how w. s. gilbert loves a joke—a brilliant companion—operas reproduced without an altered line—many professions—a lovely home—sir arthur sullivan’s gift—a rehearsal of pinafore—breaking up crowds—punctuality—soldier or no soldier—iolanthe—gilbert as an actor—gilbert as audience—the japanese anthem—amusement.

few authors are so interesting as their work—they generally reserve their wit or trenchant sarcasm for their books. w. s. gilbert is an exception to this rule, however; he is as amusing himself as his bab ballads, and as sarcastic as h.m.s. pinafore. a sparkling librettist, he is likewise a brilliant talker. how he loves a joke, even against himself. how well he tells a funny story, even if he invent it on the spot as “perfectly true.”

his mind is so quick, he grasps the stage-setting of a dinner-party at once, and forthwith adapts his drama of the hour to exactly suit his audience.

like all amusing people, he has his quiet moments, of course; but when mr. gilbert is in good form he is inimitable. he talks like his plays, turns everything upside-down with wondrous rapidity, and propounds nonsensical theories in delightful language.[pg 187] he is assuredly the greatest wit of his day, and to him we owe the origin of musical-comedy in its best form.

with a congenial companion mr. gilbert is in his element. he is a fine-looking man with white hair and ponderous moustache, and owing to his youthful complexion appears younger than his years. he loves to have young people about him, and is never happier than when surrounded by friends.

in 1901, after an interval of nearly twenty years, his clever comic opera iolanthe was revived at the savoy with great success. not one line, not one word of its original text had been altered, yet it took london by storm, just as did pinafore when produced for the second time. how few authors’ work will stand so severe a test.

the genesis of iolanthe is referable, like many of mr. gilbert’s libretti, to one of the bab ballads. the “primordial atomic globule” from which it traces its descent is a poem called the fairy curate, in which a clergyman, the son of a fairy, gets into difficulties with his bishop, who catches him in the act of embracing an airily dressed young lady, whom the bishop supposes to be a member of the corps de ballet. the bishop, reasonably enough, declines to accept the clergyman’s explanation that the young lady is his mother, and difficulties ensue. in the opera, strephon, who is the son of the fairy iolanthe, is detected by his fiancée phyllis in the act of embracing his mother; phyllis takes the bishop’s view of the situation, and complications arise.

[pg 188]

mr. gilbert has penned such well-known blank verse dramas as the palace of truth, pygmalion and galatea, the wicked worlds, broken hearts, besides many serious and humorous plays and comedies—namely, dan’l druce, engaged, sweethearts, comedy and tragedy, and some dozen light operas.

it is a well-known fact that almost every comedian wishes to be a tragedian, and vice versa, and mr. gilbert is said to have had a great and mighty sorrow all his life. he always wanted to write serious dramas—long, five-act plays full of situations and thought. but no; fate ordained otherwise, when, having for a change started his little barque as a librettist, he had to persevere in penning what he calls “nonsense.” the public were right; they knew there was no other w. s. gilbert; they wanted to be amused, so they continually clamoured for more; and if any one did not realise his genius at the first production, he can hardly fail to do so now, when the author’s plays are again presented after a lapse of years, without an altered line, and still make long runs. some say the art of comedy-writing is dying out, and certainly no second gilbert seems to be rising among the younger men of the present day, no humourist who can call tears or laughter at will, and send his audience away happy every night. the world owes a debt of gratitude to this gifted scribe, for he has never put an unclean line upon the stage, and yet provokes peals of laughter while shyly giving his little digs at existing evils. his style has justly created a name of its own.

[pg 189]

w. s. gilbert has always had a deep-rooted objection to newspaper interviews, just as he refuses ever to see one of his own plays performed. he attends the last rehearsal, gives the minutest directions up to the final moment, and then usually spends the evening in the green-room or in the wings of the theatre. very few authors accept fame or success more philosophically than he does. when princess ida was produced he was sitting in the green-room, where there was an excitable frenchman, who had supplied the armour used in the piece. the play was going capitally, and the frenchman exclaimed, in wild excitement, “mais savez-vous que nous avons là un succès solide?” to which mr. gilbert quietly replied, “yes, your armour seems to be shining brightly.”

