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飘 Gone With The Wind

Chapter 51
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when she was finally able to go out again, scarlett had lou lace her into stays as tightlyas the strings would pull. then she passed the tape measure about her waist. twenty inches! shegroaned aloud. that was what having babies did to your figure! her waist was a large as auntpitty’s, as large as mammy’s.

“pull them tighter, lou. see if you can’t make it eighteen and a half inches or i can’t get into anyof my dresses.”

“it’ll bust de strings,” said lou. “yo’ wais’ jes’ done got bigger, miss scarlett, an’ dar ain’

nuthin’ ter do ‘bout it.”

“there is something to do about it,” thought scarlett as she ripped savagely at the seams of herdress to let out the necessary inches. “i just won’t have any more babies.”

of course, bonnie was pretty and a credit to her and rhett adored the child, but she would nothave another baby. just how she would manage this she did not know, for she couldn’t handlerhett as she had frank. rhett wasn’t afraid of her. it would probably be difficult with rhett actingso foolishly about bonnie and probably wanting a son next year, for all that he said he’d drownany boy she gave him. well, she wouldn’t give him a boy or girl either. three children wereenough for any woman to have.

when lou had stitched up the ripped seams, pressed them smooth and buttoned scarlett into thedress, she called the carriage and scarlett set out for the lumber yard. her spirits rose as she wentand she forgot about her waist line, for she was going to meet ashley at the yard to go over thebooks with him. and, if she was lucky, she might see him alone. she hadn’t seen him since longbefore bonnie was born. she hadn’t wanted to see him at all when she was so obviously pregnant.

and she had missed the daily contact with him, even if there was always someone around. she had missed the importance and activity of her lumber business while she was immured. of course, shedid not have to work now. she could easily sell the mills and invest the money for wade and ella.

but that would mean she would hardly ever see ashley, except in a formal social way with crowdsof people around. and working by ashley’s side was her greatest pleasure.

when she drove up to the yard she saw with interest how high the piles of lumber were and howmany customers were standing among them, talking to hugh elsing. and there were six muleteams and wagons being loaded by the negro drivers. six teams, she thought, with pride. and i didall this by myself!

ashley came to the door of the little office, his eyes joyful with the pleasure of seeing her againand he handed her out of her carriage and into the office as if she were a queen.

but some of her pleasure was dimmed when she went over the books of his null and comparedthem with johnnie gallegher’s books. ashley had barely made expenses and johnnie had aremarkable sum to his credit. she forbore to say anything as she looked at the two sheets butashley read her face.

“scarlett, i’m sorry. all i can say is that i wish you’d let me hire free darkies instead of usingconvicts. i believe i could do better.”

“darkies! why, their pay would break us. convicts are dirt cheap. if johnnie can make thismuch with them—”

ashley’s eyes went over her shoulder, looking at something she could not see, and the glad lightwent out of his eyes.

“i can’t work convicts like johnnie gallegher. i can’t drive men.”

“god’s nightgown! johnnie’s a wonder at it. ashley, you are just too soft hearted. you ought toget more work out of them. johnnie told me that any time a malingerer wanted to get out of workhe told you he was sick and you gave him a day off. good lord, ashley! that’s no way to makemoney. a couple of licks will cure most any sickness short of a broken leg—”

“scarlett! scarlett! stop! i can’t bear to hear you talk that way,” cried ashley, his eyes comingback to her with a fierceness that stopped her short. “don’t you realize that they are men—some ofthem sick, underfed, miserable and— oh, my dear, i can’t bear to see the way he has brutalizedyou, you who were always so sweet—”

“who has whatted me?”

“i’ve got to say it and i haven’t any right. but i’ve got to say it your—rhett butler. everythinghe touches he poisons. and he has taken you who were so sweet and generous and gentle, for allyour spirited ways, and he has done this to you—hardened you, brutalized you by his contact.”

“oh,” breathed scarlett, guilt struggling with joy that ashley should feel so deeply about her,should still think her sweet. thank god, he thought rhett to blame for her penny-pinching ways.

of course, rhett had nothing to do with it and the guilt was hers but, after all, another black markon rhett could do him no harm.

“if it were any other man in the world, i wouldn’t care so much—but rhett butler! i’ve seenwhat he’s done to you. without your realizing it, he’s twisted your thoughts into the same hard path his own run in. oh, yes, i know i shouldn’t say this— he saved my life and i am grateful but iwish to god it had been any other man but him! and i haven’t the right to talk to you like—”

“oh, ashley, you have the right—no one else has!”

