relenting
florence had need of help. her father's need of it was sore, and made the aid of her old friend invaluable. death stood at his pillow. a shade, already, of what he had been, shattered in mind, and perilously sick in body, he laid his weary head down on the bed his daughter's hands prepared for him, and had never raised it since.
she was always with him. he knew her, generally; though, in the wandering of his brain, he often confused the circumstances under which he spoke to her. thus he would address her, sometimes, as if his boy were newly dead; and would tell her, that although he had said nothing of her ministering at the little bedside, yet he had seen it - he had seen it; and then would hide his face and sob, and put out his worn hand. sometimes he would ask her for herself. 'where is florence?' 'i am here, papa, i am here.' 'i don't know her!' he would cry. 'we have been parted so long, that i don't know her!' and then a staring dread would he upon him, until she could soothe his perturbation; and recall the tears she tried so hard, at other times, to dry.
he rambled through the scenes of his old pursuits - through many where florence lost him as she listened - sometimes for hours. he would repeat that childish question, 'what is money?' and ponder on it, and think about it, and reason with himself, more or less connectedly, for a good answer; as if it had never been proposed to him until that moment. he would go on with a musing repetition of the title of his old firm twenty thousand times, and at every one of them, would turn his head upon his pillow. he would count his children - one - two - stop, and go back, and begin again in the same way.
but this was when his mind was in its most distracted state. in all the other phases of its illness, and in those to which it was most constant, it always turned on florence. what he would oftenest do was this: he would recall that night he had so recently remembered, the night on which she came down to his room, and would imagine that his heart smote him, and that he went out after her, and up the stairs to seek her. then, confounding that time with the later days of the many footsteps, he would be amazed at their number, and begin to count them as he followed her. here, of a sudden, was a bloody footstep going on among the others; and after it there began to be, at intervals, doors standing open, through which certain terrible pictures were seen, in mirrors, of haggard men, concealing something in their breasts. still, among the many footsteps and the bloody footsteps here and there, was the step of florence. still she was going on before. still the restless mind went, following and counting, ever farther, ever higher, as to the summit of a mighty tower that it took years to climb.
one day he inquired if that were not susan who had spoken a long while ago.
florence said 'yes, dear papa;' and asked him would he like to see her?
he said 'very much.' and susan, with no little trepidation, showed herself at his bedside.
it seemed a great relief to him. he begged her not to go; to understand that he forgave her what she had said; and that she was to stay. florence and he were very different now, he said, and very happy. let her look at this! he meant his drawing the gentle head down to his pillow, and laying it beside him.
he remained like this for days and weeks. at length, lying, the faint feeble semblance of a man, upon his bed, and speaking in a voice so low that they could only hear him by listening very near to his lips, he became quiet. it was dimly pleasant to him now, to lie there, with the window open, looking out at the summer sky and the trees: and, in the evening, at the sunset. to watch the shadows of the clouds and leaves, and seem to feel a sympathy with shadows. it was natural that he should. to him, life and the world were nothing else.
he began to show now that he thought of florence's fatigue: and often taxed his weakness to whisper to her, 'go and walk, my dearest, in the sweet air. go to your good husband!' one time when walter was in his room, he beckoned him to come near, and to stoop down; and pressing his hand, whispered an assurance to him that he knew he could trust him with his child when he was dead.
it chanced one evening, towards sunset, when florence and walter were sitting in his room together, as he liked to see them, that florence, having her baby in her arms, began in a low voice to sing to the little fellow, and sang the old tune she had so often sung to the dead child: he could not bear it at the time; he held up his trembling hand, imploring her to stop; but next day he asked her to repeat it, and to do so often of an evening: which she did. he listening, with his face turned away.
florence was sitting on a certain time by his window, with her work-basket between her and her old attendant, who was still her faithful companion. he had fallen into a doze. it was a beautiful evening, with two hours of light to come yet; and the tranquillity and quiet made florence very thoughtful. she was lost to everything for the moment, but the occasion when the so altered figure on the bed had first presented her to her beautiful mama; when a touch from walter leaning on the back of her chair, made her start.
'my dear,' said walter, 'there is someone downstairs who wishes to speak to you.
she fancied walter looked grave, and asked him if anything had happened.
'no, no, my love!' said walter. 'i have seen the gentleman myself, and spoken with him. nothing has happened. will you come?'
florence put her arm through his; and confiding her father to the black-eyed mrs toots, who sat as brisk and smart at her work as black-eyed woman could, accompanied her husband downstairs. in the pleasant little parlour opening on the garden, sat a gentleman, who rose to advance towards her when she came in, but turned off, by reason of some peculiarity in his legs, and was only stopped by the table.
florence then remembered cousin feenix, whom she had not at first recognised in the shade of the leaves. cousin feenix took her hand, and congratulated her upon her marriage.
'i could have wished, i am sure,' said cousin feenix, sitting down as florence sat, to have had an earlier opportunity of offering my congratulations; but, in point of fact, so many painful occurrences have happened, treading, as a man may say, on one another's heels, that i have been in a devil of a state myself, and perfectly unfit for every description of society. the only description of society i have kept, has been my own; and it certainly is anything but flattering to a man's good opinion of his own sources, to know that, in point of fact, he has the capacity of boring himself to a perfectly unlimited extent.'
florence divined, from some indefinable constraint and anxiety in this gentleman's manner - which was always a gentleman's, in spite of the harmless little eccentricities that attached to it - and from walter's manner no less, that something more immediately tending to some object was to follow this.
'i have been mentioning to my friend mr gay, if i may be allowed to have the honour of calling him so,' said cousin feenix, 'that i am rejoiced to hear that my friend dombey is very decidedly mending. i trust my friend dombey will not allow his mind to be too much preyed upon, by any mere loss of fortune. i cannot say that i have ever experienced any very great loss of fortune myself: never having had, in point of fact, any great amount of fortune to lose. but as much as i could lose, i have lost; and i don't find that i particularly care about it. i know my friend dombey to be a devilish honourable man; and it's calculated to console my friend dombey very much, to know, that this is the universal sentiment. even tommy screwzer, - a man of an extremely bilious habit, with whom my friend gay is probably acquainted - cannot say a syllable in disputation of the fact.'
florence felt, more than ever, that there was something to come; and looked earnestly for it. so earnestly, that cousin feenix answered, as if she had spoken.