“ah!” exclaimed the frenchman, with a gesture of amazement, “mais vous êtes si calme!”

and this would probably describe the outward appearance of the author on a first night; nevertheless nothing will induce him to go in front even with reproductions.

mr. gilbert, who was born in 1836, proudly remarks that he has cheated the doctors and signed a new lease of life on the twenty-one years’ principle. during those sixty-eight years he has turned his hand to many trades. after a career at the london university, where he took his b.a. degree, he read for the royal artillery, but the crimean war was coming to an end, and consequently, more officers not being required, he became a clerk in the privy council office, and was subsequently called to the[pg 190] bar at the inner temple. he was also an enthusiastic militiaman, and at one time an occasional contributor to punch, becoming thus an artist as well as a writer. his pictures are well known, for the two or three hundred illustrations in the bab ballads are all from his clever pencil. neatly framed they now adorn the billiard-room of his charming country home, and, strange to relate, the originals are not much larger than the reproductions, the work being extremely fine. i have seen him make an excellent sketch in a few minutes at his home on harrow weald; but photography has latterly cast its fascinations about him, and he often disappears into some dark chamber for hours at a time, alone with his thoughts and his photographic pigments, for he develops and prints everything himself. the results are charming, more especially his scenic studies.

what a lovely home his is, standing in a hundred and ten acres right on the top of harrow weald, with a glorious view over london, middlesex, berks, and bucks. he farms the land himself, and talks of crops and live stock with a glib tongue, although the real enthusiast is his wife, who loves her prize chickens and her roses. grim’s dyke has an ideal garden, with white pigeons drinking out of shallow italian bowls upon the lawn, with its wonderful egyptian tent, its rose-walks and its monkey-house, its lake and its fish. the newly-made lake is so well arranged that it looks quite old with its bulrushes, water-lilies of pink, white, and yellow hue, and its blue forget-me-nots. the californian trout have proved a[pg 191] great success, and are a source of much sport. everything is well planned and beautifully kept; no better lawns or neater walks, no more prolific glass houses or vegetable gardens could be found than those at harrow weald.

the gilberts give delightful week-end parties, and the brightest star is generally the host himself.

at one of these recent gatherings, for which grim’s dyke is famous, some beautiful silver cups and a claret jug were upon the table. they were left by will to mr. gilbert by his colleague of so many years, sir arthur sullivan, and are a great pleasure to both the host and hostess of that well-organised country house. i have met many interesting and clever people at harrow weald, for the brilliancy of the host and the charm of his wife naturally attract much that is best in this great city. it is a good house for entertaining, the music-room—formerly the studio of f. goodall, r.a.—being a spacious oak-panelled chamber with a minstrels’ gallery, and cathedral windows. excellent singing is often heard within those walls. mr. gilbert declares he is not musical himself; but such is hardly the case, for he on one or two occasions suggested to sir arthur sullivan the style best suited to his words. his ear for time and rhythm is impeccable, but he fully admits he has an imperfect sense of tune.

the squire of harrow weald is seen at his best at rehearsal.

h.m.s. pinafore was first performed, i believe, in 1878, and about ten years afterwards it was revived[pg 192] in london. ten years later, that is to say 1899, it was again revived, and one monday morning when i was leaving grim’s dyke, mr. gilbert, who was coming up to town to attend a rehearsal, asked me if i would care to see it.

“nothing i should like better,” i replied, “for i have always understood that you and mr. pinero are the two most perfect stage managers in england.”

we drove to the stage door of the savoy, whence down strange and dark stone stairs we made our way to the front of the auditorium itself. we crossed behind the footlights, passing through a small, unpretending iron door into the house, mr. gilbert leading the way, to a side box, which at the moment was shrouded in darkness; he soon, however, pushed aside the white calico dust-sheets that hung before it, and after placing chairs for his wife and myself, and hoping we should be comfortable, departed. what a spectre that theatre was! hanging from gallery to pit were dust-sheets, the stalls all covered up with brown holland wrappers, and gloom and darkness on all things. verily a peep behind the scenes which, more properly speaking, was before the scenes in this case, is like looking at a private house preparing for a spring cleaning.