“i tell you i can’t bear it, seeing your fineness coarsened by him, knowing that your beauty andyour charm are in the keeping of a man who— when i think of him touching you, i—”

“he’s going to kiss me!” thought scarlett ecstatically. “and it won’t be my fault!” she swayedtoward him. but he drew back suddenly, as if realizing he had said too much—said things he neverintended to say.

“i apologize most humbly, scarlett i—i’ve been insinuating that your husband is not agentleman and my own words have proved that i’m not one. no one has a right to criticize ahusband to a wife. i haven’t any excuse except—except—” he faltered and his face twisted. shewaited breathless.

“i haven’t any excuse at all.”

all the way home in the carriage scarlett’s mind raced. no excuse at all except—except that heloved her! and the thought of her lying in rhett’s arms roused a fury in him that she did not thinkpossible. well, she could understand that. if it wasn’t for the knowledge that his relations withmelanie were, necessarily, those of brother and sister, her own life would be a torment and rhett’sembraces coarsened her, brutalized her! well, if ashley thought that, she could do very wellwithout those embraces. she thought how sweet and romantic it would be for them both to bephysically true to each other, even though married to other people. the idea possessed herimagination and she took pleasure in it. and then, too, there was the practical side of it. it wouldmean that she would not have to have any more children.

when she reached home and dismissed the carriage, some of the exaltation which had filled herat ashley’s words began to fade as she faced the prospect of telling rhett that she wanted separatebedrooms and all which that implied. it would be difficult. moreover, how could she tell ashleythat she had denied herself to rhett, because of his wishes? what earthly good was a sacrifice if noone knew about it? what a burden modesty and delicacy were! if she could only talk to ashley asfrankly as she could to rhett! well, no matter. she’d insinuate the truth to ashley somehow.

she went up the stairs and, opening the nursery door, found rhett sitting beside bonnie’s cribwith ella upon his lap and wade displaying the contents of his pocket to him. what a blessingrhett liked children and made much of them! some stepfathers were so bitter about children offormer marriages.

“i want to talk to you,” she said and passed on into their bedroom. better have this over nowwhile her determination not to have any more children was hot within her and while ashley’s lovewas giving her strength.

“rhett,” she said abruptly when he had closed the bedroom door behind him, “i’ve decided thati don’t want any more children.”

if he was startled at her unexpected statement he did not show it. he lounged to a chair andsitting down, tilted it back.

“my pet, as i told you before bonnie was born, it is immaterial to me whether you have onechild or twenty.”

how perverse of him to evade the issue so neatly, as if not caring whether children came hadanything to do with their actual arrival.

“i think three are enough. i don’t intend to have one every year.”

“three seems an adequate number.”

“you know very well—” she began, embarrassment making her cheeks red. “you know what imean?”

“i do. do you realize that i can divorce you for refusing me my marital rights?”

“you are just low enough to think of something like that,” she cried, annoyed that nothing wasgoing as she planned it. “if you had any chivalry you’d—you’d be nice like— well, look at ashleywilkes.’ melanie can’t have any children and he—”

“quite the little gentleman, ashley,” said rhett and his eyes began to gleam oddly. “pray go onwith your discourse.”

scarlett choked, for her discourse was at its end and she had nothing more to say. now she sawhow foolish had been her hope of amicably settling so important a matter, especially with a selfishswine like rhett.

“you’ve been to the lumber office this afternoon, haven’t you?”

“what has that to do with it?”

“you like dogs, don’t you, scarlett? do you prefer them in kennels or mangers?”

the allusion was lost on her as the tide of her anger and disappointment rose.

he got lightly to his feet and coming to her put his hand under her chin and jerked her face up tohis.

“what a child you are! you have lived with three men and still know nothing of men’s natures.

you seem to think they are like old ladies past the change of life.”

he pinched her chin playfully and his hand dropped away from her. one black eyebrow went upas he bent a cool long look on her.

“scarlett, understand this. if you and your bed still held any charms for me, no looks and noentreaties could keep me away. and i would have no sense of shame for anything i did, for i madea bargain with you—a bargain which i have kept and you are now breaking. keep your chaste bed,my dear.”

“do you mean to tell me,” cried scarlett indignantly, “that you don’t care—”

“you have tired of me, haven’t you? well, men tire more easily than women. keep your sanctity,scarlett. it will work no hardship on me. it doesn’t matter,” he shrugged and grinned. “fortunatelythe world is full of beds—and most of the beds are full of women.”