'the fact is,' said cousin feenix, 'that my friend gay and myself have been discussing the propriety of entreating a favour at your hands; and that i have the consent of my friend gay - who has met me in an exceedingly kind and open manner, for which i am very much indebted to him - to solicit it. i am sensible that so amiable a lady as the lovely and accomplished daughter of my friend dombey will not require much urging; but i am happy to know, that i am supported by my friend gay's influence and approval. as in my parliamentary time, when a man had a motion to make of any sort - which happened seldom in those days, for we were kept very tight in hand, the leaders on both sides being regular martinets, which was a devilish good thing for the rank and file, like myself, and prevented our exposing ourselves continually, as a great many of us had a feverish anxiety to do - as' in my parliamentary time, i was about to say, when a man had leave to let off any little private popgun, it was always considered a great point for him to say that he had the happiness of believing that his sentiments were not without an echo in the breast of mr pitt; the pilot, in point of fact, who had weathered the storm. upon which, a devilish large number of fellows immediately cheered, and put him in spirits. though the fact is, that these fellows, being under orders to cheer most excessively whenever mr pitt's name was mentioned, became so proficient that it always woke 'em. and they were so entirely innocent of what was going on, otherwise, that it used to be commonly said by conversation brown - four-bottle man at the treasury board, with whom the father of my friend gay was probably acquainted, for it was before my friend gay's time - that if a man had risen in his place, and said that he regretted to inform the house that there was an honourable member in the last stage of convulsions in the lobby, and that the honourable member's name was pitt, the approbation would have been vociferous.'
this postponement of the point, put florence in a flutter; and she looked from cousin feenix to walter, in increasing agitation
'my love,' said walter, 'there is nothing the matter.
'there is nothing the matter, upon my honour,' said cousin feenix; 'and i am deeply distressed at being the means of causing you a moment's uneasiness. i beg to assure you that there is nothing the matter. the favour that i have to ask is, simply - but it really does seem so exceedingly singular, that i should be in the last degree obliged to my friend gay if he would have the goodness to break the - in point of fact, the ice,' said cousin feenix.
walter thus appealed to, and appealed to no less in the look that florence turned towards him, said:
'my dearest, it is no more than this. that you will ride to london with this gentleman, whom you know.
'and my friend gay, also - i beg your pardon!' interrupted cousin feenix.
and with me - and make a visit somewhere.'
'to whom?' asked florence, looking from one to the other.
'if i might entreat,' said cousin feenix, 'that you would not press for an answer to that question, i would venture to take the liberty of making the request.'
'do you know, walter?'
'yes.'
'and think it right?'
'yes. only because i am sure that you would too. though there may be reasons i very well understand, which make it better that nothing more should be said beforehand.'
'if papa is still asleep, or can spare me if he is awake, i will go immediately,' said florence. and rising quietly, and glancing at them with a look that was a little alarmed but perfectly confiding, left the room.
when she came back, ready to bear them company, they were talking together, gravely, at the window; and florence could not but wonder what the topic was, that had made them so well acquainted in so short a time. she did not wonder at the look of pride and love with which her husband broke off as she entered; for she never saw him, but that rested on her.
'i will leave,' said cousin feenix, 'a card for my friend dombey, sincerely trusting that he will pick up health and strength with every returning hour. and i hope my friend dombey will do me the favour to consider me a man who has a devilish warm admiration of his character, as, in point of fact, a british merchant and a devilish upright gentleman. my place in the country is in a most confounded state of dilapidation, but if my friend dombey should require a change of air, and would take up his quarters there, he would find it a remarkably healthy spot - as it need be, for it's amazingly dull. if my friend dombey suffers from bodily weakness, and would allow me to recommend what has frequently done myself good, as a man who has been extremely queer at times, and who lived pretty freely in the days when men lived very freely, i should say, let it be in point of fact the yolk of an egg, beat up with sugar and nutmeg, in a glass of sherry, and taken in the morning with a slice of dry toast. jackson, who kept the boxing-rooms in bond street - man of very superior qualifications, with whose reputation my friend gay is no doubt acquainted - used to mention that in training for the ring they substituted rum for sherry. i should recommend sherry in this case, on account of my friend dombey being in an invalided condition; which might occasion rum to fly - in point of fact to his head - and throw him into a devil of a state.'
of all this, cousin feenix delivered himself with an obviously nervous and discomposed air. then, giving his arm to florence, and putting the strongest possible constraint upon his wilful legs, which seemed determined to go out into the garden, he led her to the door, and handed her into a carriage that was ready for her reception.
walter entered after him, and they drove away.
their ride was six or eight miles long. when they drove through certain dull and stately streets, lying westward in london, it was growing dusk. florence had, by this time, put her hand in walter's; and was looking very earnestly, and with increasing agitation, into every new street into which they turned.
when the carriage stopped, at last, before that house in brook street, where her father's unhappy marriage had been celebrated, florence said, 'walter, what is this? who is here?' walter cheering her, and not replying, she glanced up at the house-front, and saw that all the windows were shut, as if it were uninhabited. cousin feenix had by this time alighted, and was offering his hand.
'are you not coming, walter?'
'no, i will remain here. don't tremble there is nothing to fear, dearest florence.'
'i know that, walter, with you so near. i am sure of that, but - '
the door was softly opened, without any knock, and cousin feenix led her out of the summer evening air into the close dull house. more sombre and brown than ever, it seemed to have been shut up from the wedding-day, and to have hoarded darkness and sadness ever since.
florence ascended the dusky staircase, trembling; and stopped, with her conductor, at the drawing-room door. he opened it, without speaking, and signed an entreaty to her to advance into the inner room, while he remained there. florence, after hesitating an instant, complied.
sitting by the window at a table, where she seemed to have been writing or drawing, was a lady, whose head, turned away towards the dying light, was resting on her hand. florence advancing, doubtfully, all at once stood still, as if she had lost the power of motion. the lady turned her head.
'great heaven!' she said, 'what is this?'
'no, no!' cried florence, shrinking back as she rose up and putting out her hands to keep her off. 'mama!'
they stood looking at each other. passion and pride had worn it, but it was the face of edith, and beautiful and stately yet. it was the face of florence, and through all the terrified avoidance it expressed, there was pity in it, sorrow, a grateful tender memory. on each face, wonder and fear were painted vividly; each so still and silent, looking at the other over the black gulf of the irrevocable past.
florence was the first to change. bursting into tears, she said from her full heart, 'oh, mama, mama! why do we meet like this? why were you ever kind to me when there was no one else, that we should meet like this?'
edith stood before her, dumb and motionless. her eyes were fixed upon her face.
'i dare not think of that,' said florence, 'i am come from papa's sick bed. we are never asunder now; we never shall be' any more. if you would have me ask his pardon, i will do it, mama. i am almost sure he will grant it now, if i ask him. may heaven grant it to you, too, and comfort you!'
she answered not a word.
'walter - i am married to him, and we have a son,' said florence, timidly - 'is at the door, and has brought me here. i will tell him that you are repentant; that you are changed,' said florence, looking mournfully upon her; 'and he will speak to papa with me, i know. is there anything but this that i can do?'
edith, breaking her silence, without moving eye or limb, answered slowly:
'the stain upon your name, upon your husband's, on your child's. will that ever be forgiven, florence?'
