively, hospitable, agreeable person, and i often reflect on the many pleasant hours i passed at the admiral’s house. i understand she is now a saint and is very charitable. generally speaking, i do not admire saints. they are too pure to mix with this sinful world, and are not fond of sailors. a fortnight passed away when we once more sighted our anchors, and the day after that eye-sore boulogne. our occupation was much the same as the last cruise, except that i was ordered shortly after i sailed to take charge of a large convoy outward bound, and to proceed with them as far as portsmouth. on my arrival there i went on shore and waited on the admiral, sir r. curtis, whom i found walking, what he termed his long-shore quarter-deck, the platform. he was a little, shrewd man, and knew a handspike from a capstan bar. i informed him from whence i came, and that i had fulfilled my [pg 294]orders respecting the convoy. i then presented him the necessary papers belonging to my own ship. “come with me to my office,” was the order. in going there we had to pass part of the market, where the admiral was well-known. he conversed in passing with several pretty market girls, and chucked them under the chin. “ho, ho!” thought i. on breaking the seal of the envelope of the papers i had given him, he said, “i find all perfectly in order. how long have you been a commander?” i informed him. “your seniors,” returned he, “may blush and take your correctness for a pattern.” i made my bow. “you will sail to-morrow for your station,” continued he. “foley is a good fellow, and i will not detain you longer than that time, so that you may take prizes for him. there will be a knife and fork at my table at five o’clock, where, if you are not engaged, i hope to see you.” he then withdrew. if i had not known this gallant officer’s character as a courtier, i should have been highly flattered by his compliments. had anyone else stood in my shoes, his language would most likely have been the same. however, it put me in good humour, for who is there that does not like to be commended and sometimes flattered? at the admiral’s table i met his amiable daughter, who did not appear in health, and some old brother officers.

at daylight i robbed spithead of some of its mud, and was soon in sight of detested boulogne, and of its, if possible, more hated flotilla; and i [pg 295]almost believe that if our men could have caught some of its crew they would have eaten them alive. this cruise we assisted, as the french say, in taking one of their privateers, the prize-money of which gave soap to the ship’s company for the next cruise; what other good we did i say not. at the expiration of another three months, his majesty’s sloop’s anchors once more bit the mud in the downs. on my going on shore to the admiral’s office, i was informed that i was to repair to plymouth and there refit. i was, as sir r. strachan said in his despatch, “delighted.” i hoped we should be ordered to the mediterranean. i dined with the admiral, and the day after we tore the anchors from their unwilling bed and made all sail. as i passed the coast near boulogne i made my bow and wished it good-bye, i hoped for ever. on the fourth day we graced plymouth sound. i made my bow to the commander-in-chief, sir r. calder, who asked me, with some surprise, where i came from, and what i did at plymouth. i produced my order, etc. “this is a mistake of some of the offices; i have no orders respecting you. however, as you are here, i suppose we must make good your defects, and, notwithstanding that you have taken us by surprise, i hope i shall have the pleasure of seeing you at six o’clock to dinner.”

i repaired on board with a pilot and brought the vessel into hamoaze. at the appointed time i waited on the admiral. the dinner i thought passed off heavily. there were no ladies to [pg 296]embellish the table, and after coffee i went on board. next morning i waited on the commissioner, fanshaw, who received me very graciously, as i was known to several of his family. as the vessel was to be docked and fresh coppered, we were hulked, and i took lodgings on shore, where the commissioner did me the honour of calling on me and requested me to dine with him the following day. the dinner party consisted of another brother officer, his own family, who were very amiable, and myself. during the fortnight i remained here, as i was well acquainted with several families, i contrived to pass my time very agreeably.

i expected every hour orders to fit foreign, but, oh! reader, judge of my mortification when the admiral informed me i was to go back from whence i came in a few days, and take with me a heavy-laden convoy. my mind had been filled with italian skies and burnished golden sunsets, ladies with tender black eyes, sicilian coral necklaces, tunny-fish and tusks. i was to give up all these and to return to that never-to-be-forgotten, good-for-nothing rotten flotilla, to see dover pier, the lighthouse, and the steeple of boulogne, to cross and re-cross from one to the other to provoke an appetite. if i had had interest enough i would have changed the board of admiralty for having sent me to plymouth on a fool’s errand. my thoughts were bitter and seven fathoms deep. again i cruised, like an armadillo on a grassplat, [pg 297]there and back again. after our usual time we again disturbed the mud, and most likely a number of fish, by letting go our anchors in the downs, i little thought for the last time. how blind is man to future events, and fortunate it is he is so!