“you mean you’d actually be so—”

“my dear innocent! but, of course. it’s a wonder i haven’t strayed long ere this. i never heldfidelity to be a virtue.”

“i shall lock my door every night!”

“why bother? if i wanted you, no lock would keep me out.”

he turned, as though the subject were closed, and left the room. scarlett heard him going backto the nursery where he was welcomed by the children. she sat down abruptly. she had had herway. this was what she wanted and ashley wanted. but it was not making her happy. her vanitywas sore and she was mortified at the thought that rhett had taken it all so lightly, that he didn’twant her, that he put her on the level of other women in other beds.

she wished she could think of some delicate way to tell ashley that she and rhett were nolonger actually man and wife. but she knew now she could not. it all seemed a terrible mess nowand she half heartedly wished she had said nothing about it. she would miss the long amusingconversations in bed with rhett when the ember of his cigar glowed in the dark. she would missthe comfort of his arms when she woke terrified from the dreams that she was running throughcold mist.

suddenly she felt very unhappy and leaning her head on the arm of the chair, she cried.

思嘉终于又能出去活动了。她让卢儿帮她穿胸衣,绳子尽量地多勒紧,然后用尺量了量腰身。20英寸!她大声嚷嚷起来,生孩子,结果就把你的身材弄成这个样子。她腰身竟然和皮蒂姑妈一样粗,和嬷嬷一样粗了。

“再拉紧点儿,卢儿。看能不能紧到18英寸半,否则我的衣服就都不能穿了。““再拉,绳子就断了,"卢儿说。"人的腰就是粗了,思嘉小姐,一点办法也没有。““办法是有的。"她一面想,一面使劲把缝撕开,准备放出几英寸来。"我可再也不生孩子了。"当然,邦妮很漂亮,这为她增了光。瑞德非常喜欢这个孩子,可是她再也不想生孩子了。但是怎样才能做到这一点,她自己也不知道,因为她不能像对付弗兰克那样来对付瑞德。瑞德是不怕她的,这样就很难对付。他在邦妮身上已经表现得如此愚蠢,说不定明年又想要个儿子,虽然他说过如果她为他生了儿子,就把他淹死。唉,她不想再给他生男孩,也不想再给他生女孩了。一个女人生过三个孩子,这已足够了。

卢儿把她撕开的缝缝好,熨平,帮她穿好扣好,她就要了辆马车到木材厂去。她走着走着,兴致来了,把腰身的事也就忘了,因为她到了木材厂就会见到艾希礼,还要和他一起看帐呢。她要是运气好,也许能单独见他。邦妮出生以前,她就很久没有见艾希礼了。她怀孕时肚子很大,她也根本不愿意让他看见。她一直很怀念过去每天和他的接触,虽然当时总有别人在常在她不能来出来活动的那段时间里,她常想到木材厂生意的重要性。当然,现在她不需要再干下去了。

她可以很容易就把个木材厂卖掉,把钱拿去投资,以备韦德和爱拉将来使用。不过那样办,就意味着她没有什么很多机会见到艾希礼了,而只能在正式的社交场合,在周围有许多人的情况下见面。和艾希礼在一起工作,这是她最大的乐趣。

她赶着车来到木材厂,高兴地看到木材堆得多么高,顾客那么多,他们正站在一堆堆木材之间,和休·埃尔辛谈话呢。那里有六套骡子,六辆车,黑人车夫正在装车。"六套车呀,"她自豪地想,"这都是我自己搞起来的呀。"艾希礼来到小办事房门口,再次和她相见,感到很高兴,眼睛里流露出愉快的神情。他搀着她下了马车,进了办事房,拿她当女王一样看待。

但是她一看这个木材厂的帐目,和约翰妮·加勒格尔的帐目一比,她那愉快的心情就遮上了一层阴影。艾希礼勉强收支相抵,约翰妮却赚了一笔钱,说明他干得好。思嘉看了看这两张报表,克制着自己,什么也没说,但她脸上的表情,艾希礼是看得清楚的。

“思嘉,我很抱谦。我没有什么好说的,只是不想再用犯人了,希望你能同意我雇自由黑人。这样干,我相信会干得好一些。"“雇黑人!给他们开工钱,我们就得破产。犯人多便宜呀!