photo by langfier, 23a, old bond street, london, w.

mr. w. s. gilbert.

built out over what is ordinarily the orchestra, was a wooden platform large enough to contain a piano brilliantly played by a woman, beside whom sat the conductor of the orchestra, who was naturally the teacher of the chorus, and next to him the ordinary stage manager, with a chair for mr. gilbert placed [pg 193]close by. the librettist, however, never sat on that chair. from 11.30 to 1.30—exactly two hours, he walked up and down in front of the stage, directing here, arranging there; one moment he was showing a man how to stand as a sailor, then how to clap his thighs in nautical style, and the next explaining to a woman how to curtsey, or telling a lover how to woo. never have i seen anything more remarkable. in no sense a musician, mr. gilbert could hum any of the airs and show the company the minutest gesticulations at the same time. be it understood they were already word and music perfect, and this was the second “stage rehearsal.” he never bullied or worried any one, he quietly went up to a person, and in the most insinuating manner said:

“if i were you, i think i should do it like this.”

and “this” was always so much better than their own performance that each actor quickly grasped the idea and copied the master. he even danced when necessary, to show them how to get the right number of steps in so as to land them at a certain spot at a certain time, explaining carefully:

“there are eight bars, and you must employ so many steps.”

mr. gilbert knows every bar, every intonation, every gesture, the hang of every garment, and the tilt of every hat. he has his plans and his ideas, and never alters the situations or even the gestures he has once thought out.

he marched up and down the stage advising an alteration here, an intonation there, all in the kindest[pg 194] way possible, but with so much strength of conviction that all his suggestions were adopted without a moment’s hesitation. he never loses his temper, always sees the weak points, and is an absolute master of stage craft. his tact on such occasions is wonderful.

the love and confidence of that company in mr. gilbert was really delightful, and i have no hesitation in saying he was the best actor in the whole company whichever part he might happen to undertake. if anything he did not like occurred in the grouping of the chorus he clapped his hands and everybody stopped, when he would call out:

“gentlemen in threes, ladies in twos,” according to a style of his own.

twenty-five years previously he had been so horrified at chorus and crowd standing round the stage in a ring, that he invented the idea of breaking them up, and thereafter, according to arrangement, when “twos” or “threes” were called out the performers were to group themselves and talk in little clusters, and certainly the effect was more natural.

mr. gilbert had no notes of any kind. he brought them with him, but never opened the volume, and yet he knew exactly how everything ought to be done. this was his first rehearsal with the company, who up till then had been in the stage manager’s hands and worked according to printed instructions. the scene was a very different affair after the mastermind had set the pawns in their right squares, and made the bishops and knights move according to his will. in two hours they had gone through the[pg 195] first act of pinafore, and he clapped his hands and called for luncheon.

“it is just half-past one,” he said; “i am hungry, and i daresay you are hungry, so we will halt for half an hour. i shall be back by five minutes past two—that is five minutes’ grace, when”—bowing kindly—“i shall hope to see you again, ladies and gentlemen.”

we three lunched at the savoy next door, and a few minutes before two he rose from the table, ere he had finished his coffee, and said he must go.

“you are in a hurry,” i laughingly said.

“yes,” he replied, “i have made it a rule never to be late. the company know i shall be there, so the company will be in their places.”

a friend once congratulated him on his punctuality.

“don’t,” he said; “i have lost more time by being punctual than by anything else.”

one thing in particular struck me as wonderful during the rehearsal. half a dozen soldiers are supposed to come upon the stage, and at a certain point half a dozen untidily dressed men with guns in their hands marched in. mr. gilbert looked at them for a moment, and then he went up to one gallant warrior and said:

“is that the way you hold your gun?”

“yes, sir.”

“really! well, i never saw a soldier with his thumbs down before—in fact, i don’t think you are a soldier at all.”

“no, sir, i am a volunteer[pg 196].”

mr. gilbert turned to the stage manager hastily, and said:

“i told you i wanted soldiers.”

“but there is a sergeant,” he replied.

