two

after james henry trotter had been living with his aunts for three whole years there came a morningwhen something rather peculiar happened to him. and this thing, which as i say was only ratherpeculiar, soon caused a second thing to happen which was very peculiar. and then the very peculiarthing, in its own turn, caused a really fantastically peculiar thing to occur.

it all started on a blazing hot day in the middle of summer. aunt sponge, aunt spiker and jameswere all out in the garden. james had been put to work, as usual. this time he was chopping wood forthe kitchen stove. aunt sponge and aunt spiker were sitting comfortably in deck-chairs near by,sipping tall glasses of fizzy lemonade and watching him to see that he didn’t stop work for onemoment.

aunt sponge was enormously fat and very short. she had small piggy eyes, a sunken mouth, and oneof those white flabby faces that looked exactly as though it had been boiled. she was like a great whitesoggy overboiled cabbage. aunt spiker, on the other hand, was lean and tall and bony, and she woresteel-rimmed spectacles that fixed on to the end of her nose with a clip. she had a screeching voice andlong wet narrow lips, and whenever she got angry or excited, little flecks of spit would come shootingout of her mouth as she talked. and there they sat, these two ghastly hags, sipping their drinks, andevery now and again screaming at james to chop faster and faster. they also talked about themselves,each one saying how beautiful she thought she was. auntsponge had a long-handled mirror on her lap, and she kept picking it up and gazing at her own hideousface.

‘i look and smell,’ aunt sponge declared, ‘as lovely as a rose!

just feast your eyes upon my face, observe my shapely nose!

behold my heavenly silky locks!

and if i take off both my socks

you’ll see my dainty toes.’

‘but don’t forget,’ aunt spiker cried, ‘how much your tummy shows!’

aunt sponge went red. aunt spiker said, ‘my sweet, you cannot win,behold my gorgeous curvy shape, my teeth, my charm ing grin!

oh, beauteous me! how i adore

my radiant looks! and please ignore

the pimple on my chin.’

‘my dear old trout!’ aunt sponge cried out, ‘you’re only bones and skin!’

‘such loveliness as i possess can only truly shinein hollywood!’ aunt sponge declared: ‘oh, wouldn’t that be fine!

i’d capture all the nations’ hearts!

they’d give me all the leading parts!

the stars would all resign!’

‘i think you’d make,’ aunt spiker said, ‘a lovely frankenstein.’

poor james was still slaving away at the chopping-block. the heat was terrible. he was sweating allover. his arm was aching. the chopper was a large blunt thing far too heavy for a small boy to use.

and as he worked, james began thinking about all the other children in the world and what they mightbe doing at this moment. some would be riding tricycles in their gardens. some would be walking incool woods and picking bunches of wild flowers. and all the little friends whom he used to knowwould be down by the seaside, playing in the wet sand and splashing around in the water…great tears began oozing out of james’s eyes and rolling down his cheeks. he stopped working andleaned against the chopping-block, overwhelmed by his own unhappiness.

‘what’s the matter with you?’ aunt spiker screeched, glaring at him over the top of her steelspectacles.

james began to cry.

‘stop that immediately and get on with your work, you nasty little beast!’ aunt sponge ordered.

‘oh, auntie sponge!’ james cried out. ‘and auntie spiker! couldn’t we all – please – just for once– go down to the seaside on the bus? it isn’t very far – and i feel so hot and awful and lonely…’

‘why, you lazy good-for-nothing brute!’ aunt spiker shouted.

‘beat him!’ cried aunt sponge.

‘i certainly will!’ aunt spiker snapped. she glared at james, and james looked back at her with largefrightened eyes. ‘i shall beat you later on in the day when i don’t feel so hot,’ she said. ‘and now getout of my sight, you disgusting little worm, and give me some peace!’

james turned and ran. he ran off as fast as he could to the far end of the garden and hid himselfbehind that clump of dirty old laurel bushes that we mentioned earlier on. then he covered his facewith his hands and began to cry and cry.