如果约翰妮使用犯人能赚这么多钱----"艾希礼的眼睛从她肩上看过去,他能看见的东西。思嘉是看不见的,他眼中愉快的光芒消失了。

“我不能像约真妮·加勒格尔那样使唤犯人。我不可能逼着人干活。"“见鬼去吧!约翰尼干得可好了!艾希礼,你就是心肠太软。你应该让他们干更多的活。约翰尼对我说,每次有人想装病不干活,就来找你,说他病了,你就给他一天假。上帝呀!艾希礼,这可不是赚钱的法子呀。无论生什么病,只要不是腿断了抽上两鞭子,差不多就治好了----"“思嘉!思嘉!快别说了!听你这样说话,我真受不了,"艾希礼喊道,他的目光带着强烈的感情回到她脸上,打断了她的话。"难道你就没有想到他们是人----他们有的有病,吃不饱,很痛苦,而且----啊,亲爱的,我真不忍心看着他把你变成一个残暴的人,你过去是多么温柔啊----"“你说谁把我怎么样了?"“我应当说,而没有权利说呀。但我非说不可。就是你那个----瑞德·巴特勒。他所碰过的东西,都会中他的毒。你也中了他的毒,你过去虽然有些急躁,但是那么温柔,大方,和蔼,他通过和你的接触,毒害了你,使你的心肠变硬了,使你变得残暴了。"“唔,"思嘉喘着气说,她本来感到内疚,现在因为艾希礼对她感情这么深,到现在还觉得她温柔。又产生了喜悦的心情,幸好他认为都是瑞德不好,她才这样贪财的,其实这事和瑞德丝毫没关系,本来就是她自己不好,不过在瑞德身上再添一个污点,对他也没什么坏处。

“这要是任何别的人,我就不会这么介意了----可他正好是瑞德·巴特勒!他对你做了些什么,我都看见了。在你不知不觉之中,他就把你的思想牵着绕弯子引到他那条无情的轨道上去了。唉,我知道我不该说这些话----他救了我的命,我是很感激他的。但我愿向上帝表示,当时如果不是他,而是别人就好了。其实,我也没有权利对你讲这些----""唔,艾希礼,你是有这个权利的----别人才没有呢!"“告诉你,我实在受不了,我不愿意看着你那美好的一切被他糟踏,我不愿意知道你的美貌和魅力要由这样一个人来支配----我一想到他和你接触,我----““他这是要吻我吧!"思嘉兴奋地想。"这就不能怪我了!"她朝着他往前凑了凑。但是他突然往后退缩,好像意识到自己说得太多了----有些话,他本来是不想说的。

“我非常真诚地向你道歉,思嘉。我----我刚才说你丈夫不是上等人,其实,我自己的话证明我才不是上等人。谁也没有权利对着一个人的妻子批评她的丈夫。我没有理由,只是----只是----"他说不下去了,他的脸也在抽搐。思嘉屏住呼吸,等他说下去。

“我没有任何理由。”

回家路上,思嘉坐在马车上,思绪万千。没有任何理由,只是----只是他爱她!一想到她躺在瑞德怀里,他就满腔怒火,这是思嘉没有料到的。不过这倒是她可以理解的。她要不是知道他和媚兰的关系只是和兄妹关系一样,她也会感到非常痛苦的。艾希礼还说瑞德拥抱她就是糟踏了她,把她变成了残暴的人!好吧,要是他这么想,她可以完全不让瑞德拥抱她嘛。她心里想,如果他们两个人虽然都和别人结了婚,却能在肉体上互相保持忠诚,这有多么美好,多么风流埃这个想法久久地停留在她有脑子里,她也感到非常愉快。同时这还解决了一个实际问题。这就意味着她不必再生孩子了。

等她回到家,撂下马车以后,艾希礼的话在她心中引起了喜悦就开始渐渐消失了,因为她得向瑞德说明白她要求各人睡各人的卧室,以及随之而来的各种事情。这就很难办了。

另外,她又怎么对艾希礼说,完全为了满足他的心愿,她已经不再让瑞德碰她了呢?可是如果没有人知道,这种牺牲又有什么实际意义呢?爱面子,难为情,这种心理实在碍事!她要是能和艾希礼坦率地谈一谈,就像和瑞德谈话一样,那该有多好!不过,也没关系。她总会有办法把真实情况告诉艾希礼的。

她上楼去,打开育儿室的门一看,只见瑞德坐在邦妮的小床边,爱拉坐在他腿上,韦德正从口袋晨掏东西给他看。瑞德这样喜欢孩子,并对他们这样看重,实在幸运。因为有些继父对前夫的孩子是非常讨厌的。

