ferdinand is arrested by messrs. morris and levison, and taken to a spunging–house.

it must be confessed that the affairs of our friends were in a critical state: everyone interested felt that something decisive in their respective fortunes was at hand. and, yet, so vain are all human plans and calculations, that the unavoidable crisis was brought about by an incident which no one anticipated. it so happened that the stormy interview between sir ratcliffe and his son was overheard by a servant. this servant, who had been engaged by miss grandison in london, was a member of a club to which a confidential clerk of messrs. morris and levison belonged. in the ensuing evening, when this worthy knight of the shoulder-knot just dropped out for an hour to look in at this choice society, smoke a pipe, and talk over the affairs of his mistress and the nation, he announced the important fact that the match between miss grandison and captain armine was ‘no go,’ which, for his part, he did not regret, as he thought his mistress ought to look higher. the confidential clerk of messrs. morris and levison listened in silence to this important intelligence, and communicated it the next morning to his employers. and so it happened that a very few days afterwards, as ferdinand was lying in bed at his hotel, the door of his chamber suddenly opened, and an individual, not of the most prepossessing appearance, being much marked with smallpox, reeking with gin, and wearing top-boots and a belcher handkerchief, rushed into his room and enquired whether he were captain armine.

‘the same,’ said ferdinand. ‘and pray, sir, who are you?’

‘don’t wish to be unpleasant,’ was the answer, ‘but, sir, you are my prisoner.’

there is something exceedingly ignoble in an arrest: ferdinand felt that sickness come over him which the uninitiated in such ceremonies must experience. however, he rallied, and enquired at whose suit these proceedings were taken.

‘messrs. morris and levison, sir.’

‘cannot i send for my lawyer and give bail?’

the bailiff shook his head. ‘you see, sir, you are taken in execution, so it is impossible.’

‘and the amount of the debt?’

‘is 2,800l., sir.’

‘well, what am i to do?’

‘why, sir, you must go along with us. we will do it very quietly. my follower is in a hackney-coach at the door, sir. you can just step in as pleasant as possible. i suppose you would like to go to a house, and then you can send for your friends, you know.’

‘well, if you will go down stairs, i will come to you.’

the bailiff grinned. ‘can’t let you out of my sight, sir.’

‘why, i cannot dress if you are here.’

the bailiff examined the room to see if there were any mode of escape; there was no door but the entrance; the window offered no chance. ‘well, sir,’ he said, ‘i likes to do things pleasant. i can stand outside, sir; but you must be quick.’

ferdinand rang for his servant. when louis clearly understood the state of affairs, he was anxious to throw the bailiff out of the window, but his master prevented him. mr. glastonbury had gone out some two hours; ferdinand sent louis with a message to his family, to say he was about leaving town for a few days; and impressing upon him to be careful not to let them know in brook-street what had occurred, he completed his rapid toilet and accompanied the sheriff’s officer to the hackney-coach that was prepared for him.

as they jogged on in silence, ferdinand revolved in his mind how it would be most advisable for him to act. any application to his own lawyer was out of the question. that had been tried before, and he felt assured that there was not the slightest chance of that gentleman discharging so large a sum, especially when he was aware that it was only a portion of his client’s liabilities; he thought of applying for advice to count mirabel or lord catchimwhocan, but with what view? he would not borrow the money of them, even if they would lend it; and as it was, he bitterly reproached himself for having availed himself so easily of mr. bond sharpe’s kind offices. at this moment, he could not persuade himself that his conduct had been strictly honourable to that gentleman. he had not been frank in the exposition of his situation. the money had been advanced under a false impression, if not absolutely borrowed under a false pretence. he cursed catchimwhocan and his levity. the honour of the armines was gone, like everything else that once belonged to them. the result of ferdinand’s reflections was, that he was utterly done up; that no hope or chance of succour remained for him; that his career was closed; and not daring to contemplate what the consequences might be to his miserable parents, he made a desperate effort to command his feelings.

