relating to improvements in the hut, and mrs gaff’s perplexities.

while stephen gaff and his son were busy preparing their residence in the south sea island, mrs gaff was equally busy in preparing her residence for their reception on their return to cove.

the little cottage had undergone so many changes during the past few months that it is doubtful whether its rightful owner would have recognised his own property,—internally at least; externally it remained unaltered.

having, with much pains, ascertained that she might venture to launch out pretty freely in the way of expenditure without becoming absolutely bankrupt, mrs gaff had supplied herself with a handsome new grate, a large proportion of which was of polished brass, that cost herself and tottie much of their time to keep clean and brilliant; there were also fender and fire-irons to match, adorned with brass knobs and points, which latter were the special admiration of tottie. there was a carpet, too, straight from the looms of turkey—as the man who sold it informed mrs gaff—which was the admiration of all cove, for it was divided into squares of brilliant colours, with huge red roses in the centre of each. it was positively a superb, a resplendent, carpet, and rejoiced the hearts and eyes of mrs gaff and her child every time they looked at it, which you may be sure was pretty often. it kept them indeed in a constant state of nervous dread lest they should spill or capsize anything upon it, and in this respect might almost be said to have rendered their lives a burden, but they bore up under it with surprising cheerfulness.

there was also a new eight-day clock, with a polished mahogany case and a really white face, which by contrast made the old dutch clock more yellow and bilious than ever, and if possible more horrified in its expression. mrs gaff had allowed the old clock to retain its corner, wisely concluding that it would be a pleasantly familiar sight and sound to her husband and son when they returned. it was quite apparent to the meanest capacity that there was a rivalry between the two timepieces; for, being both rather good timekeepers, they invariably struck the hours at the same time, but the new clock struck with such a loud overbearing ring that the old one was quite overpowered. the latter had the advantage, however, of getting the first two strokes before the other began, besides which it prefaced its remarks every hour with a mysterious hissing and whirring sound that the new clock could not have got up to save its life.

there were also half-a-dozen new cane chairs. the shopman who had sold mrs gaff the carpet told her that they would look more elegant and drawing-room-like than the six heavy second-hand mahogany ones, with the hair-cloth seats, on which she had set her heart. mrs gaff would not at first agree to take the cane chairs, observing truly that they “was too slim,” but she was shaken in her mind when the shopman said they were quite the thing for a lady’s boudoir.

she immediately demanded to know what a “boodwar” was. the shopman told her that it was an elegant apartment in which young ladies were wont to sit and read poetry, and think of their absent lovers.

on hearing this she retired into a corner of the shop, taking refuge behind a chest of drawers, and held a long whispered conversation with tottie, after which she came forth and asked the shopman if married ladies ever used boodwars where they might sit and think of their absent husbands.

the shopman smiled, and said he had no doubt they did—indeed, he was sure of it; for, said he, there was a certain apartment in his own house in which his own wife was wont to sit up at night, when he chanced to be absent, and think of him.

the uncandid man did not add that in the same apartment he was in the habit of being taken pretty sharply to task as to what had kept him out so late; but, after all, what had mrs gaff to do with that? the result was that the six cane chairs were ordered by mrs gaff, who remarked that she never read “poitry,” but that that wouldn’t matter much. thenceforth she styled the cottage at cove the boodwar.

it is worthy of remark that mrs gaff, being a heavy woman, went through the bottom of the first of the cane chairs she sat down on after they were placed in the boudoir, and that her fisher-friends, being all more or less heavy, went successively through the bottoms of all the rest until none were left, and they were finally replaced by the six heavy mahogany chairs, with the hair seats, which ever afterwards stood every test to which they were subjected, that of haco barepoles’ weight included.