“我有话跟你讲,"她说,接着就到他们自己的卧室里去了。现在最好还是趁她不再要孩子的决心非常坚定,趁艾希礼对她的爱还在给她力量,把这件事了结了吧。

瑞德走进卧室,随手把门关上。思嘉突然对他说:“瑞德,我已经决定不再要孩子了。“如果说他对思嘉突然说这样的话感到惊讶,他并没有表现出来。他慢慢走到一把椅子跟前坐下,往后仰着,弄得椅子也往后斜了。

“我的宝贝,邦妮还没生下来的时候,我就对你说过,你生一个孩子,还是生20个孩子,对我说来是无所谓的。"他推得一干二净,太不像话,仿佛采取这种无所谓的态度就可以影响实际的生与不生。

“我觉得三个已经够多了。我不想一年生一个。"“三个似乎是够多了。"“你很清楚----"她刚要讲,又觉得难为情,脸都红了。

“你明白我的意思吗?”

“我明白。你是否知道,如果你不让我实行结婚赋予我的权利,我是可以和你离婚的?““你这个人真不像话,怎么会想到这样的事?"谈话没有按照她计划的进行,她非常恼火,就大嚷起来。"你要是有一点尊重女性的意思,你就会----你就会体贴人,就像----唔,就看看艾希礼·威尔匈斯吧。媚兰是不能再生孩子了,他----""艾希礼,他可是个正人君子呀,”瑞德说,两只眼睛放出了奇怪的光芒。"请你说下去。"思嘉一下子憋住了,她要说的话已经说完了,也没有什么别的可说了。现在她才意识到自己有多傻,竟然想和和平平地解决这样一个重大的问题,特别是碰上像瑞德这样自私自利的蠢货。

“我今天下午到木材厂去了吧,是不是?"“到那儿去,和这件事有什么关系?““你喜欢狗,对不对,思嘉?你是希望狗待在狗窝里,还是待在马槽里呢?"思嘉这时又气愤,又失望,觉得烦燥不安,这个典故,竟然没听出什么意思来。

瑞德轻轻地站起来,走到她面前,把手放在她下巴颏下面。往上一抬,她的脸正对着他的脸。

“你真是个孩子!你已经和三个男人一起生活过了,可是对男人的脾气却还是一无所知。你大概觉得他们都像过了更年期的老太婆吧。"他顽平地在她脸上拧了一把,这才放下手来,他竖着一双浓眉,低着头冷冷地对着她端详了老半天。

“思嘉,你要明白。如果你和你的床对我还有什么魅力的话,你无论是枷锁,还是恳求,都是拦不住我的。我无论做什么事都不用怕难为情,因为我和你订了契约的----我一直遵守这个契约,而你却在毁约了。得了,去保持你的贞节吧,亲爱的。"“你的意思是不是,”思嘉气愤地喊道,"你不管----"“你对我厌倦了,是不是?唉,男人比女人更容易厌倦。

你就保持圣洁吧,思嘉。这不会给我带来什么难处。没有关系,"他耸了耸肩膀,笑了。"幸亏世界上到处都有床----并且大部分的床上都睡满了女人。"“难道你真是要----"”我的小天真儿!不过,那是当然的喽,在这之前,我并没有走过多少邪路,这也真奇怪。我从来不认为贞节是一种美德。"“我每天晚上都要把门锁上!"“何必费事呢?我要是想要你,什么锁也没有用。"他转过身来,好像觉得这个题目讨论完了就走了出去。思嘉听见他又回到育儿室里去了,还听见孩子们欢迎他。她突然坐下来。她的目的已经达到了。这是她的愿望,也是艾希礼的愿望。但这并没有使她觉得高兴。她的虚荣心受到了伤害,她本人也受到了侮辱,因为她觉得瑞德并不很看重这件事,也不很需要她而且把她和别处床上的女人同样看待了。

她希望想出一个巧妙的办法告诉艾希礼她和瑞德实际上已经不再是夫妻了。但是她知道现在是不可能的。现在似乎是乱套了,她又真有点后悔,觉得不该提起这件事。过去她和瑞德躺在床上谈论很多趣的事,他那雪茄烟的红光在黑暗中一亮一亮的。过去她梦见自己在寒冷的里雾里奔跑,惊醒之后,瑞德把她搂在怀里,抚摸安慰她。这些情景,她都会怀念,却不可能再出现了。

她突然感到特别难过,把头靠在椅子扶手上,哭起来。

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