here the coach turned up a dingy street, leading out of the lower end of oxford-street, and stopped before a large but gloomy dwelling, which ferdinand’s companion informed him was a spunging-house. ‘i suppose you would like to have a private room, sir; you can have every accommodation here, sir, and feel quite at home, i assure you.’

in pursuance of this suggestion, captain armine was ushered into the best drawing-room, with barred windows, and treated in the most aristocratic manner. it was evidently the chamber reserved only for unfortunate gentlemen of the utmost distinction. it was amply furnished with a mirror, a loo-table, and a very hard sofa. the walls were hung with old-fashioned caricatures by bunbury; the fire-irons were of polished brass; over the mantel-piece was the portrait of the master of the house, which was evidently a speaking likeness, and in which captain armine fancied he traced no slight resemblance to his friend mr. levison; and there were also some sources of literary amusement in the room, in the shape of a hebrew bible and the racing calendar.

after walking up and down the room for an hour, meditating over the past, for it seemed hopeless to trouble himself any further with the future, ferdinand began to feel faint, for it may be recollected that he had not even breakfasted. so pulling the bell-rope with such force that it fell to the ground, a funny little waiter immediately appeared, awed by the sovereign ring, and having, indeed, received private intelligence from the bailiff that the gentleman in the drawing-room was a regular nob.

and here, perhaps, i should remind the reader, that of all the great distinctions in life none perhaps is more important than that which divides mankind into the two great sections of nobs and snobs. it might seem at the first glance, that if there were a place in the world which should level all distinctions, it would be a debtors’ prison. but this would be quite an error. almost at the very moment that captain armine arrived at his sorrowful hotel, a poor devil of a tradesman who had been arrested for fifty pounds, and torn from his wife and family, had been forced to repair to the same asylum. he was introduced into what is styled the coffee-room, being a long, low, unfurnished sanded chamber, with a table and benches; and being very anxious to communicate with some friend, in order, if possible, to effect his release, and prevent himself from being a bankrupt, he had continued meekly to ring at intervals for the last half-hour in order that he might write and forward his letter. the waiter heard the coffee-room bell ring, but never dreamed of noticing it, though the moment the signal of the private room sounded, and sounded with so much emphasis, he rushed upstairs, three steps at a time, and instantly appeared before our hero: and all this difference was occasioned by the simple circumstance, that captain armine was a nob, and the poor tradesman a snob.

‘i am hungry,’ said ferdinand. ‘can i get anything to eat at this damned place?’

‘what would you like, sir? anything you choose, sir. mutton chop, rump steak, weal cutlet? do you a fowl in a quarter of an hour; roast or boiled, sir?’

‘i have not breakfasted yet; bring me some breakfast.’

‘yes, sir,’ said the little waiter. ‘tea, sir? coffee, eggs, toast, buttered toast, sir? like any meat, sir? ham, sir? tongue, sir? like a devil, sir?’

‘anything, everything, only be quick.’

‘yes, sir,’ responded the waiter. ‘beg pardon, sir. no offence, i hope, but custom to pay here, sir. shall be happy to accommodate you, sir. know what a gentleman is.’

‘thank you, i will not trouble you,’ said ferdinand; ‘get me that note changed.’

‘yes, sir,’ replied the little waiter, bowing very low as he disappeared.

‘gentleman in best drawing-room wants breakfast. gentleman in best drawing-room wants change for a ten-pound note. breakfast immediately for gentleman in best drawing-room. tea, coffee, toast, ham, tongue, and a devil. a regular nob!’

