alone in his chambers, no longer under the sustaining influence of sidonia’s converse and counsel, the shades of night descending and bearing gloom to the gloomy, all the excitement of his spirit evaporated, the heart of coningsby sank. all now depended on himself, and in that self he had no trust. why should he succeed? success was the most rare of results. thousands fail; units triumph. and even success could only be conducted to him by the course of many years. his career, even if prosperous, was now to commence by the greatest sacrifice which the heart of man could be called upon to sustain. upon the stern altar of his fortunes he must immolate his first and enduring love. before, he had a perilous position to offer edith; now he had none. the future might then have aided them; there was no combination which could improve his present. under any circumstances he must, after all his thoughts and studies, commence a new novitiate, and before he could enter the arena must pass years of silent and obscure preparation. ‘twas very bitter. he looked up, his eye caught that drawing of the towers of hellingsley which she had given him in the days of their happy hearts. that was all that was to remain of their loves. he was to bear it to the future scene of his labours, to remind him through revolving years of toil and routine, that he too had had his romance, had roamed in fair gardens, and whispered in willing ears the secrets of his passion. that drawing was to become the altar-piece of his life.
coningsby passed an agitated night of broken sleep, waking often with a consciousness of having experienced some great misfortune, yet with an indefinite conception of its nature. he woke exhausted and dispirited. it was a gloomy day, a raw north-easter blowing up the cloisters of the albany, in which the fog was lingering, the newspaper on his breakfast-table, full of rumoured particulars of his grandfather’s will, which had of course been duly digested by all who knew him. what a contrast to st. geneviève! to the bright, bracing morn of that merry christmas! that radiant and cheerful scene, and those gracious and beaming personages, seemed another world and order of beings to the one he now inhabited, and the people with whom he must now commune. the great seal indeed! it was the wild excitement of despair, the frenzied hope that blends inevitably with absolute ruin, that could alone have inspired such a hallucination! his unstrung heart deserted him. his energies could rally no more. he gave orders that he was at home to no one; and in his morning gown and slippers, with his feet resting on the fireplace, the once high-souled and noble-hearted coningsby delivered himself up to despair.
the day passed in a dark trance rather than a reverie. nothing rose to his consciousness. he was like a particle of chaos; at the best, a glimmering entity of some shadowy hades. towards evening the wind changed, the fog dispersed, there came a clear starry night, brisk and bright. coningsby roused himself, dressed, and wrapping his cloak around him, sallied forth. once more in the mighty streets, surrounded by millions, his petty griefs and personal fortunes assumed their proper position. well had sidonia taught him, view everything in its relation to the rest. ‘tis the secret of all wisdom. here was the mightiest of modern cities; the rival even of the most celebrated of the ancient. whether he inherited or forfeited fortunes, what was it to the passing throng? they would not share his splendour, or his luxury, or his comfort. but a word from his lip, a thought from his brain, expressed at the right time, at the right place, might turn their hearts, might influence their passions, might change their opinions, might affect their destiny. nothing is great but the personal. as civilisation advances, the accidents of life become each day less important. the power of man, his greatness and his glory, depend on essential qualities. brains every day become more precious than blood. you must give men new ideas, you must teach them new words, you must modify their manners, you must change their laws, you must root out prejudices, subvert convictions, if you wish to be great. greatness no longer depends on rentals, the world is too rich; nor on pedigrees, the world is too knowing.
‘the greatness of this city destroys my misery,’ said coningsby, ‘and my genius shall conquer its greatness.’
this conviction of power in the midst of despair was a revelation of intrinsic strength. it is indeed the test of a creative spirit. from that moment all petty fears for an ordinary future quitted him. he felt that he must be prepared for great sacrifices, for infinite suffering; that there must devolve on him a bitter inheritance of obscurity, struggle, envy, and hatred, vulgar prejudice, base criticism, petty hostilities, but the dawn would break, and the hour arrive, when the welcome morning hymn of his success and his fame would sound and be re-echoed.
he returned to his rooms; calm, resolute. he slept the deep sleep of a man void of anxiety, that has neither hope nor fear to haunt his visions, but is prepared to rise on the morrow collected for the great human struggle.
and the morning came. fresh, vigorous, not rash or precipitate, yet determined to lose no time in idle meditation, coningsby already resolved at once to quit his present residence, was projecting a visit to some legal quarter, where he intended in future to reside, when his servant brought him a note. the handwriting was feminine. the note was from flora. the contents were brief. she begged mr. coningsby, with great earnestness, to do her the honour and the kindness of calling on her at his earliest convenience, at the hotel in brook street where she now resided.
it was an interview which coningsby would rather have avoided; yet it seemed to him, after a moment’s reflection, neither just, nor kind, nor manly, to refuse her request. flora had not injured him. she was, after all, his kin. was it for a moment to be supposed that he was envious of her lot? he replied, therefore, that in an hour he would wait upon her.
in an hour, then, two individuals are to be brought together whose first meeting was held under circumstances most strangely different. then coningsby was the patron, a generous and spontaneous one, of a being obscure, almost friendless, and sinking under bitter mortification. his favour could not be the less appreciated because he was the chosen relative of a powerful noble. that noble was no more; his vast inheritance had devolved on the disregarded, even despised actress, whose suffering emotions coningsby had then soothed, and whose fortune had risen on the destruction of all his prospects, and the balk of all his aspirations.
flora was alone when coningsby was ushered into the room. the extreme delicacy of her appearance was increased by her deep mourning; and seated in a cushioned chair, from which she seemed to rise with an effort, she certainly presented little of the character of a fortunate and prosperous heiress.