'will it ever be, mama? it is! freely, freely, both by walter and by me. if that is any consolation to you, there is nothing that you may believe more certainly. you do not - you do not,' faltered florence, 'speak of papa; but i am sure you wish that i should ask him for his forgiveness. i am sure you do.'
she answered not a word.
'i will!' said florence. 'i will bring it you, if you will let me; and then, perhaps, we may take leave of each other, more like what we used to be to one another. i have not,' said florence very gently, and drawing nearer to her, 'i have not shrunk back from you, mama, because i fear you, or because i dread to be disgraced by you. i only wish to do my duty to papa. i am very dear to him, and he is very dear to me. but i never can forget that you were very good to me. oh, pray to heaven,' cried florence, falling on her bosom, 'pray to heaven, mama, to forgive you all this sin and shame, and to forgive me if i cannot help doing this (if it is wrong), when i remember what you used to be!'
edith, as if she fell beneath her touch, sunk down on her knees, and caught her round the neck.
'florence!' she cried. 'my better angel! before i am mad again, before my stubbornness comes back and strikes me dumb, believe me, upon my soul i am innocent!'
'mama!'
'guilty of much! guilty of that which sets a waste between us evermore. guilty of what must separate me, through the whole remainder of my life, from purity and innocence - from you, of all the earth. guilty of a blind and passionate resentment, of which i do not, cannot, will not, even now, repent; but not guilty with that dead man. before god!'
upon her knees upon the ground, she held up both her hands, and swore it.
'florence!' she said, 'purest and best of natures, - whom i love - who might have changed me long ago, and did for a time work some change even in the woman that i am, - believe me, i am innocent of that; and once more, on my desolate heart, let me lay this dear head, for the last time!'
she was moved and weeping. had she been oftener thus in older days, she had been happier now.
'there is nothing else in all the world,' she said, 'that would have wrung denial from me. no love, no hatred, no hope, no threat. i said that i would die, and make no sign. i could have done so, and i would, if we had never met, florence.
'i trust,' said cousin feenix, ambling in at the door, and speaking, half in the room, and half out of it, 'that my lovely and accomplished relative will excuse my having, by a little stratagem, effected this meeting. i cannot say that i was, at first, wholly incredulous as to the possibility of my lovely and accomplished relative having, very unfortunately, committed herself with the deceased person with white teeth; because in point of fact, one does see, in this world - which is remarkable for devilish strange arrangements, and for being decidedly the most unintelligible thing within a man's experience - very odd conjunctions of that sort. but as i mentioned to my friend dombey, i could not admit the criminality of my lovely and accomplished relative until it was perfectly established. and feeling, when the deceased person was, in point of fact, destroyed in a devilish horrible manner, that her position was a very painful one - and feeling besides that our family had been a little to blame in not paying more attention to her, and that we are a careless family - and also that my aunt, though a devilish lively woman, had perhaps not been the very best of mothers - i took the liberty of seeking her in france, and offering her such protection as a man very much out at elbows could offer. upon which occasion, my lovely and accomplished relative did me the honour to express that she believed i was, in my way, a devilish good sort of fellow; and that therefore she put herself under my protection. which in point of fact i understood to be a kind thing on the part of my lovely and accomplished relative, as i am getting extremely shaky, and have derived great comfort from her solicitude.'
edith, who had taken florence to a sofa, made a gesture with her hand as if she would have begged him to say no more.
'my lovely and accomplished relative,' resumed cousin feenix, still ambling about at the door, 'will excuse me, if, for her satisfaction, and my own, and that of my friend dombey, whose lovely and accomplished daughter we so much admire, i complete the thread of my observations. she will remember that, from the first, she and i never alluded to the subject of her elopement. my impression, certainly, has always been, that there was a mystery in the affair which she could explain if so inclined. but my lovely and accomplished relative being a devilish resolute woman, i knew that she was not, in point of fact, to be trifled with, and therefore did not involve myself in any discussions. but, observing lately, that her accessible point did appear to be a very strong description of tenderness for the daughter of my friend dombey, it occurred to me that if i could bring about a meeting, unexpected on both sides, it might lead to beneficial results. therefore, we being in london, in the present private way, before going to the south of italy, there to establish ourselves, in point of fact, until we go to our long homes, which is a devilish disagreeable reflection for a man, i applied myself to the discovery of the residence of my friend gay - handsome man of an uncommonly frank disposition, who is probably known to my lovely and accomplished relative - and had the happiness of bringing his amiable wife to the present place. and now,' said cousin feenix, with a real and genuine earnestness shining through the levity of his manner and his slipshod speech, 'i do conjure my relative, not to stop half way, but to set right, as far as she can, whatever she has done wrong - not for the honour of her family, not for her own fame, not for any of those considerations which unfortunate circumstances have induced her to regard as hollow, and in point of fact, as approaching to humbug - but because it is wrong, and not right.'
cousin feenix's legs consented to take him away after this; and leaving them alone together, he shut the door.
edith remained silent for some minutes, with florence sitting close beside her. then she took from her bosom a sealed paper.
'i debated with myself a long time,' she said in a low voice, 'whether to write this at all, in case of dying suddenly or by accident, and feeling the want of it upon me. i have deliberated, ever since, when and how to destroy it. take it, florence. the truth is written in it.'
'is it for papa?' asked florence.
'it is for whom you will,' she answered. 'it is given to you, and is obtained by you. he never could have had it otherwise.'
again they sat silent, in the deepening darkness.
'mama,' said florence, 'he has lost his fortune; he has been at the point of death; he may not recover, even now. is there any word that i shall say to him from you?'
'did you tell me,' asked edith, 'that you were very dear to him?'
'yes!' said florence, in a thrilling voice.
'tell him i am sorry that we ever met.
'no more?' said florence after a pause.
'tell him, if he asks, that i do not repent of what i have done - not yet - for if it were to do again to-morrow, i should do it. but if he is a changed man - '
she stopped. there was something in the silent touch of florence's hand that stopped her.
'but that being a changed man, he knows, now, it would never be. tell him i wish it never had been.'
'may i say,' said florence, 'that you grieved to hear of the afflictions he has suffered?'
'not,' she replied, 'if they have taught him that his daughter is very dear to him. he will not grieve for them himself, one day, if they have brought that lesson, florence.'
'you wish well to him, and would have him happy. i am sure you would!' said florence. 'oh! let me be able, if i have the occasion at some future time, to say so?'
edith sat with her dark eyes gazing steadfastly before her, and did not reply until florence had repeated her entreaty; when she drew her hand within her arm, and said, with the same thoughtful gaze upon the night outside:
'tell him that if, in his own present, he can find any reason to compassionate my past, i sent word that i asked him to do so. tell him that if, in his own present, he can find a reason to think less bitterly of me, i asked him to do so. tell him, that, dead as we are to one another, never more to meet on this side of eternity, he knows there is one feeling in common between us now, that there never was before.'
her sternness seemed to yield, and there were tears in her dark eyes.
