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The Blossoms of Morality

Dr. Sterne.
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when i was last summer on my travels through yorkshire, i one day met with a person who gave me a very singular history of himself, of the veracity of which i was assured by some gentlemen i might rely upon. i shall repeat his history to you, as nearly as i can recollect, in his own words.

though i was born of poor parents, said he, i was fortunate enough to pick up a tolerable education in one of those public schools in the country, which are supported by voluntary and charitable contributions.

nature formed me of an active and lively disposition; and, as i grew up, my vanity began to flatter me, that i was not destitute of genius. i happened one day, accidentally, to take up the tragedy of the orphan, when i was particularly struck with the following lines, which i seemed inclined never to forget:

"i would be busy in the world, and learn;

not like a coarse and worthless dunghill weed,

fix'd to one spot, to rot just where i grow."

as soon as i had reached the age of fourteen, i was discharged from the school, when my parents put me to the farming business; but my ideas soared above that menial profession.

i had frequently heard it mentioned in our village, that the only place for preferment was the great and rich city of london; where a young fellow had only to get himself hired as a porter in some respectable shop, and he would soon rise to be shopman, then clerk, then master, and at last a common-councilman, or an alderman, if not a lord mayor.

i, therefore, soon determined to leave my native village, and hasten up to this centre of preferment and happiness. on my arrival in london, i was advised to apply to a register office, from whence i was sent to a capital grocer in the city, who was then in want of a porter, and where i was accordingly engaged. "how happy am i," said i to myself, "at once to jump into so capital a place? i shall here learn a fine business, and in time, like my master, keep a splendid coach, horses, and livery servants."

however, i was here very sadly mistaken; for i was constantly every day so driven about, from one end of the town to the other, with loads, that i had no opportunity of getting the least insight into the business; and every sunday morning i almost sunk under a load of various kinds of provisions i was forced to carry to our villa in kentish-town, from whence i returned in the evening with a still more enormous burden of the produce of the garden, consisting of cabbages, turnips, and potatoes, or whatever happened to be in season, for the use of the townhouse, during the ensuing week. i, therefore, was not much displeased at being obliged to quit this service on my master's becoming a bankrupt.

i next engaged myself with a wholesale linen-draper, to open and shut up shop, and go occasionally on errands; but here again i was disappointed, being obliged to employ all my leisure hours in blacking shoes, cleaning knives, or whatever the cook-maid was pleased to set me about. my stay here consequently was but short, any more than in my next place, where my master starved his servants in order to feed his horses.

i shall not trouble you with an account of all the places i was in, during the space of seven years, without the least hopes of success, till, by accident, i got to be a kind of shopman at a tobacconist's. here hope seemed to afford me some glimmerings of success, as i was well treated in the house, and taken particular notice of by my master, who was very rich, and had an only daughter, who was young and beautiful.

i soon fell in love equally with her person and her fortune, and had great reason to believe, from her looks, that i was not indifferent to her. one evening, when all the family were out on a visit, and miss had thought proper to stay at home, being a little indisposed, i determined to improve the favourable opportunity, and, by one resolute action, complete the summit of my wishes. i accordingly entered the parlour, threw myself at her feet, and declared my passion for her, assuring her that i could not live without her.

she seemed at first surprised; but, recollecting herself, with a most gracious smile, bid me rise and hope. i instantly retired, thinking i had done enough for the first attempt. but, alas! i was called up the next day after dinner, and was desired by miss, in the presence of a large company, who all joined in the laugh against me, not to trouble myself with paying her any further addresses. my master then kicked me down stairs, and out of the house. i am now returned to my native village, having given over all hopes of ever being either a lord mayor, an alderman, or even a common-councilman!

here dr. sterne finished; and, as the sun was sunk beneath the horizon, and night was speedily advancing, the conversation ended for the present. madam heathcote thanked the company for the favour of their visit, and did not doubt but that the young ladies and gentlemen who were present, would go away pleased and edified by the polite conversation they had heard.

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