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The Works of Thomas Hood

“WHEN SHALL WE THREE MEET AGAIN?”
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that last paragraph, davis, is what i call sound argument. indeed i don’t see how it is to be answered. you see they are all nem. con. as to our danger, and decidedly reckon fire an inflammatory agent. take care what you read. very pernicious doctrines are abroad, and especially across the western channel. the irish are really frightful. i’m told they tie the cows’ tails together, and then saw off their horns for insurrectionary bugles. the foundations of society are shaken all over the world—the whiteboys in ireland, and the blacks in the west indies, all seem to fight under the same colours. it’s time for honest men to rally round themselves—but i’m sorry to say public spirit and love of one’s country are at a low ebb. there’s too much americanism. one writer wants us to turn all our english wheat to indian corn, and to grow no sort of apples but franklin pippins. we want strong measures against associations and unions. there’s demagogues abroad—and they wear white hats. by-

[pg 85]

the-bye, i more than half suspect that fellow johnson is a delegate. take him to the ale-house, and treat him freely—it may warm him to blab something. besides, you will see what sort of papers the public-houses take in. you may drop a hint about their licenses. give my compliments to dr. garratt, and tell him i hope he will preach to the times, and take strong texts. i wish i could be down amongst you, but i cannot desert my post. you may tell the tenantry, and electors—i’m burnt out and gutted—but my heart’s in the right place—and devoted to constituents. come what may, i will be an unshaken pillar on the basis of my circular letter. don’t forget any of my precautions. i am sorry i did not bring all the plate up to town—but at the first alarm bury it. take in no letters or notices; for what you know they may be threatenings. if any irishman applies for work, discharge him instantly. all the old spring-guns had better be set again, they are not now legal, but i am ministerial, and if they did go off, the higher powers would perhaps wink at them. but it’s fire that i am afraid of, fire that destroyed my political roof, and may now assail my paternal one. walk, as i may say, bucket in hand, and be ready every moment for a break out. you may set fire to the small faggot stack, and try your hands at getting it under—there’s nothing worse than being taken by surprise. read this letter frequently, and impress these charges on your mind. it is a sad change for england to have become,

[pg 86]

i may say, this fiery furnace. i have not the least doubt, if properly traced, the burning cliff at weymouth would be found to be connected with incendiarism, and the earthquakes at chichester with our political convulsions. thank providence in your prayers, davis, that your own station forbids your being an m.p., for a place in parliament is little better than sitting on a barrel of gunpowder. honour forbids to resign, or i should wish i was nothing but a simple country gentleman. remember, and be vigilant. once more i cry watch, watch, watch! by adopting the motions i propose, a conflagration may be adjourned sine die, which is a petition perpetually presented by

your anxious but uncompromising master,

jacob jubb, m.p.

to lady jubb, at 45, portland place.

respected madam,

i received your ladyship’s obliging commands, and have used my best endeavours to conform to the wishes condescended therein. in respect to political controversy, i beg to say i have imposed a tacit silence on the domestic capacities as far as within the sphere of my control, but lament to say the bailiff, mr. davis, is a party unamenable to my authority, and as such has taken liberties with decorum quite unconsistent with propriety and the decency due. however reluctant to censoriousness, duty compels to communicate subversive conduct quite unconformable to decency’s rules and order in a well-regulated establishment. i allude to mr. davis’s terrifically jumping out from behind doors and in obscure dark corners, on the female domestics, for no reasonable purpose i can discover, except to make them exert their voices in a very alarming manner. the housemaid, indeed, confirms me by saying in her own words, “he considered her skreek the best skreek in the family.” if impropriety had proceeded no further, i should have hesitated to

[pg 87]

trouble your ladyship with particulars; but mr. davis, not satisfied with thus working on the unsophisticated terrors of ignorant females, thought proper to horrify with inflammatory reports.

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