beth set aside her can of diet coke, glad that ben was having a good time at his friend zach's birthday party. she was just wishing that he didn't have to go to his father's when melody came by and sat in the chair beside her. "good idea, huh? the water guns are a big hit." melody smiled, her bleached teeth a bit too white, her skin a shade too dark, as though she'd just come back from a trip to the tanning salon. which she probably had. melody had been vain about her appearance since high school, and lately it seemed to have become even more of an obsession. "let's just hope they don't turn those super soakers on us." "they better not." melody frowned. "i told zach that if he did, i'd send everyone home." she leaned back, making herself more comfortable. "what have you been doing with yourself this summer? i haven't seen you around, and you haven't returned my calls." |j know. i'm sorry about that. i've been a hermit this summer. it's just been hard trying to keep up with nana and the kennel and all the training. i have no idea how nana kept it up for so long." "nana's doing okay these days?" nana was beth's grandmother. she'd raised beth since the age of three, after beth's parents died in a car accident. she nodded. "she's getting better, but the stroke took a lot out of her. her left side is still really weak. she can manage some of the training, but running the kennel and training is beyond her. and you know how hard she pushes herself. i'm always worried she might be overdoing it." "i noticed she was back in the choir this week." nana had been in the first baptist church choir for over thirty years, and beth knew it was one of her passions. "last week was her first week back, but i'm not sure how much singing she actually did. afterward, she took a two-hour nap." melody nodded. "what's going to happen when school starts up?" "i don't know." "you are going to teach, aren't you?" "i hope so." "you hope? don't you have teacher meetings next week?" beth didn't want to think about it, let alone discuss it, but she knew melody meant well. "yeah, but that doesn't mean i'll be there. i know it would leave the school in a bind, but it's not as if i can leave nana alone all day. not yet, anyway. and who would help her run the kennel? there's no way she could train the dogs all day." "can't you hire someone?" melody suggested. "i've been trying. did i tell you what happened earlier in the summer? i hired a guy who showed up twice, then quit as soon as the weekend rolled around. same thing with the next guy i hired. after that, no one's even bothered to come by. the 'help wanted' sign has become a permanent fixture in the window." "david's always complaining about the lack of good employees." 'tell him to offer minimum wage. then he'd really complain. even high school kids don't want to clean the cages anymore. they say it's gross." "its grass." beth laughed. "yeah, it is," she admitted. "but i'm out of time. i doubt if anything will change before next week, and if it doesn't, there are worse things. i do enjoy training the dogs. half the time they're easier than students." "like mine?" "yours was easy. trust me." melody motioned toward ben. "he's grown since the last time i saw him." "almost an inch," she said, thinking it was nice of melody to notice. ben had always been small for his age, the kid always positioned on the left side, front row, of the class picture, half a head shorter than the child seated next to him. zach, melody's son, was just the opposite: right-hand side, in the back, always the tallest in class. "i heard a rumor that ben isn't playing soccer this fall," melody commented. "he wants to try something different." "like what?" "he wants to learn to play the violin. he's going to take lessons with mrs. hastings." "she's still teaching? she must be at least ninety." "but she's got patience to teach a beginner. or at least that's what she told me. and ben likes her a lot. that's the main thing." "good for him," melody said. "i'll bet he'll be great at it. but zach's going to be bummed." "they wouldn't be on the same team. zach is going to play for the select team, right?" "if he makes it." "he will." and he would. zach was one of those naturally confident, competitive kids who matured early and ran rings around other, less talented players on the field. like ben. even now, running around the yard with his super soaker, ben couldn't keep up with him. though good-hearted and sweet, ben wasn't much of art athlete, a fact chat endlessly infuriated her ex-husband. last year, her ex had stood on the sidelines of soccer games with a scowl on his face, which was another reason ben didn't want to play. "is david going to help coach again?" david was melody's husband and one of two pediatricians in town. "he hasn't decided yet. since hoskins left, he's been on call a lot more. he hates it, but what can he do? they've been trying to recruit another doctor, but it's been hard. not everyone wants to work in a small town, especially with the nearest hospital in wilmington forty-five minutes away. makes for much longer days. half the time he doesn't get home until almost eight. sometimes it's even later