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The Bishop's Apron

CHAPTER XVIII
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some days later lord spratte found himself dressed half-an-hour too early for the dinner-party to which he was going. he made up his mind to walk down piccadilly. the evening was delightful, and he looked with amiable eyes upon the populous street. the closing day flooded the scene with gold that seemed flung from divine hands with a gesture large and free. the crowd, sweeping along the pavements, the gay ’buses and the carriages, were bathed in opulent splendour. they looked like magic things, all light and movement, seen by a painter who could work miracles. lord spratte congratulated himself that his fellow-men were all very well-to-do and had obviously no concern with sordid details. he braced himself to enjoy the charming world in general, and the festivity before him in particular.

“i’m feelin’ younger every day,” he murmured. “by jupiter, if theodore don’t mind his p’s and q’s i’ll marry and do him out of the title yet.”

so may the fancy of middle age in june turn lightly to amorous undertakings.

suddenly he recognized bertram railing, who was walking quickly towards him. they met, and the socialist, seeing him for the first time, flushed; then he fixed his eyes firmly on lord spratte and with much deliberation cut him. the elder man smiled and shrugged his shoulders. he wanted to speak with bertram, and was entirely indifferent to his obvious disinclination. he turned round and with some trouble caught him up.

“why the dickens do you walk at that rate?” he panted, somewhat out of breath.

he took bertram’s arm familiarly. but the young man stopped and abruptly released himself.

“what do you want?”

“merely to have a little chat. let us stroll in the park for five minutes.”

“i’m sorry, that’s impossible. i have an urgent engagement.”

“nonsense!”

lord spratte again seized the unwilling arm, and in the most determined way made for the park gates.

“i want to talk to you about your engagement with winnie. i’m afraid you’ve been very unhappy.”

bertram did not answer, but with firm-set jaws looked straight in front of him.

“you know, if i were you i would try not to take it too much to heart,” he went on. “in a little while you’ll understand that both you and winnie would have been quite unnecessarily wretched.”

he paused and looked at bertram sharply.

“will you promise not to turn round and bolt if i stop to light a cigarette?”

“yes,” said bertram, smiling in spite of himself.

“you think she’s a very remarkable young woman, but she’s quite an average girl. perhaps she’s a little prettier than most. i know very few young women of her particular station who wouldn’t have acted as she has.”

“then heaven help her particular station,” cried bertram.

“i don’t suppose it’s struck you that it’s a very awkward one,” replied lord spratte, mildly. “a great family might have lived down a match of this sort, (i don’t want to hurt your feelings,) but we’re such very small fry. you think us snobs, and so we are. you can’t expect anythin’ else from people who’ve only just emerged from the middle-classes. you know, i have an impression that your grandfather and mine were great pals. i’m sure they used to hobnob and drink brandy and water together in seedy public-houses. do you remember the egyptian usurper who made a wine-cup into the image of a god, for the edification of his former boon-fellows? well, we’re somethin’ like that astute monarch; we have to use all sorts of stratagems to persuade the world of our gentility. if this affair between you and winnie had come to anything, do you know what she would have done? she would have tried all her life to live up to mayfair, and it would have meant either that you were dragged away from your proper work, or that she would have been eternally dissatisfied. my dear boy, she would have reproached you every day for marrying her.”

he stopped, feeling that the words were not coming as he wished. he wanted to be kind, and there were a few useful things he thought bertram ought to know. but he could not properly order what was in his mind. bertram felt the intention and presently answered less bitterly:

“why do you take the trouble to say all this?”

“i wish i had my brother theodore’s eloquence. he’d say what i want to in the most beautiful language. he’s not a bad chap, although you probably don’t set much store on him. he’s so fortunate as to feel himself a person of importance; i don’t. i always wish i’d been the son of nobody in particular. it bores me to death to go about under the shadow of my father’s name. i can’t think why it is, but i go through life feeling as if i were perpetually wearin’ fancy-dress. i haven’t read your book. i believe it’s very instructive, and at my time of life i avoid instruction. but when winnie said she was going to marry you, i went one day to hear you speak at a meetin’ in holborn. i was never so surprised in my life.”

“why?”

“i discovered that you were sincere. by jupiter, how you would have bored winnie if things had gone on much longer! most of those worthy folk who advocate reform and lord knows what, have their own axes to grind. my brother theodore, for instance, wants a bishopric, others want a seat in the cabinet or a sinecure. even now i believe there are some who want a peerage, though for the life of me i can’t see what good they think it’ll do them.”

lord spratte laughed a little and threw away his cigarette.

“they make a great fuss about redressin’ the people’s wrongs, but in their heart of hearts i believe they’re precious indifferent to them. they want the power which they can cozen out of the mob, or they think the government will stop their mouths with a fat billet. at first i had an idea you were an impostor like the rest of them, but when you stood up on your hind legs i found out you were nothin’ of the kind. you were the only speaker among all those m.p.’s and clerics and millionaires who seemed to mean a word you said. your speech was quite out of the picture, but it was interesting. personally i loathe democracy and socialism and all the rest of it, but honest conviction amuses me. to see it on a platform is quite a new sensation.”

it made lord spratte uncommonly nervous to play the heavy father, and he feared that he was very ridiculous. he waited for bertram to make an observation.

“i want to do something for my fellows in the few years of my life,” said the other, at last.

“you’ll find they’re much better left alone, and your reward will probably be the most virulent abuse. the human race loves a martyr; it will crucify a man with the greatest zest in order to have another god to worship as soon as the breath is out of his body.”

“i’m willing to take the risk,” smiled railing.

“then in heaven’s name don’t hamper yourself by marriage. if you marry out of your own station you’ll be nobbled. my boy, before you’d been winnie’s husband twelve months they’d have set you up as a tory member of parliament. on the other hand, if you marry a pauper, you’ll have to think of all sorts of shifts to earn bread. you’ll have to hold your tongue when you ought to speak, because you daren’t risk your means of livelihood.”

“i loved winnie with all my heart and soul.”

“i daresay, but you’ll get over it. one thinks one’s heart is broken and the world is suddenly hollow and empty, but a disappointment in love is like an attack of the gout. it’s the very devil while it lasts, but one feels all the better for it afterwards. my dear fellow, i was jilted once. i loved a lady in the gaiety chorus, and i loved her dearly. but i promise you, not a day passes without my huggin’ myself to think i’m still a bachelor.”

he gave bertram his hand, asked him to call soon at his chambers, and jumped into a cab. he was sorry that these efforts at consolation had not been successful, but presently he shrugged his shoulders.

“he’ll write a series of articles for a radical paper on the wickedness of the aristocracy, and that’ll soothe him a good sight better than i could.”

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