'i trust myself to that,' she said, 'for his better thoughts of me, and mine of him. when he loves his florence most, he will hate me least. when he is most proud and happy in her and her children, he will be most repentant of his own part in the dark vision of our married life. at that time, i will be repentant too - let him know it then - and think that when i thought so much of all the causes that had made me what i was, i needed to have allowed more for the causes that had made him what he was. i will try, then, to forgive him his share of blame. let him try to forgive me mine!'
'oh mama!' said florence. 'how it lightens my heart, even in such a strange meeting and parting, to hear this!'
'strange words in my own ears,' said edith, 'and foreign to the sound of my own voice! but even if i had been the wretched creature i have given him occasion to believe me, i think i could have said them still, hearing that you and he were very dear to one another. let him, when you are dearest, ever feel that he is most forbearing in his thoughts of me - that i am most forbearing in my thoughts of him! those are the last words i send him! now, goodbye, my life!'
she clasped her in her arms, and seemed to pour out all her woman's soul of love and tenderness at once.
'this kiss for your child! these kisses for a blessing on your head! my own dear florence, my sweet girl, farewell!'
'to meet again!' cried florence.
'never again! never again! when you leave me in this dark room, think that you have left me in the grave. remember only that i was once, and that i loved you!'
and florence left her, seeing her face no more, but accompanied by her embraces and caresses to the last.
cousin feenix met her at the door, and took her down to walter in the dingy dining room, upon whose shoulder she laid her head weeping.
'i am devilish sorry,' said cousin feenix, lifting his wristbands to his eyes in the simplest manner possible, and without the least concealment, 'that the lovely and accomplished daughter of my friend dombey and amiable wife of my friend gay, should have had her sensitive nature so very much distressed and cut up by the interview which is just concluded. but i hope and trust i have acted for the best, and that my honourable friend dombey will find his mind relieved by the disclosures which have taken place. i exceedingly lament that my friend dombey should have got himself, in point of fact, into the devil's own state of conglomeration by an alliance with our family; but am strongly of opinion that if it hadn't been for the infernal scoundrel barker - man with white teeth - everything would have gone on pretty smoothly. in regard to my relative who does me the honour to have formed an uncommonly good opinion of myself, i can assure the amiable wife of my friend gay, that she may rely on my being, in point of fact, a father to her. and in regard to the changes of human life, and the extraordinary manner in which we are perpetually conducting ourselves, all i can say is, with my friend shakespeare - man who wasn't for an age but for all time, and with whom my friend gay is no doubt acquainted - that its like the shadow of a dream.'
弗洛伦斯需要帮助。她的父亲特别需要帮助。她的老朋友在这时前来雪中送炭,这份情谊显得特别珍贵。死神站在他的枕边。过去的他如今只剩下一个影子。他心神破碎,躯体病危,疲乏的头躺在床上他女儿的手上(这是为他准备的),从此再也没有抬起来过。
她经常跟他在一起。他通常是认识她的;但在神志昏迷的时候,他常常弄不清他跟她讲话时的周围环境,而跟别的情况混淆起来。因此他有时跟她谈话的口气就仿佛他的儿子刚去世不久;他会跟她说,他曾看到她在小床边侍候——虽然他过去一句话也没有谈过这一点,但这个情况他是看到过的——;然后他会把脸掩藏在枕头里,抽泣起来,并伸出他消瘦的手。有时他会问她,“弗洛伦斯在哪里?”“我在这里,爸爸,我在这里。”“我不认识她!”他会这样喊道。“我们分离得这么久,我不认识她了!”那时他的眼睛就一动不动地瞪着,恐怖就会笼罩在他身上,直到她能安慰他,使他慌乱的心平静下来为止;这时候她忍着不让自己的眼泪流出,而在别的时候她却费很大劲才能使这些眼泪不流。
有时他好几个小时说着梦话,说到他过去经营商业的一些情景;弗洛伦斯听他说的时候许多地方都听不明白。他会重复那个孩子的问题,“钱是什么?”然后沉思着,考虑着,并多少相互连贯地自己跟自己议论着,以求得一个最好的答复,仿佛在这时之前,这个问题从来不曾向他提出来过似的。他会两万次沉思默想地、继续不断地重复他过去公司的名称,每说到一次都会把头转向枕头。他会计算他孩子的数目——一——二——停住,然后回去,用同样的方式重新开始。
但这是当他的精神处于最错乱时的情形。在他生病的其他时候,也是比较经常的时候,他常常想到弗洛伦斯。他最时常会做的是这样一些事情:他会想起最近记忆起来的那个夜间,那个她曾经走到楼下他的房间里的那个夜间,他会想象他的心里非常痛苦,而且他还跑出去追她,并上楼去找她。然后他把那个时候跟后来看到许多脚印的日子混淆起来了;他对脚印的数量感到吃惊,当他跟在她后面的时候,他会开始数它们。突然,在其他脚印中间,出现了一只带血的脚印,一直向前走着。然后,他开始看到在隔一定时间就看到的敞开着的门;往门里看,他可以在镜子中看见形容枯槁的人的可怕的映像,这人把什么东西掩藏在胸中。在许多脚印和带血的脚印中间,这里那里一直都有弗洛伦斯的脚印;她依旧在前面走。他依旧怀着一颗烦乱不宁的心,在后面跟随着,数着,一直向前走,一直往更高的地方爬,一直爬到一座宏伟的塔的尖顶上,那是需要好多年才能攀登上的。
有一天他问,好久以前跟他讲话的是不是苏珊。
弗洛伦斯回答道,“是的,亲爱的爸爸,”然后问他,他是不是想见她?
