the next night g.j., having been hailed by an acquaintance, was talking at the top of the steps beneath the portal of a club in piccadilly. it was after ten by the clocks, and nearly, but not quite, dark. a warm, rather heavy, evening shower had ceased. this was the beginning of the great macintosh epoch, by-product of the war, when the paucity of the means of vehicular locomotion had rendered macintoshes permissible, even for women with pretensions to smartness; and at intervals stylish girls on their way home from unaccustomed overtime, passed the doors in transparent macintoshes of pink, yellow or green, as scornful as military officers of the effeminate umbrella, whose use was being confined to clubmen and old dowdies.
the acquaintance sought advice from g.j. about the shutting up of households for belgian refugees. g.j. answered absently, not concealing that he was in a hurry. he had, in fact, been held up within three minutes of the scene of his secret idyll, and was anxious to arrive there. he had promised himself this surprise visit to christine as some sort of recompense and narcotic for the immense disturbance of spirit which he had suffered at wrikton.
that morning concepcion had been invisible, but at his early breakfast he had received a note from her, a brief but masterly composition, if ever so slightly theatrical. he was conscious of tenderness for concepcion, of sympathy with her, of a desire to help to restore her to that which by misfortune she had lost. but the first of these sentiments he resolutely put aside. he was determined to change his mood towards her for the sake of his own tranquillity; and he had convinced himself that his wise, calm, common sense was capable of saving her from any tragic and fatal folly. he had her in the hollow of his hand; but if she was expecting too much from him she would be gradually disappointed. he must have peace; he could not allow a bomb to be thrown into his habits; he was a bachelor of over fifty whose habits had the value of inestimable jewels and whose perfect independence was the most precious thing in the world. at his age he could not marry a volcano, a revolution, a new radio-active element exhibiting properties which were an enigma to social science. concepcion would turn his existence into an endless drama of which she alone, with her deep-rooted, devilish talent for the sensational, would always choose the setting, as she had chosen the window and the weir. no; he must not mistake affectionate sympathy for tenderness, nor tolerate the sexual exploitation of his pity.
as he listened and talked to the acquaintance his inner mind shifted with relief to the vision of christine, contented and simple and compliant in her nest—christine, at once restful and exciting, christine, the exquisite symbol of acquiescence and response. what a contrast to concepcion! it had been a bold and sudden stroke to lift christine to another plane, but a stroke well justified and entirely successful, fulfilling his dream.
at this moment he noticed a figure pass the doorway in whose shadow he was, and he exclaimed within himself incredulously:
"that is christine!"
in the shortest possible delay he said "good-night" to his acquaintance, and jumped down the steps and followed eastwards the figure. he followed warily, for already the strange and distressing idea had occurred to him that he must not overtake her—if she it was. it was she. he caught sight of her again in the thick obscurity by the prison-wall of devonshire house. he recognised the peculiar brim of the new hat and the new "military" umbrella held on the wrist by a thong.
what was she doing abroad? she could not be going to a theatre. she had not a friend in london. he was her london. and la mère gaston was not with her. theoretically, of course, she was free. he had laid down no law. but it had been clearly understood between them that she should never emerge at night alone. she herself had promulgated the rule, for she had a sense of propriety and a strong sense of reality. she had belonged to the class which respectable, broadminded women, when they bantered g.j., always called [333] "the pretty ladies," and as a postulant for respectability she had for her own satisfaction to mind her p's and q's. she could not afford not to keep herself above suspicion.
she had been a courtesan. did she look like one? as an individual figure in repose, no! none could have said that she did. he had long since learnt that to decide always correctly by appearance, and apart from environment and gesture, whether an unknown woman was or was not a wanton, presented a task beyond the powers of even the completest experience. but christine was walking in piccadilly at night, and he soon perceived that she was discreetly showing the demeanour of a courtesan at her profession—she who had hated and feared the pavement! he knew too well the signs—the waverings, the turns of the head, the variations in speed, the scarcely perceptible hesitations, the unmistakable air of wandering with no definite objective.
near dover street he hastened through the thin, reflecting mire, amid beams of light and illuminated numbers that advanced upon him in both directions thundering or purring, and crossed piccadilly, and hurried ahead of her, to watch her in safety from the other side of the thoroughfare. he could hardly see her; she was only a moving shadow; but still he could see her; and in the long stretch of gloom beneath the facade of the royal academy he saw the shadow pause in front of a military figure, which by a flank movement avoided the shadow and went resolutely forward. he lost her in front of the piccadilly hotel, and found her again at the corner of air street. she swerved into air street and crossed regent street; he was following. in denman street, close to shaftesbury avenue, she stood still in front of another military figure—a common soldier as it proved—who also rebuffed her. the thing was flagrant. he halted, and deliberately let her go from his sight. she vanished into the dark crowds of the avenue.
in horrible humiliation, in atrocious disgust, he said to himself:
"never will i set eyes on her again! never! never!"