than that." beth heard the worry in melody's voice, and she figured her friend was thinking about the affair david had confessed to last winter. beth knew enough not to comment on it. she'd decided when she'd first heard the whispers that they would talk about it only if melody wanted to. and if not? that was fine, too. it was none of her business. "how about you, though? have you been seeing anyone?" beth grimaced. "no. not since adam." "whatever happened with that?" "i have no idea." melody shook her head. "i can't say that i envy you. i never liked dating." "yeah, but at least you were good at it. i'm terrible." "you're exaggerating." "i'm not. but it's not that big of a deal. i'm not sure i even have the energy for it anymore. wearing thongs, shaving my legs, flirting, pretending to get along with his friends. the whole thing seems like a lot of effort." melody wrinkled her nose. "you don't shave your legs?" "of course i shave my legs," she said. then, lowering her voice, "most of the time, anyway." she sat up straighter. "but you get the point. dating is hard. especially for someone my age." "oh, please. you're not even thirty, and you're a knockout." beth had heard that for as long as she could remember, and she wasn't immune to the fact that men—even married men—often craned their necks when she walked past them. in her first three years teaching, she'd had only one parent-teacher conference with a father who came alone. in every other instance, it was the mother who attended the conference. she remembered wondering aloud about it to nana a few years back, and nana had said, "they don't want you alone with the hubbies because you're as pretty as a tickled pumpkin." nana always had a unique way of putting things. "you forget where we live," beth offered. "there aren't a lot of single men my age. and if they are single, there's a reason." "that's not true." "maybe in a city. but around here? in this town? trust me. i've lived here all my life, and even when i was in college, i commuted from home. on the rare occasions that i have been asked out, we'll go on two or three dates and then they stop calling. don't ask me why." she waved a hand philosophically. "but it's no big deal. i've got ben and nana. it's not like i'm living alone, surrounded by dozens of cats." "no. you've got dogs." "not my dogs. other people's dogs. there's a difference." "oh yeah," melody snorted. "big difference." across the yard, ben was trailing behind the group with his super soaker, doing his best to keep up, when he suddenly slipped and fell. his glasses tumbled off into the grass. beth knew enough not to get up and see if he was okay: the last time she'd tried to help, he'd been visibly embarrassed. he felt around until he found his glasses and was up and running again. "they grow up so fast, don't they?" said melody, interrupting beth's thoughts. "i know it's a cliché, but it's true. i remember my mom telling me they would and thinking she didn't know what she was talking about. i couldn't wait for zach to get a little older. of course, at the time, he had colic and i hadn't slept more than a couple of hours a night in over a month. but now, just like that, they'll be starting middle school already." "not yet. they've got another year." "i know. but it still makes me nervous." "why?" "you know… it's a hard age. kids are in that stage where they're beginning to understand the world of adults, without having the maturity of adults to deal with everything going on around them. add to that all the temptations, and the fact that they stop listening to you the way they once did, and the moods of adolescence, and i'll be the first to admit that i'm not looking forward to it. you're a teacher. you know." "that's why i teach second grade." "good choice." melody grew quiet. "did you hear about elliot spencer?" "i haven't heard much of anything. i've been a hermit, remember?" "he was caught selling drugs." "he's only a couple of years older than ben!" "and still in middle school." "now you're making me nervous." melody rolled her eyes. "don't be. if my son were more like ben, i wouldn't have reason to be nervous. ben has an old soul. he's always polite, he's always kind, always the first to help the younger kids. he's empathetic. i, on the other hand, have zach." "zach's a great kid, too." "i know he is. but he's always been more difficult than ben. and he's more of a follower than ben." "have you seen them playing? from where i'm sitting, ben's been doing all the following." "you know what i mean." actually, she did. even from a young age, ben had been content to forge his own path. which was nice, she had to admit, since it had been a pretty good path. though he didn't have many friends, he had a lot of interests he pursued on his own. good ones, too. he had little interest in video games or surfing the web, and while he occasionally watched television, he'd usually turn it off on his own after thirty minutes or so. instead, he read or played chess (a game that he seemed to understand on some intuitive level) on the electronic game board he'd received for christmas. he loved to read and write, and though he enjoyed the dogs