他说,“很想见”。于是苏珊全身不是没有哆嗦地走到他的床边。
这对他似乎是极大的安慰。他恳求她别走;他已原谅了她过去所说过的话,要她留下来;他说,现在弗洛伦斯跟他和过去已完全不同了,他们很幸福。让她来看看这!他把那个温柔的头拉到他的枕头上,让它躺在他的旁边。
他好几天、好几个星期一直处于这样的状态。终于有一天他开始平静下来了,他——一个虚弱无力的、只有几分像人的人——躺在床上,说话的很低,只有挨近他的嘴唇才能听得到。现在,他躺在那里,通过打开的窗子,向外看到夏日的天空和树木,傍晚还看到日落,心中感到一种说不清的愉快。他注视着云彩与树叶的阴影,似乎对阴影产生了同情。他有这种感情是很自然的。对他来说,生活与世界仅仅是阴影而已。
他开始为弗洛伦斯的疲累感到不安,常常不顾自己体弱,低声在她耳旁说,“我亲爱的,到新鲜空气中去散散步吧。到你的好丈夫那里去吧!”有一次,当沃尔特在他房间里的时候,他招呼他走近一些,并弯下身子,然后他紧握着他的手,低声对他说,他知道,当他死去的时候,他可以把女儿信托给他。
有一个傍晚,快要日落的时候,弗洛伦斯和沃尔特一起坐在他的房间中(因为他喜欢看到他们);弗洛伦斯手中抱着孩子,开始向这小家伙唱歌;她唱的正是她过去时常向他死去的儿子唱的歌。他当时听到这歌声无法忍受,因此举起颤抖的手,恳求她停止唱;可是第二天他又请她唱它,而且从这时起他经常在傍晚提出这个请求;她也就唱了。他转过脸听着。
有一次弗洛伦斯坐在他房间中的窗口,在她与她过去的侍女(她仍然是她忠实的伴侣)之间放着一个针线篮子。他打瞌睡了。这是个美丽的傍晚,要再过两个小时天才昏黑。寂静无声的气氛使弗洛伦斯浮想联翩地陷入了沉思。她在片刻之间忘记了一切,但却回忆着这位躺在床上、已经大大改变了的人把她介绍给她美丽的妈妈时的情景;当胳膊肘支托在椅背上的沃尔特碰了她一下的时候,她才惊醒过来。
“我亲爱的,”沃尔特说道,“楼下有人想跟你谈话。”
她觉得沃尔特的神情严肃,就问他,是不是发生什么事情了。
“没有,没有,我亲爱的!”沃尔特说道,“我本人已看到那位先生,并且跟他谈了话。没有发生什么事情。你是不是跟我来?”
弗洛伦斯把她的胳膊伸进他的胳膊里,并把父亲交给那位黑眼睛的图茨夫人(她坐在那里干着针线活,那份麻利、灵巧劲儿只有黑眼睛的女人才能有),然后陪着她的丈夫到楼下去。在跟花园相通的一间舒适的小客厅里,有一位先生在那里坐着;当她走进去的时候,他站起来,想向前迎接她,但由于他两只腿的特殊情形,他拐了一个弯,只在桌边就停住了。
这时弗洛伦斯记起这是菲尼克斯表哥;起初由于树叶阴影的缘故,她没有把他认出来。菲尼克斯表哥跟她握手,向她祝贺她的婚姻。
“说实在的,”当弗洛伦斯坐下来的时候,菲尼克斯表哥坐着说道,“我真希望能早些来向您表示祝贺。可是,事实上许多使人痛苦的事情发生了,可以说是一桩桩接踵而来,我本人处在非常不体面的状况中,完全不适合参加任何社交活动。我现在所保持的交际活动是我自己个人的交际活动。对于一个对自己才能有很高自我评价、知道他事实上能无限地把自己忙得团团转的人来说,有这样一点交际活动,决不是一件愉快的事。”
这位先生的态度中表现出某种难以确定的局促不安与忧虑的神情(虽然其中有一些小小的、没有恶意的、异乎寻常的东西,但这始终是上流社会人士的局促不安与忧虑),弗洛伦斯从他的这种态度中,也从沃尔特的态度中看出,在这之后,她将听到他说明这次来访目的的一些话。
“我已经跟我的朋友盖伊先生(如果他可以允许我荣幸地称呼他的话)说过,”菲尼克斯表哥说道,“我高兴地听到,我的朋友董贝的病情已经有了根本性的好转。我相信,我的朋友董贝不会仅仅因为财产的损失而让自己伤心过度的。我不能说我本人曾遭受过财产的巨大损失,实际上我也从来没有什么巨额的财产可以损失。但是就我能失去的财产来说,我已失去它了;我并不觉得我对这有什么重重忧虑。我知道我的朋友董贝是一位非常高尚的人,这是社会上对他的普遍看法;我想我的朋友董贝知道这一点心里一定会感到很大的安慰。甚至汤米·斯克鲁泽——他是个脾气很大的人,我的朋友盖伊可能认识他——也不能说片言只语来反驳这个事实。”
弗洛伦斯比原先更感到,在这之后,他将会告诉她一些事情;她诚挚地等待着。她是那么诚挚,仿佛她已把她的心情说出来似的,因此菲尼克斯表哥就回答了她的问题。
“事实上是,”菲尼克斯表哥说道,“我的朋友盖伊跟我本人刚才讨论过,请求您帮个忙是不是合适。我的朋友盖伊十分亲切、真诚地会见了我,我对他十分感谢。他答应向您提出这个请求。我知道,像我的朋友董贝的可爱的和多才多艺的女儿这样一位和蔼可亲的女士将不需要多费唇舌请求;但是我很高兴地知道,我的朋友盖伊的影响与赞许是对我的支持。就像我过去在议会参加会议的时候一样,当一个人要提出一项动议的时候——那时这种事是很少的,因为双方的领袖都是要求遵守严格纪律的人,所以我们被控制得紧紧的;这对于像我这样的普通议员们是一件非常好的事情,这可以防止我们不断地抛头露面,因为我们当中很多人都狂热地、渴望地想出出风头——正像我过去在议会参加会议的时候那样,我想说,当一个人被允许提出任何一个毫无意思的鸡毛蒜皮的建议的时候,他总是认为有责任声称,他很高兴地相信,他的意见不会不在皮特先生1,这位事实上战胜暴风雨的舵手的心中引起共鸣的。这时非常多的家伙立刻发出了欢呼,给发言者打气。其实这些家伙都是按照命令,每当提到皮特先生的名字的时候,就格外热烈地发出欢呼的;他们对这已非常熟练了,所以皮特先生的名字经常把他们从瞌睡中唤醒。否则他们就完全不知道正在发言的内容是什么,所以健谈的布朗——财政委员会的布朗,一下子能喝四瓶酒,我的朋友盖伊的父亲可能认识他,因为那时候我的朋友盖伊还没有生下来——这位布朗时常说,如果有一个人从座位上站起来说,他很遗憾向议会报告,有一位议员先生阁下在休息室里得了惊风,正处在临终前的痉挛状态中,这位议员先生阁下姓皮特,那么那时热烈的欢呼声一定会如雷鸣般地响彻会场。”
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1指威廉·皮特(williampitt)(1759—1806年),他是查塔姆·皮特(chathampitt)(1708—1778年)的儿子,英国辉格党人,曾任英国首相,英国、奥地利与俄国反对拿破仑联盟的创建者,以善演说知名。
菲尼克斯表哥迟迟不说明来访的目的,这使弗洛伦斯心绪不宁,她愈来愈焦虑地把眼光从菲尼克斯表哥身上转移到沃尔特身上。
“我亲爱的,”沃尔特说道,“没有发生什么不好的事情。”
“以我的荣誉发誓,没有发生什么不好的事情,”菲尼克斯表哥说道,“我深切地感到伤心,我已引起您那怕是片刻的不安。我请您放心,没有发生什么不好的事情。我想求您帮忙的就是——可是这确实好像异乎寻常,所以如果我的朋友盖伊肯行个好来打破——事实上就是打破冰块的话,那么我将对他极为感谢,”菲尼克斯表哥说道。
沃尔特听到这样的请求,又看到弗洛伦斯向他投来恳求的眼光,就说道:
“我最亲爱的,事情很简单。你跟这位你认识的先生乘车到伦敦去。”
“请原谅我打断您的话,我的朋友盖伊也一道去,”菲尼克斯表哥插嘴道。
“我也一道去,——到一个地方去进行一次拜访。”
“拜访谁?”弗洛伦斯的眼光从这个人身上转移到另一个人身上。
“如果我可以提出请求的话,”菲尼克斯表哥说道,“那么我想不揣冒昧地请求您不要一定要求答复这个问题。”
“·你知道吗,沃尔特?”