ferdinand was so exhausted that he had postponed all deliberation as to his situation until he had breakfasted; and when he had breakfasted, he felt dull. it is the consequence of all meals. in whatever light he viewed his affairs, they seemed inextricable. he was now in a spunging-house; he could not long remain here, he must be soon in a gaol. a gaol! what a bitter termination of all his great plans and hopes! what a situation for one who had been betrothed to henrietta temple! he thought of his cousin, he thought of her great fortune, which might have been his. perhaps at this moment they were all riding together in the park. in a few days all must be known to his father. he did not doubt of the result. armine would immediately be sold, and his father and mother, with the wretched wreck of their fortune, would retire to the continent. what a sad vicissitude! and he had done it all; he, their only child, their only hope, on whose image they had lived, who was to restore the house. he looked at the bars of his windows, it was a dreadful sight. his poor father, his fond mother, he was quite sure their hearts would break. they never could survive all this misery, this bitter disappointment of all their chopes. little less than a year ago and he was at bath, and they were all joy and triumph. what a wild scene had his life been since! o henrietta! why did we ever meet? that fatal, fatal morning! the cedar tree rose before him, he recalled, he remembered everything. and poor glastonbury—it was a miserable end. he could not disguise it from himself, he had been most imprudent, he had been mad. and yet so near happiness, perfect, perfect happiness! henrietta might have been his, and they might have been so happy! this confinement was dreadful; it began to press upon his nerves. no occupation, not the slightest resource. he took up the racing calendar, he threw it down again. he knew all the caricatures by heart, they infinitely disgusted him. he walked up and down the room till he was so tired that he flung himself upon the hard sofa. it was intolerable.

a gaol must be preferable to this. there must be some kind of wretched amusement in a gaol; but this ignoble, this humiliating solitude, he was confident he should go mad if he remained here. he rang the bell again.

‘yes, sir,’ said the little waiter.

‘this place is intolerable to me,’ said captain armine. ‘i really am quite sick of it. what can i do?’

the waiter looked a little perplexed.

‘i should like to go to gaol at once,’ said ferdinand.

‘lord! sir!’ said the little waiter.

‘yes! i cannot bear this,’ he continued; ‘i shall go mad.’

‘don’t you think your friends will call soon, sir?’

‘i have no friends,’ said ferdinand. ‘i hope nobody will call.’

‘no friends!’ said the little waiter, who began to think ferdinand was not such a nob as he had imagined. ‘why, if you have no friends, sir, it would be best to go to the fleet, i think.’

‘by jove, i think it would be better.’

‘master thinks your friends will call, i am sure.’

‘nobody knows i am here,’ said ferdinand.

‘oh!’ said the little waiter, ‘you want to let them know, do you, sir?’

‘anything sooner; i wish to conceal my disgrace.’

‘o sir! you are not used to it; i dare say you never were nabbed before?’

‘certainly not.’

‘there it is; if you will be patient, you will see everything go well.’

‘never, my good fellow; nothing can go well.’

‘o sir! you are not used to it. a regular nob like you, nabbed for the first time, and for such a long figure, sir, sure not to be diddled. never knowed such a thing yet. friends sure to stump down, sir.’

‘the greater the claim, the more difficulty in satisfying it, i should think,’ said ferdinand.

‘lord! no, sir: you are not used to it. it is only poor devils nabbed for their fifties and hundreds that are ever done up. a nob was never nabbed for the sum you are, sir, and ever went to the wall. trust my experience. i never knowed such a thing.’

ferdinand could scarcely refrain from a smile. even the conversation of the little waiter was a relief to him.

‘you see, sir,’ continued that worthy, ‘morris and levison would never have given you such a deuce of a tick unless they knowed your resources. trust morris and levison for that. you done up, sir! a nob like you, that morris and levison have trusted for such a tick! lord! sir, you don’t know nothing about it. i could afford to give them fifteen shillings in the pound for their debt myself and a good day’s business, too. friends will stump down, sir, trust me.’

‘well, it is some satisfaction for me to know that they will not, and that morris and levison will not get a farthing.’

‘well, sir,’ said the incredulous little functionary, ‘when i find morris and levison lose two or three thousand pounds by a nob who is nabbed for the first time, i will pay the money myself, that is all i know.’

here the waiter was obliged to leave ferdinand, but he proved his confidence in that gentleman’s fortunes by his continual civility, and in the course of the day brought him a stale newspaper. it seemed to ferdinand that the day would never close. the waiter pestered him about dinner, eulogising the cook, and assuring him that his master was famous for champagne. although he had no appetite, ferdinand ordered dinner in order to ensure the occurrence of one incident. the champagne made him drowsy; he was shown to his room; and for a while he forgot his cares in sleep.