at the kennel, most of them were anxious because of the long hours they spent in a kennel and tended to ignore him. he spent many afternoons throwing tennis balls that few, if any, ever retrieved. "it'll be fine." "i hope so." melody set aside her drink. "i suppose i should go get the cake, huh? zach has practice at five." "it'll be hot." melody stood. "i'm sure he'll want to bring the super soaker. probably squirt the coach." "do you need some help?" "no thanks. just sit here and relax. i'll be right back." beth watched melody walk away, realizing for the first time how thin she'd become. ten, maybe fifteen pounds lighter than she'd been the last time beth had seen her. had to be stress, she thought. david's affair had crushed her, but unlike beth when it had happened to her, melody was determined to save her marriage. then again, they'd had different sorts of marriages. david made a big mistake and it hurt melody, but overall, they'd always struck beth as a happy couple. beth's marriage, on the other hand, had been a fiasco from the beginning. just as nana had predicted. nana had the ability to size people up in an instant, and she had this way of shrugging when she didn't like someone. when beth announced she was pregnant and that instead of go-tag to college, she and her ex planned to get married, nana began shrugging so much that it resembled a nervous tic. beth, of course, ignored it at the time, thinking, she hasn't given him a chance. she doesn't really know him. we can make this work. nosiree. never happened. nana was always polite, always cordial when he was around, but the shrugging didn't stop until beth moved back home ten years ago. the marriage had lasted less than nine months; ben was five weeks old. nana had been right about him all along. melody vanished inside the house, only to reemerge a few minutes later, david right behind her. he was carrying paper plates and forks, obviously preoccupied. she could see the tufts of gray hair near his ears and deep lines in his forehead. the last time she'd seen him, the lines hadn't been as evident, and she figured it was another sign of the stress he was under. sometimes, beth wondered what her life would be like if she were married. not to her ex, of course. that thought made her shudder. dealing with him every other weekend was more than enough, thank you very much. but to someone else. someone… better. it seemed like it might be a good idea, at least in the abstract, anyway. after ten years, she was used to her life, and though it might be nice to have someone to share her evenings with after work or get a back rub from now and then, there was also something nice about spending all day saturday in her pajamas if she wanted to. which she sometimes did. ben, too. they called them "lazy days." they were the best days ever. sometimes they'd cap off a day of doing absolutely nothing by ordering pizza and watching a movie. heavenly. besides, if relationships were hard, marriage was even harder. it wasn't just melody and david who struggled; it seemed like most couples struggled. it went with the territory. what did nana always say? stick two different people with two different sets of expectations under one roof and it ain't always going to be shrimp and grits on easter. exactly. even if she wasn't completely sure where nana came up with her metaphors. glancing at her watch, she knew that as soon as the party ended, she'd have to head back to check in on nana. no doubt she'd find her in the kennel, either behind the desk or checking on the dogs. nana was stubborn like that. did it matter that her left leg could barely support her? my kg ain't perfect, but it's not beeswax, either. or that she might fall and get hurt? i'm not a bucket of fine china. or that her left arm was basically useless? as long as i can eat soup, i don't need it anyway. she was one of a kind, bless her heart. always had been. "hey, mom?" lost in thought, she hadn't seen ben approaching. his freckled face was shiny with sweat. water dripped from his clothes, and there were grass stains on his shirt she was certain would never come out. "yeah, baby?" "can i spend the night at zach's tonight?" "i thought he had soccer practice." "after practice. there's going to be a bunch of people staying over, and his mom got him guitar hero for his birthday." she knew the real reason he was asking. "not tonight. you can't. your dad's coming to pick you up at five." "can you call him and ask?" can try. but you know…" ben nodded, and as it usually did when this happened, her heart broke just a little. "yeah, i know." the sun glared through the windshield at baking temperature, and she found herself wishing she'd had the car's air conditioner fixed. with the window rolled down, her hair whipped in her face, making it sting. she reminded herself again to get a real haircut. she imagined saying to her hairdresser, chop it on off, terri. make me look tike a num.' but she knew she'd end up asking for her regular trim when the time came. in some things, she was a coward. "you guys looked like you were having fun." "i was." "that's all you can say?" "i'm just tired, mom." she pointed toward the