“sergeant,” called mr. gilbert, “step forward.” which the sergeant did.

“you know your business,” the author remarked, watching the man’s movements, “but these fellows know nothing. either bring me real soldiers, or else take these five men and drill them until at least they know how to stand properly before they come near me again.”

later in the proceedings a dozen sailors marched on: he went up to them, asked some questions about how they would man the yard-arm, and on hearing their reply said:

“i see you know your business, you’ll do.”

as it turned out, they were all naval reserve men, so no wonder they knew their business. still, mr. gilbert’s universal knowledge of all sorts and conditions of men struck me as wonderful on this and many other occasions. no more perfect stage manager exists, and no one gets more out of his actors and actresses.

at one time patience was being played in the united states by dozens of companies, but that was before the days of copyright, and poor mr. gilbert never received a penny from america excepting once when a kindly person sent him a cheque for ￡100. had he received copyright fees from the united states his wealth would have been colossal.

[pg 197]

when iolanthe was revived in london in 1902 i again attended a “call.” an entirely new company began rehearsing exactly ten days before the first night—any one who knows anything of the stage will realise what this means, and that a master-mind was necessary to drill actors and chorus in so short a time—yet the production was a triumph. this was the first occasion on which sir arthur sullivan did not conduct the dress rehearsal or the first night of one of their joint operas. he had died shortly before.

mr. gilbert was delighted with the cast, and declared it was quite as good, and in some respects perhaps better, than the original had been. a few of the people had played principals in the provinces before; but he would not allow any of their own “business” and remarked quietly:

“in london my plays are produced as i wish them; in the provinces you can do as you like.”

and certainly they obeyed him so implicitly that if he had asked them all to stand on their heads in rows, i believe they would have done it smilingly.

when mr. gilbert was about thirty-five years old, a matinée of broken hearts was arranged for a charity. the author arrived at the theatre about one o’clock, to find kyrle bellew, who was to play the chief part, had fallen through a trap and was badly hurt. there was no understudy—and only an hour intervened before the advertised time of representation.

good heavens! what was to be done? the audience had paid their money, which the charity wanted badly, and without the hero the play was impossible.

[pg 198]

he good-naturedly and kind-heartedly decided to play the part himself rather than let the entertainment fall through, wired for wig and clothes, and an hour and a half later walked on to the stage as an actor. he knew every line of the play of course, not only the hero’s, but all the others’, and he had just coached every situation. the papers duly thanked him and considered him a great success. that was his only appearance upon the stage in public.

for twenty-five years he never saw one of his own plays, not caring to sit in front; but once, at a watering-place in the fatherland where the mikado was being given, some friends persuaded him to see it in german.

“i know what rubbish these comic operas are, and i should feel ashamed to sit and hear them and know they were mine,” he modestly remarked.

nevertheless he went, and was rather amused, feeling no responsibility on his shoulders, and afterwards saw the mikado in england at a revival towards the end of the nineties. he once told me a rather amusing little story about the mikado. a gentleman who had been many years in the english legation at yokohama, attended some of the rehearsals, and was most useful in giving hints as to positions and manners in japan. mr. gilbert wanted some effective music for the entrance of the mikado—nothing mr. arthur sullivan suggested suited—so turning to the gentleman he said:

“can’t you hum the national japanese anthem?”

“oh yes,” he said cheerily. and he did.

[pg 199]

“capital—it’ll just do.”

mr. sullivan—for he was not then sir arthur—made notes, wrote it up, and the thing proved a great success. some time afterwards a furious letter came from a japanese, saying an insult had been offered the mikado of japan, the air to which that illustrious prince entered the scene instead of being royal was a music hall tune! whether this is so or not remains a mystery, anyway it is a delightful melody, and most successful to this day.

mr. gilbert has been a great traveller—for many years he wintered abroad in india, japan, burmah, egypt, or greece, and at one time he was the enthusiastic owner of a yacht; but this amusement he has given up because so few of his friends were good sailors, and so he has taken to motoring instead.

croquet-playing and motoring are the chief amusements of this “retired humourist,” as a local cab-driver once described the squire of grim’s dyke.