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The Works of Thomas Hood

THE BATH GUIDE.
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a pug did not suit me at all,

the feature unluckily rose up;

and folks took offence

when offering pence,

because of his turning his nose up.

[pg 190]

a butcher once gave me a dog,

that turn’d out the worst one of any;

a bull dog’s own pup,

i got a toss up,

before he had brought me a penny.

my next was a westminster dog,

from aistrop the regular cadger;

but sightless, i saw

he never would draw

a blind man so well as a badger.

a greyhound i got by a swop,

but, lord! we soon came to divorces:

he treated my strip

of cord like a slip,

and left me to go my own courses.

a poodle once tow’d me along,

but always we came to one harbour

to keep his curls smart,

and shave his hind part,

he constantly call’d on a barber.

my next was a newfoundland brute,

as big as a calf fit for slaughter;

but my old cataract

so truly he back’d

i always fell into the water.

i once had a sheep-dog for guide,

his worth did not value a button;

i found it no go,

a smithfield ducrow,

to stand on four saddles of mutton.

[pg 191]

my next was an esquimaux dog,

a dog that my bones ache to talk on,

for picking his ways

on cold frosty days

he pick’d out the slides for a walk on.

bijou was a lady-like dog,

but vex’d me at night not a little,

when tea-time was come

she would not go home,

her tail had once trail’d a tin kettle.

i once had a sort of a shock,

and kiss’d a street post like a brother,

and lost every tooth

in learning this truth—

one blind cannot well lead another.

a terrier was far from a trump,

he had one defect, and a thorough,

i never could stir,

’od rabbit the cur!

without going into the borough.

my next was dalmatian, the dog!

and led me in danger, oh crikey!

by chasing horse heels,

between carriage wheels,

till i came upon boards that were spiky.

the next that i had was from cross,

and once was a favourite spaniel

with nero, now dead,

and so i was led

right up to his den like a daniel.

[pg 192]

a mongrel i tried, and he did,

as far as the profit and lossing,

except that the kind

endangers the blind,

the breed is so fond of a crossing.

a setter was quite to my taste,

in alleys or streets broad or narrow

till one day i met

a very dead set,

at a very dead horse in a barrow.

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