dairy queen in the distance. "you want to swing by and get some ice cream?" "it's not good for me." "hey, i'm the mother here. that's what i'm supposed to say. i. was just thinking that if you're hot, you might want some." "i'm not hungry. i just had cake." "all right. suit yourself. but don't blame me if you get home and realize you should have jumped at the opportunity." "i won't." he turned toward the window. "hey, champ. you okay?" when he spoke, his voice was almost inaudible over the wind. "why do i have to go to dad's? it's not like we're going to do anything fun. he sends me to bed at nine o'clock, like i'm still in second grade or something. i'm never even tired. and tomorrow, he'll have me do chores all day." "i thought he was taking you to your grandfather's house for brunch after church." "i still don't want to go." i don't want you to go, either, she thought. but what could she do? "why don't you bring a book?" she suggested. "you can read in your room tonight, and if you get bored tomorrow, you can read there, too." "you always say that." because i don't know what eke to tell you, she thought "you want to go to the bookstore?" "no," he said. but she could tell he didn't mean it. "well, come with me anyway. i want to get a book for myself." "okay." "i'm sorry about this, you know." "yeah. i know." going to the bookstore did little to lift ben's mood. though he'd ended up picking out a couple of hardy boys mysteries, she'd recognized his slouch as they'd stood in line to pay for them. on the ride home, he opened one of the books and pretended to be reading. beth was pretty sure he'd done it to keep her from peppering him with questions or trying, with forced cheerfulness, to make him feel better about his overnight at his dad's. at ten, ben was already remarkably adept at predicting her behavior. she hated the fact that he didn't like going to his dad's. she watched him walk inside their house, knowing that he was heading to his room to pack his things. instead of following him, she took a seat on the porch steps and wished for the thousandth time she'd put up a swing. it was still hot, and from the whimpering coming from the kennel across the yard, it was clear that the dogs, too, were suffering from the heat. she strained for the sound of nana inside. had she been in the kitchen when ben walked through, she definitely would have heard her. nana was a walking cacophony. not because of the stroke, but because it went part and parcel with her personality. seventy-six going on seventeen, she laughed loud, banged pans with the spoon when she cooked, adored baseball, and turned the radio up to ear-shattering levels whenever npr featured the big band era. "music like that doesn't just grow like bananas, you know." until the stroke, she'd worn rubber boots, overalls, and an oversize straw hat nearly every day, tramping through the yard as she taught dogs to heel or come or stay. years ago, along with her husband, nana had taught them to do pretty much everything. together, they'd bred and trained hunting dogs, service dogs for the blind, drug-sniffing dogs for the police, security dogs for home protection. now that he was gone, she did those things only occasionally. not because she didn't know what to do; she'd always handled most of the training anyway. but to train a dog for home protection took fourteen months, and given the fact that nana could fall in love with a squirrel in less than three seconds, it always broke her heart to have to give up the dog when the training was completed. without grandpa around to say, "we've already sold him, so we don't have a choice," nana had found it easier to simply fold that part of the business. instead, these days nana ran a thriving obedience school. people would drop off their dogs for a couple of weeks—doggie boot camp, she called it—and nana would teach them how to sit, lie down, stay, come, and heel. they were simple, uncomplicated commands that nearly every dog could master quickly. usually, somewhere between fifteen and twenty-five dogs cycled through every two weeks, and each one needed roughly twenty minutes of training per day. any more than that, and the dogs would lose interest. it wasn't so bad when there were fifteen, but boarding twenty-five made for long days, considering each dog also needed to be walked. and that didn't factor in all the feeding, kennel maintenance, phone calls, dealing with clients, and paperwork. for most of the summer, beth had been working twelve or thirteen hours a day. they were always busy. it wasn't difficult to train a dog—beth had been helping nana on and off since she was twelve—and there were dozens of books on the subject. in addition, the veterinary clinic offered lessons for dogs and their owners every saturday morning for a fraction of the price. beth knew that most people could spare twenty minutes a day for a couple of weeks to train their dog. but they didn't. instead, people came from as far away as florida and tennessee to drop off their dogs to have someone else do it. granted, nana had a great reputation as a trainer, but she was really only teaching dogs to sit and come, heel and stay. it wasn't