“知道。”
“而且你认为我去是对的吗?”
“是的。正因为我相信你也会这样认为,我才这样认为的。虽然可能有些我很了解的原因,最好事先不要再说什么。”
“如果爸爸还在睡觉,或者如果他醒了没有我也行的话,那么我就立即去,”弗洛伦斯说道。接着,她平静地站起来,用稍有些惊慌、但却完全信任的眼光看了他们一眼之后,就离开了房间。
当她回来,准备跟他们一起走的时候,他们正在窗口一起认真地谈着话;弗洛伦斯不能不奇怪,是什么话题使他们在这样短的时间中就相处得很熟。当她进来时,她并不奇怪她的丈夫中止谈话时向她投来的眼光是充满自豪与深情的;
因为她每次见到他的时候,他总是用这样的眼光看她的。
“我将留一张名片给我的朋友董贝,”菲尼克斯表哥说道,“我真诚地相信,他将会逐渐地不断地恢复健康与精力的。我希望我的朋友董贝将会对我表示善意,把我看成是一位对他非常热烈钦佩的人;事实上,他那英国商人与非常正直的、正人君子的性格是我非常钦佩的。我的家业正处在极为衰败的境地;但是如果我的朋友董贝需要换换空气,愿意在那里住下来的话,那么他将会看到,那是个非常有益于健康的地方——也不能不这样,因为它非常沉闷无趣。如果我的朋友董贝身体虚弱,并允许我向他推荐经常使我受益的方法的话(我过去有时觉得头昏眼花;在人们生活很放荡的那些日子里,我也曾生活得相当放荡),那么我就向他建议,事实上就是把蛋黄放在雪利酒中,加上糖和肉豆蔻,搅拌均匀,早上把它喝了,同时再吃一片干的烤面包片。在邦德街开设拳击室的杰克逊是个见闻很广博的人,我的朋友盖伊无疑听说过,他时常说,在为上拳击场进行训练时,他们用朗姆酒来代替雪利酒。由于我的朋友董贝身体病弱,我想建议他用雪利酒;如果喝朗姆酒的话,那么酒就会冲上——事实上就会冲上他的脸面,——使他显得非常不体面。”
所有这些话菲尼克斯表哥都是以显然是神经质与心绪不宁的神态说出来的。然后,他挽着弗洛伦斯,尽可能有力地约束住他那两只任性的腿(它们似乎决心要往花园里走去),把她领到门口,并搀扶她坐到一辆正等待着她的四轮马车中;
沃尔特在他之后上了马车,然后马车就开走了。
马车跑了六英里或八英里长的路程。当他们通过伦敦西边某些沉闷的、庄严的街道的时候,天色渐渐昏暗。弗洛伦斯这时把手放到沃尔特手里,很认真地、而且愈来愈焦虑地注视着他们拐进去的每一条新的街道。
当马车终于在布鲁克街那座曾经在里面庆祝过她爸爸的不幸的婚姻的房屋前面停下来的时候,弗洛伦斯说道,“沃尔特,这是什么意思?谁在这里?”沃尔特安抚她,没有回答;这时她向房屋正面看了一眼,看到所有的窗子都关上了,仿佛没有人住似的。菲尼克斯表哥这时下了车,向她伸出了手。
“你不来吗,沃尔特?”
“不了,我留在这里。别哆嗦!没有什么好害怕的,亲爱的弗洛伦斯。”
“我知道这,沃尔特,你离我这么近。我相信这一点,不过——”
没有敲门,门轻轻地开了;菲尼克斯表哥把她从夏天晚上的空气中领进一间密闭的沉闷的房屋里。它比过去更加昏暗、阴沉,好像从结婚那一天以来,它就一直关着,从那时起它就把黑暗与悲哀一直贮藏在里面似的。
弗洛伦斯哆嗦着登上幽暗的楼梯,跟她的向导停在一间客厅的门前。他开了门,没有说话,向她做了个手势,请她走进里面的房间,他则留在原地。弗洛伦斯犹豫了片刻之后,依照他的话进去了。
一位女士坐在窗子旁边的桌子前面,似乎在写字或画画;她的手由一只手支托着,转向里面,对着即将消逝的日光。弗洛伦斯满腹疑团,向前走去,突然间站住,仿佛她已失去了移动的力量似的。那位女士转过头来。
“我的天啊!”她说,“这是什么意思?”
“不,不!”当那位女士站起来,伸出手,把弗洛伦斯推开的时候,弗洛伦斯向后退缩,喊道,“妈妈!”
她们站在那里,相互看着。这是伊迪丝的脸,愤怒与高傲已减损了它原先的风韵,但仍然是美丽与端庄的。这是弗洛伦斯的脸,虽然流露出恐怖与躲闪的神情,但从中仍然可以看出惋惜、悲伤的感情,以及一份感激的、亲切的回忆。在每一张脸上都呈现出惊异与恐惧;每个人都一动不动,默不作声,越过不能改变的过去的黑暗鸿沟,相互望着。
弗洛伦斯首先打破了沉默。她眼泪汪汪,真心诚意地说道,“啊,妈妈,妈妈!为什么我们像这样子见面啊?如果我们必须像这样子见面的话,那么当过去我没有其他亲人的时候,您为什么又要对我那么好呢?”
伊迪丝站在她面前,哑口无言,一动不动。她的眼睛凝视着她的脸。
“我不敢想到这一点,”弗洛伦斯说道,“我是从爸爸的病床边来的。我们现在从不分离;我们将永远不再分离。如果您愿意要我去请求他原谅的话,那么我将会去请求的,妈妈。我几乎完全相信,如果我向他提出这个请求的话,他现在是会答应的。愿上天也能答应您这一点,并安慰您!”