on the ninth day his majesty’s brig was again dividing the water and making it fly to the right and left in delicate wavy curls. we wished boulogne, bonaparte, and his flotilla burnt to a cinder during this cruise; we were generally at anchor off that detested place, and took nothing, for there was nothing to take. on sunday we were usually firing at the flotilla as they anchored outside the pier, but so close to it that i fear our shot made little impression. at this time they were erecting a column on the heights, on which, we understood from the fishing-boats, an equestrian statue of that great dethroner, bonaparte, was to be placed. a large division of the army of england, as they chose to call themselves, were encamped round it. we occasionally anchored at dungeness for a few hours to procure fresh beef and vegetables. our cruise was nearly terminated when the sloop of war, whose captain was senior to myself, made my signal. on repairing on board her, he informed me that a division of the flotilla was to run along shore for cherbourg that night, and that it was necessary to keep the vessels as close in shore as possible, in order to intercept them.

[pg 298]

i again joined my ship and remained on deck until midnight in the hope of encountering these bugbears, and making them pay dearly for all the trouble they had given us; but, alas! how futile is the expectation of man! i had gone to my cabin and thrown myself on the sofa, and fallen into a canine slumber—that is, one eye shut and the other open—when i heard a confused kind of rumbling noise, and soon afterwards the officer of the watch tumbled down the hatchway and called out to me that the ship was aground on the french coast, but that the fog, which had come on about an hour after i quitted the deck, was so dense that the land could not be seen. i had only taken off my coat and shoes. i was immediately on deck, where i saw, to my sorrow and amazement, my commanding officer hard and fast about half pistol-shot from us. i asked the pilots, whose carelessness had done us this favour, what time of tide it was. “the infant ebb of the spring,” was the comfortable answer. “i wish you were both hanged,” i replied. “so be it,” responded the officers. during this period we were not idle; the boats were got out as well as an anchor astern, and the sails hove aback, the water started, the pumps set going, guns thrown overboard over the bows as well as shot, but all our efforts proved fruitless—you might as well have tried to start the monument; and, to conclude this distressing and disastrous scene, a heavy battery began pouring its shot into the vessel i commanded, she being the [pg 299]nearest, and the fort not more than an eighth of a mile from us on the edge of a cliff. a boat came from the sloop to request that i would make preparations to blow up my vessel and quit her with the crew. “sooner said than done,” replied i to the officer sent; “my boats will not carry the whole of us, and however i may wish to go to heaven in a hurry, probably those who are obliged to remain may not be willing to bear me company.” as the vessel began to heel over towards the battery, i ordered the boats to be manned, and all left the ship except nineteen men and myself, who had the felicity to be fired at like rabbits, as the enemy had now brought some field-pieces to bear on us. our rigging was soon shot away and our sails cut into ribbons. at length away went the lower masts a little above the deck, while about two hundred men were pegging away at us with muskets. to make our happiness supreme, the sloop of war which had been set on fire and abandoned, blew up, and set us partially in a blaze, and while we were endeavouring to extinguish it the enemy took the cowardly advantage of wounding the purser, gunner, and two seamen, as well as myself, though only slightly. we had now fallen so much on the side that we stood with our feet on the combings of the hatchways, with our backs against the deck. what a charming sight, as my lady dangerfield might have said, to see four heavy guns from the battery, three field-pieces, and about two hundred soldiers firing at a nearly deserted vessel, and endeavouring to pick off and send to “kingdom come” the unfortunate few of her crew who remained. the captain of the other sloop, finding i was not in the boats, pulled back in a gallant manner under a most galling fire to entreat me to come into his boat. this i declined, as i could not in justice leave those who were obliged to remain behind. finding he could not prevail on me to leave, he joined the other boats and proceeded to england, where, happily, they all arrived in the evening. we had now been aground about four hours, and the enemy had amused himself by firing at us for about two hours and a half.6