rocket science. yet people were always extremely grateful. and always, always, amazed. beth checked her watch. keith—her ex—would be here soon, though she had issues with the man—lord knows she had serious issues—he had joint custody, simple as that, and she'd tried to make the best of it. she liked to tell herself that it was important for ben to spend time with his dad. boys needed to spend time with their dads, especially those coming up on their teenage years, and she had to admit that he wasn't a bad guy. immature, yes, but not bad. he had a few beers now and then but wasn't an alcoholic; he didn't take drugs; he had never been abusive to either of them. he went to church every sunday. he had a steady job and paid his child support on time. or, rather, his family did. the money came from a trust, one of many that the family had established over the years. and for the most part, he kept his never-ending string of girlfriends away on those weekends he spent with his son. key words: "for the most part." lately, he'd been better about that, but she was fairly sure it had less to do with a renewed commitment to parenting than the likelihood that he was between girlfriends right now. she wouldn't really have minded so much, except for the fact that his girlfriends were usually closer in age to ben than they were to him and, as a general rule, had the iqs of salad bowls. she wasn't being spiteful; even ben realized it. a couple of months back, ben had to help one of them make a second batch of kraft macaroni and cheese after the first attempt burned. the whole "add milk, butter, mix, and stir" sequence was apparently beyond her. that wasn't what bothered ben the most, however. the girlfriends were okay—they tended to treat him more like a younger brother than a son. nor was he truly upset about the chores. he might have to rake the yard or clean the kitchen and take out the trash, but it wasn't as if her ex treated ben like an indentured servant. and chores were good for him; ben had weekend chores when he was with her, too. no, the problem was keith's childish, relentless disappointment in ben. keith wanted an athlete; instead he got a son who wanted to play the violin. he wanted someone to hunt with; he got a son who would rather read. he wanted a son who could play catch or shoot baskets; he was saddled with a clumsy son with poor vision. he never said as much to ben or to her, but he didn't have to. it was all too apparent in the scornful way he watched ben play soccer, in the way he refused to give ben credit when he won his last chess tournament, in the way he continually pushed ben to be someone he wasn't. it drove beth crazy and broke her heart at the same time, but for ben, it was worse. for years, he'd tried to please his dad, but over time, it had just exhausted the poor kid. take learning to play catch. no harm in that, right? ben might learn to enjoy it, he might even want to play little league. made perfect sense when her ex had suggested it, and ben was gung ho in the beginning. but after a while, ben came to hate the thought of it. if he caught three in a row, his dad would want him to try to catch four. when he did that, it had to be five. when he got even better, his dad wanted him to catch all of them. and then catch while he was running forward. catch while he was running backward. catch while he was sliding. catch while he was diving. catch the one his dad threw as hard as he could. and if he dropped one? you'd think the world was coming to an end. his dad wasn't the kind of guy who'd say, nice try, champ! or, good effort.' no, he was the kind of guy who'd scream, c'mon! quit screwing up! oh, she'd talked to him about it. talked to him ad nauseam. it went in one ear and out the other, of course. same old story. despite—or perhaps because of—his immaturity, keith was stubborn and opinionated about many things, and raising ben was one of them. he wanted a certain kind of son, and by god, he was going to get him. ben, predictably, began reacting in his own passive-aggressive way. he began to drop everything his dad threw, even simple lobs, while ignoring his father's growing frustration, until his father finally slammed his glove to the ground and stormed inside to sulk the rest of the afternoon. ben pretended not to notice, taking a seat beneath a loblolly pine to read until she picked him up a few hours later. she and her ex didn't battle just about ben; they were fire and ice as well. as in, he was fire and she was ice. he was still attracted to her, which irritated her no end. why on earth he could believe that she'd want anything to do with him was beyond her, but no matter what she said to him, it didn't seem to deter his overtures. most of the time, she could barely remember the reasons she'd been attracted to him years ago. she could recite the reasons for marriage—she'd been young and stupid, foremost among them, and pregnant to boot—but nowadays, whenever he stared her up and down, she cringed inside. he wasn't her type. frankly, he'd never been her type. if her entire life had been recorded on video, the marriage would be one of those events she would gladly record