why was she doing it? not for money. she could only be doing it from the nostalgia of adventurous debauch. she was the slave of her temperament, as the drunkard is the slave of his thirst. he had told her that he would be out of town for the week end, on committee business. he had distinctly told her that she must on no account expect him on the monday night. and her temperament had roused itself from the obscene groves of her subconsciousness like a tiger and come up and driven her forth. how easy for her to escape from la mère gaston if she chose! and yet—would she dare, even at the bidding of the tiger, to introduce a stranger into the flat? unnecessary, he reflected. there were a hundred accommodating dubious interiors between shaftesbury avenue and leicester square. he understood; he neither accused nor pardoned; but he was utterly revolted, and wounded not merely in his soul but in the most sensitive part of his soul—his pride. he called himself by the worst epithet of opprobrium: simpleton! the bold and sudden stroke had now become the fatuous caprice of a damned fool. had he, at his age, been capable of overlooking the elementary axiom: once a wrong 'un, always a wrong 'un? had he believed in reclamation? he laughed out his disgust ...
no! he did not blame her. to blame her would have been ridiculous. she was only what she was, and not worth blame. she was nothing at all. how right, how cursedly right, were the respectable dames in the accent of amused indifference which they employed for their precious phrase, "the pretty ladies"! well, he would treat her generously—but through his lawyer.
and in the desolation, the dismay, the disillusion, the nausea which ravaged him he was unwillingly conscious of fragments of thoughts that flickered like transient flames far below in the deep mines of his being.... "you are an astounding woman, con." ... "do you want me to go to the bad altogether?" ... in offering him queen had not concepcion made the supreme double sacrifice of attempting to bring together, at the price of her own separation from both of them, the two beings to whom she was most profoundly attached? it was a marvellous deed.... worry, volcanoes, revolutions—was he afraid of them?... were they not the very essence of life?... a figure of nobility!... sitting there now by the window over the river, listening to the weir.... "i shall never be any more good." ... but she never had a gesture that was not superb.... was he really encrusted in habits? really like men whom he knew and despised at his club?... she loved him.... and what rich, flattering love was her love compared to—!... she was young.... tenderness.... such were the flames of dim promise that nickered immeasurably beneath the dark devastation of his mind. he ignored them, but he could not ignore them. he extinguished them, but they were continually relighted.... a wedding?... what sort of a wedding?... poor carlos, pathetically buried under the ruthless happiness of others! what a shame!... poor carlos!
(nice enough little cocotte, nothing else! but, of course, incurable!... he remembered all her crimes now. how she had been late in dressing for their first dinner. her inexplicable vanishing from the supper-party, never explained, but easily explicable now, perhaps. and so on and so on.... simpleton! ass!)
he had walked heedless of direction. he was near lechford house. many of its windows were lit. the great front doors were open. a commissionaire stood on guard in front of them. to the railings was affixed a newly-painted notice: "no person will be allowed to enter these premises without a pass. to this rule there is no exception." lechford house had been "taken over" in its entirety by a government department that believed in the virtue of mystery and of long hours. he looked up at the higher windows. he could not distinguish the chimney amid the newly-revealed stars. he thought of queen, the white woman. evidently he had never understood queen, for if concepcion admired her she was worth admiration. concepcion never made a mistake in assessing fundamental character.
the complete silent absorption of lechford house into the war-machine rather dismayed him. he had seen not a word as to the affair in the newspapers—and lechford house was one of the final strongholds of privilege! he strolled on into the quietness of the park—of which one of the gate-keepers said to him that it would be shutting in a few minutes.
he was in solitude, and surrounded by london. he stood still, and the vast sea of war seemed to be closing over him. the war was growing, or the sense of its measureless scope was growing. it had sprung, not out of this crime or that, but out of the secret invisible roots of humanity, and it was widening to the limits of evolution itself. it transcended judgment. it defied conclusions and rendered equally impossible both hope and despair. his pride in his country was intensified as months passed; his faith in his country was not lessened. and yet, wherein was the efficacy of grim words about british tenacity? the great new somme offensive was not succeeding in the north. was victory possible? was victory deserved? in his daily labour he was brought into contact with too many instances of official selfishness, folly, ignorance, stupidity, and sloth, french as well as british, not to marvel at times that the conflict had not come to an ignominious end long ago through simple lack of imagination. he knew that he himself had often failed in devotion, in rectitude, in sheer grit.
the supreme lesson of the war was its revelation of what human nature actually was. and the solace of the lesson, the hope for triumph, lay in the fact that human nature must be substantially the same throughout the world. if we were humanly imperfect, so at least was the enemy.
perhaps the frame of society was about to collapse. perhaps queen, deliberately courting destruction, and being destroyed, was the symbol of society. what matter? perhaps civilisation, by its nobility and its elements of reason, and by the favour of destiny, would be saved from disaster after frightful danger, and concepcion was its symbol....
all he knew was that he had a heavy day's work before him on the morrow, and in relief from pain and insoluble problems he turned to face that work, thankful; thankful that (owing originally to queen!) he had discovered in the war a task which suited his powers, which was genuinely useful, and which would only finish with the war; thankful for the prospect of meeting concepcion at the week-end and exploring with her the marvellous provocative potentialities that now drew them together; thankful, too, that he had a balanced and sagacious mind, and could judge justly. (yes, he was already forgetting his bitter condemnation of himself as a simpleton!)
how in his human self-sufficiency could he be expected to know that he had judged the negligible christine unjustly? was he divine that he could [339] see in the figure of the wanton who peered at soldiers in the street a self-convinced mystic envoy of the most clement virgin, an envoy passionately repentant after apostasy, bound at all costs to respond to an imagined voice long unheard, and seeking—though in vain this second time—the protégé of the virgin so that she might once more succour and assuage his affliction?