她没有回答一个字。
“沃尔特——我已嫁给他了,我们有了一个儿子;”弗洛伦斯羞怯地说道,“他在门口,是他把我带到这里来的。我将告诉他,您已经忏悔了;您已经改变了,”弗洛伦斯伤心地看着她,说道,“我知道,他会跟我一起对爸爸说的。除了这,我还能做别的什么事吗?”
伊迪丝的眼睛或手脚都没有动,她打破沉默,缓慢地回答道:
“我在你的名字上,在你丈夫的名字上,在你儿子的名字上都留下了污点。有一天这也将得到原谅吗,弗洛伦斯?”
“有一天这也将得到原谅吗,妈妈?是的,这也会得到原谅的!沃尔特和我都会完全地、真心地原谅的!如果这一点对您有什么安慰的话,那么您没有什么可以更确切无疑地相信这一点的了。您没有——”弗洛伦斯结结巴巴地说道,“您没有提到爸爸,但我相信您会希望我请求他宽恕的。我相信您会这样希望的。”
她没有回答一个字。
“我会去请求的!”弗洛伦斯说道,“如果您让我去请求的话,那么我就会把他的宽恕带给您的;那时候,也许我们将会相互离别,就像我们过去相互离别一样。妈妈,”弗洛伦斯更靠近她一些,很温柔地说道,“刚才我并不是因为害怕您,或者因为我怕被您玷污名声而从您身边往后退缩的。我只是希望尽到我对爸爸的责任。他很爱我,我也很爱他。但是我永远不能忘记您对我很好。啊!向上帝祈祷吧,”弗洛伦斯扑到她的胸前,哭道,“向上帝祈祷吧,妈妈,祈求他宽恕您所有的罪过与耻辱吧,祈求他也宽恕我现在不由自主所做的事情吧(如果这样做是错误的话),因为我记得您过去对我是那么好!”
伊迪丝似乎在她的拥抱下散了架似的,站不住脚,跪了下来,搂住她的脖子。
“弗洛伦斯,”她喊道,“我可爱的天使!在我重新发疯之前,在我固执的脾气回到我的身上、使我闭口不说任何话之前,请相信我,我凭我的心灵发誓,我是清白的。”
“妈妈!”
“我犯了许多罪!犯了在我们之间永远掘开一条鸿沟的罪。犯了使我的余生中必然与纯洁和清白分离,首先是与你分离的罪。犯了一种盲目地、狂烈的愤怒的罪,对于这一点我就是现在也不后悔,我不能后悔,也将不会后悔的;但是我没有和那个死去的人犯过什么罪。我向上帝发誓!”
她跪在地上,举起双手发誓。
“弗洛伦斯!”她说道,“天地间最纯洁与最善良的人!她是我所爱的人;她在很久以前可能把我改变成另一个人,而且确实曾经在一段短短的时间内把一个甚至像我这样的女人也改变了一些。弗洛伦斯!请相信我,我在那件事情上是清白无罪的;请让我把这颗亲爱的头最后一次再放在我这颗凄凉的心上吧!”
她感情激动了,并且哭了。如果在往昔的日子中,她经常是这样的话,那么她现在就会幸福一些了。
“世界上没有任何东西能使我否认我在那件事情上是清白无罪的。不论是什么爱,不论是什么恨,不论是什么希望,不论是什么威胁,都不能使我否认这一点。我曾说过,我将一声不吭、毫无动静地死去。如果我们没有相遇的话,弗洛伦斯,那么我是能这样死去的,也将会这样死去的。”
“我相信,”菲尼克斯表哥在门口正要慢步走进,他一只脚在门里,一只脚在门外,说道,“我的可爱的、多才多艺的亲戚将原谅我采用了一点策略,促成了这次会见。我不能说我最初完全不相信我的可爱的、多才多艺的亲戚有可能跟那个死去的白牙齿的人不幸地发生关系而玷污了自己的名声,因为事实上,我们在这个世界上确实见到过这一类十分奇怪的结合;这个世界使我们感到惊异,就是因为它安排了一些非常奇怪的婚姻,出现了一些人们绝对难以理解的事情。但是正像我跟我的朋友董贝讲过的那样,在没有完全被证实之前,我是不能承认我的可爱的、多才多艺的亲戚的罪行的。当那个已死去了的人事实上以一种非常可怕的方式毁掉生命的时候,我觉得她的处境很痛苦,同时觉得,我们的家庭也有些该责怪的地方,就是没有更多地关心她;我们的家庭是个粗心大意的家庭;而且我也觉得,我的姑妈虽然是个非常活泼的妇女,但也许并不是一位最好的母亲;于是我就冒昧地到法国去寻找她,并向她提供了一个经济十分拮据的人所能提供的保护。在这种情况下,我的可爱的、多才多艺的亲戚使我感到很荣幸地对我说,她相信我是一个非常好的人,因此她就把她自己置于我的保护之下。事实上,我认为这是我的可爱的、多才多艺的亲戚对我所表示的好意,因为我病病歪歪,身体十分衰弱,她的关心给了我极大的安慰。”
伊迪丝已经请弗洛伦斯坐在沙发上,这时做了个手势,仿佛请求他不要再说什么了。
“如果为了使她,使我,也使我的朋友董贝感到满意,”仍旧停在门口的菲尼克斯表哥继续说道,“(我的朋友董贝的可爱的、多才多艺的女儿我们是十分钦佩的),我把我的已经说开了的话说完的话,那么我的可爱的、多才多艺的亲戚是会原谅我的。她记得,从开始到现在,她与我从来没有提到过私奔这个问题。我的印象确实一直总是这样:这件事情中有一个秘密,如果她愿意的话,那么她是能够解释明白的。但是我的可爱的、多才多艺的亲戚是一位意志非常坚决的女士,我知道,她事实上是不好轻率对待的,所以我从来没有跟她讨论过这件事。可是最近我注意到,她有一个可以攻破的地方,就是她对我的朋友董贝的女儿怀有十分强烈的亲切的感情,于是我想到,如果我能使双方出乎意料地会见的话,那么这可能是会导致有益的结果的。因此,当我们像现在这样秘密地住在伦敦,没有前往意大利南方去定居之前,事实上,也就是在我们还没有到我们远方的家乡(对一个人来说,想到这一点是非常不愉快的)去之前,我设法寻找到我的朋友盖伊的住所(我的朋友盖伊是一位外貌英俊、性情非常坦率的人,我的可爱的、多才多艺的亲戚可能知道他),并高兴地把他的和蔼可亲的妻子带到现在这个地方。现在,”菲尼克斯表哥通过他那不假思索的态度与东拉西扯的谈话表露出他的一番真心诚意,他就怀着这样的感情说道,“我祈求我的亲戚不要半途而废,不论她做错了什么,都要改正过来——这样做不是为了她家庭的荣誉,不是为了她本人的名声,也不是为了她在目前不幸的境况下容易把它看成是虚伪或事实上接近于欺世盗名的任何考虑,而只是因为它是错误的,而不是正确的。”菲尼克斯表哥讲了这些话之后,他的腿同意把他带走,他把门关上,留下她们两人单独在一起。
伊迪丝沉默了几分钟,弗洛伦斯紧挨着坐在她的身边。然后她从怀中掏出了一张封好的纸。
“我独自反复思考了好久,”她低声说道,“我是不是需要写这个,以防我突然死亡或遭遇到意外的灾祸;我感到我想要写它。从那时起,我曾考虑在什么时候和怎样销毁它。把它拿去吧,弗洛伦斯,真实情况都写在里面了。”
“要我交给爸爸吗?”弗洛伦斯问道。
“交给你想交给的人,”她回答道。“这是给你的。这是你得到的。他永远也不能通过其他途径得到它。”
她们又默默无言地在愈来愈深的黑暗中坐着。
“妈妈,”弗洛伦斯说道,“他已丧失了他的财产;他曾经处于死亡的边缘;甚至现在他也可能不会痊愈。您有什么话需要我转告他的吗?”