‘you are very good to come to me,’ she said, faintly smiling.
coningsby extended his hand to her affectionately, in which she placed her own, looking down much embarrassed.
‘you have an agreeable situation here,’ said coningsby, trying to break the first awkwardness of their meeting.
‘yes; but i hope not to stop here long?’
‘you are going abroad?’
‘no; i hope never to leave england!’
there was a slight pause; and then flora sighed and said,
‘i wish to speak to you on a subject that gives me pain; yet of which i must speak. you think i have injured you?’
‘i am sure,’ said coningsby, in a tone of great kindness, ‘that you could injure no one.’
‘i have robbed you of your inheritance.’
‘it was not mine by any right, legal or moral. there were others who might have urged an equal claim to it; and there are many who will now think that you might have preferred a superior one.’
‘you had enemies; i was not one. they sought to benefit themselves by injuring you. they have not benefited themselves; let them not say that they have at least injured you.’
‘we will not care what they say,’ said coningsby; ‘i can sustain my lot.’
‘would that i could mine!’ said flora. she sighed again with a downcast glance. then looking up embarrassed and blushing deeply, she added, ‘i wish to restore to you that fortune of which i have unconsciously and unwillingly deprived you.’
‘the fortune is yours, dear flora, by every right,’ said coningsby, much moved; ‘and there is no one who wishes more fervently that it may contribute to your happiness than i do.’
‘it is killing me,’ said flora, mournfully; then speaking with unusual animation, with a degree of excitement, she continued, ‘i must tell what i feel. this fortune is yours. i am happy in the inheritance, if you generously receive it from me, because providence has made me the means of baffling your enemies. i never thought to be so happy as i shall be if you will generously accept this fortune, always intended for you. i have lived then for a purpose; i have not lived in vain; i have returned to you some service, however humble, for all your goodness to me in my unhappiness.’
‘you are, as i have ever thought you, the kindest and most tender-hearted of beings. but you misconceive our mutual positions, my gentle flora. the custom of the world does not permit such acts to either of us as you contemplate. the fortune is yours. it is left you by one on whose affections you had the highest claim. i will not say that so large an inheritance does not bring with it an alarming responsibility; but you are not unequal to it. have confidence in yourself. you have a good heart; you have good sense; you have a well-principled being. your spirit will mount with your fortunes, and blend with them. you will be happy.’
‘and you?’
‘i shall soon learn to find content, if not happiness, from other sources,’ said coningsby; ‘and mere riches, however vast, could at no time have secured my felicity.’
‘but they may secure that which brings felicity,’ said flora, speaking in a choking voice, and not meeting the glance of coningsby. ‘you had some views in life which displeased him who has done all this; they may be, they must be, affected by this fatal caprice. speak to me, for i cannot speak, dear mr. coningsby; do not let me believe that i, who would sacrifice my life for your happiness, am the cause of such calamities!’
‘whatever be my lot, i repeat i can sustain it,’ said coningsby, with a cheek of scarlet.
‘ah! he is angry with me,’ exclaimed flora; ‘he is angry with me!’ and the tears stole down her pale cheek.
‘no, no, no! dear flora; i have no other feelings to you than those of affection and respect,’ and coningsby, much agitated, drew his chair nearer to her, and took her hand. ‘i am gratified by these kind wishes, though they are utterly impracticable; but they are the witnesses of your sweet disposition and your noble spirit. there never shall exist between us, under any circumstances, other feelings than those of kin and kindness.’
he rose as if to depart. when she saw that, she started, and seemed to summon all her energies.
‘you are going,’ she exclaimed, ‘and i have said nothing, i have said nothing; and i shall never see you again. let me tell you what i mean. this fortune is yours; it must be yours. it is an arrow in my heart. do not think i am speaking from a momentary impulse. i know myself. i have lived so much alone, i have had so little to deceive or to delude me, that i know myself. if you will not let me do justice you declare my doom. i cannot live if my existence is the cause of all your prospects being blasted, and the sweetest dreams of your life being defeated. when i die, these riches will be yours; that you cannot prevent. refuse my present offer, and you seal the fate of that unhappy flora whose fragile life has hung for years on the memory of your kindness.’
‘you must not say these words, dear flora; you must not indulge in these gloomy feelings. you must live, and you must live happily. you have every charm and virtue which should secure happiness. the duties and the affections of existence will fall to your lot. it is one that will always interest me, for i shall ever be your friend. you have conferred on me one of the most delightful of feelings, gratitude, and for that i bless you. i will soon see you again.’ mournfully he bade her farewell.