but the chief ornament of the cottage was a magnificent old mahogany four-poster, which was so large that it took up at least a third of the apartment, and so solidly dark and heavy that visitors were invariably, on their first entrance, impressed with the belief that a hearse had been set up in a corner of the boudoir. the posts of this bed were richly carved, and the top of each was ornamented with an imposing ball. the whole was tastefully draped with red damask so dark with age as to be almost black. altogether this piece of furniture was so grand that words cannot fully describe it, and it stood so high on its carved legs that mrs gaff and tottie were obliged to climb into it each night by a flight of three steps, which were richly carpeted, and which folded into a square box, which was extremely convenient as a seat or ottoman during the day, and quite in keeping with the rest of the furniture of the “boodwar.”

in addition to all these beautiful and expensive articles, mrs gaff displayed her love for the fine arts in the selection and purchase of four engravings in black frames with gold slips, one for each wall of the cottage. the largest of these was the portrait of a first-rate line-of-battle ship in full sail, with the yards manned, and dressed from deck to trucks with all the flags of the navy. another was a head of lord nelson, said to be a speaking likeness!

this head had the astonishing property of always looking at you, no matter what part of the room you looked at it from! tottie had expressed a wish that it might be hung opposite the new clock, in order that it might have something, as it were, to look at; but although the eyes looked straight out of the picture, they refused to look at the clock, and pertinaciously looked at living beings instead. mrs gaff asserted that it had a squint, and that it was really looking at the dutch clock, and on going to the corner where that timepiece stood she found that lord nelson was gazing in that direction! but tottie, who went to the opposite corner of the room, roundly asseverated that the head looked at her.

there was no getting over this difficulty, so mrs gaff gave it up as an unsolvable riddle; but tottie, who was fond of riddles, pondered the matter, and at length came to the conclusion that as lord nelson was a great man, it must be because of his greatness that he could look in two directions at the same moment.

mrs gaff furthermore displayed her taste for articles of vertu in her selection of chimney-piece ornaments. she had completely covered every inch of available space with shells of a brilliant and foreign aspect, and articles of chinaware, such as parrots and shepherds, besides various creatures which the designer had evidently failed to represent correctly, as they resembled none of the known animals of modern times.

from this abode of elegance and luxury mrs gaff issued one forenoon in her gay cotton visiting dress and the huge bonnet with the pink bows and ribbons. tottie accompanied her, for the two were seldom apart for any lengthened period since the time when stephen and billy went away. mother and daughter seemed from that date to have been united by a new and stronger bond than heretofore; they walked, worked, ate, slept, and almost thought together. on the present occasion they meant to pay a business visit at the house of mr stuart.

while they were on their way thither, miss penelope stuart was engaged in the difficult and harassing work of preparing for a journey. she was assisted by mrs niven, who was particularly anxious to know the cause of the intended journey, to the great annoyance of miss peppy, who did not wish to reveal the cause, but who was so incapable of concealing anything that she found it absolutely necessary to take the housekeeper into her confidence.

“niven,” she said, sitting down on a portmanteau, which was packed, beside one which was packing.

“yes, ma’am.”

“i may as well tell you why it is that i am going to visit my brother-in-law—”

“oh, it’s to your brother-in-law you’re goin’, is it?”

“yes, i forgot that you did not know, but to be sure i might have known that you could not know unless you were told, although it’s difficult to understand why people shouldn’t know what others are thinking of, as well as what they are looking at. we can see them looking, but we can’t hear them thinking—really it is very perplexing—dear me, where can they be?”

“what, ma’am?”

“my thick walking-shoes. i’m quite sure that i had them in my hand a minute ago.”

“ho! ma’am,” exclaimed mrs niven suddenly, “if you aren’t bin an’ put ’em into your bonnet-box among the caps.”

“well now, that is odd. put them into the bag, niven. well, as i was saying—where was i?”

“you was goin’ to tell me why you are goin’ to your brother, ma’am,” observed the housekeeper.

“ah! to be sure; well then—. but you must never mention it, niven.”

miss peppy said this with much solemnity, as if she were administering an oath.

“on my honour, ma’am; trust me. i never mentions hanythink.”

mrs niven said this as though she wondered that the supposition could have entered into miss peppy’s head for a moment, that she, (mrs niven), could, would, or should tell anything to anybody.