“你是否跟我说过,”伊迪丝说道,“他很爱你?”
“是的,”弗洛伦斯用颤抖的回答道。
“请跟他说,我感到遗憾,我们两人过去会相遇。”
“没有别的了吗?”弗洛伦斯沉默了一会儿之后问道。
“请告诉他,如果他问起的话,我并不后悔我所做过的事情,——现在还不后悔——因为如果明天要再做的话,我也还会那样做的。但是如果他是一个改变了的人的话——”
她停住了。在弗洛伦斯的手的默默的抚摸中,有一种东西使她停下来。
“——但是因为他已是一个改变了的人,他知道,现在决不会发生那样的事情了。请告诉他,我真但愿过去从来不曾发生过那样的事情。”
“我是否能说,”弗洛伦斯说道,“您听到他所遭受到的痛苦,您感到伤心?”
“不,”她回答道,“如果这些痛苦使他认识到,他的女儿对他是很宝贵的话,那么我是不会感到伤心的。如果有一天他从这些痛苦中得到了这个教训的话,那么他本人也不会因为这些痛苦而感到伤心的。”
“您祝他好,祝他幸福。我相信您会的!”弗洛伦斯说道。
“请让我将来什么时候能这样说好吗?”
伊迪丝的黑眼睛全神贯注地凝视着前面,坐在那里,没有回答,直到弗洛伦斯重复她的请求,她才把手从弗洛伦斯的胳膊中抽回,然后沉思地凝视着外面的黑夜,说道:
“请告诉他,如果他现在能找到什么理由来怜悯我的过去的话,那么我请求他这样做。请告诉他,如果他现在能找到什么理由想到我的时候不那么怨恨的话,那么我请求他这样做。请告诉他,虽然对我们彼此来说,我们都已经死去了,在永恒的世界的这一边也永远不会再相遇了,但他知道,我们之间现在已有了一种共同的感情,这在过去是从来不曾有过的。”
她那坚决的意志似乎有些退让;在她的黑眼睛中包含着泪水。
“我这样说,”她说道,“是因为我相信他将会把我想得好一些,我也会把他想得好一些。当他将来愈爱他的弗洛伦斯时,他也就将会愈少恨我。当他将来对她和她的孩子们愈感到自豪时,他对他在我们婚姻生活黑暗的梦幻中所扮演的角色也将会愈感到悔恨。那时候,我也会悔恨的——那时候让他知道这一点吧——,那时候,我也会想到,当我对我之所以成为我过去那样的人的原因想得很多的时候,我应该同时对他之所以成为他过去那样的人的原因想得更多才是。那时候,我将设法宽恕他犯了他的那一份过错。让他也设法宽恕我犯了我的那一份过错!”
“啊,妈妈!”弗洛伦斯说道。“即使是在这样的相见与离别中听到这些话,它也使我的心情感到轻松了好多!”
“是的,这些话我自己听起来也是感到陌生的,”伊迪丝说道,“这些过去也从来没有从我的嘴中发出过!但是即使我曾经是个卑劣的人(我使他有理由相信我是这样的人),当我听到你们现在彼此十分亲爱的时候,我觉得我仍然能说出这些话来。当你是他最亲爱的人的时候,让他有一天想到我的时候是极为宽容的,而我在想到他的时候也是极为宽容的吧!这些就是我最后想要对他说的话!现在,让我们告别吧,我的生命!”
她把她搂在怀里,似乎倾注了她女性心灵中所聚积的全部热爱与深情。
“这个吻是给你的孩子的!这些吻是表示对你的祝福!我的亲爱的心肝弗洛伦斯,我的可爱的女儿,向你告别了!”
“再见吧!”弗洛伦斯喊道。
“永远不会了!永远不会了!当你把我留在这个黑暗的房间里的时候,你就想你已经把我留在坟墓里了。只要记得我曾经到这世界上来过,记得我曾经爱过你就行了!”
弗洛伦斯没有再看见她的脸,但直到最后都感到她的拥抱与爱抚,就这样离开了她。
菲尼克斯表哥在门口迎接了她,把她带到在楼下昏暗的餐厅中沃尔特的身边;她的头伏在他的肩上,哭着。
“我非常遗憾,”菲尼克斯表哥说道,一边极为纯朴地、毫无掩饰地举起衣袖去擦眼泪,“刚刚结束的会晤会使我的朋友董贝的可爱的、多才多艺的女儿、我的朋友盖伊的和蔼可爱的妻子的善感的天性受到这样心碎肠断的万分痛苦。可是我希望,并且相信,我是怀着最良好的愿望行事的,我的尊敬的朋友董贝在明白所发生的一切情形之后,将会感到安慰。我十分遗憾,我的朋友董贝跟我们家庭结亲之后使自己事实上落到一个非常糟糕的境况中;但我坚决认为,要是没有那个穷凶极恶的流氓巴克1——那个一口白牙齿的家伙——,那么一切事情都会十分顺利地进行的。关于我的亲戚(她对我本人有很高的评价,这使我感到十分荣幸),我可以向我的朋友盖伊的和蔼可亲的妻子保证,她可以指望我会像父亲一样地对待她。关于人生的变化以及我们经常不断处事为人的异乎寻常的态度,我和我的朋友莎士比亚——他不是一位属于一个时期,而是属于千秋万代的人物2,我的朋友盖伊无疑是知道他的——所能说的就是,生活就像一个梦的影子。”
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1菲尼克斯表哥把卡克误记为巴克。
2评价莎士比亚的这句话是莎士比亚的朋友,著名的英国剧作家本·琼生(benjonson,1573—1637)年说的。