over. except for ben, of course. she wished her younger brother, drake, were here, and she felt the usual ache when she thought of him. whenever he'd come by, ben followed him around the way the dogs followed nana. together, they would wander off to catch butterflies or spend time in the tree house that grandpa had built, which was accessible only by a rickety bridge that spanned one of the two creeks on the property. unlike her ex, drake accepted ben, which in a lot of ways made him more of a father to ben than her ex had ever been. ben adored him, and she adored drake for the quiet way he built confidence in her son. she remembered thanking him for it once, but he'd just shrugged. "i just like spending time with him," he'd said by way of explanation. she knew she needed to check on nana. rising from her seat, she spotted the light on in the office, but she doubted that nana was doing paperwork. more likely she was out in the pens behind the kennels, and she headed in that direction. hopefully, nana hadn't got it in her mind to try to take a group of dogs for a walk. there was no way she could keep her balance—or even hold them—if they tugged on the leashes, but it had always been one of her favorite things to do. she was of the opinion that most dogs didn't get enough exercise, and the property was great for remedying that. at nearly seventy acres, it boasted several open fields bordered by virgin hardwoods, crisscrossed by half a dozen trails and two small streams that flowed all the way to the south river. the property, bought for practically nothing fifty years ago, was worth quite a bit now. that's what the lawyer said, the one who'd come by to feel nana out about the possibility of selling it. she knew exactly who was behind all that. so did nana, who pretended to be lobotomized while the lawyer spoke to her. she stared at him with wide, blank eyes, dropped grapes onto the floor one by one, and mumbled incomprehensibly. she and beth giggled about it for hours afterward. glancing through the window of the kennel office, she saw no sign of nana, but she could hear nana's voice echoing from the pens. "stay… come. good girl! good come!" rounding the corner, beth saw nana praising a shih tzu as it trotted toward her. it reminded her of one of those wind-up toy dogs you could purchase from wal-mart. "what are you doing, nana? you're not supposed to be out here." "oh, hey, beth." unlike two months ago, now she hardly slurred her words anymore. beth put her hands on her hips. "you shouldn't be out here alone." "i brought a cell phone. i figured i'd just call if i got into a problem." "you don't have a cell phone." "i have yours. i snuck it out of your purse this morning." "then who would you have called?" she hadn't seemed to have considered that, and her brow furrowed as she glanced at the dog. "see what i have to put up with, precious? i told you the gal was sharper than a digging caterpillar." she exhaled, letting out a sound like an owl. beth knew a change of subject was coming. "where's ben?" she asked. "inside, getting ready. he's going to his dad's." "i'll bet he's thrilled about that. you sure he's not hiding out in the tree house?" "go easy," beth said. "he's still his dad." "you mink." "i'm sure." "are you positive you didn't mess around with anyone else back then? not even a single one-night stand with a waiter or trucker, or someone from school ?" she sounded almost hopeful. she always sounded hopeful when she said it. "i'm positive. and i've already told you that a million times." she winked. "yes, but nana can always hope your memory improves." "how long have you been out here, by the way?" "what time is it?" "almost four o'clock." "then i've been out here three hours." "in this heat?" "i'm not broken, beth. i had an incident." "you had a stroke." "but it wasn't a serious one." "you can't move your arm." "as long as i can eat soup, i don't need it anyway. now let me go see my grandson. i want to say good-bye to him before he leaves." they started toward the kennel, precious trailing behind them, panting quickly, her tail in the air. cute dog. "i think i want chinese food tonight," nana said. "do you want chinese?" "i haven't thought about it." "well, think about it." "yeah, we can have chinese. but i don't want anything too heavy. and not fried, either. it's too hot for that." "you're no fun." "but i'm healthy." "same thing. hey, and since you're so healthy, would you mind putting precious away? she's in number twelve. i heard a new joke i want to tell ben." "where did you hear a joke?" "the radio." "is it appropriate?" "of course it's appropriate. who do you think i am?" "i know exactly who you are. that's why i'm asking. what's the joke?" "two cannibals were eating a comedian, and one of them turns to the other and asks, 'does this taste funny to you?'" beth chuckled. "he'll like that." "good. the poor kid needs something to cheer him up." "he's fine." "yeah, sure he is. i didn't just fall off the milk cart, you know." as they reached the kennel, nana kept walking toward the house, her limp more pronounced than earlier this morning. she was improving, but there was still a long way to go.