“well then, you must know,” resumed miss peppy, with a cautious glance round the room, “my brother-in-law, colonel crusty, who lives in the town of athenbury, is a military man—”

“so i should suppose, ma’am,” observed mrs niven, “he being called kurnel, w’ich is an army name.”

“ah, yes, to be sure, i forgot that; well, it is two hours by train to athenbury, which is a dirty place, as all seaports are—full of fishy and sailory smells, though i’ve never heard that such smells are bad for the health; at least the sanitary commissioners say that if all the filth were cleaned away the effluvia would be less offensive, and—and—. but, as i was saying, for those reasons i mean to pay my brother-in-law a short visit.”

“beg parding, ma’am,” said mrs niven, “but, if i may remark so, you ’ave not mentioned your reasons as yet.”

“oh, to be sure,” said the baffled miss peppy, who had weakly hoped that she could escape with an indefinite explanation; “i meant to say, (and you’ll be sure not to tell, niven), that the colonel has a remarkably pretty daughter, with such a sweet temper, and heiress to all her father’s property; though i never knew rightly how much it was, for the crustys are very close, and since their mother died—”

“whose mother, ma’am? the colonel’s or his daughter’s?”

“his daughter’s, of course—bella, she is called. since she died, (not bella, but her mother), since then i’ve never heard anything about the family; but now that bella is grown up, i mean to get her and kenneth to see each other, and i have no doubt that they will fall in love, which would be very nice, for you know kenneth will have a good income one of those days, and it’s as well that the young people should be—be married if they can, and indeed i see nothing in the way; though, after all, they would probably be happier if they were not to marry, for i don’t believe the state to be a happy one, and that’s the reason, niven, that i never entered into it myself; but it’s too late now, though i cannot conceive why it should ever be too late, for if people can be happy at all, any time, what’s to hinder?”

miss peppy paused abruptly here, and mrs niven, supposing that she awaited a reply, said—

“nothing whatever, ma’am.”

“exactly so, niven, that’s just what i think. kenneth is young and tall and handsome, bella is young and small and pretty, and that’s the reason the match is so suitable, though, to be sure, there are many people similarly situated whose union would not be suitable; dear me, this world of perplexities! no one can read the riddle, for this world is no better than a big round riddle, flattened a little at the poles, to be sure, like an orange, though to my eyes it seems as flat as a pancake, except in the scotch highlands, where it’s very irregular, and the people wear kilts; still, upon the whole, i think the match will be a good one, so i am going to try to bring it about.”

“but are you sure, ma’am, that master kenneth will go to visit colonel crusty?”

“o yes, he has promised to escort me there, and then he’ll see bella, and, of course, he won’t wish to leave after that.”

mrs niven shook her head, and observed that she rather feared miss lizzie gordon’s image was already indelibly impressed on master kenneth’s heart, but miss peppy replied that that was all nonsense, and that, at all events, her brother, mr stuart, would never permit it. she did not find it difficult to gain over mrs niven to her views, for that worthy woman, (like many other worthy women in this world), held the opinion that a “good match” meant a match where money existed on one or both sides, and that love was a mere boyish and girlish idea, which should not be taken into consideration at all.

the two were still discussing this important subject when mrs gaff laid violent hands on the door-bell.

on being admitted to the presence of miss peppy, mrs gaff sat down on the packed trunk, and all but stove in the lid; whereupon she rose hastily with many apologies, and afterwards in her confusion sat down on the bonnet-box, which she stove in so completely as to render it hors-de-combat for all future time.

“i’m awful sorry,” she began.

“oh, no harm; at least no matter,” said miss peppy, “it’s quite a useless sort of thing,” (this was literally true), “and i mean to get a new one immediately.”

mrs gaff became suddenly comforted, and said, with a bland smile, that, having heard only that morning of her intention to visit the town of athenbury, she had called to ask her to do her a great favour.

“with the greatest pleasure; what can i do for you?” said miss peppy, who was the essence of good-nature.