二

就这样，小詹姆斯·亨利·特洛特跟着姨妈住了整整三年。有一天早晨，他突然遇到了一件十分古怪的事儿。我刚才说过，这是件“十分”古怪的事儿，但很快又引出了一件“非常”古怪的事儿。而这件“非常”古怪的事儿，却反过来又引出了一件实在“难以想象”的事儿。

一切的一切，都发生在盛夏好似火烤的一天里。当时，海绵团姨妈、大头钉姨妈，还有小詹姆斯三人，来到了园子当中。跟往常一样，小詹姆斯又被派了活干。这一回，他的活是给厨房的火炉劈木柴。旁边，海绵团姨妈和大头钉姨妈舒舒服服地坐在躺椅上，一边啜着高脚杯里那泛着泡沫的柠檬汁，一边望着他干活，唯恐他偷懒耍滑。

海绵团姨妈个子矮小，胖得要命。一双小猪眼，两片瘪嘴唇，松弛而苍白的脸颊，恰似在水里煮过了一般，活像一棵煮烂了的湿漉漉的大圆白菜。再说大头钉姨妈，却长得又细又长，皮包着骨头，鼻子上用卡子架着一副金丝边眼镜。她声音尖细，狭长的嘴唇上沾着唾沫，每逢生气或者激动的时候，一开口唾沫星子就会从嘴里喷射出来。这两个可恶的丑婆子，就这样坐在那里喝着柠檬汁，不时地冲小詹姆斯吆三喝四，叫他劈得快一点儿，还得再快一点儿。她们也谈论自己，都说自个儿有多么多么漂亮。海绵团姨妈膝头放着一面长把镜子，她不断地拿起来照照那张叫人憎恶的面孔。

海绵团姨妈开了腔：

我像玫瑰那样美来那样香！

我的鼻子样儿好，

脸蛋儿把你眼睛来犒赏！

我一头青丝赛天仙，

脱下袜子你再看，

脚趾个个真漂亮。

这时大头钉姨妈说了话：

你的肚子滚滚圆，

这件事儿可别忘！

海绵团姨妈红了脸。大头钉姨妈还不让：

亲爱的，你可比不上我漂亮。

瞧！我的身材有线条，

牙齿一露叫人神往！

哦，我多么美，

多么欣赏自己焕发的容光！

但别在乎我脸上那些脓疮。

海绵团姨妈大声嚷：

我亲爱的老鲑鱼，

你除了皮包骨头没分量。

我长得这么美貌和端庄，

到了好莱坞才能真正闪出光。

海绵团姨妈接着说：

哦，这可是好事一大桩！

全国的人心都叫我俘虏，

所有的角色都由我上场。

明星们也全都会退让。

大头钉姨妈接了茬儿：

依我看，演个鬼怪倒相当。

这时，可怜的小詹姆斯仍然辛辛苦苦地劈着木柴。天气热得厉害。他汗流浃背，胳膊疼痛。大大的斧头十分粗钝，小孩子拿起来着实沉重。他一边干活，一边想起了世界上别的孩子们，想着他们这时候可能在干什么。有的也许正在花园里骑着小三轮车，有的也许正在阴凉的树林里漫步。自己原来熟悉的小朋友，也许到了海边，正在湿漉漉的沙滩上玩耍，在水里扑通扑通地嬉戏哪……

想到这里，小詹姆斯眼睛里涌出了大颗大颗的泪珠，顺着脸蛋淌下来。于是，他停下了活计，倚在木桩上，心里好不悲伤。

“你是怎么搞的？”大头钉姨妈大呼小叫着，同时从金丝边眼镜上方恶狠狠地盯着他。

小詹姆斯哭起鼻子来。

“快别来这一套，给我接着干活，你这个讨厌的小畜生！”海绵团姨妈下了命令。

“哦，海绵团姨妈！”小詹姆斯哭喊道，“还有大头钉姨妈！咱们坐汽车到海边去不行吗？

求求你们啦，哪怕就这一次也行。又没有多么远，我太热，太难受，太孤单啦……”

“噢嗬，你这个不中用的懒骨头！”大头钉姨妈叫了起来。

“给我揍他！”海绵团姨妈嚷着说。

“那还用说。”大头钉姨妈抢白道，一边直瞪瞪地盯着小詹姆斯。小詹姆斯也睁着惊恐的眼睛望着她。“待会儿，我觉得天不这么热了，再来收拾你！”她说，“这会儿，还不给我滚开，你这个讨人厌的小毛虫！也好叫我肃静肃静！”

小詹姆斯转身跑开了。他拼命地跑着，跑到园子那头，藏在我们前面提到的那簇肮脏的老月桂树丛里面，接着，用手捂住脸，没完没了地哭起来。