“thank ’ee, ma’am, it’s to take charge o’ a bit parcel, about the size of my head, or thereaway, and give it to a poor relation o’ mine as lives there when he an’t afloat.”

“a seaman?” said miss peppy.

“yes, ma’am.”

“very well; but,” continued miss peppy, “you say the parcel is the size of your head: do you mean your head with or without the bonnet? excuse me for—”

“la! ma’am, without the bonnet, of course. it may perhaps be rather heavy, but i an’t quite sure yet. i’ll let you know in an hour or so.”

mrs gaff rose abruptly, left the house, with tottie, precipitately, and made her way to the bank, where she presented herself with a defiant air to the teller who had originally supplied her with a hundred pounds in gold. she always became and looked defiant, worthy woman, on entering the bank, having become unalterably impressed with the idea that all the clerks, tellers, and directors had entered into an agreement to throw every possible difficulty in the way of her drawing out money, and having resolved in her own determined way that she wouldn’t give in as long as, (to borrow one of her husband’s phrases), “there was a shot in the locker!”

“now, sir,” she said to the elderly teller, “i wants twenty pounds, if there’s as much in the shop.”

the elderly teller smiled, and bade her sit down while he should write out the cheque for her. she sat down, gazing defiance all round her, and becoming painfully aware that there were a number of young men behind various screened rails whose noses were acting as safety-valves to their suppressed feelings.

when the cheque was drawn out and duly signed, mrs gaff went to the rails and shook it as she might have shaken in the face of her enemies the flag under which she meant to conquer or to die. on receiving it back she returned and presented it to the elderly teller with a look that said plainly—“there! refuse to cash that at your peril;” but she said nothing, she only snorted.

“how will you have it?” inquired the teller blandly.

“in coppers,” said mrs gaff stoutly.

“coppers!” exclaimed the teller in amazement.

“yes, coppers.”

“my good woman, are you aware that you could scarcely lift such a sum in coppers.”

“how many would it make?” she inquired with an air of indecision.

“four thousand eight hundred pence.”

mrs gaff’s resolution was shaken; after a few moments’ consideration she said she would take it in silver, and begged to have it mixed—with a good number of sixpences amongst it.

“you see, my lamb,” she whispered to tottie, while the teller was getting the money, “my poor cousin george is a’most too old to go to sea now, and he han’t got a penny to live on, an’ so i wants to gladden his heart and astonish his eyes wi’ a sight o’ such a heap o’ silver. mix it all together, sir,” she said to the teller.

he obeyed, and pushed the pile towards mrs gaff, who surveyed it first with unmixed delight; but gradually her face was clouded with a look of concern as she thought of the counting of it.

if the counting of the gold was terrible to her, the counting of the silver was absolutely appalling, for the latter, consisting as it did of half-crowns, shillings, and sixpences, numbered nearly five hundred pieces.

the poor woman applied herself to the task with commendable energy, but in ten minutes she perceived that the thing was utterly beyond her powers, so she suddenly exclaimed to tottie, who stood looking on with tears in her eyes,—“surely the elderly teller must be an honest man, and would never cheat me;” having come to which conclusion she swept the silver into the bag previously prepared for it, and consigned that to the basket which was the inseparable companion of her left arm. thereafter she left the bank and hastened to a grocer in the town with whom she was acquainted, and from whom she obtained brown paper and twine with which she made the money up into a parcel. her next act was to purchase a new bonnet-box, which she presented to miss peppy with many earnest protestations that she would have got a better if she could, but a better was not to be had in town for love or money.

having executed all her commissions, mrs gaff returned to cove and spent an hour or two with tottie in the four-poster—not by any means because she was lazy, but because it afforded her peculiar and inexpressible pleasure to stare at the damask curtains and wonder how gaff would like it, and think of the surprise that he would receive on first beholding such a bed. so anxious did the good woman become in her desire to make the most of the new bed, that she once or twice contemplated the propriety of stephen and herself, and the bu’ster and tottie, spending the first night, “after their return,” all together in it, but on mature consideration she dismissed the idea as untenable.